RamblinR0se

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Hey all! This is my first post on MyOH and i actually need help! I am currently 310 pounds and SO excited to have bariatric surgery. My older sister ( who weighs less than me) is actually recovering from her Gastric Bypass int he hospital as we speak! Her sergery went great and all is well... BUTTTTTTTTTTT i'm next. My family is a family of geneticly morbidly obese people. I can think of only one person in my family who is not morbidly obese and that is my uncle, who let's say is the lucky one, even though he does work at maintaining his weight A LOT and. BUt i am unfortunately hit with a Double whammy. Both my father's side and my mother's side are morbidly obese, and my sisters and i are so genetically fat it's almost funny. Our whole lives we were critizied and poked at for being fat, the three of us( seperately ) were the joke of the schools we went to and we were constantly told that we are too fat by our family.. well we still are. How horrible is it, that you go to celebrate a holiday or vacation with your family and the whole time they are badgering you about your weight while they indulge on the good things. I can say i am not as mental obese as my sisters or mother for that matter. I don't eat a lot, and i love heatly food., and i don't binge eat at night. The problem is i love things like cookies just a little more. my older sister, the one who is in the hospital is neurotic about her weight she always has been because she is very sensitve and when the kids made fun of her it destroyed her self esteem. I have to say she has great will power, i think my sister in her life has lost more weight than she weighs right now.. the problem is that as soon as she goes off of a diet for like a day it instantly comes back.. and you know what that is no way to live. and though i am not like my sister i have dieted, actually i don't think my family credits me witht he amount i've dieted in my life, because i have dieted like my sister. but yes, i too have done weight watchers( more than once) LA weightloss (more than once) Nutrisystem, Jenny Craig and even just dieting myself to where i can loose 50 pounds... but you know whats horrible about these diets... they lie to you. They tell you they are preparing you and teaching you how to eat and they arent. I'm sorry shitty jenny craig food, FULL of nasty salty sodium IS NOT how you should be eating for the rest of your life. And do you know what the problem is with Genetically fat people. THEY CANT stay on those diets, because yes they work for a couple months and tthen you plateau and then you work around it, and it's never the same weight loss again. How is someone supposed to loose weight when thier body is saying NO NO NO NO YOURE NOT SUPPOSED TO LOOSE WEIGHT YOURE SUPPOSED TO BE 300 POUNDS! what's the point? so you can starve yourself, eat nasty pacakged jenny craig or neutrisystem food.. Even adtkins and weightwathers has their own food now. but genetically fat people are getting thier money ripped away and their hopes destroyed, and then they feel like huge failiures. Isn't it bad enough we have to feel like failures because we are picked on and made fun of in childhood in high school in college on tv in movies in songs? no we have to be emotionally destroyed by the poeple who are claiming they will "help us" and "cure us" . Bariatric Surgery is really common now, the doctors told my mother she should have it a couple years ago and she didnt, then friends and family began to have it and be really successful, and i think my sister finally said you know what enough is enough of this bullshit, i'm going to get it, and now she did. and along the way she made me aware. Aware that me being fat, isn't supposed to be cured with jenny craig, that i have a disease in my weight. ANd it wasnt until the third seminar and listening to my sister for months and months talk about bariatric surgery that i actually realized it. It was in NY and the doctor flat out said it. Morbid Obesity is a genetic disease and there actually is a cure. the cure is changing yourself, not just in body but also in life. The Surgery is the tool that enables you to loose the weight, and in the process learn what your new body can handle to eat, start fresh and eat fresh heatly foods and be a new person. You know what, I need this surgery because i know the person i am inside is so dragged down and shunned because of the person i am outside, and i need to break free. My family misunderstants me a lot, and i don't think they actually step back and see who i am. NO i am not an emotional wreck like my older sister, no i am not a social retard like my younger sister because we were made fun of our whole lives for being fat. Yes, i am social, yes i have gotten far, yes i had lots of friends.and yes i wear daring clothing. But everyday, everytime i speak to someone, every friend i met, every peice of clothing i wear, i am so afraid i do take to heart the bad looks i get, i do take to heart being called fat and it hurts really bad. Can i cry because of it, no i can not cry. It's like everybad thing, everybad look, every peice of clothing that doesnt fit is being shoved deep inside of me and it hurts so bad, that i feel like i have perminant scars all over my heart, that when i think about it i loose my breath and feel pain in my chest. Has being fat destroyed my life? Yes. i know that if i was not fat i would not be the person i am today, i know i have great potential to be something magnificant but i've always had a barrier on me. being fat has pushed me to be extermely social and known in school, but it's also caused me to fail nearly everyclass since 4th grade, my whole life i've been so worried about making sure that people like me, and trying to look or act my best, that i destroyed myself, not just academically, but i don't even know who i really am because of it. And yes, most fat people share the same stories, no i cant fit into my chairs at school, no my seatbelt in my car does not fit me and make it hard for me to drive, no i cant buy the clothes i want, no i can't even whipe myself in the bathroom fully. Yes being fat has given me so many health problems like so many others, yes i have sleep apnea, yes i have intontinence, yes i was pre diabetic, yes my whole body constantly aches, yes i was one of the youngest people in america to have carpal tunnel so bad i needed surgery right away.. all because i am fat. So YES i am like most fat people. Yes we all share the same story. My story is no different really from the next persons, but i do know positively now, that now at 20 years old, if i do not have bariatric surgery, if i do not shed this 150 mask that is covering my whole body, i will never be the person i was born to be, and i will always carry heavyness not only on the outside but on the inside as well.. I will not stop until i get the surgery. I need it, i need it to be me.

The question now is which surgery to get? Right now i feel most comfortable with the Vertical Sleeve Gastrectimy, i understand that it has not been around as long as gastric bypass and there isnt much data on how it will affect you in the long run. but honestly im terrified of having my intesetines cut. My sister originally was getting the sleeve and a week before surgery she switched to bypass because of last minute fears. I understand that bypass has been around longer, and i understand it helps you loose more weight. I guess i don't know what to do, I wish there was a book of all the complications from both surgerys, so i could see which one is better for me. I know i will meet with doctors and they will discuss it with me, and i've read and looked countless things up on the internet, but i still am unsure. I feel safest with the sleeve because you still have a stomach being a stomach, but im also afriad because they dont have as much info, its not reversible and what happens if your stomach gets sick later on in life, there is nothing there to fix it with? I understand bypass has been around longer, but they do cut your intestines, i'm so afraid of having them moved around, there are so many stored about people whos intestines get twisted and become fatal or of mal obsorbtion it's just those risks are more scary to me than the risks of sleeve and not having it undone, or getting stomach cancer and having absolutely no cure for it because there is no extra stomach. maybe i just need peoples advice, from thier experience, why they are having or had what they had. And then i have to pick between these two doctors.

Most people say that they hope one day they can be normal and be a skinny or normal weight person, and that bariatric surgery will help them obtain that. I just hope that which ever surgery i get i hope it helps me be me, and be the person i know i can be inside.