Rachelena

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Well the lawyer has drawn up the papers and the insurance company has send out my approval.... I am off to sign away the papers. Out comes the band... My first step towards a new beginning!! I am looking forward to this new me!

I have to first shed the old me,.. the old me ho feels like a failure even though she knows logically it isnt so. The old me who has been defined by her band for the last 2 years, 3 months and 19 days.... I have forgot what life was like before my band. I forgot what it was like to eat "normally" (by this I don't mean portions I mean without anxiety that the food wont go down).

So off I go to the surgeon to finalize my divorce from the band... I am contnt with my decission and I am never looking back! Full speed ahead. Thank you friends for supporting me through this rough time in my life!

I always swore I would be married to my band for life. If it slipped id get a new one... In sickness and in health til Death do us part... Well here I am... My band is coming out Tuesday... and... I want a divorce. They say a marriage ends when all your good memories are outweighed by the bad ones... well lap band, here are my memories of you...

~ Waking up way to soon from surgery not being able to breathe
~ Gaining 5 lbs the day I started Mushies
~ Losing 45lbs my first year of marriage to you
~ The cold war... I refused to give up but you refused to reciprocate my efforts
~ The makeup sex, where I lost another 30lbs
~ The straw that broke the camels back and enflamed my esophagus...

Well my darling, I refuse to let you control my anciety for a moment longer. I refuse to let you not allow me to eat solid food, or mushie food for that matter. I refuse to not get to goal, and I refuse to stay in this loveless relationship where I continuously give and you continuously throw it back out of my face... So thank you for all of out memories, some good some bad..... I hope you can find happiness in the future with your new lovers :0)

Im sooo stressed out.... Freaking out is more like it... over 2 years later, still over 300lbs miserable and feeling like a failure. I know logically my band failed me. It never matter how much I chewed my food, how many fills or unfills i had, whether it was the first bite or the last... it always ended the same... I can;t live like this another day! I can't wait to not throw up anymore. I cant wait to start living again. I am scared to be alone again, I am scared I will never have children. I am scared the surgery will kill me. I am just scared of the unknown period...

Thanks for letting me rant.
To the newbies out there... please don't get scared by my post... I am sure I am not the norm as I have many many friends who have had bands and been super successful!!! I wish you all luck on your journey!! 

In love and In need of much support,
Rachel

This weekend my mom sat me down for one of her famous "we have to talk"  speaches. The talk of course, was her begging me , litteraly, begging me  not to have the sleeve. The phrases she used were,
"Try weight watchers with me ONE MORE TIME" (Yea because I haven't done that 20 times already, oh and it worked sooo well all those times.)
"What if YOU FAIL again" (because I have the band and "ONLY" lost 80lbs! Thanks for the vote of confidense mom!)
"You know this is serious, you could DIE!" (I''ll die faster from being FAT)
"This isn't reversible, this is REAL life (Thanks mom I am well aware that I am 25 have no kids and no career due to my weight and that I would have to put off kids for another 18months post op, and now you are asking me to wait even longer to try WW with you again!!! F*CK NO!)

As she was talking I had a sudden urge to jump up and scream STFU!!! STFU!!! STFU!!!!
then I realized it was my mom so That really was't an option. My next inclination was to  but then I realized I like my hair so I resorted to

I went through this nonsense with her with the band, I know I am gonna have my sleeve anyways, just don't know how to get her to knock it off. Its worse this time around. Her all time convo closer was.... "IF WEIGHT WATCHERS DOESNT WORK IN A MONTH, I WILL PERSONALLY TAKE YOU TO THE SURGEON!!"

Not for nothing mom, but thats a big fat 400lbs lie!!!!! You should get it the band!!! So this way it can puke up 10 times a week too!! Grrr Im so agry! Can you tell?? Why cant the woman just be supportive???

THANKS FOR READING :-)

It has been a looooong time since I have updated my blog on here.  I need to get back on track. I did really well this past summer but I messed up my shoulder and my ankle and stopped working out. I have gone back to the gym after a 5 month break and I have gained 15lbs. Im miserable but I am determined to make it work. Any tips or tricks you could give me would be amazing. 

Thank you all for your love and support. 
Rachel

I have to say I have been really frustrated.  I have been doing all the right things. I have been eating well (1000 - 1200 calories). working out  4x - 5x a week for a minimum of an hour, with a minimum of 30 minutes of high intensity cardio. I have been drinking my water. I have been getting in more than enough protein. I have been attending and running support groups. I have been doing all the right things and the scale has not budged. In fact, thats not true I gained 2 lbs!!!! What the heck!!!!! I felt like I was running into a brick wall!

So...I stepped up my game in the gym. I have been trying to increase my cardio from 30 minutes to 60 minutes.

Well... this morning I stepped on the scale and low and behold I have lost 5.6lbs!!!!!!

So aside for my ranting and hopes for praise lol I wrote this to give hope to anyone whos at a stall. Trick your body. Change it up a little.  Eat a little less protein shake a little more meat. Workout an extra 15 minutes a day. Do a different type of exercise. Everntually you will get on the scale and be blown away like I was this morning! 

 To our success,
          Rachel

It has been a while since I posted to my blog... So much is going on lately that I am swamped!

Firstly, I am graduating with my Bacheors in Social Work May 21st! I am soo excited I dont know what to say. I have one more year of schooling then I will have my masters! I hope to open a private practice and counsel out of my home on a sliding scale of course. I want to work with bariatric patients and people suffering from addictions. I guess because I am part of the club it is my passion! If you know of any clients... lol

Secondly, I have been going to the gym like a feind! I LOVE THE GYM!!! I can tbelieve I can say that and mean it. I just see myself getting stronger every day at the gym. Today I was able to do 30 minutes on the eliptacle!! 6 weeks ago I couldnt do 30 seconds with out my knees giving out. I also did 20 minutes on the cybex arc trainer thingie. 6 weeks ago I could only do 2! I have been able to walk 1.5miles in 33 minutes! I am buring an average of 600-800 calories a day at the gym and loving every minute! 

Lastly, I have started a support group. I have stuck with it and gone through the training and finally got approved for a meeting place here on Long Island. My groups first meeting is April 23rd! I have so much to prepare for! I have to get fliers made for the events in May and write up a mission statement and on opening speech. I am so nervous but so excited. For the first time I feel filled with purpose and I am motivated to succeed! Without OH I might never have done this soThank you to my new found friends for life! 

<3 Rachel

Hi all,


I wanted to officially let everyone know that Heather and I have decided on a name for our group... POSE LI!!
Post Ops Supporting Eachother on Long Island.... What do you all think???

Also, I need everyones address please so we can secure a home for our meetings and anounce our first date! We are so excited and we hope you all are too!

Any feedback, advice, comments and ideas are always appreciated.
Remember, this is OUR group not mine or Heathers! 
Be active!
To our success! 
Rachel and Heather

 I am coming up  on my one year surgiversary and so much has changed... My biggest change of all is my love for the gym. for the past 3 weeks i have been hitting the gym 5 days a week for 60 mins minimum. I love the treadmill and the resistance machines and people have started to tall me they see a difference since i started going woohoo! 

Now here is my question... We are supposed to intake 1000-1200 calories a day. Being that i go to the gym and burn an avge of 600 calories each day should i be eating more like 1800 calories? or should i stick to the 1200? I know when you work out you are supposed to eat more as a non surgery person is it the same for us? 

Now for my recent NSVs!!!
1. i got clothes from a friend and fit my big butt into a size 28P jeans from the Avenue!!! a few months ago I couldn't buy a size 30 there when I was already wearing 28 in Old Navy!!!

2. Tuesday I walked 1.54 miles in 40 minutes on the treadmill... Thursday I did 1.50 miles in 35 minutes!!!! and burned 600 calories doing it!!!

3. Just the fact that I have been going to the gym so regularly is a NSV for me!!!

4. I can smile when I look in the mirror!!!!

5. For the first time ever I met my excersize goal!!!






I feel good and I can walk... I have never been so happy!!! Looking forward to my 1 year appointment on Wednesday!

I joined the gym last night and just home from 1 hour and 45 minutes at the gym!
I did 5 minutes on this machine i dunno what its called and 25 minutes on the treadmill then a 1 hour circuit around the gym and 5 minutes in the tanning salon!  So total activity time was prob like  75 minutes but ill take it!

I am challenging myself to work out for 40 minutes a day for the next 23 days until my ONE YEAR BANDIVERSARY!  
This will total 1000 minutes - the 100 I did today and yesterday and Friday. Any motivation would be great but I hope to lose 10-15 lbs before my 1 year is up! good luck to me!!!

Rachel