Eh.. who needs hair? It'll grow back, anyway.. right? RIGHT?

Jul 17, 2012

   As you can see from my avatar (at the time of this writing, anyway) my hair was dark brown and shoulder length.  Not too bad, although I would have liked it longer.  BWAHAHA!!  Keep that in mind while you read this.  

  I decided to go blond.  Yup.  Did I go to a salon?  Nope.  I was blond until I was about 23 when I stopped bleaching my hair and decided to go darker.  (It drives my mother nuts.. she HATES me with dark hair and loved me blond).  Ok.  Soooo... I run out and buy bleach.  I got it at Sally's.  I got the good stuff.  (Remember.. not only did I do this to my hair for YEARS, but I have four daughters in their 20s and they have all had me do their hair at one point or another as well).  I bleached.  I got the expected orange color.  I DEEP conditioned.  I toned with a blue toner to help with the orange.. and then a couple of days later I BLEACHED AGAIN!  Stop shaking your head.  I have learned my lesson.  Well, not at THAT point, I didn't.  
  Ok, so at this point, my hair is pretty darn crispy.  Not good.  Two hundred dollars on cholesterol treatments, protein treatments, deep conditioners, masks, different oils and stuff later, I realize that I'm just dumb and go to a stylist to get it cut.  *sob* .  She advises me to tone, tone, tone.. but, no more bleach.  (smart lady).  I get a chin length a-line cut and get to work with the toner that she suggested.  Also, I am now using lavender shampoo.  It's getting ashy... and it's a pale lemon yellow with orange streaks/tips.  Damn.  This goes on for a week or two.  I freak out and go to Sally's.  Here is where things go from wrong to TERRIBLY wrong.  The girl working there tells me that I can't get the orange out by toning.  Simply not gonna happen.  She says I have to bleach again.  She advises me to use a lower level of toner (20 instead of 30) and a different brand of bleach that includes a toner to remove brassiness.  
  Yup.  I did it.  My hair turned white at the roots, pale yellow down part of the shaft, orange at the tips .. and still had orange streaks.  They were LIGHTER orange... but, still orange.  Only NOW... instead of being crunchy.. my hair is GUM.  If you grab a chunk of my hair and squeeze and then let go, it sticks together.  Still holding the shape of your fist.  If you try EVER SO GENTLY to comb it out (with a WIDE toothed comb while it is SATURATED in conditioner, of course), it stretches.  a lot.  OMG!  
  I condition.  I cry.  I research.  I condition some more with pretty much everything you can think of and everything suggested on the Internet.  I sleep with conditioners in my hair.  I hot oil treat.  I mask.  I leave in.  I wrap in a warm towel while goo sits in my hair.  I mayonnaise.  I EVOO.  I found overnight repair treatments.  I use them.  EVERY NIGHT.  It sort of starts to improve.. a little.  Enough that I decide that I am simply NEVER going to go blond again and I just need to go back to whatever my natural shade is and leave it alone.. grey hair be damned!!!  I pick out a neutral light brown.  I don't want any more brassy tones and I don't want any more ash tones.  I just wanna quit messing with it.  
  I (with much worry and some tears) prepare the dye.  Fast forward 25 minutes or so, and I am in the shower washing it out.  I can't see my hair as it is now too short for me to see without a mirror.  I condition some more.  I get out.  I walk to the mirror hoping for relief... only to find that the dye didn't stick.  It sort of slid off my poor, damaged hair and left a grayish-silverish-greenish film.. with orange streaks.  OMG! OMG!!! OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!  What am I going to do now?!?!?!  And the condition of my hair?  Don't ask.  I fully expected (and, at this point, deserved) for it to all fall out.  Not leaving me BALD, of course.. because then I could have maybe rocked a scarf.  No.. I expected it would fall out in patches and chunks leaving me with spiky little hairs in some places.  It was back to gum.. only now it was moldy ash colored gum.   
  I had to go to work like that.  It wasn't pretty.  After work, I RAN to the stylist.  I got the lecture (well deserved).  And ANOTHER hair cut.  This time HUGELY layered and jaw length.  That is horrible enough.  This was a different stylist.  A more expensive one.  She likes to experiment on her hair, too.. so, she understood.  She told me to get a certain brand and color of dye.  Nothing expensive.. just store bought.  She said it had the most chance of working, but no promises.  
  Really?!?!  I had to dye it AGAIN!?!?!?  That's it.  I'm going bald.  With tears in my eyes, I prepared the dye.  I put it in.  I waited and cried.  The color was bright black (aka Starry Night) by Feria.  I washed it out and sobbed before looking in the mirror. It worked!  My hair was now... blue.  Well, blue-purple-DARK black.  Imagine a black light, sort of.  Like the hair was DARK black, but gave off a blue-purple glow.  I'm 40.  Blue is good for 15 and good for 75... blue is not good for frumpy 40 year old moms.  
  That's where I am right now.  Well, almost.  That was a couple of weeks ago.  The blue has faded a LITTLE, but now, the color is actually washing out of my hair.  I have several strands in the front (where the damage was the worst) that are grayish-silverish-greenish.  About 20 strands on each side.  And my hair is super short with a terrible cut and burnt (but MASSIVE amounts of conditioning is helping a LITTLE).  I look like a circus freak.  It's all bad.  
  I'd post a picture, but I value your eyes and my camera.  

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