I'm fat. I've been fat my whole life. At times I'm okay with it, but the older I get the harder it is to ignore it. I can lose weight on my own, I've done it hundreds of times. Seven years ago I lost enough weight to have a tummy tuck done. I looked great and the extra 15 pounds of skin they took off made a huge difference. Slowly I began reverting back to my old eating, exercising less. I got careless and comfortable. We moved, things changed. I bloated back up. Since then I have dieted on and off, lost 10-20 pounds and then stacked 25 back on. I'm not an emotional eater, I'm a hunger and boredom eater. I'm always hungry, ALWAYS. Its like my stomach cant get full....at least not for long. I eat sensibly, use Fitday to log all my eating. I'm still fat and getting fatter daily. I didnt want Gastric Bypass. I had a hard time, not because I thought it was the easy way out but because you had to mutilate your insides. I'm a very smart person, maybe too smart for my own good. I researched all the bad stuff that can happen first. This research took about 4 years. My family are all against it. I'm turning 40 this year and fear that in the next 10 years my health will sharply decline if I dont do something drastic now. Desperation has set in. Now I'm trying to reconcile my feelings of terror. Its hard because I want to be healthy but I fear for my life. I'm scared and teeter on a razors edge every day. Maybe today I will cancel the operation, maybe tomorrow. I'm trying to stay positive .