r0chelle

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ok so hows it all going? well its been great, fantastic, absolutly perfect, i could not have asked for a better outcome. i truly do not even remember what it felt like a year and a half ago. i could not even tell you what i weight right now, i dont go on the scales at all anymore... this in itself is amazing as i used to live on them, i could not walk out of my bathroom without getting ont he scales!
i know how i feel now... i fell amazing, im content in my own skin, which is really why we all do this, we want to feel 'normal', and i feel better than that!
i shop like a crazy person now and i think i dress like a younger person (mutton dressed up as lamb!) because now, finally, about 20 years too late, I can!
i buy little clothes (and pay huge prices) which is fine by me because i feel great in them.
i have been very lucky, i had no complications and the weight fell off without me having to concentrate, and i am still very lucky because i dont have to concentrate even now. i simply eat when i am hungry, i still feel uncomfortable when i eat too much, and i eat small meals quite often. i still love to snack and eat whatever i fancy but smaller amounts!

And now for my run down on D-Day.

I arrived with my oldest and dearest friend at the hospital at 12:30 on the 13th of February.

Went in and sat down waiting to be moved to a preop room and who should we see having his lunch but the surgeon Michael France. I quizzed him about any alcohol that may have been consumed the evening before, checked for any hand shaking and all seemed to be well and he was in excellent spirits (not the alcohol kind!).

Michael asked how I was (obviously he was remembering how much fun I was at the endoscopy!) and I said I was again terrified.

The lovely staff can to take me to my room and start my long process for needle application! I was given the gown thing and stripped off and then the lovely nurse came and applied the numbing cream to my hands, then I had a lovely preop drink and was told to lie down as they can make you a little woozy.

I kind of remember them taking me down to surgery on a bed and saying hello to Michael again and also the anaesthetist but that’s about it really, I don’t remember the needle or anything, YEAH!

I woke up in High Dependency and all I felt was tired and woozy. I was not sore really just tired and a little out of it. My best friend was there and had a bit of a laugh at me, we had a look at my 'holes' in my tummy and I went off to Lah Lah land.

My beautiful son and my mum came and visited me in the evening, and apparently my son played me the flute but I really don’t remember much of the visit.

I was on a drip and morphine for the pain and I can honestly say that I don’t remember feeling pain, though I did make sure and hit that morphine button once an hour or so for the first day.

Oh yeah and I asked for and ate a whole cup of ice chips when I woke up in High dependency. They were the best ice chips ever! I continued to eat a steady supply of ice chips for the next two days, I really think they helped to keep my hydrated (yeah I know - hello - drip!) but I did not get a dry mouth or sore lips so I do think they helped.

I was moved from High dependency on Thursday morning to my own room which was just lovely... I slept a lot on Thursday!

On Friday I felt better again and had to have my liquid x-ray to see if I had any leaks. I did not sleep as much and kind of had a little too much morphine so I was too woozy when they first took my down for the x-ray so I had to go back up to my room and sleep off the morphine and try again later that same day.

I went down for my x-ray (second go! he he! yeah morphine!) and I had to drink this ghastly liquorice tasting stuff - yuck! Lucky it was only a tiny amount I had to drink, it did start to come back up but I held off and NO LEAKS! YEAH!

So I started on Optifast again. Now I did Optifast preop diet and it was fine but this time when my friend made me the first one that I was meant to drink over the next six hours I thought I was going to dry reach - the smell made me sick and I still can’t take it even now. So I guess that something has changed there.

So I had to make a soup of chicken, polenta, onions, bacon and spinach - thank good ness for that soup it was tasty and gave me some energy.

I left hospital on Saturday morning after Michael France came to visit and I can honestly say that it was a pleasant experience, I had lots of friends and family visit and I was in very little pain.

The first thing I did when I got home was jump on the scales and I had already lost 3 kilos (yes I’m obsessed!).

All has been going well at home and I am now on mushy foods, cold meats, yoghurts etc - basically I eat small amounts but I have tried most foods and only had one real worry.

My real worry - I love curry and spices so I thought that as my chicken soup was so nice perhaps I could spice it up a bit. So I added some coconut milk and some laksa spices... it was so very nice but on my third spoon I got the biggest cramps in my stomach. I had to have a cold shower so that I would not be sick. I did ask my doctor and he laughed at me and I believe he called me 'devil spawn!' for not following the rules so I have now cut out curry and spices for a little while!

That has really been the only set back; in fact I am shocked at how easy it is to eat a range of foods and to drink a 'good' mouthful of water.

I could not be happier, I have lost over 5 kilos and I feel really good, a little tired at the end of the day but other than that I feel like myself!

Fingers crossed the weight loss we be as easy to work into my life as the surgery was!

Ok well here I am! I am alive and I feel great! In fact I feel a little foolish for how scared I really was and how easy it all turned out to be!

I will do a rundown of my time in hospital but first I just want to say THANK YOU to my lovely surgeon Michael France, a truly lovely man who is funny, sweet, respectful, kind and an absolute gem with sharp instruments!

My story begins on Monday the 11th of February at 1:30pm; I am in the Western Community Hospital waiting to see the first Anaesthetist who is sending me to noddy land for my Endoscopy
.

My lovely doctor has timed my endoscopy only two days before my surgery, for two reasons I think, the first is that the time was available and the second is that he knows what a huge sook I am and how terrified of the endoscopy I am. So I have left it to the last minute.

Now not only am I terrified of that tube coming at me but I have a HUGE phobia of needles (I mean HUGE - I am so bad that I have thought very hard about some kind of therapy to overcome this fear I have - in fact I don’t think I have gone to therapy in case needles are a part of the cure!).

So smart me I did book an appointment with my Anaesthetist - for the actual surgery - to explain my phobia and to beg to be treated like a 5 year old with preop liquid and hand numbing cream (you think I’m joking right? nope!). BUT and this is a huge BUT - I did not even think about the Anaesthetist for the endoscopy.

So there I am trying to explain my fear of needles to him, while huge tears stream down my 37 year old cheeks. He was so lovely and he did not even laugh at me once, but he did explain that they had to prepare preop liquid and the cream to go on the back of my hands (which then has to sit for 20 minutes) so I had two choices..... I could go for it straight away (after all I was first on the list) OR I could wait for an hour and be last on the list. I plucked up the courage and said 'let’s do it now'. (After all I am an adult.... well I think he may debate this!)

The lovely Michael France was waiting for me with a really nice nurse and my Anaesthetist and I was... well I was hyperventilating.
The Anaesthetist and to me, and the nurse held my hand and Michael France seemed to be shocked at how scared I was. Of course when you get that scared what do your blood vessels do? The retreat! They shrivel up and hide... so the lovely Anaesthetist had to poke and prod to find a vein, and then he had to try a smaller needle as my veins had all shrunk and run away.... then....

Then I was awake again and it was all over! I had a slightly sore throat but that was it... easy for me (not so easy for the Anaesthetist!).

Ok Im officially panicking now, its so close and well quite frankly im scared!
Will this work?
Am I doing the right thing?
Will I regret this surgery?
Should I just bloody well eat and excrcise and get the weight off 'naturally'?
Will I wake up again?

Yep these are some of the thoughts going through my head right at this moment.... luckly I also have some great excited thoughts going theough my head too.... like

Wow this may be the last time I feel like shit!
This is the beginning of a weight loss programe I can stick to - cause I have to!
I am going to loose weight finally!
Now I can start the rest of my life!
I can get my goals reached!

So my final decision is that Im normal like everyone else, we all feel fear when we go into hospital - its only natural. I gues the difference is that this is an elective surgery and that can make it feel a little different, a bit more like I dont deserve it maybe?
Anyway whatever, the bottom line is Im am ready.

My surgey is on Wednesday and let me say it has come around very quickly, even though I have been waiting for over a year, the year has flown by.

So I guess all there is to say is goodbye to the old me and hello doctor!

ha ha ha

Ok so now I'm absolutly sh**ing myself! 
I go from being totally petrefied to being calm and syaing to myself "its fine, its just life changing surgey!"

But... what I am really afraid of? What if it does not work? Thats my big fear, what if I am still unable to control my way out of control eating habits?

I am booked in with the lovely Michael France on the 13th of February 2008 (thank goodness its not Friday the 13th or I would have to change the date! ha ha)

I am sooooooooo looking forward to my new tiny tummy, but I have to say that I am not the best at surgery.

Oh well.... wish me luck!

Ok my first post – here I go,

I am about to turn 36, in exactly 3 days I am going to be 36, not really 40, but way passed 30! I am in age limbo – and I’m too fat to fit under the limbo bar!

‘Fat?’ I hear you say? Well yes I am, and you would think that I would be used to it by now, but… nope… not even close.

I have been fat for years, all my life really, well except for that one time I starved myself for half a year and got down to 60 kilos…. I looked fantastic, hooked myself a fiancé, then it all went back to pear shaped land.

Stress and food, food and stress, they seem to be a marriage made in heaven.

I often here my family say ‘well she loves her food’ (at least this is better than the old fav ‘its just baby fat’ which they said until I was 24!) but the truth is I don’t really love my food all that much.

What I love is the feeling of being full, that comfortable cuddle that food gives your emotions. It feels like a safety net, that constant feeling of warmth.

Well unfortunately that ‘cuddle’ that food has given me is now starting to reach up and strangle me instead!

I am getting aches and pains and my blood pressure is on the way up and well I have a history of ‘fat’ diabetes (as I like to call it) and obesity related cancers in my family.

Soooooooooooooooooooooo

Now what?

I can not think of a diet I have not tried, (well actually I never ever did do the ‘Grapefruit Diet’ – but I WOULD have if I could stomach eating a grapefruit).

My first diet was when I was 8 (probably was still baby fat at this stage!), and from that age on I have been on one diet or another OR I have been in the ‘idontcarewhatpeoplethinkofmeIamgoingtoeatwhatthehellIlike’ stage.

Both stages were not very healthy for me.

(Btw I deal with everything in my life with a smile on my face and a sense of humour – I am in NO WAY trying to insult any other person’s point of view or make light of the fact that being overweight is a very serious issue – it’s just how I deal)

 

So now here I am considering weight loss surgery, I never ever thought I would think about surgery, but here I am – considering it – well I have even gone a little further than that… I have picked a procedure and a Doctor!

I have even had my first appointment.

 

I must say though I am a bit sick of the lovely helpful people that are in my life that say – all you need to do is eat less and exercise more – well blow me over with a feather is that all you have to do? Well thank goodness they came along with their advice because I had never heard that before – and its so simple – so I wonder how come if its that simple and I am a well educated individual and in fact most of the modern world is educated –well – why are we all getting fatter?

 

Food is an addiction, same as smoking, same as alcohol (again this is personal view), if I could just kick the habit I WOULD NOT BE FAT!

 

Anyway my weight is now 89 kilos (and my Doctor called me a ‘lightweight’ today – best compliment I have had in years) and I waver between liking myself and despising my body.

 

I am now in the 'should I?' or 'shouldn’t I?' scenario; tune in next month to see where that little indecision leads me!