Battle with Epilepsy

Oct 04, 2011

I am not having a very good day today. My soul is hurt today. That’s the best way I can explain and describe how I feel. I am stressed out, my house is messy, I am not getting enough sleep at night, and I am worried my 13 year old will amount to nothing. He is so irresponsible with his homework and organization. It’s like he acts like he’s in 4^th grade with his work. He throws his papers in his backpack and doesn’t file them in his binder. He doesn’t write things down in his calendar and I am constantly yelling at him. I yell WAY WAY too much. I think I need to be put on medication again but I am still breast feeding so I am struggling. I am doing fabulous on my weight though. I weigh less then I did on my wedding day and down to 155. Just 5 pounds more then my very lightest after surgery and I am 4 years out. Pretty good I must say but weight isn’t my issue today- it’s my mental stabibility that is killing me. On top of everything else, my son has epilepsy and ADD and has to take medication for both conditions. It’s a complete nightmare and I know he’s better then what he’s doing now and that the medication has taken over his entire personality and being. I feel terrible. Something has to be done because I am his biggest advocate and I am the one that yells at him. I love him the most and stand up for him the most. I get in arguments with my husband over him because I will always defend him and then it bites me in the ass. People keep telling me that boys are just like that and that they are naturally disorganized, have an attitude, smart asses etc. I am not buying it. When I was that age I had NO problem doing my homework etc. I would get projects done and be just fine. I have to keep telling myself that I didn’t have epilepsy either, and that this is something that we have had to learn to cope with on all levels. He’s fine on the medication… he doesn’t get the seizures he used too. We only know of one major seizure that put him into the hospital and that’s how he was diagnosed. We realized through seeing a neurologist that we was having about 100 seizures a day… “blacking out” type where he just stared into space. He has to have medication to control them and the last EEG came back that he wasn’t entirely seizure free. The good news is that he showed progress from his last EEG. It’s so frustrating because I know this medication is taking over his soul like the worry and stress has taken over mine. Not a good day today. But such as life. Not everyday is going to be rainbows and lolly pops. On another note, I celebrated my 2 year anniversary with my hubby last night. He’s great and I am so blessed. I just wish my son was in a better place mentally right now and I wish I could learn to control my yelling.  

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