1/1/06 It's been two years and I guess I am doing pretty good. Just made it throught the holidays pretty good. I have cut out all sodas and sugar. Hopefully it will start showing up on the scales as a loss. I have gained some weight back but still have 80+ pounds gone...I still struggle but I am doing better. The support group at my church is more of a healthy eating support group. We talk about the right things to eat versus losing weight. This is what I should have done in the first place. I may have kept all the weight off plus some. I can't change the past but I definately am going to change how I eat in the future. I haven't updated in a while because I felt very judged by the gastric bypass community but I really think it was my problem and not anyone elses. I have felt like I failed the surgery but that is not true. I haven't failed at all. I am now on a journey of how to eat right and I can help others as I put this knowledge into practice with success.
I'm encouraged to go on and keep losing and to be healthy. I do not regret having the surgery because I still have a significant weight loss. The struggle still goes on but I will conquer it one day at a time!
9/23/05 Well, thinjgs have been going pretty good. I have been eating healthier (most of the time) and I am not so stresed out about my weigh anymore...I still want to lose though. I'm going into work today because I will not be able to work Monday or Tuesday because of schools being closed. The Govenor closed all Georgia Schools to conserve fuel (school buses I guess). Anyway, I will be keeping busy with my child and another friend of mine's child. Not much going on but just living. Update later.
9/19/05 It's been a couple of months since I posted. Things have been going about the same. I am still struggling with "FOOD". I have started going to a group at my church that is called New Start (Weigh Down) and they focus on the spiritual aspect as well as the nutritional aspect of living healthy. Most of the women have significant amounts of weight to lose, as do I. I still need to lose approximately 60-70 lbs. We examine why foods are good or bad for you. We share our thoughts, discoveries, disappointments and encouragement. We are also accountable to one another. This is absolutely what I've been looking for. A few weeks ago, I just cried out of gratitude that I found this group of people to help me through my journey. The Roux-En-Y was just the beginning. This is the middle and the end, only God knows.
The support groups I have been going to are great but really not what I needed for where I am at in my journey. I have heard people and experienced first hand people stating that the reason why some don't reach their goal is because of cheating. Excuse me, but the last time I checked this was the reason why I had to have the surgery. I couldn't get control. I still don't have control. I can't have control within myself...it will be by God's grace that I continue to do well and live a long healthy life. It's more about living long and healthy than being skinny. Don't get me wrong, skinny is great but seeing my kids grow up and growing old with my wonderful husband weighs a lot more in my book than being skinny. Being skinny has just taken 2nd place in the whole scheme of things (please notice it only dropped one place...lol). I am feeling better about things and more encouraged. I will update later.
7/27/05 Wow...today was horrible. I woke up this morning around 4:00 a.m. with a headache from HELL!!! I took migraine medicine and then eventually had to call the doctor for more medicine. I'm finally headache free but now I have the "hang-over" that comes behind a migraine.
Yesterday was a very, very, very hard day as well. I had decided I needed more help with my post op weight loss. I'm not as successful and quite frankly I am going backwards because I haven't made the changes that I need to in order to be successful. I asked my mom to go with me to OA (overeaters annonymous)...I trully did not enjoy the meeting but it was quite eye-opening to what I am dealling with and what I need to do. I also went to the doctor yesterday because I have been so dog tired. We came to the conclusion that I was not sleeping well. He gave me a sleep aid which I now think triggered the migraine. I have gained a total of 15 pounds from my lowest weight...I'M FREAKING!!! Several things I gleaned from the meeting last night were that I need some help from GOD. I can't do it alone. Another thing is that I have got to get back to the basics. I went an looked up the Pouch Rules for Dummies. I will be placing these back into my routine beginning now. One thing one of the members stated was that when she was asked how she was doing with food, she said okay...that wasn't really the truth. She was just not binging. She wasn't following the rules the doctor gave her. She has not had surgery but she had the epiphany that she was not successful because of her not following directions...DUH! That was my epiphany last night as well. I didn't like the fact that they confessed/stated all the time that they were overeaters. I guess it's true but I know the BIBLE states that we are snared by the words of our mouth. I would like to think we could state that we are overcoming compulsive overeaters. Maybe our actions will then catch up with what we are saying. I know I need help from above and I will start this journey AGAIN with His help and my obedience to what I know is right. I pray that this will be the beginning of the end of my bad relationship with food. WOW...It's do or die for me. I can hardly stand the thought of gaining weight again...depression doesn't even cover the feelings that "gaining weight again" invokes in me. I'm desparate...I need help and God is the only way out of this...not surgery...not diet....now will power...JUST HELP FROM ABOVE. I'm asking God to help me with following the rules of the pouch beginning now. Pray for me if you read this post. Thanks.
6/26/05 It's been 3 months since my last update. Sorry for the absence. I've been keeping busy with life in general. I have been working out some but not enough to keep me from gaining weight. I've gained about 6 pounds. I'm now on the road to getting it off again. I will do it!!!! I have gone back to water, smaller portions and continued excercise. This should do it. Thank God for people around me who encourage me to do good...my husband, friends, mother, and support group friends...including this website. I'll post at least once a week to keep my progress up to date. Post at you later.
3/24/05 It's been a while since I last posted! Things have been really going well for me. I guess no news is good news...LOL. I have been feeling a little blue but it is only due to the fact that I am having problems with my eating and it truly scares me. Everything seems to be lookin up in my life but this area. I don't want to gain weight back and it certainly is a fear that I have. Maybe things will get better once my parents finalize their move here to Georgia. I really rely upon my mother for support and she truly gives that to me...plus she has the guilt trip down as a science as far as making me do what I am supposed to do. I guess mothers are good for that...hee.hee.. I know I will not let this overcome me but sometimes it really sucks. Also, we are going through a financially rough time and that sucks too. The good news is that I LOVE MY JOB...never thought those words would come out of my mouth again. I am appreciated and respected at my new job. What a difference. Love getting to work in the morning...always learning something new and expanding my career. LOVE IT!! All in all, things are really going good...just a few bumps in the road. Talk back later.
1/22/05 FREE AT LAST!!!! I no longer work for Commercials On Hold!!! I start to work at RAFB on Monday. I have been working in hell for a little over 5 years. No longer. I will be working closer to home and better hours. Woohoo! That's all for now.
1/10/05 Well it's been a rough month or so since I last posted. I tried changing anti-depressants...boy was that a mistake!!! Thought I would go nuts! Back on the original medicine now and feel normal again. I went to Curves tonight and was weight and measured. I lost 5.5 inches, 2.5 pounds and .81 pounds of body fat. I'm still losing...thank God! I'm still looking for another job and hoping that the interview I went on for RAFB will come through. I should know within the next few weeks. They take forever to give an answer but I will most definately wait...not patiently...nevertheless wait. I felt that my 16Ws were getting too big and I was right. I lost 2 inches in my hips, 2 inches in my abdomen, 2.5 inches in my waist and gained 2 inches in my thighs (probably just muscle). It's always a boost to know that you're going down still. I've not made it to goal yet, but I will. That's all for now.
11/18/04 Well yesterday was my one year anniversary. I've lost 103 lbs. I weigh 202 lbs. I can't say how badly I want to weigh below 200!! The holidays are about here and I'm really wanting to do good. I don't want to gain but rather lose. Hopefully, this will happen. I am still looking for another job...one less stressful as far as the management is concerned. I can handle stress from being too busy...just not meanness. I went to Vegas last week and boy was that fun! I never could have kept up with the other girls if we had gone last year. We walked...walked...walked...and walked some more. My butt, hips and legs were soooo sore from all the walking. It was certainly worth the trip though...I needed some decompressing time. I saw Celine Dion in concert...WOW, what a show! I saw all kinds of men dressed up like women...a common thing in Vegas. Some of them had better looking legs than most women. Needless to say, I'm in a better state of mind than I have been for some time now. I went on a couple of interviews last week before vacation which was kind of a shot in the arm. Knowing that I have skills that are marketable means a great deal to me. Not having to worry about the way I look is also a relief when looking for another job. I will update later.
11/1/04 Well, maybe I'm in a little better mood...but not much. Okay, I had the surgery because I couldn't lose the weight on my own. Now I'm at a plateau and I'm supposed to figure out what to eat and what not to eat? Absolutely insane!! I couldn't do it before surgery, what makes me think I can do it now? I did lose a little the other day but it's back today. Maybe I'm just holding onto some water weight but it sure sucks to see it on the scales. I guess the only time I really post here is when I'm having a rough time. I guess it's better to vent here than wear out friends and family. I'm getting ready to go to Vegas and I really wanted to be in a regular size 16 by now. It looks like it will still be a 16W. I have 1 1/2 weeks to go but I don't know what's going to happen between now and then. I really wish I could get a grip.
10/21/04 Wow, I just finished looking at some of the before and after pictures. Usually I would be totally inspired but today I am just a bit more depressed. I am 11 months out and have lost 102 pounds. I feel it should be more. I have at least another 70 to lose. I HATE BEING OVERWEIGHT!!! It makes me angry that I can't seem to get past this point. I went to the doctor today to find out why my breast have been tender and why I have been cramping. He took some blood work and other labs. They determined I had a UTI but not a real bad one. I am a BIT depressed. Not dealing with things very well right now. I've got to find someway to be happy for a change...regardless of my situation. I'll try to write when I am in a better mood next time.
10/8/04 I just got word that my sister is out of surgery. She just had gastric bypass today. Her surgeon is in San Diego, CA. They said she did great. Now all of my siblings have had the surgery. My brother has lost 167 lbs. I have lost 102 pounds so far and now my sister has just started her journey today. I have been a little discouraged lately because I haven't been seeing the scales go down but I did get to wear a size 16W pair of jeans today. I had many comments from my coworkers that I looked really skinny today. That always is a boost in the arm. Things have been going better at work. I kind of blew up at my boss a few weeks ago and I guess it has helped for now...or maybe I just don't care anymore. LOL. I'm going to Atlanta tomorrow to see some other Georgia members from the message board. I'm excited about meeting everyone. It sounds like we'll have a good crowd. Well I'll post later.
9/27/04 Well, things have been going... The good news is that I was able to fit into a size 16W jeans! It's been at least 8 years since I've been able to do that. I'm hoping that I have gone below 200 lbs. I want be in a solid size 14 by the time I go to Vegas in November. I don't think it is entirely impossible but it's going to take some work. I've had less than 1000 calories today and most of that was protein. I'm supposed to have an EGD on Thursday to make sure I don't have an ulcer. Of course, if I do it would all be due to my job. I am looking for another place to work but I want to be very choosy (sp?). I do have something to look forward to...Vegas in November. At least I can go relatively stress free. My mother-in-law is paying for everything...even $50 a day gambling money. Well, don't have much more to say. Bye
9/10/04 Well, I have been sick most of the week and just feeling better the last day or so. I set up a new yahoo group for my support group and I am looking forward to posting there in the future. I really need to chill out a little more. My stress level is somewhat high. I have been stressing over stuff that really doesn't matter. Maybe it's hormones. LOL. I am looking forward to my support group meeting this week. I really would like to talk with those folks. It always helps give me a boost. I don't really have much to say but I just wanted to update my records. Later.
9/1/04 Well I didn't get below the 200 lb mark before the end of the month...as a matter of fact, I gained 1 pound. I think the scales at the gym are off. They had someone tinkering with it the other day and got it messed up. Well, I will just have to go by what it says. It could be water weight from my time of the month. This morning I really felt like I was at a very low, low point emotionally. The thought of coming into work was just absolutely exhausting. I saw a sign yesterday on the way home from work that stated, "Insanity...the habit of doing the same thing over and over again and expecting the same results". Boy did that hit home. I am going to see Dr. Amy Flowers tomorrow and I really need the help. I took a "valium" last night just so I could sleep. My boss is just not a very nice person. I went to him yesterday after reaching a goal higher than expected but he proceeded to question the figures I gave him and never said "good job" or "good" or anything but I didn't think you did so well this month. UNBELIEVABLE!!! I'm so tired of being underestimated, ridiculed, second guessed and indirectly being accused of lying. I have done nothing to deserve this treatment. I have been a faithful employee; admitted when I have done something wrong; helpful to the other staff members; and yet it's just not enough. I am sooooo done. I have just wasted the last 5 years of my life at this job. Lord, help the air force base to call! I have been working out at Curves still if for nothing else but to relieve the stress. I think it has gone past the stress level into depression. Even my antidepressants don't seem to help lately. On the other side of the coin, I know I am just giving them too much power over my life by letting their stupidity make my reactions so depressing and devastating. I like to do a good job and will do so even if I am not appreciated. I wouldn't do anything to hurt anyone in this business but you know, I don't think my bosses would be as trusting. They are such insecure people and distrusting of anyone! I could tell you stories!!! Well I guess this is just my venting post for now. Sorry I spent so much time on going over this issue. Later.
8/26/04 Well, I weighed in tonight at Curves...I weight 204.5!!!! I am part of the century club now! Woohoo!!!! Of course, I want to loose quite a bit more but it is sure nice to know that I have the biggest part of my weight gone forever! I will not gain this weight back. I am seeing a new counselor/therapist on Thursday of next week. I think she will be good. The other therapist I went to see was kind of creepy. I think he was more interested in promoting his "tools" than what I needed as a patient. Hopefully, I will be able to resolve some of the issues of stress versus eating versus LIFE!!! LOL. I'm still looking for a job but it is slow moving. Oh well, I get 3 weeks vacation in about a month or so. I will definately be taking some of that time off for mental health. I hope to be below the 200 lb. mark before the end of the month which is next Tuesday. We'll see. That's all for now.
8/20/04 Well, I had a good day today. I went for my 9 month check up and I am at 205.5 which in my book is 99.5 pounds lost. Almost to the century club. My first visit with Dr. Williams I was 305. I am so glad I had this surgery done. I am now looking for another job with much more confidence than I would have 100 pounds ago. I have been taking a lot of verbal abuse and really getting tired of it. My blood pressure was 158/98 (somewhere around there) and I know it is due to the stress from work. I have to follow up on it none the less. I am afraid that I may be getting a little mouthy because I am truly fed up with the abuse from my bosses. I am sooooooo tired of the crap that they dish out and take no responsibility for anything. Everything is my fault...as if I had anything to do with it! Well, they have had enough of my day so I won't give them anymore. I am so glad that I am still losing weight. I got to see Lisa Koofi today. She had surgery the same day I did and she has lost 108 lbs as of today. She looks so different. I almost didn't recognize her but her smile and eyes gave it away. She said she feels great too. It was really good to see her success. I know things will get better for me and I just have to keep my chin up and attitude right...of which I had to do some adjustments today on...LOL. I'm not perfect but I know when to take responsibility for things and when not to. Being overweight for so long, I guess I just accepted the abuse from my bosses and didn't fight back. Now I'm fighting back. I have to keep it in check though...I have to have a job while I'm looing for another. Well I don't I have much more to say other than belly aching about my job. Will update later.
8/18/04 I'm now down to 207 lbs. I'm feeling pretty good physically but still battling the emotional side. I am still seeing the therapist but he is a little different and I haven't made up my mind whether I like him or not. I do need to see someone because my job is driving me CRAZY!!! My next support group might be AA. LOL. I can't leave my job right now because I don't have another lined up. It's not a real good job market out there so I have got to be patient. Food doesn't help the stress anymore...alcohol just numbs it and I'm not sure how well I am dealing with things. I know I want to not be angry all the time but it is so hard when you have someone constantly agravating you. I've really been evaluating things lately and life is way too short to be dealing with this crap. I'm moving on but to the RIGHT place, the one where I am happy or at least not abused verbally on an hourly basis. Well, enough of my belly aching! Weight loss has slowed down...way down. I am going to readjust what I am eating and make sure it's what I am supposed to be doing. I have been a little off track but just a few minor adjustments and I'll be back. That's all for now.
8/11/04 Well, I really do like my new profile. I am now down to 208.5 which is 96.5 pounds down from when I first went to see Dr. Williams. I went on an interview yesterday and this was the first interview in 5 years! Wow, I was so calm and really did well on the interview. I really hope I get this job so I can quit taking the abuse at my current job. I will know in a few days if I am their choice. I'll update later!
I had a really exciting weekend. My husband, oldest son and I went tubing down the Ichatucknee River in Florida. It was sooooo cold! We were on the river more than 6 hours. I know I swam at least 2 of those hours. Boy, was I sore on Monday and Tuesday from all the paddling. My shoulders, neck and chest just ached from my muscles being overworked. I burned a lot of calories that day. A good bit were burned when I saw my child caught on a limb and the current was pulling him under. That was the most frightening thing I have ever seen or experienced thus far in my personal experience. Nothing compares. My husband was able to go under water and get his swim trunks loose. My son, who is 6-years-old, said, "I drowneded". I let him tell it like he wants to since it was so traumatic for him...and me.
I have been seeing a counselor who is really helping me sort through some things associated with the reasons behind why I have struggled with weight. Stress issues and eating issues are definately at the top of the subjects most discussed. Well, I don't have much else to say but I will update later.
7/19/04 I went to Curves again tonight and weighed in at 211...a loss of 94 pounds. I'm 6 pounds away from the century mark. Woohooo!! It seems that my appetite has been insatiable over the past few days. I was scared to get on the scales but to my surprise, I was down! I am glad it is picking up again. I hope to get to the century mark by the end of this month...not impossible
7/10/04 A lot has happened since I last posted. Not all good though. I went to Curves last Tuesday. They measured me and weighed me. I only lost 3 pounds for the entire month but....I lost 11 inches! I was truly excited. I left there and went straight to my support group meeting. In hind sight, I should have gone straight home. Anyhow, I got there late and they were talking about surgeons. I took something that was said and got very offended. Needless to say, I blew up in front of everyone. I then walked out. I really had to eat crow after that. I guess it is something that happens when you are a women and the hormones are going crazy. I did start seeing a counselor last week. This is really going to be helpful
6/28/04 Well I weighed today. I've lost another pound which makes 90 pounds down now. I weigh 215. I need to get the other 10 pounds to make the century mark. I also found out today that I totalled my car in the accident. Stress, stress, stress, STRESSSSS!! Food hasn't been my friend, however. I've not been able to eat very well without getting sick. Hopefully this will pass. I know things will get better. My husband and I are going away for the weekend WITHOUT children this weekend and I'll have some Destressing time then.
6/27/04 Horrible day with my stomach! I guess I ate something that really doesn't like me and it has kept reminding me all day long. It could be the muscle relaxers and pain killers I was taking over the past few days. I haven't taken any today but my stomach may just be sensitive today. Anyway, it has been a long day of eating and then going to bed because my stomach was upset. Well, hopefully I'll have a better day tomorrow. I just took a Protonix and that will probably help. I guess I'm done complaining now. LOL. On the plus side, I think I have lost some more weight. My clothes are getting lose again. I'll find out tomorrow when I go to the gym. I don't really go by my scales here at home...they lie to me. I'll update as soon as I know my weight tomorrow
6/25/04 Well things haven't been going so well the past few days. I had a head on collision on Wednesday. No one was badly injured. I had some muscle strain and spasms but that is the extent. The unfortunate thing is that I caused the accident. I have never caused one before in my life. I have been in accidents that were not my fault but never caused one. It makes me feel terrible. My Pathfinder is probably totalled and that provides lots of stress for me. I used to use food to calm my anxiety and smooth over my stress but it just isn't the same anymore. I can't drink because I'm on pain killers and muscle relaxers. What a predicament! LOL. I do believe that God was looking out for me because I usually drive our little Toyota (compact car). It wouldn't start that morning so my husband traded vehicles and had the little one fixed. I would have been demolished if I were in that car. I did have my 2 year old with me and he is okay...thank God. This is not an easy time to say the least.
6/21/04 I haven't been updating as much lately because of being so busy...my husband says that I'm getting back to the way I used to be when he first met me. I was always on the go but then I gained all the weight and it slowed me down to almost a stop. I am so glad that I had the surgery done. It has changed the way I am living life back to where I am in more control. Working out at Curves seems to really help with increase my energy. I am tired today because I stayed up all night Saturday night to play Bingo with my sister-in-law. I stayed up until 5 a.m. Sunday morning. I would have never done that a year ago. I did win $100! It was really fun.
6/8/04 Dr. Williams said I didn't need to worry because the spot on my mammogram was there last year and it hasn't changed. They'll recheck me in 3 months.
I went to Curves last night and I am 217 and have lost 3.5 inches since I joined a month ago. My energy level is going back up now.
6/6/04 I weighed at the doctors office and I'm 217! Dr. Williams wants to get another radiologists opinion on Monday. Once he does that, he will let me know what they want to do next about the "area of density" in my right breast. We'll either wait 3 months or needle biopsy of some sort. Guess I'll know more tomorrow.
6/2/04 I'm still at 218!!!! Urgh! I've been at this weight since April 26th. I've been working out religously and I guess I have been going down in inches. I will be going to the gym again tonight.
I have been quite anxious yesterday and today. I got a call from my PCP stating that my mammogram showed something that they wanted me to see a surgeon about even though the radiologist felt it was benign. Well, benign or not, it sets off alarms inside of me because of what my mom went through about a year ago. She had a left sided mastectomy and chemotherapy. Not pleasant. I have read on www.obesityhelp.com that several women have had changes in their mammogram once they lost a significant amount of weight. I have a feeling that this is what is going on but the prospect of "something could be wrong" is still frightening. I go to see Dr. Williams on Friday...we'll see.
5/28/04 Well Curves is finally working. My energy has returned. I think the scales are finally moving as well. I've been at 218 for a month now. Hopefully, that will be a thing of the past by next Tuesday, the 2nd of June. I will weigh in again at that time. I have increased my Effexor to the next dosage which has really seemed to help. The only thing it can't help is when your boss plays head games with you. I have taken the abuse for so long that he thinks I will just continue to take it. I didn't really have a choice before because I didn't think anyone would hire me at the weight I was at. I have known I was worth more when it comes to the workplace but the outside appearances hindered me. NOT ANYMORE! I will keep losing and I will be very, very careful to find a job that is well suited to me and one I can enjoy for the most part. Life is too short to be miserable all the time and take verbal abuse.
5/6/04 I haven't weighed in a while. I will weigh tonight when I go to Curves. My PCP suggested that I go to Curves to boost my energy...not working yet. I'll give it more time though. Dr. Williams and Dr. Rothwell both told me I needed to exercise but things just happened and it fell through for a while. I'm back to going to the gym. I think going somewhere will help rather than trying to do it at home. It is only 5 minutes away and only take 30 minutes a day. I'm not going to do this every day but some it better than none. I've been under a lot of stress lately and that really makes me want to eat. Can't do it! A lot of things lately have been making me ill (mild dumping) after I eat. Guess my stomach must be a little sensitive right now. Even salads give me problems. I will update my weight later this evening after I go to work out.
4/28/04 I could be a little lower in weight today but I don't have a digital scale to really be able to see the exact weight. I think I weigh 218!!! I'm definately losing inches though. My 22 jeans were swimming on me today. I can probably wear 20 jeans which is saying something. 1X shirts are what I'm wearing. Wow, it's been a long time. I go to my PCP tomorrow. I have been feeling tired but I guess it will take a while to recover from the virus I had last week.
4/24/04 It's been a while since I updated because my family and I have been battling a stomach virus...obviously it won! LOL. I didn't lose any weight but that doesn't surprise me because my body is already thinking it's starving. I need some protein. I had a protein shake today...it was kind of "ify" whether or not it would stay down. My stomach is sensitive right now. I feel real good about how I look and, for the most part, how I feel. Of course, how I feel is very up in the air right now since I am pretty drained from the virus.
4/11/04 According to my scales, I am down to 220 lbs!!! I have now lost a total of 85 since my first visit to the surgeon. I wore clothes today that I have not worn in at least 4 to 5 years...amazing that I kept them that long. LOL! I have still been somewhat tired but not like I was before drinking the protein shakes. Things seem to be ironing out as far as the lack of energy. I did walk on the treadmill tonight for 15 minutes. I will be adding 5 more minutes next week. Right now I have to build up to the 20 minutes then 25...30 and so on. Overall, I'm feeling better.
4/9/04 "General feelings??" Well, I am TIRED! I didn't exercise in the beginning and now I have to or I will have "muscle waisting". I'm tired possibly because I am depressed and/or not getting enough calories and protein in a day. Again, this SUCKS! It took me a while to swallow the fact that I could be depressed. I don't have anything to be depressed about other than the fact that I don't feel good and am so tired that it is hard for me to function. I do, however, feel better this morning than I did yesterday. I felt TERRIBLE yesterday morning...like I had been run over by a truck.
I will get on the treadmill every day between now and the time I see Dr. Williams in 2 weeks. I will also increase protein intake with protein shakes. I am not too willing to increase my Effexor so I am going to hold off on that for now. It is very hard to come off that drug and I really don't want to increase it. I'm hoping that eventually I won't have to take an antidepressant at all. I guess we'll see if this helps.
4/8/04 Woke up this morning feeling gittery and absolutely worn out. Couldn't make myself go into work. I called the doctor's office and they told me to come in.
I talked with Dr. Williams and he suggested that I increase my protein, eat 3 small meals and exercise 20 minutes. He also suggested that I increase my Effexor due to serratonin (sp?) levels possibly being out of whack. I took offense to that at first because I believe that if there is depression, it is due to the fact that I am not feeling good and then the cycle continues.
I did go on into work around noon. I worked all day, went home and then walked on the treadmill for 15 minutes...I'll add 5 minutes next week because this is a real good work out for me now.
4/7/04 Very, very uptight today as well as extremely tired. I guess being tired for this long is affecting how I am dealing with things on an emotional and social level. Last night at support group I had a lady totally insult me. It would be one thing if this had never happened before but this is the second time the same lady has done this to me!!!! The first time was when she came in late to one of the meetings, didn't hear my testimonial and had the nerve to ask me when I was going to have surgery...I had lost at least 50 pounds by that point. She didn't even apologize but rather dug the hole deeper by saying she couldn't tell!!!! Last night at the meeting she came up while I was looking through some clothes from the clothing exchange and stated, "Oh that's big clothes...I don't need those." I said, "Excuse me? These clothes are a lot smaller for me." The co-leader of our group has stated that this girl speaks before she thinks and says that she is harmless. It is something I feel needs to be addressed. I am not the only one she says these things to. We all have a lot of hang ups from being overweight and the prejudices we have had to deal with so I believe that of all the people out there we should be more sensitive to one another. I had to do a check up on how I am doing after last night. I know she needs support too but she should not be allowed to run over the rest of us with her caddy and insensitive remarks.
To add insult to injury, I have been fighting since December 2003 for BCBS to pay for my nutritional consult. They have absolutely given me the run-around for something they required prior to approving surgery. I am so frustrated with them...they are such politicians!
And yet more...I'M TIRED with no explanation other than possible muscle wasting with the resolution to "push through it". THIS SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!
4/1/04 This week has been somewhat of a hard week. It's like I hit a brick wall with being tired. I went into the doctor on Tuesday for blood work. The only thing out of whack was my liver enzymes. I don't know that that has anything to do with my tiredness. I came home from work today early and crashed for about 5 HOURS!!! I'm still tired. I've heard about people getting tired about this far out from surgery but this is radiculous. I'm supposed to see Dr. Rothwell tomorrow so maybe something will be determined then.
3/22/04 Since the last time I posted, I'm down 2 pounds more for a total weight loss of 76 pounds (302 lb starting weight). I really weighed 305 when I started looking into surgery. I've received nothing but compliments on my hair. I never thought I would be able to wear a short hair cut but this one seems to suit me very well. I started back on the Protonix which has slowed almost to a stop the nausea. I did, however, throw up for the first time. I ate some steak that didn't want to go down. Oh well, no big loss. I guess the fear of throwing is gone now. LOL. I seem to be dropping the inches and clothing sizes. I am now wearing size 20's...down from 28/26. Woohoo! It's been at least 6 years since I have been this size...6 YEARS!! Wow, it's really amazing what a life changing procedure the WLS is for me.
3/16/04 Well, I'm still at the same weight. Maybe this is my first "real" plateau...then again it may be because I am at "that time of the month" and I am holding onto some water weight. Food hasn't liked me over the past few days! Everything I eat seems to make me nauseated for about 45 minutes. I'm not sure what is going on because the things I am eating are things that have been good on my stomach before. I have been increasing the protein...at least trying to.
I am going to get my hair cut tonight! Hopefully I won't be clogging up the drain as much with the shorter hair. My hair has really been coming out lately but fortunately I had a lot of hair to begin with. I have been conditioning my hair with good products but it is still looking somewhat unhealthy. The hair side effect does suck somewhat but it is my understanding that it's only temporary thank goodness. I'm taking my vitamins and biotin along with B-12.
I am doing better emotionally this week over last which I now know was probably PMS. Boy...things sure do change after surgery. It was hard to tell what was going on because that type of depression for no reason at all has never happened just due to PMS before. Maybe by 6 months post op things will settle down.
3/15/04 Well I've managed to stay off the scales for a few days...to no avail. I still haven't lost anything in over a week. I started eating Dr. Adkin's style today. Hopefully this will kick me back into losing again. I don't want to get stuck at only a 73 pound weight loss. Maybe this will be short lived. I am doing more physically but I would not consider it necessarily exercise. The fact that I am doing more than before the surgery is absolutely wonderful. Being able to keep up with my children for the most part and getting involved in activities outside my home has really helped my attitude. I've lost a total of 73 pounds!
Last week I had a little bit of depression for no reason at all. Everything is going well and at the time I didn't know that I was staying at the same weight. I was staying off the scales for a week or so. I guess it must have been just a chemical imbalance?? I am better today. Sometime when I am really tired I get a little down...maybe I just needed the weekend to recouperate from the week.
Last week was also a tough week with the boys...they were both giving me fits at school and daycare. They are both going through something. It's not like we don't discipline. I think that they had a temporary memory loss as to what they are supposed to do...my husband and I reminded them this weekend. Hopefully, we will get back on the right track this week and it won't be as stressful. Maybe this was what triggered me being down. That normally wouldn't affect me like that but who knows?
3/8/04 I am still struggling with the fears and emotions of gaining the weight back. I know that I am still losing but I have heard of several people who have lost the weight but have gained it back. I hope that going to support groups and the knowledge that I can gain the weight back will help me not to go there. I find myself looking for something to eat when I bored or stressed. I really have to work on that...not really sure what to do though. I would have corrected that a long time ago if I knew how. I am down 73 pounds now and it is working for me.
2/16/04 I went in today for my 3 month check today and I have lost a total of 60.4 pounds. By beginning BMI was 54 and now it is 43.7!!! I have lost a bundle of inches and I am very happy with the progress. I feeling much better now and look forward to the next 3 months weight loss. It's working!
2/2/04 Well I am battling the "Is this really going to work?" battle. I have historically fought battles like this with eating...can't do that any more. I am typically a high strung and intense personality which would explain how I have remained overweight for so many years. Looking at all of the different profiles as well as the before and after pictures is always encouraging...IT WILL WORK and is working. I am going to support group meeting tomorrow and that is always a boost in my week. Will update later.
1/23/04 I'm almost 10 weeks out and have lost 57 pound. All the problems, nausea, that I was having is now gone. I occasionally get nauseated after eating when I eat something new that doesn't agree with me. I'm very glad I had this done and I can now see the results. I hope to have reached the century mark by my 6 month out.
1/4/04 Well I've lost over 42 pounds since surgery. I have a pain under one of my incisions that really hurts. I am scheduled for a CT tomorrow morning to find out if there is anything that could be causing the pain. I hope it is something that can just be watched and nothing that requires any more procedures. I'll update later.
12/21/03 The nausea has subsided for the most part. I think I've lost a few more pounds...depends on which scales I weigh on. Food sounds good until I begin to eat. I think I'll be losing a lot of weight during the holidays. I have been taking my vitamins and suplements. My labs were great except I am low on potassium. I have to take some for a month to get it back into range. They're horse pills! The low potassium would explain my tiredness.
12/15/03 I went for my 4 week check today. I've lost 35 pounds! The nausea has been somewhat annoying to say the least. Dr. Williams told me to hang in there with the protein and it will get better. Will update later.
11/27/03 A Thanksgiving Day I will always remember. My family and I went out to eat and I had WATER. I really didn't want anything...just a mental battle. I am down about 27 pounds. I have been feeling nauseated off and on and the doctor gave me some Phenergan to help control it. It seems to be getting better. I got my drain tube out on the 25th and I don't feel like a "borg" anymore. That's all for now.
11/20/03 I am on the losing side now! The worst is over. I have lost 11 lbs since the 17th. Awesome!! I will update later.
11/23/03 I had a rough few days of my stomach feeling sour but I feel much better now. I believe my recovery time is going to be minimal but I am going to make sure I heal and follow all my doctor's directions. I post later.
11/14/03 Well I start my preop tomorrow by eating "easily digested foods". My mother is here and it seems so real right now. I'm trying to wrap things up at work today and be ready for 2 weeks of recovery. I just had to have my picture taken for the website at my job. Ugh!!!!!! Good before picture but awful for the website. Hopefully I will be able to replace that picture in about 6 months...much lighter.
11/9/03 Tomorrow I go for my hospital preop. This all seems all so sereal(sp?). I've waited sooo long for this to happen! I've researched this for over 4 years.
11/6/03 I'm APPROVED!
11/5/03 I called and spoke with Annie at BCBS. She stated they did receive the dietician report and my case is back in review. She couldn't tell me anything further. I begged her to push it through but she said there was nothing she could do. I will call daily from here on out. I've got to have my approval before I can do my preop. They are keeping me on edge with their delays.
11/4/03 I went to the dietician and Dr. Williams today. I almost didn't get to see Dr. Williams for my preop appointment because I don't have approval from BCBS for surgery yet. I don't think there will be a problem with getting approved. I will call tomorrow to make sure they have the dietician report.
11/3/03 I was able to move my dietician appointment up to tomorrow! Woo Hoo! That's the good news. BCBS is making me do this and I was informed today that they would not pay for it. Go figure that!?! She normally charges $360 for a consult but she will give me a discount of $180. Oh well, as long as they approve the surgery. I am also going to see Dr. Williams tomorrow for my preop appointment with him. Hopefully, I am down a few more pounds. My stomach has been so messed up lately because of a virus (I think) that I've had. I haven't been able to do the protein like I should but I still think I've been eating less.
10/31/03 I still have to see a registered dietician which I have scheduled for the 11th. Once this is submitted, I believe I will be approved based on Julie at Dr. Williams office. She stated she had two other that were just waiting on this and were approved within 3 hours. Hopefully that will be the case. My mother will be flying in on the 13th to help with my kids so that my husband can be with me. I'm getting really excited.
10/29/03 I GOT A DATE!!!! November 17th. I asked the doctor to go ahead and give me a date because BCBS just wants to know that I won't sabatoge myself with my diet before and after surgery. I WILL BE APPROVED. I recently had success with an email I sent to my coworkers that I received a compliment on it being "well stated". It's as follows: "As most of you have heard, I will be having gastric bypass surgery on the 17th of November. I will be out of the office from November 17-28. I have researched the procedure for over 4 years and my family and I feel this is the best route for me. I have tried losing my excess weight with some successes but overall maintaining an unhealthy weight. To describe best what I have been going through most of my life, it would be like carrying around 70, 100 to 150 pounds of dog food all day and never being able to put it down. I must sleep, shower, eat, chase the kids around, grocery shop, etc. with it. There are many things I am looking forward to after losing the weight. I will be able to enjoy a Summer day, play with my kids, feeling better, no more medications for blood pressure and elevated cholesterol (more money in my pocket). There will be other things as well but I believe you can understand what I am getting at. This is something I have thought long and hard about and can hardly wait for the results. I will be out for 2 weeks, so please let me know as soon as possible if you need me to do anything before I leave on the 14th.
10/28/03 Found out from BCBS they now want a dietician to evaluate me and send the information to them. It was a very hard task of finding someone here local who would do it besides the fact that BCBS is being so vague about what they need from them. I am going to see the dietician on Thursday morning. Maybe this will be the last hoop.
10/23/03 Spoke with Rolanda at BCBS and she stated my case is with the nurse examiner. I asked her if it would be ok to call once a day and she said it would not be necessary. I explained that I have surgery possibly in 2 weeks. She asked me to call back next Wednesday, the 29th. I will call back on Tuesday...not to be defiant but just because I need to know. BCBS is a good insurance once you get them to cover things but they can be a PAIN! I had to get a prescription filled this afternoon for a migraine. They wouldn't cover it because it was not on their list. The only thing that they would cover is Zomig which I have never taken. The pharmacist was kind enough to call my doctor's office to make sure they could fill it. I took it and it seems to be working. Talk about Fleecing! They would only allow 3 pills with a copay of $30.00!!!!!!! Unbelievable! I'm still in shock. When you have a migraine, you have to have something to knock it out. I still can't believe I just paid $30 for 3 pills. Maybe my headaches will improve once I lose some of this weight. That's all for now.
10/22/03 Tamika at BCBS called me and stated they have my paperwork logged in. Hopefully, I can call tomorrow and they'll give me an answer.
10/21/03 Called and spoke to BCBS CSR and they don't show the paperwork on file yet. Hopefully, Dr. William's office faxed it to the correct phone number. I am pretty sure they did but I will double check with Barbara.
10/20/03 I talked with Julie at Dr. Williams office and she made sure everything was there and let me know they could set me up for preop appointment next Tuesday and surgery the following week. I will be calling BCBS daily to make sure they get the approval to me quick.
10/16/03 I went to a support group meeting in Macon and met some absolutely wonderful people. I came away from there Tuesday night totally psyched!!!! They all shared their before and afters and gave some really good advice. Some where having problems but still say they would do it all over again if they had to. I am sure I will feel the same way once I am on the losing side. I am having a really hard time sticking to the Adkin's diet right now because of my anxiety level with waiting on a surgery date. I have just got to buckle down and do it! I'll update tomorrow or Saturday on my progress.
10/14/03 I just got off the phone with Hollie at Dr. Williams office. She explained to me that Dr. Hendricks is the "slowest" doctor to get paperwork to them. It will probably take a few weeks she said. Dr. Hendricks stated he was going to dictate the letter on 10/8/03 but I guess that doesn't mean it will get to Dr. Williams in a timely manner. Once they have the letter they will submit to my insurance. It looks like I may have surgery around Thanksgiving holiday which is fine with me. Hollie just told me she had WLS a year ago and has lost 110 lbs. Wow, I think everyone at they office has just about had this surgery. The waiting is quite madening!!!! I have no other choice though than to wait.
10/13/03 I went to the pulmonologist last week and he cleared me. Stated that he would get his letter to the surgeon sometime this week. My anxiety level is very high and I can hardly wait until they call me about sending my information to BCBS. I may try calling tomorrow.
10/7/03 Well I go to the pulmonologist tomorrow hopefully for my last visit. Once he gives the information to my surgeon they can submit my request for surgery. Maybe I will get a surgery date soon. Will post later.
9/21/03 This past week has been horrible. My sleep study went as I expected...I didn't sleep. I have had so much stress with my children, work and trying to be patiently waiting on getting a surgery date. I got kind of down when I thought about the 25 pounds my doctor wants me to lose. I have probably only lost about 5 pounds if that! I go see him again on Tuesday and hope he doesn't get on my case. I think sometimes the medical profession is the worst offender of verbally abusing obese people. Maybe it will go better than I am anticipating. I am going to try to get on the treadmill this week and get my breathing capacity to expand. It wasn't so good when I went to the pulmonologist. I don't have much more to say until after my appointment on Tuesday.
9/15/03 I had to update because I have found out some wonderful news. I switched from BCBS PPO to BCBS POS. I was hoping the policy would change enough to where it would not deny my request due to written exclusion. I was pleasantly suprised today when I received my "certificate book" which stated that it would cover gastric bypass if they determined it was medically necessary. I have got that part down pat!! I have my sleep study tomorrow night...yuk! Calling it a sleep study is an absolute contradiction in terms. You don't sleep...just toss and turn if they let you. Well, it is the last study hopefully and I will get through it fine. Will update later when I have more to report.
9/9/03 I went for my pulmonologist appointment today. I saw Dr. Hendricks who was very professional. I was quite disappointed when I found out that he wants me to repeat my sleep study. I am already on CPAP and really dread going again for another study. I think I'd rather be shot in the foot than to go through that torture again. I couldn't sleep during the first 2 studies and I don't know what will be different this time. I also didn't do well with my breathing capacity. I have not been compliant with taking my medicines for allergies and asthma which may have caused the low readings to some degree. I have a lot of work ahead of me. I will be going to the cardiologist tomorrow. Hopefully, things will go smooth tomorrow. I've gotta hope for the best.
8/28/03 I saw Dr. Roger Alan Williams, the psychologist, today. I had to take the personality test and visit with him for about 20 minutes at the most. He was a very pleasant man and felt comfortable speaking with him. He asked me to stop by after the surgery and let him know how things are going. Seems genuinely concerned. I am really starting to get excited. I see the cardiologist on the 3rd of September. I'm sure that will go well.
8/21/03 I saw Dr. Williams on the 19th and I have started down the road towards getting surgery done. I'm a little nervous about the insurance part because my certificate book states a written exclusion for bariatric surgery. I did talk to BCBS of GA and let them know that I didn't want to start down this road if they were just going to deny me because of a written exclusion. They called me back 3 days later and said to get my doctor's letter and psychological profile in and they will evaluate. I guess that was a "yes" they would consider it.
7/20/03 I am a mother of 2 small children, 1 and 5 years old. I have been overweight more of my life than not. I have tried every diet on the books and it comes back whenever I stop. My previous insurance would not cover the surgery but hoping the new insurance my company is going with in August will come through for me.