The "Support"

Feb 15, 2010

Have you ever had the kind of lifeline who claimed they were supportive in whatever you do but were secretly sabotaging your weight loss?  It could be someone in your family or your husband or even a friend.  If you come across such people and you are aware that they are sabotaging your efforts to lose weight, then you are indeed in a bit of a pickle (sorry for the food pun there).  There is no point in talking to them or screaming at them or even trying to reason with them.  It is what it is and they are not going to change.

I have such a person in my life and believe me I've tried everything to get them to be supportive but alas my efforts would have achieved the same results like if I tried to get my daughter's cat to engage in a conversation with me.....useless.

His name is Dino.  He used to be my boyfriend but I have decided that he was better off as a friend....Now I'm not so sure I want to even consider him that.  Dino is a big guy who LOVES fast food or anything that has a high amount of calorie intake such as chicken adobo (In case you didn't know...I'm a pacific islander who always has to have rice as my main dish).  Since I've been hanging out with him, I have gone from 230 lbs. to a whopping 270-275 lbs. (depending on which scale decides to lie to me).  His lifestyle is clearly not my lifestyle.

When I told him that I was having bariatric surgery, he was supportive at first (or so I thought).  This was when I was 250 lbs.  Now, whenever we went out and I would order something small or light, he would say "Is that all you're going to eat?  That's not enough."  So he would order more food and tell me to HELP him finish it.  At first being the good friend that I was, he knew that I hated when food went to waste so I would help him finish whatever he had which really meant....I was the one eating all of it.

When I finally figured it out...I told him that he was no friend and asked him how he could do that to me.  Though he told me that he didn't want me to have the surgery because it was dangerous and I could die from it....the real reason was about jealousy.  Yes, you read that right....jealousy.

The reason why he helped sabotaged me was because he didn't want ANY guy looking at me (It sure must be nice to be selfish).  I was floored when I figured it out.  I told him that no guy was looking at me when I was at 200 lbs but he believed that if I was even more fat then NO ONE would even look at me.  Now this is where it gets even more hurtful.  I told him YES, it's true no one looks at me now.....and that would INCLUDE him. To drive my point home I told him that when I was walking down the street and he was driving by that he didn't even see me....BUT whenever we're in the car together he ALWAYS spots a girl walking by....especially if she's thin.  Talk about a slap across the face. 

Now you could sit and argue with that person until the cows come home but it will all be in vain.  You want to know if someone is sabotaging you?  Tell them that you're having bariatric surgery and see what happens.  If they don't offer you food or try to pawn off food on you then they are supportive but if they do make an offer, then make for the nearest exit...stage left, if you prefer.  You'd be suprised how many people claim they have your best interests at heart while they are shoving food in your face.

Now it's not going to be all their fault.  It does start with you, You have the power to say no and walk away.  That is what I do, I stay away from people during lunch.  I go for long walks during lunch.  If we have potluck, I bring my own food and leave as soon as I'm done.  I avoid food e-mail announcements.  I also avoid our special food area at work by going the long way around.  It's not easy.  I just have to keep reminding myself about the trade off.....You know...If I give up this then I'll gain this speech.  I also stock my cabinets and fridge with only things like soups, sugar free jello, vegetables, and lots and lots of water so I'm stuck eating just that.

About Dino...the way I handle him now is if I know he's going to show up and try to pressure me to eat fast foods then I'll eat something healthy at home.  I'll tell him that I already ate and for him to go on his own and buy his own **gagging** food but to eat it there before coming over.  That's the beauty of not having anyone live with you....no pressure to cook or eat fatty foods.

Since coming here to this site too, this allows me to vent practically everything on my mind.  It's a great form of therapy in my book.

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