12/19/07 makes it one year!!!

Dec 18, 2007

Hi all:

A BIG THANK YOU TO YOU ALL. This year, and my weight loss would NOT have happened without your support and helpful feedback this year!

What a year it has been.

Tomorrow, Wed, 12-19-07 is my surgiversary date, and I am REALLY emotional right now about it. So happy, so blessed, and feeling GRACE embodied for the first time in my life. Ever. Thank you. Kudos to us all!

My boyfriend, sweet, loving, caring man that he is...wants to take me out to eat tomorrow to celebrate....how ironic, right? But that is how America celebrates milestones....

Any thoughts? I was thinking of going to a vegan restaurant in downtown Minneapolis....it's a neat low fat restaurant, and I don't eat meat, the portions are smaller, and I can enjoy a bit of a few appetizers.

I am just struggling with my knee pain (we know its not arthritis now), but am still on restrictions from exercising right now until we know what it is. My next knee appointment is Friday, so we should know more. Ironic that I lost 136 lbs only to have serious knee pain and swelling....I STILL remain grateful tho!

Anyway, I appreciate all of your support, and continue to ask for it.....

Kindest regards,
Megan

Don't know how but....

Dec 12, 2007

I hit 156 lbs today. Amazing. I weighed twice, couldn't believe the numbers. I am sure they will be higher tomorrow, but for today, that's what they say!

Thanks be....

Megan

It's almost our one year anniversary!!!! 12-19-07 makes it 365

Dec 02, 2007

Physically, I feel 133 lbs lighter But, I still struggle with the tendonitis and regular cramps in my calves. They are painful, and I may need to have my L knee looked at, as it continues to buckle under me on occasion. Very scary for me, as part of why I decided to have the WLS was my knee pain. I fear it coming back, and I fear chronic pain. I don't want any of that. Emotionally, I am doing ok. I think that the weight loss has unearthed some depression and I am working through that. Now that my hormones have stabilized with the initial weight loss, I feel better overall, more in control of my emotions, I wasn't always months 3-7 post op....they were rough!

I can now see the weight loss, which is nice. I think my mind has more work to do, as I still hide in the corners of elevators and I have NO concept how large (or small) I am in comparison to other females, which is frustrating. I also see lots of wrinkled skin, and try not to be upset that I have the sagging skin of a 60+ yr old...I feel good, my partner has no issues with it, so I need to work through this.

I mentioned the depression....

I think nearly 100% of my coworkers are supportive, I have had a few talk less to me, but then again, we don't go to the cafe downstairs anymore to eat junk food, so I am also around them less now! My family is all military, and they have not seen me since my weight loss. It's a bummer, but I had full body professional photos taken at month 10, and I am sending those out with Xmas cards this year. My social life is ok. I have the same friends, and all but 1 have been supportive. I have one friend who has too many issues of her own right now to support me, and I have told her perhaps our paths can cross again when she is in a better place emotionally. I have no time to be an emotional sponge anymore, it is part of what got me to nearly 300 lbs, feeling and abosrbing the pain of others. I am definitely doing better at setting boundaries at work and in my personal life, which I find to be very rewarding. I am definitely not the same person.

I have to think about 1+ yr post op.....or it could be a pitfall. I plan to journal about it this month, so more to come on that front! I think for me that a renewed commitment to exercise, manage my stress more effectively/in healthy manners, and an ability to work toward my body's set weight point (whatever that is) will be pivotal to any long term success I have with managing my weight.

I am really feeling the holiday spirit this year---my boyfriend and I put a 9 foot pine tree up at his place Friday (before the 7 inches of snow hit us here in MinneSNOWta!), and we decorated it with his kids Saturday. He said he never felt motivated previously to do one with his ex, so the kids have NEVER had a real tree! They had a blast, and there were only 2 broken ornaments this go round I think that he and I met 8 months ago for a reason...I am in a better place to contribute to a healthy, interdependent (not codependent) relationship, and he is in a place to appreciate someone who offers partnership to him.

I can definitely see the difference in this year from the last as far as where I was in relationto others, and I am hopeful year #2 will bring even more fulfillment and appreciation for this new found lifestyle. Our WLS is the Christmas gift we gave ourselves last year that will keep on giving!

Take care all, and keep on keepin' on, and as the wise folks of AA say, "keep on comin' back!"

Best,
Megan

Surviving the Food Feast festivities!

Nov 25, 2007

Hey there all!

As far as what I ate on Thanksgiving, I ate small scoops of of cranberry sauce, stuffing, Tofurkey (tofu "turkey"), green beans, mashed potatoes, yams with a nutmeg sauce, and Splenda apple pie! Later that night I had a slice of a spicey low fat pumpkin pie with Fiber One crust, it rocked! I was a sous chef for my boyfriend who was chef, and luckily, he was an executive chef in a former life so everything turned out great.

Breakfast was a small 1/2 cup bowl of protein cereal, we were too busy cooking to eat! I pushed water and vitamins though. I am sure I went over on portion size that day overall, but I didn't eat until I was sick, I enjoyed the day with my boyfriend's kids and family, and overall, couldn't believe how different life is now than it was one year ago for me!!!

I cried that night about it when it all hit me, and my boyfriend, sweetie that he is, just held me, told me how proud he was of me, how amazing this holiday was for him having me around & that I was able to get to know his family, that there was no drama (we've both dealth with that in the past with ex's), and how glad he was that he met me 8 months ago.

I can't think of a better holiday I have had in a LONG time.

How was yours???????

Take care y'all!
Megan

Thanksgiving update-11 month anniversary!

Nov 19, 2007

I am 2 lbs away from losing 100% of my excess BMI:

Weight day I left the hospital 12-19-06: 292
Current weight: 160

What a difference 132 lbs makes! 

I am SO grateful that for this day, in this week, my mind has settled and is at ease. I can sense my overall weight loss for the first time in 11 months. I have a wonderful post operative program in place, and all in all, I feel so fortunate that we have all been given this gift and tool to change our lives. It's really empowering to take back control of my body and work on maintaining a healthier lifestyle.

I hope this week is a great for everybody, and if it is not, hang in there, because next week brings us new opportunities as well!

Best,
Megan

"Musing"--A thought for the day

Oct 25, 2007

This writing by my "December 2006 WLS" pal Ro struck me as profound---I identified with EACH and EVERY word at that VERY moment. I could have written it myself! I was shocked...so I asked her permission to share it all with you, and she was more than happy to share, please read on:

As I've continued to lose weight, the sagging and wiggling issues have increased around my body. This is a common problem that we share after WLS. Clothing becomes too large too soon, if we have over-purchased them. Originally, scars were the big topic, as the surgery and especially future PS would mean a trade-off between obesity and the thinner body. Later eating issues became the big topic. How much to eat, drink, weigh? There were congratulations and the occasional "you're too thin" comments for the WLS members, which have so bravely supported eachother. The forming of a "kind family" developed here. Of course, there would always be the few members who'd "flame" others online, but it is easy to see that they could not help themselves. Humor and sarcasm can sometimes blend together unfortunately. As an morbidly obese person, I have had times of being thick skinned and also too sensitive to adjust to all of the change around me. I was captive in a cycle of self-loathing, as I viewed my obesity as a flashing sign of my life's failures. Slowly, my self-image has healed, but the damages that came before have scarred me much more than I could ever have imagined with or without WLS. It's easy to say, "Everything is fine. I'm so much happier and healthier now. Thank you for the compliment. Yes, it was the only way for me to lose the weight., etc. My mind is baffled as to why so much attention, both internally and from the public, is paid to weight lose because it seems to be the parallel, yet alternate universe that I've come to live in this year. Between too fat and too thin, is a home planet that is virtual and out of reach to me. A place where virtual friends can give advice, but never really hold your hand. It is a limbo that provides a sense of friendship and a sense of loneliness at the same time. In this reality, I could be speaking to thousands or just musing to myself. I'm making a journey with others and I'm making a journey alone. My destination hasn't changed. I have always aimed at my personal best, as if it would finally become my sanctuary; much more than my home. My life is a one-way ticket and I plan to make the best decisions that I can and try to enjoy my time as a pleasant ride. No profound ending here, just musing.

Ok, so technically? 5 lbs away from goal...

Oct 22, 2007

My naughty fishie says 3 lbs, but I am aiming for 158. I had always said 160 would be fab, but now that I have the actual stats on 100% of my excess BMI lost, I think that 158 is a neat place to be. We shall see...

I am just enjoying where I am at....coworkers who have known me for the last 3 yrs since I moved here from Chicago are amazed, they love to see me wear skirts, for some reason (the men *and* the ladies!)

I am meeting a friend from Chicago this Thursday, and I am terrified....he loved me at 292, and gave me a small gift while talking on the phone last night. He said "I can't believe you've lost all that weight, but I liked you then, and I will really enjoy dancing with you now!"....it should be a fun evening, because he is my old salsa dancing partner!

My boyfriend is great. His support means a lot, and we had a really frank and good discussion on Saturday driving up from Duluth to Two Harbors, MN...he is curious what this surgery means for me once I reach goal weight, and what the potential pitfalls are over the long term....and he thinks I am strong enough to work on managing my obesity once I am at goal...that feels good to me, and I believe he is right. I have the tools, but I have to work them.

I don't necessarily fear weight regain...my best friend, who is now a size 4, and down 140+ lbs is terrified of this. I refuse to obssess about this, it's too taxing on my mental health. I am SO grateful for where I have been, and this place I have come to. And I think my family (mom, sibs) will have a better understanding of why I did this over time...I talked with my mom about this last night, as I have already started hearing the "so, when are you going to stop losing weight?" comments (from fam, friends, coworkers alike), which are nonproductive for me. I believe that these people love me, and because this is the way they have loved me in the past, this is the way they love me now. I know that with my input and boundary setting, they will respond to my requests to let me continue on in my journey as I see fit, *because* they love me. Again, we shall see...

Lastly, today is a good day! It's getting colder, but I am now wearing a medium coat, a size 10 pant, and a medium shirt....I will have to find new and inventive ways to stay warm this winter....last winter I was shedding pounds, this winter I will work to remain warm. It should be interesting. I am open to any suggestions for discount long johns (anyone who has lived in a seasonal part of the country with winter knows what I am asking about!)....I may have to trek out to Blaine's Farm and Fleet or Menards and check out their selections!

Take care everyone, and "keep up the fire"!

Megan


The fish is closing in...!

Sep 24, 2007

Haven't updated in awhile...wow. Ok, so the fishie on my weight loss tracker is closing in on my goal!!! I will have lost 100% of my excess BMI at 158 lbs...so I am thinking that will be my final goal...

I am excited to "get there", but much more concerned about maintenance...I have been SO HUNGRY lately....anyone else at 9 months post op experiencing this?

Anyway, I hope this posting finds you well...I will upload more pics in a few days.

Best,
Megan

Happy gurl birthday blog!

Aug 13, 2007

 So, this is my birthday blog.....31 is here, I can't deny it any longer...

Weighed in this morning, down -120lbs since December, I can't complain. Feels like the best present ever...! Priceless.

Took the day off of work- self care is a good thing, and I am learning to embrace it. I am hanging with myself today, and it feels good! Working out this afternoon and dinner with a pal and a walk around the "lakes" tonight shall ensue. Is this what old people do?

I had a GREAT weekend spent with fabulous people, and I was told I am a great human being by someone very special, and that means the world...I realize now that my heart has been heavy for far too long. This feels gentle, steady, and just as it should!

That's all she wrote...tra la lah lah!


My brother is coming home from Iraq!!!

Jul 21, 2007

I am 7 months out as of 7/19/07....and down 114 lbs....18 to go. I am excited, but still hate feeling my ribs....call me crazy, I don't care for the feeling of bones. And, I don't know my "size" and how much space I occupy, I keep getting stuck while trying to open doors because I used to just put my hip into it, and there is a lot less hip/cushion now....I am working out, so I am not weak...I've just figured out that I am not sure of my size anymore.

I am the same size as my mother, and I don't know that she likes that. Luckily, I have a fabulous bariatric therapist to guide me through this...

My brother is coming home to Iowa 7/25/07!!! He is currently demobilizing in Ft. McCoy, WI....it has been 2 very long years, and we are ready to have him home....I still have brothers in Afghanistan and Kosovo...the worrying never really ends. 

GOD BLESS ALL OF OUR SOLDIERS, AND PLEASE, REMEMBER OUR FALLEN HEROES...REMEMBER WHO ALLOWS US TO SLEEP SAFELY AND SOUNDLY IN OUR BEDS AT NIGHT.

I can't wait for my brother to see me! He hasn't seen me since surgery, and well, I am 114 lbs lighter...maybe he will even pick me up, one never knows...

More to come on his homecoming, and again, please remember our troops!

About Me
Eagan, MN
Location
24.4
BMI
RNY
Surgery
12/19/2006
Surgery Date
Dec 04, 2006
Member Since

Friends 31

Latest Blog 45
12/19/07 makes it one year!!!
Don't know how but....
It's almost our one year anniversary!!!! 12-19-07 makes it 365
Surviving the Food Feast festivities!
Thanksgiving update-11 month anniversary!
"Musing"--A thought for the day
Ok, so technically? 5 lbs away from goal...
The fish is closing in...!
Happy gurl birthday blog!
My brother is coming home from Iraq!!!

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