poohspal
My Story. . . I have been who I am for such a long time its hard to tell my story. To think it, to work it out in my head. Today is just the beginning.
Here we go. I started to gain weight when I hit puberty basically. The big problem was, I hit that at 10. I have, since that time, been chubby and then fat. And now as I jump off my cruise of the de-nial, I have discovered that I am morbidly obese. What an ugly term. I was happy being me. My husband loves me, My kids think I'm cool, and my friends like to hang out with me. And yet as I am removing my rose colored glasses to start this journey, I see a girl who always thought "Well, at least I know how to dress! I look good for a big girl. This is who I am and i'm happy. . ." only to finally see that the only place I can shop now is online. Omar is running out of fabric. I guess in some ways, It was like if I kept buying cute clothes maybe no one would notice how big my butt was.
I have three beautiful babies. I have a husband who finds me desirious and beautiful. But my angels are young, they still are filled with that wonderful, perfect love for me. they don't see the mommy who is standing on the sidelines,afraid to get out there. Who can't run and jump with them. The mommy who sits down slowly so the chair wont creak. Soon their friends will ask them questions about why is your mommy so fat. I just don't want to do that to them. I want to be healthy. I want to play with them and run and jump and get on any ride I want. I want to go swimming and play on the floor, and get back up! I want to be the kind of mommy I know I can be. I want to stop making my weight and the fears that it brings, be the first, last and seemingly only thought I have all day long.
My biggest fear is also now a reality. My children are becoming fat. I have taught my children how to eat. I have taught my children a lifestyle they don't deserve! I don't want this for them! They deserve so much more. I want to be healthy, to learn to be healthy so we can all have a better life. I want my children to leave this all in their short childhood and step into the rest of their life without cheetos. Without seconds on ice cream. We can do it. I can do it! I will do it.
I want to be me when I grew up.
