ATL Diva 2009

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I guess this is two weeks post in one. Things have been going pretty OK just living.  I still have issues with my protein and water. I've been walking and started to work out. I love the weight coming off however, its frustrating to go through clothes sizes too quickly and not having anything to wear or size yourself out of a "favorite outfit. Most folks see it is a good thing but I know any post ops that may read this can relate.

Homelife is not ok, has nothing to do with the WLS well actually it does because I've become more comfortable and assured with myself to know that I don't have to put up with this mess.. But I'm praying about it (am I really?) and I'll see how it goes. I'll write if I have soemthing more to write.

10 weeks out and 61 lbs gone forever (no longer seperating pre and post op weight) go back and read it lol. This week has been pretty good. I'm still trying to get all my protein in from food without a shake but if I don't do the shake I don't get it in.   Everyone has been telling me how great I look and the funny thing is teh more weight I lose the more weight I see I have to lose and the more I see how big I really was!  A girl on the bus this morning asked me if I had lost weight I no longer set my hands on my stomach to rest I sit them on my thighs. My betlly doesn't sit on my thights and I actually see a formation of a waist which is very exciting! 

Finances looking crazy so house phone is off.  Couldn't get ont he boards at work but decided to try if I could at least get on to my account check messages update profile and for now guess what YEP sure can lol.  Let's see what's going on with me..well I'm at 45 lbs lost in 8 weeks 58 lbs total including pre-op diet. So I can DEF see a change now.  Everyone is commeting and complimenting me and I feel almost embarassed because it does draw so much attention.  I haven't gottenaon a true wok out patter yet. Moreso, adding "moving" into my daily life. Walkking to the bus stop walking home, mowing the yard cleaning up. Just because the weight is coming off doesn't mean that the mental chain has been lifted to actually move and become this excersie guru if that was teh caseI would have never gained the weight in the first place!

But hat doesn't mean failure it means admitting a truth so that I can overcome it and not beat myself up about not doing it as fast as I would like. Its a journey  until I die but evenutally I hope to move it to the background and coexist with the rest of my crazy life.

This weekend I've  been having all sorts of AHA or WOW moments... Friday I went to Ross and tried on a 1X and could wear it. I also tried on 18's and even bought a 2X dress which I will be wearing and taking a picture in lol.  Sunday, we went to  six flags and I rode on EVERY ride.  Last year I got on everything except for Batman and this year I rode on it and it was so EXHILARATING to feel "normal". I still dried on the seat before I went in but to not be one of those folks that had to struggle to do things others take for granted was mind blowing. I almost forgot I went to my monthly group meeting  and purchased a size 14/16 shirt!!!! GO ME!!!! I'm still in 20 bottoms because of my stomach but even that is an amazing feat.  Regardless of the challenges this has def been the best thing that I've ever done for me.

I've lost a total of 52 lbs (including 13 lbs pre-op) since surgery.  I'm still having a hard time getting in food, water, and vitamins every day. Some days I do good with one or 2 and a couple of days I get in all three. Next week my lan is to write down everything i've noticed that  if i'm organized and almost anal about this ten I am muc more successful.  this is nothing to enter into lightly. I have a constant headache, I don't know if that is because of the "withdrawl" from caffeine and sweets or if its sinus/allergy but its a nagging nuiance. I'm going to eventually  have to go back to dr. Johnson and maybe get my bloodwork done before the 3 month period to see if tere is something  nutrionall that i'm missing but we'll see.

I've decided that i'm going to run in the ING half marathon on March 29, 2009.  The weight loss and size lost is great but I want to prove to myself that this is a lifestyle change and not another "fad diet" and the way for me to prove this is to begin training towards a goal. I'm attempting to trade one addiction for another, unhealthy for healthy unactive for active. I also need to not depend on going to the gym because I don't want to be dependent on that 6 month,12 monts or 24 months out but if i walk/run I can do that anywhere, anytime and with no gas (we know how gas prices are rising) I'm learning that i must remove all roadblocks or stumbling blocks now  for my future successes. Beginning tomorrow I will begin training for my marathon!

This will be a great thing because the race is 2 weeks before my first "birthday" so tis training will take me through the first year and to celebrate I have decided I am going on a "girls only" vacation with a cruise to Jamaica!  I'm a little nervous because this is a lofty goal but if you reach for the moon at least you'll get to touch a star!

Although i vented regarding te approval process the surgery and post op care as been penomenal. the nurse called me every couple of days for te first 2 weeks even dr. johnson called me once because I left a message in te wrong VM! i have a incision that won't heal and they saw me the day that I called in. Everyone remembers me tat could be because i've been such a pain but I like to think that its because they are so personable lol.

I went in last week for my 6 week post op appt  with the NUT and was suprised at what I got to add to my food list! I can try anything except for fried foods and real sweets. watever my body can tolerate I can enjoy! I think this is why I'm so happy with this process. I was only on each stage of foods for a week so I was constantly adding food back to my diet.  was surprised tat  its all about balance eating my protein first, eating my veggies, and then eating my starch but i must eat some of all of it to make my body work the way it should.I'm guessing because Dr.Johnson and Dr. Hart has done so many of these they are comfortable at moving their patients a little faster than most dr.'s. it has really been a 'tool" added to change my relationship with food and not a death sentence from food.  Which i was happy to accept but its refreshing to know that if I stay away from fried foods and sweets I have a tool that will help keep my portions in check and if I slide I have a tool that will get me back in check because I know I will slip but this is helping me to learn to discipline myself and to put off the rigt now satisfaction for te longterm satisfaction of being healthier, having more energy , feeling better, and looking better.

I bought a box of cookies 100 calories and Mayfield junior lite ice cream 2 weeks ago. I've eaten two cookies(yep 2 cookies not two packs) and two ice cream bars.  I've had some hellacious days where in the past I would  feel that I "deserved" to treat myself with these things but instead I write, I walk, i chat,  and even cry anything to release the anger,saddness, or disappointment  without releasing it into myself and turning to the food. Ive also implemented limits if I began to have head hunger (or boredom scalvaging) I'll say OK i'll get that in 30 mins and continue to push it back if I get to an hour and i STILL WANT IT I'LL GET IT IF NOT I'VE FORGOTTEN ABOUT IT AND CRISIS AVOIDED. . 

I am finding that i look at restaurants differntly. i go in and look for the healtiest choices tHat will be most satisfying to me. Before, I looked for the biggest amount of food. why would I want ealthy food at a restaurant I could eat that at home. NOW its what can I have enjoy now and enjoy tomorrow  and maybe a third meal that will not get me sick?  I also find that its not as sociable because I can not just swallow my food as I talk, I must concentrate on the right bites and chewing so that the food doesn't get stuck or I don't get sick.  This also makes me aware of when I've had enough because I'm enjoying the food and listening to my pouch.

I have SOOOO much energy!!! So much energy that I am still not aware of until i get up and begin moving because I'm such a laz person and couc potato but when I make myself ge up and go for a walk or clean or mow the grass I can move for an hour or two without getting tired. 

I am loving the changes in my body! My skin is lightening back up, my stomach rolls are disappearing, andmy face is looking less swollen and I am starting to see the woman that was hidden behind the fat. I've already begun to wear make up again because I FEEL pretty. I do my hands and feet every week not because of DJ or to get noticed but because I want to look pretty and feel pretty for me.  For my entire life it was alwas for someone else ;to get noticed by men, because my mom said i should or to impress my husband of ow good of a catch I was but now today I'm starting to see Shon again and getting into the habit of loving her, caring for and about her and never abusing her or taking her for granted again. for that matter allowing anyone else to misuse or abuse her either. 

I went through challenges and its not all good .  I'm sure there will be days that I will cry during this journey but I rather focus on the positives because there is no gain without pain no flowers with our rain, and no cheers without tears. how do you know when you've been blessed if you've never had a test?

Peace.

Well I went to the NUT on Wed. and guess what i'm pretty unrestricted!!!!! The only thing I can't eat is fried foods and full sweets. I'm 6 wks out and ad the best salad yesterda and ground round burger for dinner yummmmmMM!!! I've lost 31 lbs thus far I think I'm doing pretty good. So that was my first "wow". My second is that I got hit on the other morning.....I thought he wanted spare change lol But nope...he was attempting to holla..I's married wouldn't fool with him anyway he wasn't my type but still lol...MY LAST WOW is I was sitting on te bus and didn't have to cross my arms on top of my stomach I could actually sit tem on my lap (gasp)...This is SO exciting lol

i am 4 weeks out and I feel GREAT!!! the first week was an ordeal but after that the next 3 weeks has been wonderful. I haven't lost anything in the past week. but I'm  still so happy I feel great. I have more energy now and I enjoy looking at my changing body.

I have a hard time getting my protein in and if i have a rough day I don't get my water in either like I'm suppose to. I know that is why te weight is melting off.  I walk a couple of miles every day and next week I plan to work out in the gym at least 3 days a week to start. I've lost a total of 40 lbs 13 pre-op and 27 post op and its only been 4 weeks wic I find amazing! I will attempt to post more often as tings change.

and not updating my profile.  i've been off 3 weeks and one day and will return to that place tomorrow.  it is so strange because when i was planning the surgery I did not beleive others and the surgeon when they said that you could be off for only a week or two and retunr to work. but literally seven days after my hospital release i was bored out of my mind.  i went to California for  days to recoup with my mom and then unfortunatley had to take a trip to MS for a funeral so i've been traveling and the hardest part has been getting in all my food and water in during the da without staing up until 1 or 2 AM. that is one reason i'm glad to go to work since I'll be up much earlier than the 10-11 I was getting up and 12 or 1 when I eat my first meal for the day.  I went to my post op last Wed and I'm down 20 lbs since surgery  and 34 or 37 overall depending on who's scale you look at.

My family and friends are saying that they can tell in my face and i can tell in my clothes but I don't "see" it yet.   I purchased a scale today and of course the digital scale was broken lol. So, I'll weigh tomorrow morning and my brother and i are going to begin a workout program tomorrow which will include riding our bike and doing some pushups to begin gaining some arm strength.

Food, has been difficult because i can eat so little that I'm throwing a lot of food away  because I reall don't like eating the same thing 5 meals in a row  and I also have to pace mself while eating because i feel as if i may be full and i start the count down to my water but then I raelize 20 minutes later i really wasn't finished but didn't want to start the "water count" again so i spend the entire day eating and drinking every other hour. I don't like the shakes so i try to get in as much protein through chicken, salmon and cheese and other proteins. But, overall for me personally i am so glad about  the choice I've made and look forward to working this tool to the fullest.

This time last week i was on a liquid diet getting ready for the surgery tha will change my life forever. My mom was here and we were all a little nervous. fastforward seven days my stomach is the size of an egg (got to see my new friend during radiology on Tuesday) zthis week has been ok, I think I got a little dehydrated and my monthkly friend arrived so I had pain all over my stomach..but today is the first day i've been able to drink 2 protein shakes, all my water and a snack! tomorrow evening begin pureed food.  i don't have a scale but I can tell I've lost a little bit inlcuding the 16 i'd already lost before surgery. This is an amazing journey and when i can get off of these liquids i think i will be ready for the fight1

well the surgery went well on Monday and I celebrated my new birthday on April 14th!1 i AM DO EXCITED.  THE DAY after surgery was probably worse than the day of because the air/gas is NO joke.  i finally stopped complaining and walked like i was walking a marathon and by wednesday it was very light and today there is really none on my stomach at all. I still walk and am trying not to over do it...but this is it...I'm ready to truly begin this journey