I'm fat.  I've been fat my whole life.  At times I'm okay with it, but the older I get the harder it is to ignore it.  I can lose weight on my own, I've done it hundreds of times.  Seven years ago I lost enough weight to have a tummy tuck done.  I looked great and the extra 15 pounds of skin they took off made a huge difference. Slowly I began reverting back to my old eating, exercising less.  I got careless and comfortable.  We moved, things changed.  I bloated back up.  Since then I have dieted on and off, lost 10-20 pounds and then stacked 25 back on.  I'm not an emotional eater, I'm a hunger and boredom eater.  I'm always hungry, ALWAYS.  Its like my stomach cant get full....at least not for long.  I eat sensibly, use Fitday to log all my eating.  I'm still fat and getting fatter daily.  I didnt want Gastric Bypass.  I had a hard time, not because I thought it was the easy way out but because you had to mutilate your insides.  I'm a very smart person, maybe too smart for my own good. I researched all the bad stuff that can happen first.  This research took about 4 years.  My family are all against it.  I'm turning 40 this year and fear that in the next 10 years my health will sharply decline if I dont do something drastic now.  Desperation has set in.  Now I'm trying to reconcile my feelings of terror.  Its hard because I want to be healthy but I fear for my life.  I'm scared and teeter on a razors edge every day.  Maybe today I will cancel the operation, maybe tomorrow.  I'm trying to stay positive .

About Me
Surgery Date
May 24, 2007
Member Since

Friends 24

Latest Blog 84
Back to my old BLOG....oh yeah and 195!
I'm Baaacccckkkk.
198 and surgery tomorrow, yay.
200 and in pain.
201 and my family is back.
201 and relief at last.