Megan M.

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I haven't written in over a year. And guess what? I have lost 82lbs without weightloss surgery. I credit it all to: no sodas or sweet drinks, no sweets, limited alcohol, exercising and staying around 1400cal a day.
The whole diabetes thing gave me a scare so I completely cut sweets...I do enjoy my no sugar added candies, icecreams, and homemade reduced sugar cookies and pies on occassion though! I haven't had a Coke in almost two years. After my first 60lbs I hit a plateau that last about 4months. I would lose and regain the same 5lbs over and over again. This was also in the summer when I wasn't walking to school everday...now that I'm backinto the semester I have lost 17lbs!!! If I loose another 18lbs I would have lost 100.!!! It is crazy to think that I'm less than 50lbs away from my goalweight. I know it will be a challange but I feel like I've gotten over half done.

On the down side...I have those days where I'm completely down. I look in the mirror and still see the old me, when I know deep down it isn't true. I'm hard on myself alot and I'm doing my best to work on this. I know I should be ecstatic about my accomplishments but I keep thinking about what more I have left to do...

It's been a while since I last wrote. Believe it or not I"ve lost 30pounds!!! WITHOUT WEIGHTLOSS SURGERY!!! It took me about 5 or 6 months but I did it by not consuming any alcohol or sugar. (Well ofcourse I eat like veggies and fruits with sugar...but no juices, soda - not that i drank them before, desserts, ect.) It's been difficult but it's WORKED! I also worked out hard...but the past two weeks not as much because I was in NYC and I've been packing. I move to Louisiana on Thursday! I'm going to graduate school!!! I'm pretty excited and want to loose 34pounds more pounds before Christmas. I think I can do it if I put my mind to it! That means new clothes.....after xmas sales! hahahaha! :)

Talked with Missions for an hour today about getting me back in the program. I was denied twice for VSG and if I were to pay out of pocket it would be $30,000. EEK! So I believe I'm going for the lapband. I need to loose over a 100lbs and I know people discourage getting it, but I think I can do it! I've read some posts with people really loosing over 100lbs on lapband and keeping it off...I think I can do it too!

I had my first talk today. It was good to get everythingout. Since I got denied I started to forget about weightloss surgery. As if I was doomed to be obese for forever. I don't want that to happen. I have too many things to do and too many places to go and too many things to accomplish for weight to hold me back. Since being back at school I haven't eaten the healthiest but I'm trying and I'm still going to pilates. I think I'm gaining weight. I almost cried when I weighed at the gyno. I want to reweigh in the clinic. I'm on this new mediene and it's giving me crazy side effects. I really think it's making me gain even more. I really feel like it is. It's hard for me to sing as well because of breathing. I'm wondering if it's just in my head or if the weight really is effecting me like this.

After writing that paragraph I feel depressed. lol. Let me write some good things:
I haven't moved my car since Sunday.
I ate a salad today.
I went for a talk (lol).
I'm realizing that I need to think about myself more.

Things to work on:
Getting my water intake
Eating less than 1400cal a day (this hard because I'm always "hungry")
Exercising atleast 5x a week (eeek)

I've done it before and I've always felt like a failure if I ever messed up, so I would always quit. Atleast I know I can do it, it's just a matter of being caring towards myself. Tomorrow is a new day. Today began it.

There are so many other things that have been consuming my life lately that I don't even feel like writing about them in this entry. It's not that I just don't care, it's just for one small moment I want to think about my health.

1. Mom had surgery last Wednesday and seems to be improving. Things are going much better than the doctors had anticipated. I guess they had to prepare us for the worse? I pray that my mommie will be able to come to graduation!!!
2. It's my senior year and I'm freaking out. I don't feel like doing applications, GRE, senior project...but then I do. Like I want these things, but it's just so hard for me to sit down and do it. Once I start though, I usually can not stop.
3. I got denied 4weeks ago, though it really didn't hit until 3weeks ago. I started eating horribly and not excersizing. I think I ate about 2500calories yesterday. Normally I try to stay under 1800, although my nutrionalist wants me under 1400. I'm having huge mortion control issues. Tomorrow I start my first day of pilates...it should kick me in the ass and get me pumped about getting healthy.
4. I'm overwhelmed with work, school, family, and friends! Oh and I'm still single...big suprize!
I made a new myspace music! http://www.myspace.com/meganemurph

So it's been pretty crazy here at home:

1. Mom has been in the hospital for about two weeks and will hopefully have open heart surgery this week to replace her aorta. here is a roundup summery:
two years ago mom got bit by a brown recluse and almost lost her leg. for about 10months she was in the hospital with staff, infections, skin graphs and just a chainrection of events. this past may she had an anuerism (spelling?) and got an infection in her aorta. now she has a severe leakage in her aorta, which is drastically weakening her heart and must be replaced ASAP. she's been in the hospital for about two weeks with fluid in her lungs/weird blood counts/coughing up blood...bad stuff. they have pretty much gotten all of those nasty side effects under control enough to finally replace her aorta sometime this week (we're thinking tomorrow or thursday but not too sure).this all is pretty much as shock to us because mom has always had a good heart. it all seems completely out of the blue! apparently, the whole aorta thing is probably related to the spide bite, but i still don't understand it all. i don't know how these things connect.
2. Going back to school is going to be completely insane. I have senior project/grad school applications/graduating. Then I'm the SeniorResidentialAdvisor for the Village and the RA for the Institute for Women in Leadership unit. AHHH. Scary responsibilities. Then there is all the music ensembles, presby choir, ect. Why do I have to be a music major (history/theory/comp/piano/voice). REALLY? lol.
I haven't read any of my books, haven't practiced, haven't researched for my project, and don't feel prepared at all for GRE or grad school entrence exams. omg. I'm overwhelmed.
3. Finances. I have no job and $7 to my name.
4. Denied coverage for VSG. At first I wasn't upset. And now I'm just devestated. I guess I was in denial when I first got the letter. I was doing so good this summer (basically doing a mix of mediterranian/adkins/southbeach dieting...I hate the word diet by the way). and now I'm back to my refined starched, which is bad. I saw the Tyra show today with people loosing weight and it was really inspiring. I haven't even started the appeal. I just keep procrastinating. I don't know what to do.
5. I'm soooo glad to be a pasrt of OH. The people here are so nice and encouraging. I got a few emails from complete strangers offering support and help. This is for yall: *THANKS SO MUCH! IT MEANS SOOOO MUCH!*

The past couple of weeks I've been on an emotional rollercoaster. Most days I'm pretty ok and busy my mind with cleaning and helping where I'm needed. But there are those times were I just cry. I can't wait to get back to school because I adore being in classes and doing the work. It keeps me busy and keeps me from getting upset. At home for summer break it's like I have tooo much time to think. I also exercise and eat better at school. At home I'm too tempted to endulge in my favorite southern foods. The great thing about being in SC in the summer though is...fresh seafood, veggies, and fruits. The most gorgeous peaches, tomatoes, and cucumbers the world has ever seen. I SWEAR! hehehe.

So basically if you can't tell in my entry it's just a big wash of mixed emotions about everything. Completely devastated about somet things and joyfull about others. I guess that's life? Who knows.