psychnurse76

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ok why do so many ppl think its a good idea to take a pic of themselves almost naked or in clothing they should have never owned as a larger individual? I understand you want to get the point accross about where you came from to really show your success but ppl seriously, the first thought in most ppls minds is about how inapropriate (and i am diplomatically wording this) that you look. It takes away from your intended message. We all know the realities but present it in a way that will be taken productively. A 400LB person posing for a picture to be viewed by all in some tighty whities is not okay. I swear, I have nothing but respect for all who are fighting this battle, but please exercise dignity when posting personal pics huh?

I was just wondering:
If this site is open to all and I think almost everyone has access to a computer and obesity is a multi-cultural problem howcome there is not a more abundance of other cultures on here? Is it because WLS is more accepted in certain cultures than others? I know there are all kinds of ppl here but it seems to be predominantly white,black and mexican. I have seen few of anyone else. I usually go to my home state board of California and I know we are a highly diverse state but I dont see as many diverse ppl there. Ok well if u think u know why please leave a comment!

ok so I was sitting here twiddling my thumbs thinking of a new subject to post (not that anyone ever responds to my other ones LOL) and I thought about how previous to me even considering weight loss I thought how ppl of weight seemed to act like it was not their fault that they were heavy. Now remember I said PREVIOUS LOL-anyways, I used to think "if we are the ones making a consciuos decision to eat the wrong foods and avoid healthy activities then how can we be upset at our present state of being? I used to think that when ppl said its not our fault that its our genetics that they were taking away our power. I do have to admit I dont quite agree when ppl say we are powerless over our situation. I think that we all have the power to change just maybe not the know how or the right "tools". So what do you all think? should they continue to tell us we are  not in control of ourselves? Do you think we are too weak to go up against something so strong? I think if we are strong enough to make such a huge commitment then we are strong enough to beat obesity with or without surgery, its just that surgery is a more successful way and we get  more supports(meaning we have the supports of our surgical altercations,support groups and surgeons as well as the mental support knowing it is no longer a choice to have surgery stuff cuz we could get very ill or it is no longer a choice for us to eat 2 cheeseburgers cuz we just dont have the room). what you think?

so now that I have lost a few acres of blub my shoulder/collar bones are pretty close to the surface and actually almost protrude when I move certain ways (LOL) well my hubby thinks its funny to jab in them with his finger...so I bit him and told him to knock it off...cuz I was sleeping! I think I am going to go to TJ for some Ritalin and crush it up and put it in his comida. Whatever I just lick my index and middle finger then swipe them down his glasses and call him 4 eyes to irritate him so I guess we are even.

I am 29 years old and I have started the process for gastric bypass.I have done several types of weight loss "experiments" in my 29 years of life. Ha ha. I have done phen-fen,weight watchers,atkins,Lindora,cabbage soup diet, MD diet,slim fast,low fat low carb,no fat and I of course did the "right" way by using diet and exercise together. In fact I lost 110 lbs. in 5 months just from atkins and the gym 6 days a week 3 hours a day. I was doing yoga,kickboxing,weight training and I wouldn't leave until I burned 3000 calories on the eliptical! The whole time I was wearing a vinyl suit,t-shirt,hoodie and sweats.I drank a gallon of water everyday.I did wonderful for a little over a year but guess what else I lost...MY HAIR! No, I am not bald but my hair is very thin in comparison.I even doubled up on vitamins.Then one day at work I got hurt and was down for a few weeks and i gained some weight back and then it just went downhill from there. Next thing I know I gained all my weight back plus some! sound familiar to anyone?I studied up on gastric bypass for about a year then changed my insurance to accomodate. I jumped through all of their hoops and then 2 weeks before my surgery date they told me to lose get this...40 lbs.!!! WTF? so of course I failed and had to change insurances again so here I am about 2 years later and I am starting all over again.Before I was fat but fit walking never bothered me I didn't really have any other ailements but this last weight gain has tore me up. I have pitted edema,high blood pressure, my joints hurt very bad sometimes and walking makes me short of breath,I have sleep apnea and there are a lot of places I just don't fit.I hate it and I can't wait to change! I want to do sports and get back into dance. I don't have to be a size 3 but I need to be a human size.I want to live to see 40 and at the rate I am going it's lookin kinda bleek. I have a wonderful husband who loves me no matter what but I feel like I am cheating him out of some happiness by not being all that I can. I know the process is long and slow but I also know it is well worth it.
I have made an appt with my doctor to get a referral!

January 30th-Wahoooo! I finally got the real referal!!! Unfortunatley I also found out today that I have diabetes :-(
I know it's only my fault but that doesn't make it any less serious.
Well it's just a matter of days before I get my packet to fill out. I am sooo happy. Even finding out I have diabetes can't bring me down.

February 12th-I finally received my packet. Good God they ask a lot of questions! I have a bad memory so to ask me to remember what I weighed when I was 5 is too much but oh well it just means that I am one step closer. My friend just had this done a few months ago and she looks beautiful! She is an inspiration. I swear everytime I see her I get excited to have the surgery.They told me my Info class is on March 27th but I 'm sure if I am persistant enough I can squeeze in a closer date.

March 27th- YAY!!!I finally had my information class at Kaiser. I met a really nice woman. A lot of people there were friendly and were very outgoing. when someone came to sit down by me they just instantly started talking about their struggles with weight loss and what finally drove them to surgery, and this was whaen we were waiting in the hall to get into the class.The doctor teaching the class was a very nice man who made you feel at ease and not ashamed or like you were just there looking for the easy way out. We turned in our packets and filled out some papers. one was about which classes we would be available for monday,wednesday or friday.at the end of the session he told us that as soon as a spot was open he would be calling us to get us in our classes (after the panel reviews our cases and deems us eligible) but he did say that if we were there we all were definant candidates. Well hopefully I will be writing in again soon about when my classes start!!??

June 3rd-YAY!!!!! I got a letter saying I have been approved and now I have to call to find out when my classes start!

June 4th-My classes start August 18th! I have to take 24 classes then finish pre-op and get a surgery date.I am sooo excited!I should finish at the end of January.
Everytime I see my friend I get more and more excited about the surgery. She is getting so tiny and she is always smiling.

August 18th- my first class was interesting I am looking forward to all of the infornmation I will be learning. i have realized that the more educated you are about something the less scary it can be. the people in my class are mostly older than me and seem to be very nice. I am leaving for vacation today and I will have to skip a class which of course seems to displease the instructor but I have already invested too much time and money-and besides I have been looking forward to this my husband and I are going on a road tri[p to visit some friends in san francisco,portland and washington and then we are driving to vancouver!! I will have to make up my missed class.

August 25th- Well I ended up cutting my vacation short so I was able to attend todays class. I was a few minutes late due to parking difficulties though not a big deal. Today we watched a video about other people who have had the surgery I guess the point of the movie was to get across the seriuosness of this surgery. It's very hard for me to sit through a 90 minute class because I have ADD so sometimes I end up just going ahead of the class and doing the work. I do think the class as a whole is definantly important but If I am being kept busy i wont seem as much of a jack ass.also I am not one for crowded elevators so when i saw the whole class waiting for the next elevator down I assesed the weight and wait situations and decided that taking 12 flights of stairs down would be good for me in the long run so that is my goal now-every class I take the stairs down the whole way and every class I increase my upstairs flight by 2. Who knows maybe others will catch on and get a head start on excersising.

august 27th- yay! today my husband and I signed up for the gym. It has a pool which I love because when you are as fat as I it can be physically painful to walk a lot of ride a bike or do the eliptical. I cant wait to get started.

September 3rd- today was my first work out day since about 3 years ago. Back then i was still fat (size 22-24) but I was working out at least 3 hours a day, wouldnt leave until i had burned 3,ooo calories on the eliptical (aprox. 2 hours straight),did kickboxing,weight training and yoga. I was fit but still fat. Now I am barely able to make my goal of at least 30 mins of cardio,100 sit ups and 25 laps in the pool. But I cannot go home every night until I do just that (or more).

September 10th- Well i was in Nevada visiting my parents since Friday so tonight was my first night back tot he gym in 3 days. I continued my standard of at least 30 min of cardio etc... it is definantly getting easier. I actually look forward to my work outs! I hope this honey moon continues. LOL. I have lost 12 lbs! which is only a drop in the bucket but at least there is something in my bucket right? lol. my BMI is now 60.8 (down 1.2)

September 21st-Wahooo I am down a total of 20lbs. I have been working out 2 times almost every day. Once at lunch and then again after work. I definantly feel the difference but I can't see one but then again when you have a couple HUNDRED pounds to loose it would be easy to overlook 20 huh? LOL. Well tomorrow is class #6 (only 18 left!). For the first time when I was very very stressed at work so when it was my lunch time all I could think about was 3 corndogs some fries and a coke from Wienerschnitzel but I know that same behavior has help me get a mind staggering BMI of 59 so instead I went to the gym at work and walked the treadmill for 40 minutes and went to my usual 7-11 for healthy food (they sell turkey sandwiches on wheat and fresh fruit,vegetables etc...) I felt wayyyy better than I would had I gone with my id (Freud). And when i came back i was able to calmly finish out my night and solve the problems!-yay me!!

October 16th-Well I have been working 16 hour shifts without having any days off for a few weeks now (I have taken a shift off here and there though) so I have had to put the gym on hold which I know is really not an option for someone in my position but I have things that have to be taken care of. I do have good news!!I got scheduled for my first pe-op test (and abdominal ultra sound). I am so excited with every class and test its becoming more real. I have not had ANYTHING sugary for a couple of weeks now and it is VERY hard (as u all may well know) I am diabetic and lately even the smallest amount of a sugary substance gives me dumping syndrom! I learned in my gastric bypass class that you shouldnt have anything that has a sugar substance (high fructose syrup,malitol,sorbitol,lactitol etc...) within the first 6 ingredients so I have been trying to stick to that. The doctor said that even the substitutes are really not good for you.(I think they are just out to sabotage any fun left !). Well i will write again soon!-only 16 classes left!!!

October 20th- Class was very interesting today. It was about accepting responsibility for your own behaviors. I had already gone over and over this in tech school so I was very happy to see them going over it in this class. I get very irritated when I hear ppl whine about things that they have power over wich is everything. And when I say power over I mean how they react to things.Like so and so makes me so mad when really it should be I let so and so make mad. The teacher called it victim syndrome and it is so irritating. I am fat because of my own actions for whatever reason they may be, no one ever shoved food down my throat. Now I can be angry because I am fat and just stew in it or I can say Hey, i really need to change my behaviors and make more productive and beneficial choices for myself. I used to say if only I had supervision as a kid I wouldnt have been able to sneek all those treats and extra food when really I havent been a child for about 2 decades!LOL.Oh also today I had my abdominal ultrasound to look for gall stones and FUNK! was it uncomfortable!! my side still hurts from the tech having to push so hard. It took about 10 mins or less but it did hurt. Ok ttyl!

November 6th-
I dont get it...I went to the doctor today and somehow I have lost 6lbs. I have to confess I have not gone back to the gym for about 2 months or so and since i have been working 16 hour days 3-7 days a week I have been eating poorly as well. I have to say it was motivating. I am going to start going to the gym at work on my lunch again!...-tommorrow ;P

i talked to my mom tonight and she has just has stomach surgery a few days back. Well she has been having complications ever since. She even admitted to me that last sunday she was in so much pain and misery that if it wasnt for the fact that she wants to see my brother in Heavan (if you read my first post i talked about him) and she couldnt bear to hurt me, she said she was seriously considering suicide. My mom has been sick since I can remember its always one ailement or another and i am sure its pretty much all psychosymatic (although she really does have these things i think her undealt with depression is the main cause). My mom and I are very very very close and we always say no matter what you can tell me anything but sometimes I wish she didnt cuase some things are just too much to handle. I was very upset afterwards . And Bless my hubby's heart he was trying to make me laugh by saying this, and I know he didnt really mean it but since I wasnt really in a joking mood I didnt think it was too funny. But he said "well as long as she has already done her CVhristmas shopping for me she can do whatever she wants." Please if you are reading this send some prayers her way she really needs them.

ok I am very very very bored and i am all hopped up on caffeine so I am trying to fill my time coming up with new ways to get ppl talking instead of just lurking. I am from time to time going to post controversial topics and I want you to leave comments. No matter what you have to say, wether it be I am an idiot who doesnt know what I am talking about or that I rock and funk everyone else. Seriously, I am NOT sensitive nor do I take offense to most anything so just let me have it ok? -Oh and I promise I will never ever hold your opinions against you if we ever meet or if I already know you. But let that also to be understood to go both ways. got it? so here goes...
My hubby and I watched this movie called 'Jesus Camp'. It was very disturbing to me. This woman named Becky is a youth pastor for evangelicals. But she is  pretty extreme in her beliefs and her expectations of the children she influences. nOw i am not a theologist,to be truthful I personally don't even believe in religion - However I do believe in God and Jesus,Angels,demons and the devil etc... and I was raised Catholic by my eucharistic minister grandmother who always kept me in some religous bible school all summer and had my cousin and I help her deliver Mass to convalescent homes. Ok, back to my original thought(LOL)..One part of the documentary that was particularly disturbing to me was when she was telling us how the militant Muslims train their young children to die for their beliefs and show them how to use handgrenades and strap bombs to them so they can die for their beliefs and she then went on to say that she wishes our kids were that passionate for their Faith. WTF?? She also was encouraging the children to fast -which I understand is actually a common belief but when she was lisrting the amount of days and she said 40 I couldnt believe that someone of her size (and no, it wasnt small) would be encouraging children to fast especially for 40 days? In one Mass/service she was telling the kids about how evil our Government is (not that I totally disagree). Wouldn't it be more diplomatic to talk about decisions made by our government that specifically pertain to religous beliefs and then let them make up their own minds as to wether they agree or disagree? Children are so impressionable especially by adults who pay them a lot of attention. I think that when we tell children how to think we kind of inhibit their own intellectual development and take away bits of their ability to be cognitive individuals. I think ppls beliefs come from many things - experiences,nature,nurture etc..now if we force our conclusions on someone who has yet to be able to experience the world and gather data from all types of resources then we rob them of theri chance to come to their own conclusions. I do think Religion is very important, especially for children but I think its very important to teach them that there is more than one way of believing. Although my Grandma was a eucharistic minister for the catholic Faith, she put me in all kinds of different Bible schools. But the one thing that they all had in common that I didnt agree with is how they all put down other religions. That was very confusing for me as a child. When you are told that someone is not going to Heavan because they are a different religion I automatically thought that means they are going to Hell. Well all the religions teach that who goes to Hell? bad people. So when I would think of all the nice ppl I had met at all the different churches I couldnt believe that those nice ppl were bad and that they were going to Hell eventhough they dedicated their lives to Church and helping others. That was very confusing. Infact that is one of the major reasons I do not believe in organized religion. 
Now please remember that while writing this I am working graveyard shift and i have had 2.5 cups of coffee so my thoughts may be slightly disorganized and possibly not worded to best communicate my thoughts but I think the jist is there LOL
p.s I highly reccomend seeing this movie.
p.s.s I also know that this movie only pertained to those specific ppl in it and that it may not accurately portray the Evangelical belief as a whole.

ok so now I am 5 months out. I can start to see a difference in my face and upper chest area. i have lost a total of 130 LBS!!!! but i do not see it all yet. I definately do feel it though. I have been slacking on my protein and vitamins. I just HATE the taste of the protein but I also know that is not an option :*( so I will just have to woman up and drink it. My vitamins are lacking cuz I moved and havbe not been able to buy more or find mine. oh and I have yet to reschedule my last check up appointment which was sup[posed to be last week. I know i know I am bad. But I am getting back on track and at least I continue to exercise and drink water/crystal light. Ok tell ya more later
p. I am now in a 16/18 shirt and 22 pants down from a 34

ok i know men are not usually very emotionally intelligent and they tend to have a higher incidence of saying things before really thinking about them BUT my DH is so bad. He swears he is hilarious because he was looking at our wedding pics and he came to the conclusion that i look like his chubby chubby princess. I said watch it jerk! LOL I said why do you gotta mention my stats in there? so since I gave him a reaction he now has a whole little dance routine and a song that he busts into spontaneously just to get a rise out of me. I think I am going to have to resort to physical violence! LOL

You know what I love...that my hubby is wayyy hot. Seriously. He has a long rock star goatee and he is about 5'11 and he is a beautiful mix of mexican and indian. He has a gorgeous smile and his laugh makes me laugh. He is not only a hottie but he is one of the funniest ppl I know. He is disgusting but he is so damn funny I dont care. I do complain, but its just for laughs. He even terrorizes my mom. like when she is talking to me he will randomly yell out "Thats the word of the day!!" then start tickeling her and poking her you know just being a general annoyance LOL and he will do it sometimes like 3 times in 5 minutes. He has a 5 year old sense of humor and you cant help but laugh. Man I hope he never reads this or he will get an even bigger head than he already has (thats my little hydro baby!)