Rae2008
My story begins from when I was about 6 years old. I was very chubby and was definatly the largest child in my class. In grade school i never once remember being the same size as the other children but I was very outgoing and never let the teasing bring me down (plus the boys were scared of me) About 5 grade i started participating in sports like volleyball and basketball. I might have been bigger (around 170 - 190) but I could always stay on the same level of physical activity as the rest of my team. I maintained my obesity all the way through middle school and part of high school. Still being rigourously involved in sports i reached a peak weight of 212 lbs and my mother convinced me to go on a diet. The diet was called medifast and it ACTUALLY WORKED. But it came off sooo fast i went from 212 to 174 in two months and then stopped the diet. I was still involved in sports and i found the exercise to be easier without the weight. I maintained an average wieght of 175 for about a year, and then steadily my weight began to fluxuate back up. I kept trying diets agian and they wouldnt work and with each one i found my self gaining more weight back afterwards. So now here I am 1 month from being 18 and I want to STOP having to always worry about how I am and what i look like. I plan to go away to Puerto Rico for college and I want to have no fears. I want this problem to part of my past before it becomes my future. Yep you read right...I felt so good today that i got all dressed up for the day and even wore some red high heels. I put on a pair of 13 size jeans from target that i havent been able to button since september and ive been having to pull them up constantly..AMAZING is how i feel. I will admit i am having a hard time with head hungy and cravings but today i went to the grocery store (yes in my RED high heels) and got some low carb slim fast because the isopure that i have is GROSS eiiikkky...im excited about the slim fast because i love slimfast when im not on a diet. I am ten days post op. My surgeon still has me on a liquid diet..OO how i cant wait to eat some meat and normal food! Well what is new with me. Well i went out for the first time since surgery last night. I felt really good about myself and i didnt drink at all..It didnt even look tempting to drink lool. Fresh out of the hospital....!!!! [Edit Post] on February 18, 2008 2:54 am on February 2, 2008 2:17 pm
I live in St. Maarten in the caribbean, but I grew up in Vancouver, Washington and Corvallis, Oregon till i was about 15 and have been looking for to do the VSG and I have found a place in Santo Domingo that will go through with the procedure
I know I am young but I've been through a lot and one thing I do know is that I don't want to have this obesity problem as a complex for the better half of my younger years...I want to grow and accel with no worries...
http://theworldaccordingtoeggface.blogspot.com/2007/08/pureed-foods.html
Peanut butter Cheesecake fluff
1 package cream cheese = 16 protein
1 package Jello SF cheesecake instant pudding mix = 0 protein
½ C Peanut butter =28 protein
2 C silk reg = 12 protein
1 heaping scoop vanilla protein powder = 25 protein
Soften cream cheese and add all ingredients into blender, blend well Keep in fridge…
Makes 4 Cups serve in ½ Cups servings = 10 grams protein per serving
on March 1, 2008 11:28 am
Published
Red High Heels
And the lady that was ringing me up at the grocery store said that next week wen i come back in im gona look like the lady behind me ( who was verrrry skinny) n i fibbed a little and said my grandmother is diabetic and laughed it off...LOL i got a kick out of it and so did my grandma :P
I had somewhat of a hard time finding sugar free things but i managed to get my staples...i got cheese, slimfast, sf jam, and somemore things...i am supposed to be on purreed foods on monday but just the thot of all of that disgusts me especially because i want to eat protein and the thot of having mushy chicken just makes me want to vomit (maybe because ive had it before) so im going to maybe just stay on the liquid side of things and maybe some soft food that i chew a lot...so slim fast and cheese..thats good for me lool...o yea and yogurt..lets not forget ive been living off of that :P
I will admit i tried eating the cheese and peperoni off of some dominoes pizza because it just looked so good ..and good ol bad habits me wanted to prevail...and OOO wow...it all came back up and i felt SOO sick so that was the end of that trying to cheat moment lool...
well the slim fast in my freezer is calling my name!!!
12 days post op
:):)
11 Pounds down [Edit Post]
on February 28, 2008 3:46 am
Published
Sex is good. I have more energy in that department FOR sure. lol tmi! but good tmi lol.
Im trying to get enough protein in..Its kina hard. I hate the whey protein and i can barely get half of a drink down. Im excited to be on a different food level but it is oooo so very sad that supermarkets down here dont have all the high protein low suger low carb thing that the states does..But i guess i will have to get more creative...well off to school i go
Ciao
4 post Op!!!!! [Edit Post]
on February 21, 2008 9:50 am
Published
i am currently 4 days out...ive gotten in most of my liquids...havent gotten or even bought any protein but that is my goal tomorrow...ive gotten down about 3 oz of chicken broth as of today and almost sixty oz of water..mostly mixed with crystal light..that stuff is yummy...
well dont have much else to say..im not im much pain...a little discomfort when i eat or drink too much...
i will post later
kk
caio!!!
on February 20, 2008 10:29 am
Published
I got released from the hospital about 2 hours ago. Everything went well and the doctors (a father and son) were great. The nurses were nice but they didnt know any english but me and my grandmother knew enough spanish to get by.
When i woke up from surgery i was actually not warned about the excess gas that would be left. So wen i was in the recovery room i woke up from the anestesia and i sat straight up and burped...i needed to burp more but i couldnt. My mouth was so dry i kept asking for ice cubes and they kept NOT bringing them...so finally my mother wetted my mouth and the nausiated feeling went away.
Other than the first day i was pretty much painless except when they gave me the antibiotic..OO lord that made me really sick.
But i didnt have to take any pain meds..i was proud of that.
So they kept me monday and tuesday night and today i wanted out of the hospital sooo bad took till about 10 before i could get out but i did.
The doctors were very informative and very supportive i was very pleased.
I've gotten down 25 oz of water and about 3 oz of broth since surgery day...the doc told me that was good so i hope so
Published
Well here i am its my turn...im excited yes and anxious...well i like the doctors but a little uneasy but my mother reallly likes him sooo she has good judgement..my gma is here and her and my mother will be at the hospital when i wake up :)
im glad i got to lay out in the sun yester day it made me feel better for today...wish i could come back to the hotel tomorrow and only spend one day in the hospital but i will be back at the WONDERFUL hotel on wednesday...:) o yea did i mention i got a message yesterday YEEEHAA
well yea i forgot to mention i am at my higheset weight since my starting of weight loss journey a couple years ago..back then i started at 212 and now i am at 200...:(:( wow i gain 15 lbs in 2 months and 30 lbs in about six...NOT GOOD..im glad im doing this and bettering my self..but woii i really didnt think this was going to get done when i met with the psychiatrist but hey he said see you on monday :):) i guess i have to take some tests afterwards...wonder if that is normal??????
well off i go to the hospital....
official starting weight at doctors 198 lbs
WHAT AN EXPERIENCE [Edit Post]
on February 17, 2008 5:13 am
Published
okay today is sunday and my surgery is tomorrow...i had to get all my tests done yesterday and mann that psych evaluation..WTF this man i think needed a psych evaluation himself...weirrrrrrdd...he was like tellin me he was surgery police or some weird thing like that!!!
Well we are at a beautiful hotel and santo domingo is nice but it is a really poor country...im kina scared to walk in the street...and that is weird being that im from another caribbean country...
well im going to go lay in the sun today and relax
ps...started my period today..lord have mercy on my soul my cramps were bad :P
What should i think......... [Edit Post]
on February 14, 2008 6:40 pm
Published
Okay well it's the night before im leaving for santo domingo....so much has happend!
I found out i was using my birth control wrong and the side effect of that is PREGNANCY...so i was worried because i didnt want that to be an issue during surgery or before surgery and so i took a test and WAM BAM THANK U MAM it was positive...all i could do was cuss so instead of going crazy i decided to go talk with my boyfriend and we both decided that having a child at this point in our lives is not a good idea to bring a life into the world...so i was only 2 weeks but i was worried about terminating the pregnancy before or after surgery..i kept reading that they wont do surgery and i couldnt possible put myself into a dramatic situation...soooooo today i had to take all the measures so that i would be fine during surgery time...
i had to get my blood taken and im RH negative so i have to get a huge shot at some point and because i was only 2 weeks along they gave me these pills that just turn it back into your period WHHEEWW...
but this is not as easy as it sounds..i think my mother hates me but ya kno im 18 years old things happen...and my boyfriend even offered to pay everything.....
sooo anyways here i am trying to pack and im having horrible cramps and things are just so hazy and blury to me..i dont even know what to pack...i will be in the hospital for 3 days and 2 more in the hotel and then back home..
i just cant believe my timing on all of this...i blamed it all on my boyfriend lol...but its so many factors...
its really easy but hard for us to talk about this because he wants to be here for me and is asking me about everything but at the same time we both want children sooo badly but we arent ready for any just yet...never will i let something like this happen agian..
anyways enough of my sob story..
off i go to pack and try to get excited for the rest of my life
Let's talk about LIFE [Edit Post]
on February 7, 2008 1:40 pm
Published
i am so ready to be me agian in public. Lately i seem to be soooooooo uncomfortable with myself in public and i almost have an anxiety attack thinking about how i look and how i dont have control of it. I keep telling myself that i do and that things are going to change fast. But its not helping because i still have to go through the pressures of everyday life until next week and it's really hard for some reason. I want to feel good about myself sooooo bad and feel comfortable in my own skin. I dont know if its that im getting fatter or that i am starting my period but my boobs are soooo big right now i think it is intensifying my back pain. Regaurdless if i wasnt this weight to begin with then it wouldnt be this bad.
Then on top of it i got called a fat by a friend today in a joking way but it touched a soft spot. I play it off good because about 20lbs ago i didnt care about what people thought because i loved myself and i did look normal. Now i barely fit into my school uniform that was almost too loose for me this time last year. I want to change that soooo bad right now but it will come soon OMG i want this baddddd....
THEN to top it off yesterday morning i was using my mothers computer to print something and she had an unfinished e mail minimized so i accidently made it come up and i read it and it was to my grandmother who is meeting us in santo domingo for my surgery and she wrote that i eat like every meal is my last and that i am so miserable and that i have gained so much weight. That really pushed me down. I hate when people talk about me especially the ones closest to me!! And then on top of it it was behind my back. I just want it to be friday next week because then i will be with my mother and grandmother and a step away from the rest of my life. I love myself and who i am because i have potential and i dont mean to sound arragant and thats not how i am comming accross but i have faith in myself because i know what is write from wrong and i have confidence in myself and the kind of person i am. Now i just want to show it :)
I really wished i had more close friends or family here i think it would really help me but i am stuck to rely in myself and that isnt a bad thing...maybe it will make me stronger in the long run??!! i hope this is a learning experience because if i have to live this unhappy for the rest of my life i am not looking forward to the rest of my life and i dont like that feeling and i think there is light i just need to find it in myself and work my way out!!
I hate going to school and i hate going out in public without being in something that hides my fat :( i dont like this feeling at all...
And usually to get out of this depression by going shopping or going to a tanning bed but those dont exist here and yea i could go to the beach but i have school and going to the beach is a weekend thing and usually there are tons of people and i dont like being in front of people in my swimsuit....
Well im going to stop this depressing post...
hopefully i will post something happier soon ;)
One week Pre-Op :( [Edit Post]
on February 7, 2008 3:29 am
Published
so it is february 7th, officially 8 days until take off. Could this week go any faster than this last week..:(
For some reason i've been really depressed this last week or so. I'm on the brink of tears everyday and the fact that i have no family of this island except my mother and she goes away to florida a lot because they have a business there too so im here ALONE and i don't really have many friends to talk to besides my boyfriend and he is like 24 and really doesnt understand where im comming from.
And that is the problem with making friends here because i am going to a private school but i grew up in public school and my dad was a low/middle income person and we lived in a manufactured home my whole life. So then i move here and my mother and step father made a LOT of money from building a Westin Hotel and Resort so they live in this secluded house with a ocean view around a bunch of stuck up people and then on top of it i go to school with a bunch of private school kids that dont know what it is like to not have a maid come and clean up after them everyday. Its weird
So in other words i just dont have anyone to relate to because ive been through a lot of things that they dont even image people my age could go through. So i dont explain my life because that just gives them a chance to put me down and judge me and i am to vunerable right now. So i just stay distant and i dont be myself because when i was trying to be my normal self they turned it around and thats when i became the center of talk and put down.
I feel so alone and i would do anything to get rid of this feeling.
I really hope that having a focus on myself here in a week will help with this feeling because i know what being happy with myself and my surrounding is and i am searching for it!!
So i sit here at home and mope in myself and just hope for a new beginning for myself.
The doctor told me no liquid diet 2 weeks before my surgery because im not suuupper obese so docs usually only do that so that it reduces the size of the liver and then it is easier to find the stomach. I started taking my omega-3 and bioton 5000 for my hair because im really afraid of it falling out and i am already half way bald. Meaning my hair is really thin already
well off i go to school
until next time
Ciao
Published
You know for so long I've sat here at my desk where i use the computer and dwell on how big my fat rolls are and how much i hate them and want them to go away and dont know how to make it happen.
I noticed my self doing it once agian but instead of hating it i feel i am embracing it because i am happy with myself because i know there will be a change. It feels good and boosts my confidence
Less than two weeks from today!!!
Went to the beach with the dog. It was nice because it is a beach that no one goes to because the only access to it is from a private road. It felt good to be in my two peice and have my gut out with no worries lol..
the dog was my only watcher and she loves me for me...
Got a tan in Febuary...:P gota love st. maarten (Sxm for short)!!
You know i really wish i knew my boyfriends thoughts because he never says anything to me about my appearance except that i am beautiful..he says that he would like to see me thinner in my stomach area but other than that he seems so happy with how i look and considering he is black and most girls are thick here in sxm he is into thinner people..but he is with a thick girl LOL..
i guess it is a good thing and its weird not telling him but i just cant wait for him to see the new me..he will be even happier
he even once said that he has to fight off men with how i am now..but if i was to get skinnier he said that he would really have some competition with me..:S dont know how to take that but it made me feel pretty but not HOT lol
I think that most men are attracted to me because i dont pay them attention..you know in that confidence way..im not flirtatious but i act in a flirtatious way in that its like here i am with my confindece but u cant have me...and i think i got that from when i was thinner and you find men that are attracted to bigger women and that confindence is key...
I really dont like men and the drama they bring..i wish i could have a million of them that treated me good so i wouldnt have to worry about one hurting me because i wouldnt be completely attached...
dont know why i feel that way..maybe because ive been decieved..but maybe one day when i find that person my view will change
My mom told me to be careful after surgery because things change and men will be flying towards me..i mean they kind of do already but now with my mothers warning i will be careful..and if my boyfriend from now sticks through this with me even if we just are friends then i know he really likes me for me and not just my looks as apposed to a new man that was interested in me because of how i look...
i dont know how i got onto this topic...i think it is because im listening to sex in the city while typing this and i type about as fast as i talk..maybe a little slower..so exuse the mistakes...im actually good at grammer and spelling and english in gerneral but when it comes to typing i mess up a lot and dont bother to reread and fix my problem....
im trying to find people who have done the VSG or even just weight loss surgery in general that are around my age because it really helps to relate to someone socially physically and mentally...
its kind of hard but im browsing A LOT so i hope to get some contacts so i can see their progress and read about their experiences because reading on everybodys experieces or posts has taught me most of everything i will put to use after surgery....
so thanks to those who post and stuff like that..
it has helped me ;)
so until next time
CHAO**
INALLYYY DISPLAY PIC [Edit Post]
on February 1, 2008 4:07 pm
Published
Okay so after MANY days and almost weeks I finally got some great advice from my dear OH friends on the main forum post thing..and WALA my display picture works...you know that stuff was hard..they make a person really search for that because people of my age just dont have problems with those kinds of things..we grew up with computers lol
but i guess OH is changing the pattern..
I officially have two weeks until my departure date for Santo Domingo :) yeaa!!
I have been doing a lot of research on here and I have finally got the courage to begin to add people and it's great i have found a lot of supportive people in the same position as me :):)
and i hope that one day i am a role model for someone else like me in my position right now..because i guess i am now the VSG baby of OH :P
I am still a little worred about what i am going to tell people at school because i am going to be out for 4 days and then when i come back i am going to be on a diet and have scars lol
so me and my motehr were thinking about a lie..i know HORRIBLE but this is something that is for me and no one else and i dont want anymore stress of being a name in other peoples mouth ;)
i just want to look good and then people can talk about me and be jealous and say..."wow i wish i could do what she did" and they will have no idea :)
So i did calculate everything and i will be 4 months post op on my graduation WOII i hope im going to be down at least maybe 30 lbs...i dont really care how long it takes me to get to my goal weight as long as i am healthy and happy in my skin..but i have a feeling it will be a lot easier when i get about 20 lbs off because usually when i get around that size i become happy with my body and then i am somehow inspired to not eat and be active..weird i kno..so this is my tool to do this all the way and get this problem over and done with before it becomes a problem
well thats about it on my mind for now...until next time :)
tEyLar
Here i am posting another blog, whether or not anyone is every going to read this...it helps me talk about my feelings that otherwise would stay bunched up inside.
Another day closer [Edit Post]
on January 25, 2008 2:47 pm
Published
Today i was in college psychology class and we were going over things with motivation..our boilogical drives..and then the topic of obesity came up...to my peers they dont think i have a complexity because i do not cry or get sad when someone calls me fat or "Thick" i jus go about my business think mann one day im gona show them..
so there i am in my corner taking down notes and they begin the topic of morbidly obese people and the shows that are on TLC( remember i live in St. Maarten..the only large amount of obese people are American tourists...thats a whole different topic..and im not talk bad about americans..im an american citizen;)...
But then the subject of WLS came about and these people are very oppionated without having the knowledge to back it up...they think that RNY jus cuts the stomach down and i queitly tried to add my two sense but i knew it would be safer for me to stay taking my notes from the book and let them talk how they wanted...
Im not going to be informing anyone but my mother and my grandmother and my mothers friend that i will be getting this..
i know its not easy to hid but if they think anything of it then i might jus say it was an ulcer i had to get work on or something...
Well nothing really new other than that...
o yea back to the american tourist topic..
you know i have lived in St maarten for two year and woooww it really amazes me that almost every american i see is over weight in either the black or white race...
i never thought the epidemic was that bad but now that it is compared to people of normal sizes its out of this world...
well i hope i didnt offend anyone because that wasnt my intention...only my observation
ps found a baby sitter for the dog and cat today for when we go to santo domingo :) that is a releif...we have a 100 lb rottweiller and a crazy cat that love to play...but they both need attention like you cannot believe..
tey
I think i might have to stay off this website for a while because it jus makes me think about life after surgery and i think is making time go slow..but dont get me wrong i have learned oooo sooo very much..:)
