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So I weighed myself yesterday and I am at 274 which is exactly 99 pounds away from my goal weight of 175! I am so excited I have made it this far!

So my weight has hit a bit of a snag. Scale isn't really moving lately and when it does, its VEEEERY SLOW. I've been being active and eating really well, I guess I'll just have to work through it and see where it goes!

Hope everyone else is doing well!
Happy 2009

-Amanda

So it is officially 2009 and I have a TON of resolutions! All good stuff too. I clearly laid out all of my goals and how I can acheieve them and make tracking sheets to keep track of my progress and put it all together in one big "GOAL BINDER". I am prepared and this year is going to be SWEET - THE YEAR OF AMANDA.
Among the goals
1. Reach my goal weight (175 pounds)
2. Apply to the Masters Program at Western University
3. Keep my grades up (I have straight A's now and I just want to keep them that way)
4. Live up to my award I got at work (Its an annual award, its sounds cool but really its like "employee of the year")
5. Try something new every month (I am about to register myself in a pole dancing class!!!, well I have to do pole yoga first because I'm still too heavy)
6. Treat myself! Reward my good behaviour with things other than food.
7. Save a little money for a rainy day.
9. Cut out the swearing (I am a trucker most days and I know its not very lady-like)

How about all of you, fill me in on all your new year's stuff!!!

So this morning I weighed myself and gues what!?!?!?!?
I weighed 299 pounds!!!!!!

No more 3-something betches!!!! haha I'm in the 200's now!

Not with the surgery or the results (although I have had many stomach aches and odd alien pokes and prodes). I'm disapointed and restless with the rest of my life. All the places where I was content before.

Everytime I go to class they just give me more shit to do that has nothing to do with anything I want to do but I'm only a year away from graduating so I just throw a peice of shit to hand in. I'm an honours student on the Dean's list and my marks and quality of work has gone way down since the surgery just because either I can't concentrate on it or I just don't effing care anymore. This sounds so childish but I can't help it.

I don't mind work but its the same routine every time, and I'm sure thats work everywhere. I work for the Department of Universite Safety so everything, every movement, every procedure, every communication is regulated and routined. I just want to scream a curse word over the radio...like this....
SIERRA 1 to BASE ...(response) go ahead seirra 1...... COOOOCCCKKK SUUUCCKKER..... (response) 10-4 Dispatch will forward to shift manager at unit 4421. 

oh god that would feel so good lol

And lastly, and most sadly....
My boyfriend is driving me CRAZY!!!!! He's always driven me a little nuts but he's sweet and clueless so we worked well together. But lately I'm just so tired of it. I am not attracted to him, I don't want to do anything physical or anything. He is trying to keep me closer and closer the more weight I lose which makes me want to pull farther and farther away. And we had many convesations about the surgery before it happened....and its all gone down hill anyway. I'm stuck anyway, we're in a 12 month lease with both of our names that we've both paid for up front. This is "our" place. I'll just ride ti out I guess. I still love him as a persona nd as a friend, I just don't love him like that anymore. And i'm not so sure it even has anything about the surgery, i think its just been a long time coming and its bad timing.

I think I'll post this blog into the discussion and get some feedback there as well. Thanks for listening and I'll hope to talk to you guys soon!

SO this week has been pretty crazy because of school and midterms, in addition to work being busy because its near Halloween and I have to confess .... I've been cheating!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooOOOooooOOOoo

I know I'm so bad! I'm only on the puree stage of my post-op diet and on my overnight shift last night I grazed (shared with my coworker) a baggie of dill pickle chips, a snack baggie of gold fish crackers and I even stole a sip of her rootbeer. It tasted so good but it is just soooo bad for me. I chewed and sucked on everything until it was like pureed but thats not the point. i feel so bad and guilty.

At the very first consultation with the surgeon, he told us that there are 2 types of people - those who soar and those who struggle. I promised myself I was going to soar but when I stopped and looked at myself and what I was doing, I see that if i continue at this rate then I am going to struggle. My stomach is smaller but my surgery didn't give me the willpower (its not its job)....my willpower has to come from within and I need to find it again and quickly before I get too brave and eff something up bigtime.

I realize that as a working student my schedule is always going to be crazy for the next 2 years at least, so I am just going to have to try and try to make time to cook. That woman who everyday posts what she's eating drives me effing nuts sometimes. What the hell does she do that she can shop and cook for herself like that. On my real world, it just isn't happening.

Any support or suggestions, or even telling me to shut up and stop whining would be greatly apprechated.

Thanks guys.

Ok, well my highest weight was 357 and at surgery I was 229. I have only been out 3 weeks but I figured its a good enough time than any for some before and afters lol. They don't look much different yet, but what can you do. The "befores" were taken when I was trying to lose weight for the surgery, I was 342 and the "after" pictures were taken earlier this afternoon.
YAY for progress thus far!
Its not letting me cut/paste on here, so its in my picture bank instead.
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Sooooooo.. I had my 3 week check up yesterday and everything seems okay. I got moved up to puree food officially (although I don't want to eat them at all lol) and according to the clinics scales I'm down 15 pounds (8% of my excess body weight). She said I am pretty much on track and I should be down 15% of my excess body weight at 6 weeks. So on my drive home to Canada, I did the math (all in my head nonetheless lol)...and I realized...they want me to be 169.5 pounds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't think I'll ever be that small!! My personal goal was 190, I didn't thinkt hey set a goal for me! Thats crazy talk lol 169. The lowest weight I've ever been is 230. I'm 5 foot 9 inches with ladies size 12 feet. I don't think I was made to be that light.
I'm gonna keep my goal of 190 for now and see how that goes. As long as I'm under 200lbs I think I'll be happy.

As for this 2 week purree phase, i don't know how I'm going to last it lol. Because I don't want to eat them at all and they don't count as fluids. So I'm going to have to keep up my 64oz and force feed myself food I don't like....I think I'll be at that 15% before long with no problem LOL

I'll keep you all posted!

Hey everyone, how's it going?
So As most of you know, one of my incisions popped open on me the other day and a bunch of gross fluid came out. i went to a doctor here in Ontario and she said it was normal fluid. She cleaned me all up and reclosed it with the surgeon tape stuff. She told me to keep it dry for 48 hours and then treat it like normal. So when I took off the dressing after 48 hours - there was so much fluid that it stopped the surgeon tape from being stick and my wound still isn't completely closed. On top of that, a scab on one of my closed incisions fell off and left an opening. I just bandaged both of them back up myself the best I could because I have a follow up with Dr. Shram on Monday (Oct 20). My bandage adhesive it making me all itchy and uncomfortable.
I wish they just would have sewed all of the incisions shut, i don't care about the scars but its too late now.
I have been walking as much as I can, talk parking shifts over reception shifts so I can walk around campus for the afternoon but other than that, i can't do any reall exercise because I'm afraid of my incisions all opening on me. Even when I walk I have to stop and check on them every 10 min or so.

Ugh.

Oh so I'm officially turned off by pureed food. No more for me. i'm still getting my protein primarily from liquids and I have been eating naturally soft food. i just chew it to the point its pureed in my mouth. I can manage that, but i can't for the life of me bring myself to eat a lump of runny crap that used to be perfectly good food before i shoved it into the blender.

I should get back to work. I have two papers due by 10pm tomorrow night and I haven't even got the first on going yet. Wish me luck and i'll see you on the message boards!

How are you all doing?
I am just writing to update. Things seem to be going fine. i don't realy know what normal is but I seem to be doing okay lol. Still alive and everything! haha

I am running out of creative ways to get my all liquid protein in. I'm just a little tired of drinking it, I want to gag. I'm chokin it down so my hair won't fall out but it is def not enjoyable. I can't wait for the day I'll be able to actually bite into something! MMMMM real food. I think the pureed phase is going to be the hardest for me though, that will be the real gag fest. I used to work in a retirement home and feed the elderly so even the look and smell of pureed food makes my stomach turn.

But I am down to 313, down 16 pounds since surgery 2 weeks ago. I'll keep you all posted :o)