Rachelena

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

 I just opened my email from the America Cancer Society and read that Obama is raising the federal taxes on cigarettes from $.39 to $1 in hopes that this will prevent people from buying cigarettes and especially our youth.... 

Oy Vey Pres Obama. OPEN YOUR EYES and get a damn education! They are projecting this $.69 increase will cut down smoking 20%.... They are saying this will help deter the poor from buying cigarettes and ultimately boost our economy. Obviously Obama has no clue about anything in the field of addictions. 

Addicts are not going to stop buying cigarettes because they are too expensive! We have an addiction! If I had 10 bucks in my pocket and I had the choice between eating today and a pack of cigarettes which one do you think I would chose...... If you guessed eating then you don't really understand the power of addiction either. 

Am I aware that my husband and I spend $360 dollars a month on smokes.... of course! I am also well aware that it is complete insanity! But seriously I am not going to stop smoking because it is going to cost me an extra 40 bucks a month! Come on!!! I am already spending almost $400... $40 is not going stop me. 

Putting it into perspective.... $400 a month... that is a new car payment... 2 months away from the couch I want... a nice vacation once a year maybe even twice. I could use $400 a month to pay some bills... put food in the fridge... the good healthy kind of course. Join the gym... Even get a personal trainer... Pay for Chantix... FOR 2!!! These are reasons I might consider quitting... But not for $40!!!!! 

So thank you Mr. President for making the poor addicts poorer. For giving me more stress than I need and for not being educated about addiction!

GRRRRRRR
Rachel

PS.... sorry if i sound angry or rude in this post. It should probably be on the rants and raves forum but i dont feel like dealing with the bull on there. Please feel free to ignore it not read it or answer it... but again before responding realize Im just angry and bitter at myself and in total denial of my addiction and slow death. I can give you 100 reasons why i cant quit right now but I know they are all bull sh*t... so spare me from lectures. Thanks for being understanding. I am not going to lite up...

I am loooooving this game!!!

I am really out of shape so I cant really so more than 15 minutes at a time just yet but I will get there!
I did 3 segments of 15 minutes last night..All Cardio.

This morning I am feeling it a little but Its a good burn right?
Off to do another 15 minutes!

Have a great day all!
 

I just got home from the surgeons office... I now have 2.6cc in a 10cc band...
I had half of a protein shake for breakfast and I am already feeling the restriction! Thank G-d for that!

I actually Saw Dr. Geiss today!! I havent seen him since the week after my surgery. He rarely sees patients post-op. I guess due the craziness in the office today he had to. Well anyways. He weighed me and I hadn't lost anything since me last visit 3 weeks ago. I am a little disspointed about that! I need to get back on track!!

Well let me be more specific... I thought I was on track! I had a long talk with the PA Deidra and she cleared a few things up for me... Firstly. I was getting in the majority of my protein via EAS protein shakes for the last two weeks. I was drinking 2 17oz protein shakes with 42g of protein per box. Thought that was a good thing... WRONG. She told me i shouldn't have more than 20-30g of protein per meal. Any more than that because I do not work out fanatically my body doesn't use so it is a waste. Ok, makes sense... I have to change that.

Myth number two... The protein shakes witht he 42g of protein is 17oz... I didnt know if we did a liquid meal it was only supposed to be 10oz. I thought it was based on calories when we had a liquid meal... Have to change that too.

Myth number three in my head... For some reason I dont measure my food. I eat until I am full... Well hello stupid! I figured my body would just tell me when I am full and that would be it... Well, I guess that may have been me just being stubborn. I mean seriously 6-8oz of food is NOTHING. With my new found restriction I think I will be able to do this. Just have to buy a food scale. If anyone  has an extra one let me know. Thanks!

So now that I feel a little better about all this I am going to try really hard to be more acountable this month. I feel motivated and restricted all at the same time. Both in a good way! 

B: Protein shake 10oz.
L:
D:

Will update the food later.

I lost another 2lbs i think. I am going to wait to log the actual weight til I see the surgeon tomorrow.

I got my butt to the gym todya and did a curcuit and 2 miles ont eh bike. I feel productive!

Food:
B: Skipped
L: baked Chicken Fingers
D: Salad

 

Well after my weekend from hell and some support from great friends, I have decided I can not dwell on what happened. It is my brothers loss if he wants nothing to do with me. I am here when and if he is ever ready.

Moving forward.... I am excited to start going to the gym again tonight. I have been walking with my hubby but I want to get into the gym, and get some cardio done.

I am starting the 5 day pouch test and on liquids today. I will keep you all updated as to how it goes.
Looking forward to weighing in this week :-)

Well I got home from NC at 2am this morning. I did nto log my food for the past two days so here goes....

Monday
B: Slim Fast High Protein Shake
S: Doritos and Sugar Candy
L: Bojangles 2 Chicken fingers and a Biscuit
S: More Sugar candy
D: Slim Fast Shake Turkey Chilli and Whole Weat Pasta (half a serving)
S: More sugar Candy

Sugar kept me away while I was on the road for 18 Hours yesterday.... This week needs to be better

Tuesday
B: Low Fat Sting Cheese
L: Low Fat String Cheese
D: 12 Buffalo Wings

Ok not as bad as yesterday but I have to say I slept ALLLL day. I got home at 2am and slept til 7pm only waking up to Potty and Eat.... Pathetic... I want to start the gym today....
 

B: Coffee
L: Chineese Eggplant
S: 1 Scoop of Ice cream
D: Slim Fast Shake (High Protein one)

Drinking Special K Protein water today :-) 
Ok.. Sunday,I am still with my family. I can not lie. This was the most depressing trip of my life. I am on my road to recovery and this weekend has really made me understand why I am the way I am. I feel like na outsider in my own family, Like I am not wanted. My brother who I was most excited to see (secretly), did not say more than 10 words to me all weekend. My sister told me he was in a place where he was wanting to rebuild his relationships. I was hoping to be part of the process. I guess he still wants nothing to do with me. I am so hurt. I want to finish both gallons of Ice cream in the freezer. I want to smoke myself stupid. I just want to cry. I feel so lost and lonely here without my husband.

Today my brother bought my grandmother a digital photo frame and all the grandkids uploaded pictures, except me. My sister had one picture of me and my husband which she uploaded but when she asked me if I wanted to upload any pics I said no. I didn't feel like i belonged on there. The last time I saw my grandmother was at my wedding over 3 years ago!! I just want to cry but I can't because I am afraid someone will see. I am afraid someone will know I am hurting. I have always been a strong person but its not because I am truly strong it is because I am too afraid to let anyone see me weak. I wont even allow my husband to see me in a vulnurable state. I just feel like shit and it is still Sunday... All day long!

I hate blogging when I am being bad... but I have to!!

B: Protein Shake
    Venti White Mocha
    1/2 of a Bluberry Muffin
S: Biscuit (2) and fries
L: Protein Shake (EAS Shakes are GOOOD!)
S: Bean Dip and Chips
D: 2 Slices of Pizza


Hoping for a better day tomorrow! I will get there! I know I will!
I HAVE TO!

I am not getting weighed because I know I gained and if I have to see the 350+ numbers again I am going to be ready to give up. So for my own damn sanity I am skipping weight watchers. I am in NC with my family and I am being bad! I will start fresh when I get home on tuesday. I go for a fill in 10 days!!! THANK G-D!!!!

B: Protein Shake
    1 tsp Peanut Butter
L: 4 Bites of a Wopper and 8 Onion Rings
S: 1/2 a sleeve of Pringles
D: 2 Protein Bars and a liter of water.

I have been driving allll day! DAMN!!! What is wrong with me! When you fail to plan you plan to fail. I forgot how much I love to eat and drive. I was having that Burger King itch today and I can not lie. I scrached it. Uch and those damn Pringles. What was I thinking! Oh well. Now it's out there! I have to be acountable. I know the scale is not going to tip in my favor. grrrrrrrr....

The drive isn't over yet either. Im heading down to North Carolina. Thank G-d for my sister! She is on a diet so she packed all healthy snacks for tomorrow's drive down. Well, its 1:21 am and I need to get up at 5:00 am. Time for bed. Night all!!

 

B: Coffee
L: Stuffed Flounder with spinnach and yellow rice
S: 2 Hershey kisses
D: Tomato Soup