Another Day & A New Begining

Aug 22, 2010

So, last night we went to the drive-ins and I actually had some tortilla chips with cheddar cheese, thinking about it then I didn't think it was too aweful for me...But waking up today I realized...I screwed up and "cheated"! I feel horrible about it, I wasn't even thinking clearly!

So, I decided to put a rubber band on my wrist...anytime food comes into my mind and I am not hungry I am going to snap my rubber band, kinda like a wake up you idiot you are not going to ruin this "diet" you need to change your brain patterns! And that is what I shall do.

It is harder then I thought, I guess part of me was like this is the easy way out, I will have surgery and just automatically loose the weight and be skinnier and whatnot...Well, I was seriously mistaken, this is no way the easy way out...first you have a surgery which is major, then you have the emotional part to over come, the mental part to over come, it is a serious life change and it is hard!

It will take time and I realize this...I just am ready to be a better me, I did 10 minutes on the treadmill yesterday, sweating like a pig and I felt wonderful afterwards...like I accomplished something grand! BTW That was the first time I had ever been on a treadmill. Which for the first time made me proud that I pushed and did 10 mins. And another thing...10 mins on the treadmill is NOTHING compared to 10 minutes of plain walking.

Plain walking is so much more lower impact then the treadmill atleast in my opinion. But I now have decided to do the treadmill 15-30 minutes each day and then the days the pool is open swimming for 90 minutes minimum, since my son goes and I have to take breaks to help him and such.

This is a new day, my eyes are open, my brain will not overcome me today! I am in control of my brain as well as my body!
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Head Hunger Issues

Aug 20, 2010

I have been having a lot of head hunger lately...I sit at the computer to work and want food...something to snack on...and I know I am not hungry because I don't feel it and because I just ate breakfast. Although breakfast wasn't the healthiest...I had..

4 - Low Sodium Ritz crackers w/ a thin smear of all natural peanut butter
8 oz glass of milk

It did fill me up, I am not a big breakfast person...I don't usually do eggs and such but I think I will have to start, there is so much more protein in an egg then in 1 TBSP of peanut butter. This learning how to eat healthy is hard...but I am not giving up by any means.

I am hovering between 295 and 293 this week...I think I need to up my exercise, I have been doing 90mins of swimming everyday and I think I am going to throw the treadmill in there as well...

But back to this head hunger, I got this book from a good friend, Vikki..."Emotional first aid kit - a practical guide for life after wls" it talks about positive and negative self talk, what to do in situations where there is food...how to handle stress and all sorts of great topics. But it doesn't take the head hunger away, I am still battleing it. I usually eat snacks at the computer while I work, so I know I have to be on the computer and without the snacks, which is hard.

I keep sipping water but my mind just won't give it up, I have been trying to keep myself busy and it helps a bit but not totally...Does the head hunger ever go away or atleast die down a bit?! I sure hope it does, this is about the point (the 1 month mark) where I always fall off the wagon, but this time I will NOT fall off nor will I cheat. I can do this and I will do this! It is challenging that is for sure but the end result will be much sweeter then anything else in the world!



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New Web Cam & Some News

Aug 18, 2010

Well, finally after about a week of going between 296-294lbs and couldn't get down any further...Well, today I woke up and weighted myself this morning and am now down to 293 lbs! So I broke that damn plateau. Woohoo!

We went last night swimming again, I swam a good 30 mins. I felt amazing, my entire body tingled it was the best feeling. I wanted to keep on working out. Haha but it was too late.

I put on my normal pair of jeans this morning...they are a size 30W, and they are big on me...I ended up trying on a belt just for the heck of it, and it fit...The belt is a size 30W as well but I have it buckled a little tighter and so my pants feel more...stable. Haha I can't believe I am wearing a belt. I have not worn a belt since before I got pregnant with my son who is now 5 1/2 years old.

It's such a good feeling to be able to do things or wear things I haven't had on or done in years!

Well, that about sums up this portion. Haha the day is still young though I can't promise I won't be back later.

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3 Weeks Post-Op

Aug 16, 2010

Well here it is 3 weeks out from surgery and I weigh 295 which is a total loss of 36lbs since I began this journey. Tonight my husband and I went to the YMCA, I swam for about 15 minutes and then rode the exercise bike for another 15 minutes. I must say my body physically felt like I wanted to do more, but my insides felt weird.

I actually thought I was going to be sick, but I ate a 1/2 of an egg salad sanwhich for dinner which made me feel much better. I think I was just burning more calories then I had inside me. Haha I figured out my totals for the day and I had 490 calories total today, give or take one or two.

I was upset by this until I realized that 490 calories for a day is nothing compared to the 3000+ I used to eat or the 1500 you are allowed to maintain a healthy weight. I suppose this whole thing takes getting used to. I am so afraid of gaining weight or failing this time.

It has been hard all my life diets work diets fail up and down and back up again is all it's ever been and I guess I am just waiting for the day when I go back up again..Kinda like the saying "If it's too good to be true it normally is" well that's kinda how I feel about this. Except I do understand that this is simply a tool and I still must work to achieve my goals. Which will happen..in time.


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Finally...Food

Aug 15, 2010

Well, on Friday the liquid diet became WAY too much for me and I started eating food. I know I know I should wait and follow my Dr's orders and whatever...but you know what I have so much more energy now and I am more willing to go out and walk or do things. I don't eat alot I keep it right about 2TBSP per meal of whatever I am eating and I mark down EVERYTHING calories, fat, protein, carbs, sugars, etc.

It feels so good to eat food, although I will say a few things about it...

#1 I am definitely still learning what it feels like to feel full with my tiny belly...I have certainly eaten too much at times and feel the pain afterwards but it is a learning process, so I now only take 2TBSP per meal.

#2. I am so guilty of drinking while eating and I know how wrong that is. I am slowly trying to get over that and not drink 30 mins before or after my meal.

#3. Head hunger is HORRIBLE I begged my husband tonight for a bite of his South Side Sub...and I knew it was not on the "to eat" list and I had JUST eaten dinner, I was not hungry but I wanted a bite of that damn sub, and you know what he told me..."NO" just like a great support person to any addict trying to overcome their addiction, he told me I could not have a bite that it was not a good idea. You know what I did...Pouted like a 3 year old! But I did get over it once I realized he was completely right, I went and appologized and thanked him for being strong when I was weak.

This is not going to be easy and I realize that more then ever now, but if I can stop smoking cold turkey I can overcome my addiction to food.

I do meet with the surgeon on Tuesday for my first follow up appointment and I am nervous...That is the other thing I wanted to say... Now that I am eating food, I keep feeling like I will overeat and gain all my weight back plus some again...It is a constant fear in my mind, I never want to be fat again, not that I am skinny but I never want to be 332lbs again, I am liking the 295lbs and I know I will love the 150lbs that will be soon to come.

I signed my family up for a membership at the YMCA yesterday and I plan on going daily even for 30 mins I need to exercise, and with school starting and winter coming I will need to do it indoors, I assume. I am actually very excited. I only lost 36 lbs so far but I feel more comfortable doing things on my own, before I would go nowhere without my husband but today at the bookstore I went and sat beside some older gentleman and read my book while my husband went and looked around.

This new life I have been blessed to have is going to be wonderful! I can't wait to start living it...Well I suppose I am 3 weeks into it by now. Haha. Life is great once again and will only get better!

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18 Days Post Op

Aug 13, 2010

   Well, it's been a little over two weeks since my surgery. I am feeling pretty good, still have some tummy pain..inside and sleeping is still a chore. But I am slowly moving forward. Today I got so sick and tired of not having food, I made Manacotti and pureed some and ate...Yea what a mistake I am not sure if I ate too fast or too much but I was so uncomfortable. I did  not vomit which is a definate plus but I was so stuffed it felt like dinner was in my throat.

   This learning to eat all over again is tougher then I had imagined it would be, plus I am still suppose to be on liquids, but after a month I just can't take it anymore. Although I did find now I sit here at the computer trying to work and type this blog and I want food...Not that I am hungry but because it is habit.

   I know this "hunger" is simply in my head but it makes it no easier to deal with, I do have my bottle of water and have been sipping on it...I am so thankful I had this surgery though, I know that this tool is going to help me take back control of my life. I actually purchased a Wii fit and board to start working out with slowly. I think I might try it tomorrow or go for a walk or something, I haven't been out walking in a few days and I know I should be cause my scale has read the same 294 for the past 4 days now.

   Well, I suppose I should be getting back to doing some work...Afterall it won't do itself. Haha

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Depressed & Trying To Turn To Food...

Aug 08, 2010

Today has been a rough day, I have been so very depressed about EVERYTHING! Of course before surgery I could turn to my ole buddy "food" to get me through and make me feel better. I have been thinking about it all day non-stop...It's like when I tried to stop smoking...All I could think about all day was a cigarette, inhaling it, exhaling it...UGH!

I don't even know why I am so depressed, one thing is the husband is making me mad...the first week I was home he was all about helping me around the house, then I try and do some things on my own to keep myself busy and all of a sudden I am healed and he can sit back and do nothing...not even an offer! Frustrating!

I did find this awesome drink called "Fuze, slenderized" it's like 10 calories and 0-1g of sugar in an 8 oz cup. It's so yummy and Wal-Mart sells it for $1.00 a bottle...Can't beat that. I did weight myself today....*drum roll* 295.4!!! That is 37lbs down! Woot! I am super duper excited since I had a goal of reaching 290 before Oct 10th, we have a wedding to go to and I wanna get a nice new dress. I can see me passing that goal right up.

So, as you can see my emotions are all over the place...Is this normal? Am I going insane? What is the matter with my brain!?

Any thoughts or advice or ideas are certainly welcome! Thanks so much!


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Frustrations

Aug 01, 2010

Alright so my surgery was on July 26th...It will be a week come tomorrow. I was told I was to be on a clear liquid diet until I saw my surgeon for a follow up...Which is August 17th. In the same breath I was told I will be on this particulare diet for 2-3 weeks...It will be 4 weeks and 1 day from surgery day till I see my surgeon!

It is one week post-op and I do not think I can stomach chicken broth any longer! I barely got breakfast down, I am so tired of it...Clear liquids to me are...chicken broth, water, powerade (no sugar or calories), SF popscicles...What is a clear liquid diet to you?!

I just want something...It's like when you quit smoking or break a habit you feel in your mind that you need whatever it is you are trying to avoid. You tell yourself and you know that you really do not need nor do you want that particular things but you still...crave it!

Well, that is my day today with food! Nothing special just something that has substance. I almost broke into my jars of babyfood today just for a bite, just something to feel in my mouth other then liquid. I am so frustrated with this.

On the other hand I see that I went from 330lbs down to 304lbs as of this am and I am ecstatic! I am so thankful I had this surgery and so proud to have had Dr Uchal do such a wonderful job...But the fact remains I am so frustrated.

I am NOT hungry whatso ever so I know it's in the head, a major change, I knew it would be difficult but I never knew it would be this difficult. Today I have been bitchy...I yelled for no reason and I cried like a baby for a good 30 minutes with no reason to be.

I just hope things get better soon, cause this is truly a rough road at the moment...I need the pavement so I can have smooth sailing!

On another note...These dang insicions are so itchy! The surgeon put steri strips over them then this clear plastic banage so when you do scratch you can't feel it! Frustrating yet again.

Tomorrow is another day.

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Now I Have A Seat On The Loser's Bench

Jul 29, 2010

I had my Roux-en-Y gastric bypass surgery on Monday, July 26th @ 7:00am. I was so nervous that day I was sitting outside the OR door and almost cancelled the surgery...But I didn't I went through with it and am home now.

Everything went well, the surgeon said and I feel great! Never hungry, not in pain just a bit of discomfort. This was easy so far pain wise at least.

I am experiencing some numbness in my left side of my belly on the skin, like some one shot novacane into this one section, I am not sure if I over did it today or if I am just adjusting or what, but no pain or fever accompanies this numbness and it just came on in the blink of an eye...so not sure about that I am going to call the surgeon's office tomorrow and see what's up.

I have been making YouTube videos about the progress I have made starting in January until present day.

Well, I suppose that is all I really have to say for now...

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The Introduction

Jan 13, 2010

Hello, after watching "MassageGoddess'" YouTube videos on weight loss surgery, I decided to try this out and keep track of different things on the road to the WLS as well as after the surgery.

Allow me to introduce myself...My name is Trista I am 25 years old and am engaged to be married on May 22, 2010 to a wonderful man. We have one child, a 4 year old little boy.

Alot of thought has been going into this choice to have weight loss surgery, My fiance and I have discussed future children, my health, the problems which can occur due to my obesity, and so much more. We have both decided weight loss surgery would be a significant help to me.

I have an appointment scheduled with my PCP on January 25th, which is actually my fiance's birthday, so I hope the Dr will agree that with a current BMI of 50.9 I would make a good candidate for the weight loss surgery.

I have looked into all the different types of weight loss surgeries and have come to the conclusion that the Gastric Bypass would be right for me, however with that being said I do intend to talk to my doctor and get their opinion as well.

I am a little nervous, I have been heavy my entire life...well ok that is a lie but since I was 4 years old....I have tried diet after diet after diet after diet and have never been able to loose more then 20 lbs.

I want to be a healthier me, not only for myself but for my son and my future kids, I want to be a better me, the me I know I have deep inside hiding behind all this fat.

I am afraid that the Dr will tell me that the surgery is not right for me, which in my opinion how does a person who has only known you 10 minutes have the ability to judge what is or is not right for  you? I am just hoping beyond hope and praying he will agree and help me move forward in this journey!

As of today Wednesday, January 13, 2010 @ 12:06pm est I currently am 5'7" and weigh in at 323.4 lbs. I hope to be able to keep track of everything that occurs in my life from this point on, atleast my weight loss life.

Thanks for taking the time to read my little story here, it means alot.

 

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About Me
Clearfield, PA
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Jan 12, 2010
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