Rachelq

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As I come upon my 3 year surgery anniversary, I’m not sure what to say. It seems so long ago that I had this surgery, but in the scheme of life, it is a drop in the bucket of the years I dealt with obesity. Even still, it is no longer in the fore front of my daily existence. I no longer feel like a bariatric surgery patient…which I am not sure is a good thing, but it is what it is.

So where am I now? Still struggling with weight gain. I’m 15lbs over my lowest and 10lbs over my second year average. I’m in a size 10 (snug) and Large or extra large top. But my weight has seemed to stabilize here.  I’m still trying to drop 10lbs though, just because I’m afraid if I’m not trying to LOSE weight, I’ll GAIN weight. I hate that my weight is still constantly on my mind…but it (also) is what it is.

I go through cycles of good and bad with my vitamins. Generally, I’m on top of my hydration though. At my second year follow-up, my blood work was fantastic. I’m doing better this year with vits, so I think my 3 year blood work will be ok as well. I’ll let ya know if there is a problem.

The best thing going on here is my commitment to exercise. At my highest weight, I was no longer able to exercise. Heck, regular walking was a chore. My feet hurt all the time and I would sweat just standing still. I love being able to move my body again, and I show that appreciation by working out regularly. Until recently, I was working in a gym. I changed job, so getting my workouts in will be more of a challenge, but I’m not worried.

So would I recommend this surgery…still no…it’s a very personal choice. Would I do it again? Yes. I wish I had another option though. The fact that I forever changed what God gave me still doesn’t sit well with me. Time will tell the consequences of my decision.

So that’s it! Hope everyone else is doing well!

10/2006 - well lets see. I'm at the 2.5 year mark. I've gained four more pounds in the last 6 mos. But I'm not as freaked about it as I was. I liked looking thinner, but honestly, my weight has stablized. I'm finding it pretty easy to maintain 152. Plus the wrinkly skin of my boobs and inner thighs is gone. So I'm 13lbs up from my lightest post op weight. 7lbs over my average post op weight after 8 mos., and 3 lbs under my surgeon's goal weight. Let's see if I can hang in there.

I'm still a fitness trainer and love working out. Haven't trained for another run in a while and need to do so.

I've had a pain in my upper left abdominal area for a while (like over a year). It started out feeling like trapped gas and for the last few months it would go from that to feeling like a stitch. Then a few times it was so painful I was doubled over with pain.

My surgeon felt it may be an internal hernia. I write this because, apparently its becoming a common problem with Lap RNYer's. They are finding that there is a little peice of left over intestine that with open, used to scar over on its own (due to the overt amount of scaring witht he open rny procedure). Well, with the less invasive Lap Rny there isn't as much abdominal scaring so a little pouch remains that collects fluid and food. when it fills up, you feel pain. Also, when you press on the area, you feel bubbles.

Anyway, I had an upper and lower gi and, though my surgeon hasn't seen the xrays. the Doc that did it says my surgery area looks good. So hmmm??? We shall see what's up.

That's about where I am right now. I'll continue to keep you posted.

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4/27/2006 -Wow, so two years out…what can I say. THIS IS SO MUCH HARDER THAN I EVER EXPECTED! Okay, got that of my chest.

So, what I can say is this:
First, thank you to my OH family. With out this board and the support I have received from the people on this board, I would not be where I am today.

Where am I today? Living a life that, 3 years ago, I would not have thought possible. I was 37 and sick three years ago. HBP, sleeping with a cpap, severe edema, high cholesterol, my feet ached every day, my knees would give out with out any notice. I was in a size 22 at 5’4”.

So again, where am I today? Healthy and a size 8/10. That was my goal all along…to gain my health back. All my co-morbids – gone! My feet NEVER hurt. I can run, play with my kids and be a wife to my husband. I’ve run a half marathon, I work at a gym, I’ve lead two nutrition classes. And on and on.

So you might wonder what is so hard about that? I’m only bout 4lbs heavier than I was this time last year, and about 10lbs heavier than my all time low (which didn’t last long). Yet, I’m still healthy. The scary part is that I’m not in control.

If you asked me why I was morbidly obese 3 years ago, I would have told you I don’t really know. I know I’ve tried everything and nothing is working for me. And I meant that with all of my heart and soul. I WAS WRONG. I am deeply and astonishingly addicted to food. Facing my demon everyday has proven to be a daunting task. Some days I feel up for the challenge, and others, I’m defeated before I am even aware that the battle is on.

Now this doesn’t mean that I’m eating junk food all the time, or cooking up unhealthy meals. For the most part I eat healthfully. It’s the shear quantity of food I eat. And it’s the feeling eating (or perhaps fullness) gives me. It is the fact that if my stomach is even slightly empty I get agitated…really reminds me of an addict needing a fix.

A little background to my issues with eating. I have a history of abuse, emotional, physical and sexual. It was a tough life for a young, attractive girl. Eating and weight gain gave me an escape. I went through years of therapy for it and I truly am a new person. I actually lost all of my weight in my early/mid twenties and didn’t put it back on till I had kids in my thirties.

So why then I’m I still struggling with food. The answer was handed to me in my last support group meeting (Thank you Lisa P for asking the question). Picture your self at the top of a hill. Bad habits run along one side and good on the other. Well for all of the years of protecting myself with food and weight, I rolled along the bad side of the hill forming DEEP grooves with my repetitive behavior. So even though many things have changed in my life…the ‘grooves’ of my bad habits are still there and make it really easy for me to roll down that path again.

So my goal now is to make new ‘grooves’ on the good habit side of my hill. How? With a reliance on God, with lots of help and with an understanding that I am worth the effort.

Thank you for being there in the past and in the future!




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3/22/2006 - Hi all! I know when I first started considered WLS, I went through peoples profiles with a fine tooth comb. So at two years out, I wanted the first thing you read on my profile to be my impression of WLS as it stands now. 2 years away from the desparation of morbid obesity, several years away from researching and struggling to get my surgery approved, more than a year away from the excitement of losing, 2 years into the reality of my new life. This is hard. I'm putting weight back on (but fighting not to like I've never fought before).

Here is a recent post to someone inquiring about surgery:
Hi,
Having this surgery is such a personal choice; I would never recommend it to anyone. I will, however, tell you my personal experience.

I had my surgery on April 27th 2004 (we'll be surgery date buddies ). I researched for about 2 years (and fought for it for another year), found a pcp that would refer me to the surgeon I wanted. I didn't kid myself about the possible outcome. I wrote 'just in case' letters to all of my family including my 3 and 7 year old boys. I figured I had to be able to justify my decision to them to be sure I had thought it all through...I was willing to take the calculated risk to get my health (and life) back.

Had my surgery...very little pain (but I was prepared for a lot after watching lots of other post opers go through it first). Quick recovery. Lost about 90lbs in 8months (that was more than my surgeon predicted i would lose)...struggled to lose another 13lbs. But through a very rigorous workout routine (marathon training, weight lifting, biking, tennis) I lost about 103 pounds and weighed about 137 at my lowest.

I struggled with 10lbs going between 137-147. Now at almost 2 years out, I'm not struggling with the 10lbs, I own them. I'm now struggling between 147 and 150 (I'm 5'4 and have about 33% body fat to give you an idea of where I am fitness wise). I still have a good workout routine, but boy, when they say they operate on your stomach and not your head...they aren't kidding. It's been really frustrating lately. I know some people think..."but look how far you've come"..."you still look great"..."your still in size 8", etc. But it's not about that, its about facing the eating habits that made me morbidly obese and realizing this is my last chance to figure it out. There is no WLS on the horizon for me.

All that being said, for me, I'm happy I had the surgery. I was getting really sick...out of control blood pressure, apnea, edema, high cholestoral...etc. Now I have no comorbids. It is scary that I don't have my eating under control, but I still feel i have a fighting chance.

So that's the good and bad.

Good luck to you and best wishes,
Rachel


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...In the beginnig...

12/2003 I recently got an approval for a gastric bypass evaluation from Cigna. Would you know my husband's work changed insurances...now I'm with Blue Cross CA Care-HMO.

I decided to change doctors (even though I didn't need to.) I just didn't feel like I was getting support...it took 1 year and a lot of tears (as well as an appeal process) to get my evaluation ref.

My new doctor seems great and supportive of my goal. She is submitting my referal after 1 visit! Yeah!

Wish me luck.
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1/25/04 - I want to first say thank you to the people that emailed me. It is great to know there are people out there routing for me.

As of tomorrow it will be 3 weeks since I met with my pcp and I still don't have an answer about my consult referral. The medical group says they are still reviewing my coverage (I'm new to BC as of this year). Trying to stay positive though. Called my Dr and they call the med group. should have an answer tommorrow.

Thought I update you on why I've elected to do this...I'm 38, mother of 2, 230lbs and 5'4. I was diagnosed with HBP and apnea in 2003. I have a family history of HBP, Diabetes, stroke...etc. My brother just had a stroke at 48...I knew had had to do something once and for all.

I really struggled with my first pcp. Not only was she not supportive, she was insulting. The sad thing is that I took her inappropriate treatment, becasue my weight was really making feel like a failure. However, getting an approval for a consult from an appeal letter I sent on my own really empowered me to move forward without this "so called" doctor.

My new pcp has been great so far. Hopefully I be posting good news later on this week!

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1/26/04 - Just found out I got me referral for a consult with Dr. LePort in Fountain Valley, CA. My orientation is Feb 12. Never have I felt such elation and fear at the same time. I'm excited to be on the road to the old, active me! When I called LePort's office, Dee Dee reviewed my comorbities with me. To my HBP and Apnea she said, "Oh good". This would be the only time I would agree with that statement. Till February!

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2/6/04 Going a bit stir crazy waiting for my orientation, so I thought I'd post more about myself. I have been filling out my orientation packet. This is the first time I've really pieced together my diet history. I know I've tried a lot...but yeesh! I have had 4 weightloss docs in the last 7 years!

So anyway, my journey starts with my culture. My family is from Mexico, I'm first generation here in the U.S. So, I've been eating high calorie foods all my life. I was an active kid though, so I ranged from a little chubby to average weight.

I developed early. Started wearing a bra when I was 9. The physical changes made me feel fat, and I discovered dieting at 12. By the time I was 15 I was 5'4" and 100lbs...really skinny for a big boobied girl.

I started getting a lot of attention from boys...which was hard for me because I have a history of sexual abuse. On came the lbs. By 18 years I was 135lbs. By 20 - 210lbs.

I moved out to my own apartment (no roomate) at 23 and started my first weight lost journey. I lost 80lbs on "the slim fast plan". It took a year, but I kept it off for 8 years! My strategy was that I didn't allow once stitch of food in my house and I exercized alot (because I had a lot of free time-no kids then).

Then I got pregnant at 32 and gained every ounce back. With in a year I got back down to 150...but it didn't stay off. My marriage was in tatters for various reason...but the obvious soar thumb was my weight...so it became to hub of all our fights. Feeling insecure...the weight kept piling on. This time around...slim fast didn't seem to work for my body any more and I discovered protein power! But boy was I hungry...so I also discovered phen/fen. How liberating! I wasn't hungry for the first time I could remember. With out the hunger pangs...none of my emotional eating buttons would get pushed and I could control my diet easily. The problem is, after about 3 weeks of phen and not sleeping well, I would start to spazz!

...but the cycle of loss/gain and Phen/sleep went on till my second pregancy...shall we add another 30lbs. This time taking off the lbs. seemed impossible. I'd lose 20...gain 25...over and over. I also found that I couldn't diet w/out phen. I also felt physically horrible. My ankles would literally give out under me, my shoulders were killing me, I would get winded easily, etc.

Regardless of my weight I had always been a physically active person with a good workout routine. I even ran a 26.2 mile marathong and several 1/2's. (sure I'm the only human being that ever gained 15lbs training for a marathon...no it wasn't all muscle...but I did it! Now I get winded walking from the couch to the fridge.

I was always exhausted too...so I went to the doc in 2003 and found that my bp was out of control. Now my doc was not at all sympathetic to my weight issues...and discussing the possilbity of surgery turned into the battle of the wills for about 1 year. I'll save those details for another post! But anyone that has an unsupportive doctor...get out now! You won't change their minds. But I finally got my witch doctor to refer me for an apnea test...and low an behold...I now sleep with a cpap.

Then the final straw came when my brother had a stroke at age 48. My entire family is obese. My father, mother, brother, grand parents, aunts, uncles...are diabetic. We have hbp and artheritis in the family. My mom had a stroke in her 40's as well.

I decided once and for all to have this surgery...my bmi was 37 at the time (39 now)...but with hbp and apnea, edema, etc. (along with my family history) I figured it was life for death!
Forced my doc to turn in the paperwork...which she sent in with just my bmi...ugghhh....of course I was denied a consult. So I appealed on my own and got my referral the last week of December 2003...then my insurance changed on Jan 2004. I knew it was going to, but getting the referal from my doctor became a matter of principle!

That brings us back to doe. I have a new insurance and a new doctor and an orientation set for 2/12/04...wish me luck. By the by...my husband finally accepted me for me...though our sex life is pretty much on hold (weight and cpap...not too sexy). He's simply not that physically attracted to me. We talk about it very openly. We kiss a lot and hold hands, and are great partners in parenting. I miss the intimacy..but honestly my libido is zero right now...but that's another fish to fry later!

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2/14/04 Happy V-Day. I had my consult yesterday. I was surprised that I learned a few new things (I've been researching for a year). I think I was most shocked by the diet restrictions. It didn't dawn on me that I may never get to eat aparagus again...snikers bars - I expected...asparagus?

Anyway, there was a girl in the lobby that had been researching the surgeons in my office since Sept. She's gone to all the support group meetings and has visited a lot of her new friends during their hospital stay. She says that Dr. Chin does excellent work! I told her I'd narrowed my decision to Ali. She said he was nearly as good. She was a wonderful person. I wish I got her name!

I'm no closer to knowing if I'm going to be approved though. During the seminar, Dede (the works for Lite Dimensions) said having a CPAP was almost a guarantee, but then she also said most insurances are looking for 6 mos. medically supervised diet now (within the last year). My last doctor diet was a phentermine doctor. I went to them Sep to Nov. 2001. Then I switched to getting meds over the internet (a lot cheaper and really my phen doc wasn't doing much for me). So I turned in my medical docs along with a receipt from my internet doc. I just said I'd lost contanct info for the doc (the script only has the pharmacy name).

Oh the other great? thing is their scale weight me in at 234.5 and my waist to hip was better (in wls terms) than I'd indicated.

I figured if I have to appeal, I will turn in my med records from 2003-2004. I had seen my doctor so many times about my weight. I couldn't get her to budge! She did finally send me to a one day nutrition class. Of course, after 20 years of dieting, I could teach the class my self (even the nutritionist said so).

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2/25/04 Well I can't believe it. I got my approval for surgery on the first try. After a year of struggeling just to get a consult, it is amazing how fast the approval process went. I can't ever process it yet...I'm releived, but numb. Lite Dimensions hasn't received it yet. Monarch gave me the number they faxed it to on 2/19. It was sent to the 'big' fax were 'everything' goes. So DeDe is going to look for it. Can't move forward with a date until they have the approval form in hand. I'm cool with waiting now that the we jumped the big hurdle. I have my Doc Talk tomorrow night.

For anyone wondering how the process went for me. I have blue cross HMO - Monarch is my Health Care Group. Went to my PCP and they put the referral through to monarch. Monarch approved the initial consult. Lite Dimensions sent me a packet of info to fill out. I brought that along with a compilation of info I'd pulled together to my consult. My personal packet included my Height/Weight/Waist to hip ratio statistics. My sleep study report. My co-morbids and treatments. Other medical issues (joint pain, winded, incontinence, etc). I also inclued family history of diabetis, HBP, Apnea, obesity, etc. I inlcluded med records from my last doc diet (it was 2 years ago) and all of my diet history since I have been obese. I also inlcuded a "photo journal" showing my gain and loss patterns...I figured they can't deny I've been trying if they see it in front of their eyes. Monarch approved me for surgery one week later!

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3/01/04 Hi...nothing new happening here. Just looking for something to do while I wait for the surgeons office to call. My surgery was approved 2/19 and I still haven't heard from Lite Dimensions unless I have initiated the call. I went to my Doc Talk and support group meeting on Thursday. I found out that Lite Dim. now has my paperwork...and Wendy is to schedule my surgery. I managed to get a face to face with Wendy and she promised to call me first thing Friday morning. I ended up leaving her a message around 3pm Friday...but no call back. Now here it is Monday...and still nothing. I called and left a message for Wendy again 2 hours ago. I've got a really small window of when I can take time off of work and I'm getting super ancy about waiting. My hubby also ok'd me to get live in help for the first month after my surgery and I want to get that ball rolling to. Ok...Venting session over.

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03/02/04 It is official. I have a date. April 27, 2004. WOW! I got a hold of the surgery coodinator first try today! YeeHaaw!

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3/8/04 Thought I would update. I'm sooo excited about my upcoming surgery...I've been wearing this silly grin since I found out..can't help it.

I have been busy compiling the questions for my surgeon. I see him next week. I have some pretty direct questions. Not just how many have you lost but why. Were any due to nicks in places were there shouldn't have been any? Those types of questions.

I have gotten most of my question from the message boards. The California board is the BEST! I have also got some of my questions from the Memorial page. CAUTION - do not go there unless you feel really strongly about the decision you made...I'm generally reduced to sobbing tears when I visit. But death is part of this reality..isn't it? I trust God has a plan for me. I am truly at peace with my decision.

I have also written short letters to my children and to my husband. I had to keep it short, because any more would be too painful. I love them so!

I've been doing protien bars for breakfast for the last several years...but I've upped my protien in take and I'm getting back to the gym. Just doing the treadmil though. My shoulder has been giving me trouble, so no weight lifting for me. I see a specialist this week.

I am a happy girl...giddy...giddy...giddy!

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3/15/04 OMG! I have been eating like a PIG lately. I have always maintained a generally healthy diet; I just ate big portions...well, ever since I got my date, I've been eating like people always assume obese people eat. I ate fast food EVERY DAY last week including fries (we have a saying in our house, 'Quigleys don't eat fries'. I had cake (it was my son's 3rd b-day..yeah), icecream, candy, chips...I even ate hot dogs...IT HATE HOT DOGS. The worst thing is I ate donuts...I would never consider eating donuts before! I feel like the hungry little catepillar (mom's of toddlers will know what I'm talking about). I've also been drinking a lot (and I don't mean water). I love Zima (I know...who buys Zima you ask? -- that would be me). I know I can't have it after surgery because of the carbonation, so I'm making up for time not lost yet! Ugghh! I feel sick! I see my surgeon tomorrow and I'm going to be so bummed if I have gained weight.

Ok...hopefully the public confession will help me get over this obsession. I bought protien shakes and bars...and I'm ready to take good care of myself. Surgey is a little over a month away and I'd like to be down to 220lbs before then...Just to know I'm in the best shape possible. I also need to stop this crazy eating because I'm dragging my poor toddler along and he's becoming a junk food junky...guilty guilty guilty.

I'll post more after my appt tomorrow.

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3/17 - I had my one on one with Ali yesterday. See surgeons comments at the end of my profile. I really like him :)

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4/10/04 - Well I am in my surgery month. I have a lot of post op stuff going on before my big day, 4/27. So far I have had a psyc eval...and passed! I have seen the cardiologist...and didn't get clearance. He wants me to take two more tests. I won't know if I have clearance until six days before surgery..ugh! I have had an upper Gi and Ultra sound. Not sure about the status here. I will call my surgeons office next week. I also found out I have an abcessed tooth. So I had a root canal yesterday...oh joy.

I have been going to my support group regularly. I have met the best people to share my journey with. It is amazing how bonding this experience is. I have also met terrific people on this site as well. I feel so blessed. I appointed myself unofficial angel to Mary Scott and I am officially an angel to Julee C.

Guess the count down is on! I will keep you posted :)

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4/25/04 - Well, after stressfull week of last minute pre-op, doctor surprises, blood work issues, finding a babysitter, etc. I am in a holding pattern. The only thing that can stop me now is if an emergency happens with my group or surgeon. Tuesday 4/27 is the day of yet another birth!

I can't believe how good I am feeling right now. I spent part of the weekend at an OH event and met many of my new friends in person for the first time. What fun and how motivating! I have worked so hard to get here. I have been so blessed throughout this journey (and humbled...if i could just remember to give it to God in the first place life would be a lot more peaceful).

Now I am getting choked up...I have made so many wonderful friends during this process. Dawn S, Louise C, Julee C, Sheryl, Mary, the Bolivers, Alli, Ms T, Judy - my hospital buddy to be. Oh, I know I am missing so many...how overwhelming this is! You have all been there for me. The Cali board, the April board, my support group. WOW! Praise God!

I especially want to tell you how wonderfully supportive my husband has been. I talk non stop about my surgery, my new friends, blah, blah, blah. Not only does he listen intently, he askes questions. Oh my husband...how I love you! I am looking so forward to returning to the woman I was when you married me.

I also want to say, for anyone reading this trying to decide what do to, or in case there are any complications. I'm going into this knowing the risks. I am at peace with whatever happens. That's not to say I want to leave my sweet little boys motherless, but I know I have to take the chance to be a better mother to them. If this is my time to go, I know we will be together again in heaven. They are blessed with the best father in the world. I am forever in awe of my husband and the father of my children. What a wonderful life I live.

Thank you to eveyone...much love and peace!

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5/7/04 Well, here I am; one and a half weeks post op. I can't beleive it! I can see my ankle bones...I had so much edema, I really didn't know I still had defined ankles. I figured like everything else, my weight obscured my ankle shape too. Well 17lbs later...there are my ankles.

I know my weightloss will slow down now that I have purged all of my water, but dropping almost 20lbs in one week is an exciting start.

I have to send big than you to DeDe at Lite Dimensions. She was there to visit and enourage everyday. Dr. Ali is as close to a god as one can get. Some of my incision just look like scratch marks already and I haven't needed any pain meds since day three. Stunning to me.

My energy is still low. I'm afraid to put too much in my new pouch, so I'm not eating enough...I know I'll get there though...just not pushing.

What else can a say...I am on my way...with all of my friends support here on OH, how can I fail? I received 30+ emails at the hopsital, my sugery page had so many wonderful sentiments, the phone calls, visits....Gosh, I get a lump in my throat.

On a stressfull note, my husband is going through some health issues. He is a private person, and would not appreciate me posting details, but if you are reading this, please pray for us.

Hugs to all!

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5/24/04 Well I received terrific news last week. My husband is just fine. I knew I was worried, but when I found out I cried and cried! It was such a relief. Thank you for the prayers

As for me, I'm 4 weeks tomorrow. I feel really good. Still a bit low on energy, but getting better everyday. I've been constipated a lot though. Called the doc for advice. Will keep you posted. I haven't weighed since my two week appt. I'm holding out till my six week, but my clothes are feeling a bit loser already (or should I say they are actually fitting. I was growing out of a 22 top).

My incisions looks like nothing more than scratch marks. I do have a little pain just under my left ribs...not sure what that's about...feels muscular though.

Anyway...no regrets!

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6/5/04 Well I had my six week appt (4 days early...I'm actually 5-1/2 weeks). I'm down 20lbs according to the surgeons office, but they don't have my final weight right. I had so many of those 'last meals' that I put on an additional 9lbs.

So total weighloss is 29lbs so far...I feel really good. A little too good sometimes. I can tolerate just about any type of food so far. Which kind of bums me out. I was hoping this surgery would force a little bit more disipline. But i can't eat very much at a time. I get hunger pangs only if I go too long without eating. (I used to always be hungry-starving in fact). I'm getting all of my protien and water in daily.

My bmi is now 36 which is great, yet bitter sweet. When I started this journey and year an half ago, my bmi was 36 with co morbidities. So now I am back to were I started. So I kind of look at this as the real starting point. And looking forward to getting past it. Can't wait to be back in the 100lbs range...just 10 more lbs to go!

I am so happy I did this. I'm looking forward to getting my workouts back up to speed.

Ta for now.

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6/21/04 Well I haven't updated a while. I'm happy to say that I went to see my PCP a few days after my six week! I AM OFFICIALLY OFF OF BLOOD PRESSURE MEDS!!!! It is like a miracle to me. I'm so elated! I can see me off of my cpap in the coming months and I can't wait. I don't really see the weightloss yet, but my clothes are definitely getting lose. Several people have told me that they can tell I've lost (but my insecurity tells me they're just being nice).

I had really bad problems with constipation. They took me off of iron and had me on colace for two weeks. That helped, but as soon as I was off of colace, the constipation came back. Now that I'm eating 'regular' food, its a lot better. I'm feeling like my old self in everyway.

I'm really looking forward to upping my work outs. My mother in law and nephew are visiting for three weeks, so I've just been walking when I can. I've also been drinking more than I should...mummy in law loves her wine. But I've been drinking one glass of water for every glass of wine. and i try to limit it to 2 glasses a night...sometimes three and also only every other day or more. Ok...confession over.

Ta!

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7/17 - Hi all. Well I decided to update because my AMOS friend Louise C posted about some pretty honest, not so great feelings she was having after WLS. So I decided to do some soul searching and think about any of the downsides of wls since having my surgery. I can tend to be a total polyanna (which is something I like about myself), but I thought it might help others to talk about some of the negative issues I have experienced thus far. (Though overall...I AM SO INCREADIBLY HAPPY I HAD THIS SURGERY...PRAISE THE LORD!)

1)The biggest down side is missing food. There are times I really just want a burger, or a pbj sandwich, or a snicker blizzard. The thing is (and in the long run it is a good thing...there's that polyanna again) even when I have given into temptation, you take that first bite and all the memories of eating that yummy food comes rushing back. Then, it hits your stomach and yuck. for me its like a big brick...and it takes my breath away...any bites there after, don't taste the same. So not only should I not eat some of the foods I love, I can't eat them. Its such a mentally weird thing to me. Its hard to explain, but there's a saddness in me when I know that the food that used to give me so much pleasure just isn't there anymore.

2)PMS - Well I haven't had a period in over 4 years...after surgery...its baaaack. And along with came extremly tender boobs and EXTREME head hunger. I find my self opening and closing cabinets and the fridge door looking to feed the pms monster...but there is nothing that is WLS suitable that fits the bill. And based on the paragraph above this one...none of the old food will do the trick either. How does one satiate the PMS monster now? Not to mention that having a period again sucks!

3)Having to time everything. I knew the diet restrictions were strict and that the water/food intake regime would be hard to get used to, but I was prepared for the challenge. Or so I thought. Then life happens and it is so hard to stay on schedule somedays.

4)Not drinking with meals. I really miss it. Nothing tastes the same.

5) and finally, and this is really hard to explain, but I'm having a hard time coming to terms with my self image. I have been thin, then fat, then fit, then fat...all of my life. After WLS my mind set is back to what it was when I was fit (again a good thing), so I feel good about myself and I feel a lot more confident. Then I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror or I see a picture of myself and I'm still fat. It almost takes me by surprise. The body is takes so long to catch up to the brain. Which is, from what I understand, the opposite of what most people feel. they lose weight, but still feel fat. I'm still fat, but feel thin.

So those are my biggest challenges that I wanted to share with you all. Even with all that, I thank God every day for this chance for a better life!

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7/27 - I went to for my 3 mo check up last week (a week early). I weighed 197.9. They didn't really say much becasue I didn't have any complaints. I told them I can't stretch my meals out beyond 1/2 hr. She told me I could stretch my pouch...that was about it.

So I weighed today (which I don't normally do). I weigh 196...the 200's are quickly becoming a distant memory.

I got really good news today. My friend (and now Angelette) Sheryl in San Clemente finally got approved for surgery...talk about a fight. I'm so happy for her!!!

Sheryl and me at the Maya Inn get together


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8/17/04 - I, along with Karaoke Nadine and Help Me Ronda, hosted and Obesity Help support group luau themed karaoke party (whew...that's a mouth full). What a turn out. It was such a pleasure and privilege to entertain all of the great friends that I have made here on the board. When I first offered my house for this get together, I thought 10 or 15 people would show up. Instead we had over 35 OH folks along with family and friends. Everyone seemed to have fun. I know I did! I'm so grateful to Nadine and Ronda for letting me join in on their idea. I'm also thankful that Valerie came over with two boxes of great decorations and then proceeded to decorate. There was so much food, drink, and merriment...not to mention singing, singing, singing. And I especially want to thank my husband, who bbq'd his little heart out. He was such a trouper. Till now, my OH friends have been this mythical part of my life to him. He was so happy to get to meet everyone!

In the mean time, I hit another milestone...the 1/2 century club. I've dropped 52lbs. I'm so fortunate to be at this point in my journey...the saga continues...





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9/9/04 Well I hit another milestone this month. I like to call it being at goal, because, afterall, this is why I had this surgery! ALL OF MY COMORBIDS ARE GONE!

I NO LONGER:
***Have severe edema (or any edema for that matter)
***Take blood pressure meds
***and (Do you hear the majestic horns blowing???)SLEEP WITH A CPAP ANYMORE!!!!

Other perks include (but aren't limited too because I seem to realize something new everyday):
I don't get cramps in my feet if I walk around too much
I don't rub my thighs raw when I wear shorts
I can comfortably wipe my own ars!
I can cross my legs easily (I just realized that one last night!)
I feel good about having sex with my husband (he's very happy).
I CAN RUN AROUND WITH MY KIDS (she types through tears of joy!)
I can sit on the floor and play with my kids (finally)

So my husband and I were talking, and realized after reviewing this list, THIS SURGERY IS ALREADY A SUCCESS. I'm just a bit over 4 months out, and I have my health back. Even if I don't lose another pound, it has been worth it!

Now, on the vanity side of things, I love losing weight. I'm down from a 24 - a 16. I can shop in regular stores again. I don't weigh in, so I'm not sure were I am right now, but I do know that I'm more than half way to were I'd like to be. Before getting pregnant, I ranged from 125-135lbs. I could maintain 135lbs pretty easily at that time, so I'd like to be there, but, since I'm almost 10 years older 145 is good too. So if I'm about 180lbs now, I only have 35lbs to go! Truly amazing! Praise the Lord!

As far as where I am eating wise...
I can pretty much eat anything in moderation. Even thinks like cake (which I was hoping would make me dump). I'm afraid, as my capacity for food increases (and it already has) it will get harder to be 'moderate'. But then again...nothing tastes a good as being thin! I seem to have developed Lactose intolerance though, milk really does a number on me now :(

So, I have to rely on suppliments for calcium (which has been challenging lately). It seems the more weight I lose, the more distracted I get with life. I forget I'm a post op. I went to a support group meeting that focused on the importance of post op suppliments. So, I'm getting back on track.

Any of you reading this...if you do not have a good support system, actively work on getting one. It truly helps you stay focused on the tasks at hand. The benefits and Challenges of this surgery are for life. You need support for life!

Well, this covers my elation that I'm feeling today. Ta!

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10/04/04
Hey two weeks ago I tried a pair of size 14 jeans on and to my shock...they fit...zipped and button. I went shopping at Old Navy today for some 'army' type pants for a party I'm going to. I was so excited because everything I tried on fit. I ended up buying two pants and a top. not too bright to spend money on clothes but I had to do it. It has been so long since I've been able to shop in regular stores! YeeHaw!

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11/05/04 Well, 14's came and went pretty quick. I'm in 12 pants now. The top is taking longer to get small, but I've never been small on top. I'm officially just overweight now. Next stop...normal...yeah right...weight anyway!

I went to the OH convention this weekend and had a BLAST!!!!!!!
 




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11/27 - Hard to beleive that it has only been 7 months since my surgery. I'm still feeling great. I've only dropped 3lbs in the last three weeks, but that's ok. I've never lost weight during the holidays...or rather, I ALWAYS gained.

Speaking of which, I did pretty well on thanksgiving. I let my self eat a little of everything (except for bisquits and stuffing) One or two bites and then a slice of ham and some turkey. The day after thanksgiving was bad though...leftovers!!! I was grazing all day. Not gonna beat myself up though. Its a new day today...back on track.

As I hit my 6 month mark, hunger started to rear its ugly head again, so I've been dealing with that...and pretty succefully so far, but its scary. I didn't expect to feel so hungry so soon. My size 12 jeans are starting to get baggy, but I'm still not fitting in 10's. So...I bought a belt! Who new they weren't just accessories, they can actually keep your pants up. Novel concept...huh?

My husband and I are off the high we got from the surgery. Life and life's stresses are kicking back in. Stress at work, stress because we're adding a second story to our house, stress over xmas expenses, etc. He was starting to nag me about my part-time job...then I reminded him we made it through my surgery thanks to that job. He was happy agian!

Oh and I'm an angel again! Melissa R asked me to be her co angel with Lisa B before C. I just emailed my first angelette, Julee C. She is doing quite well. She's also in 10/12's and feeling good which is great after having a rough start. My second angelette Sheryl in So Cal. is also doing well. She has had the best attitude through this all and is just rolling with the changes (and dropping weight fast!) Hugs to all of my friends! 

 




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12/28/04 Well, my 8 month wls anniversary was yesterday and I am still feeling great. I'm down to 157...so that 9lbs in the last two months. Not great, but not bad either! Considering we just got through the holidays...I'll take it! I've never lost during the holidays.

So now I am down 81lbs and starting to squeeze into a size 10 pants. My tops are larges...but since my boobs haven't gotten much smaller relative to the rest of me...I'm still comfortable in XL. I've been large busted since I can remember and I've never been totally comfortable with it. One of these days I'll upload my before/after six month pics and you'll see that I'm not exaggerating. They're huge! But what can you do, some people would kill to have big boobs. We always seem to want what we don't have...why is that?

Eating during the holidays. Now that was interesting. I sure can eat anything...very little dumping going on here! So I let my self indulge a bit. The beauty is that I can't eat much. So I at 1/2 a tamale and the meat out of another for a meal, I let my self have a sugar cookie and a wee piece of chocolate. Not the best choices, but before surgery, I could easily eat 1/2 dozen tamales in a sitting, there was no end to the number of cookies I could eat...and chocolate...well that was a whole other story! It was my vice...no doubt! Now I can eat a nibble and feel that my sweet tooth is satisfied. I love it and hope it continues. I truly felt in control. and the real kicker is that I was PMSing all through the holidays. So I hope that this type of self control will continue passed the honeymoon period of my WLS. I let you know next xmas.

So I have found myself getting more and more excited about weight goals. I don't know if that's an entirely healty frame of mind for me. I have a tendancy of defining whether I'm a good or bad person depending on the needle position on the scale. That's why I don't weigh often. But I hit my real goal, which is regaining my health at 4mos post op. So I've had 4 months to consentrate soley on my weight.

So I am 2lbs away from my surgeons goal of 155 and 12lbs away from my original goal of 145 which seems totally doable by my 1 year wls anniversary. Now I'm wondering...hmmmm...how long after my one year anniv. will I continue losing. If it is 6 months...I can get down to my 120's. Well, WHO CARES RACHEL...ITS ABOUT YOUR HEALTH NOT YOUR SIZE. Whatever happens from this point on is just icing on the cake...no pun intended.

And I am healthy. I love it. I am healthy! Praise the Lord!

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Jan 22 - 5 days before my 9 month anniversary. So heres the good, the bad and the not so ugly. Its getting harder. I'm hungrier now, and I can eat larger qty's. So after my 6 month appt I lost a few more pounds through my 7th month, but then I gained 4lbs in my 8th month and have been struggling to get it off. I'd lose a pound then gain it back over and over. It was and is kinda scary, I'm not far enough into my reprogramming to face my demons yet. I was hoping for a longer grace period...ya know? But, it is what it is, and I didn't lay my life on the line to have the surgery to give up now! So I had to take a sobering look at what I was doing.

Well first. I was eating to much...obviously, and I wasn't taking my workouts seriously enough...i was just trying to get them over with.

As far as eating goes, I found I was grazing. I would still eat healthy meals, but I was grabbing lots of snack in between. I'd make the kids lunch and take a few bites of graham crackers, or I was finishing the kids dinner. Well geez, that kinda of eating really sneaks up on you!

Then my workouts, I work out at the Y while my son has a jujitsu class there. We were always in a rush and I would only have time to do about a 20 min treadmill walk and I really wasn't pushing my self. 2 mile outdoor walk was more of a stroll. The only good workout was tennis with my hubby.

So, I decided that I had to pull it together!!!

I'm writing my meal plan and taping it to the fridge door. I'm also doing water first. If I am hungry or looking to munch and its not time to eat, I grab water or propel. That seems to be working.

As far as working out, I'm committed to running a marathon with a fellow OHer Scott Boliver. Scott and his wife have been such good friends to me! So I am officially in training.

Now here's the good news that I posted on the April board today:
Hi all, As many of you know, I'm training for a marathon. Well, I have been race walking my miles and doing a 15minute mile. When I was doing two miles, it wasn't so bad, but at 6 miles, it was really hurting my shins. So I decided to try running. OMG!!!!!!!! I can run with out feeling like I'm gonna hurt my self. I don't feel my butt fat bouncing behing me, my arms arent rubbing raw on my boob fat, I'm not sending smoke signals from my thighs rubbing against each other. Running is...dare I say...easy for me again! I'm so excited about getting totally fit again! Thanks for sharing this journey with me!

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2/15/05
Had my 9 month check up...I'm 152...3lbs under surgeons goal and 7lbs from mine. So I've been feeling pretty good...until...I saw myself on video. I can't beleive how big I still am around the middle...and my upper butt area...yuck.

Now I ask you...why do we do that to ourselves??? Instead of focusing on the fact that my face looked pretty good...I no longer have a double chin...my skin is clear. My legs are down right thin. But even those words are hard for me to type.

Well, I'm hoping I'm just feeling down on myself because I am pmsing.

On a good note, I'm still training for my marathon in June. I'm up to 9 miles and I can run a solid 13 minute mile. When I first started exercising after surgery, I could do 1.5 / 17 minute miles. Ilove coming out of the gym drenched in sweat. Its a good feeling!!!

Well, hope next time I post I have an attitude adjustment. Cuz I was just lecturing others on taking stock of how far we've come. I hate PMS!

Ta!
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3/15/05 Well I'm 10 months and 2 weeks out. I'm sorry to say, my attitude hasn't improved much since my last post. I'm down two 149 depending on the day, but again, I saw myself on video. (my son turned 4 this weekend ...happy birthday my sweetie!) I was wearing a tank top and jeans. I really felt good about how I looked in them and wasn't even embarassed in front of the other skinny mom's...kinda felt like I blended :-). Well, the video doesn't lie...my boobs and belly are still so big that I don't look normal. Why am I letting this bug me so much? I have come so far, I am healthy, I can run a 12 minute mile now. I'm 4 lbs to 'normal weight'. I hate that I'm comparing myself to others. I try to teach my kids about personal best, yet I'm not practicing what I preach.

Actually, I think I know what is getting me down. I have really been struggling with my eating...I'm such a complusive overeater. I'm struggling to eat the right things and am starting to feel out of control again. In perspective, I'm eating great and not big quantities (as compared to 10 months ago.) but its not the committement to clean living that I wanted to have by now. I want to think healthy...why would a donut tempt me...they are so gross...yet when they are out at work, i crave them. And though I can't eat a lot, I can eat enough to put on weight and that's scary. Plus, I've got grazing down.

The other thing is, I have had to pull away a bit from the california and april message boards. It shocks me how down so many people get about their weight loss. (even though they've lost a lot more than me). It is starting to rub off on me (hence my tendency to compare myself). What was once a great support system is tending to get me down. Don't get me wrong. I have made a ton of wonderful friends and care about so many on the boards, and I'm truly sorry that they are not satisfied with their journeys, but I've got to protect myself against the negativity.

So what's going on that is good? As I mentioned, I can run a 12 minute mile now and I am running 10 miles once a week and 6 miles twice a week. I also bike with my family for an hour or more every weekend. Our first 'family' bike ride almost brought my husband to tears (and he's not a crying guy). He said, "this was a long time coming Loli." and he gave me a big hug. My 8 year old told me I look really fit...now that brings a smile to my face any time I think about it. Not skinny, but fit. I feel I've done a good job teaching my kids the importance of health vs. looks. I can beat my husband a tennis...I can move around the court again! And my sex life is awesome. We even have a date to go to a naughty shop to get some supplies next week ;-) (That's something my husband would have never suggested in the last several years). Oh and I can fit into my size 8 jeans! And I pulled a little dress off the rack and threw it in my cart thinking it would never fit...but when i got home...it was almost too big!

Gosh...I'm starting to feel better already! I'm doing really well. I don't need to lose any more weight...though I would like to get out of the overweight category for health reasons...but that's just 4lbs away! I have the rest of my healthy life to do that! Thanks for listening.

Tootle Pip!

*********4/24/05******

Well here I am...3 days away from my one year anniversary. I'm out of the funk I was in for the last couple of months. In the last 3 months I've only lost 6lbs...I am 1 pound from my personal goal of 145 that puts me one pound away from a normal weight range for my height.

I am co-morbid free...I feel so good...my relationsip with my husband feels brand new! I can keep up with my kids. I wear a size 8 pants and large tops. My skin has some issues, but nothing I wasn't expecting and really, nothing major. Stomach looks like a paper back below my belly button, my inner thighs sag a bit and I have big stretch marks on the very upper part of my arms and boobs. But, I'm almost 40 and had a 10lb baby. So I'll take it.

I'm still training for my marathon, and I'm pretty proud of myself for that. I can run! it shocks me...but I can run! The other day when I was running one of our local trails, I realized i didn't feel out of place with the other runners. I wasn't worried about what they thought of my size, etc.

As far as numbers go...I've gone from 139 to 146...93lb weight loss. My bmi is 25.1. Almost normal for my 5'4" frame. I'm still pretty busty, so that accounts for some of the extra weight. I haven't lost anywhere near as much as others...and it has been slow going, but again, I'm happy. I can't express enough...how good I feel!!! I ping pong pack and forth between 146 and 149, and am still trying to lose a bit more, but I'm putting on a lot of leg muscle...so I'm not seeing the lbs come off, but again, that's ok. I like the