proudmommyof2
My Name is Farrah I am 21 years old mother of 2 beautiful babies that are here with me I lost a child in 2004 ... My Story pretty much goes to the fact that as a child I was a thin child , I loved dance and got involved around 5 years dance and gymnastics and stayed thin intill around 12-13 yrs of age when i gained a good amount of weight I went from about 115 to 140 and by the time I was 15 I was about 160 I was athletic and involved in dance team , flag team , cheerleading and also helped at the center for children at the ywca. though when people saw me they referred to me as "Curvy" I guess because I was still pretty flexiable , Then at 16 1/2 I found out I was pregnant and was shocked because I was on the depo provera and I thought the weight gain to 180lbs was due to that but shortly after finding out I lost my son at 19wk6day in febuary 2004 in july 2004 I found out I was pregnant again and had him 10 weeks early and was 190lbs when I had him and overtime went down to 170lbs I started having depressions issues really bad which I was diagonised with PTSD post-traumtic stress disorder to how I lost my first child , ill keep it short but my water broke with him and I went to the hospital the doctor sent me home at 2centi and the next day I gave birth to my son caleb on my bed I did not know that I just did I just knew somthing was wrong and when I went into the bathroom with my (now husband) I saw my son when I sat on the toliet and I knew somthing was not right but it goes in and out which it turned out my son caleb had downsyndrome and a cystic hygrome(Sp) on his head. so it was terriable how it happened I will never understand why the doctor sent me home knowing I was in labor. but I started seeing a therapist and after having sean I still suffered from depression. I got married in June 2006 and July 2006 I found out I was pregnant again my honeymoon baby I ended up spending from dec 27th to Feb 10th in the hospital on bedrest and then Got admitted back in Feb 17th to the end of febuary and was induced March 5th at 35 weeks she was getting large and with all my babies I had gestational diabetes it never went away after my daughterthey don't believe it went away after my son but I was diet controlled and now im on medication for my diabetes. but after my daughter I was 286 when I went into have her and now im 250 she will be 2 soon .
I want to lose weight for me but most importantly for my children. For me because I don't feel good about me my husband tells me all the time I am beautiful he tries to help me he even dieted with me though he was already in shape to me he had to stop he almost lost too much weight for his height of 6'0 but sometimes I wonder he says its in my head but sometimes I think he thinks maybe I don't have the will power though ive did several diet programs , I work out , I do the food journal and it bugs me so bad because I know when people see me they think im probably just lazy because im a bigger woman and im not I have worked my butt off and then when I step on the scale I wanna cry because im like why am I not the losing the weight. why I am working myself so hard and I end up with rashes on odd places and Im out of breath just to pick my kids up.
My Birth mom in texas told me how my insurance medicaid has paid for people to have the lapband in which she is wanting to have done also . I am low income and I know without their help I can not afford the surgery I would try to get the money to do it but we are living pay check to pay check to get by on. but I feel as though this is my last chance to change my life , I am 21 years old and I have the aches and the pains in my body like I can't even explain , My Breast have gotten quite large its hard to get comfortable, Intamacy with my husband is going down because I am ashamed of my body. and I am scared of dying from a heart attack it has happened in my family already.
I want to live life again , I Want to dance again and I want to be able to look at myself and say I am beautiful .
