Where Do I Begin? September 15,2009

Sep 15, 2009

Ok, this is my second step in accepting and being accountable for what I've done.  My first step was going to see Doc and got the most SHOCKING news, though I guess I shouldn't be shocked, but I was.  That I have a slight slip, Doc was pretty busy so we really didn't get into to much accept that I have OVER EATEN MY BAND.  The tears just flowed, but thankfully my support person and SARGENT was there to stop those, but what a failure I feel like.  Did I know I was making bad choices and not excercising, YUP, but did I think or FEEL like I had injured my life saving tool, NO!!!!!!!  But I guess I have and all I can do is follow Doc's orders and see if my stomach will replace itself back under the band without any surgery.  At this point theres NO WAY I could afford any surgery to fix this.  I AM STILL SO SO DISAPPOINTED IN MYSELF!  What a sickness this is..... My emotions are out of control and I need to get things BACK IN TACK!  I was such an inspiration to so many and feel like such an ass right now... Then theres this part of me that of course just wants to EAT EVERYTHING in my way!  What a disease this is.  SO here I am writing on my blog that I have neglected for so long and I'm just trying to feel like its my new start and I can finally get rid of those last 30lbs that I never did!   Liquids for 3 weeks... Yum, and to boot with a drained band!  GREAT!!!  Wish me luck

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