Raze
Haters Gonna Hate
Jan 01, 2015
Yes, it's true. Not everyone will understand our choice to have WLS. Many will judge, some will scoff, and yet others will be resentful that we had our cake and ate it too, and took the easy way out in the end. We refused to pay for our "sins" into the grave, and would not accept our punishment for being all too human, and falling all too short of perfection. Somehow we deserved to be FAT, diabetic, outcast, and sexually undesirable. Somehow, unless we lost weight ourselves, we deserved to reap what we had sown, and could not make a change how we saw fit. We should suffer, we should pay, and why on earth could we "not do it ourselves."
So many times I heard that refrain. "Well, can't you do it on your own? "Why do you need surgery?" "Are you that weak?" These questions used to shame me terribly. But now they are easy to answer. No. To lose weight. Yes, I am that weak. Anymore questions? I'll be glad to look you straight in your ignorant face and answer them.
Because nothing speaks like success, and nearly eight years out of surgery my success at weight loss and changing myself and my life speaks far louder and truer than any of the haters. But most of the time nothing need to be said. I speak for myself very clearly just being myself, and no explanations for my weight or how I lost it is necessary. It just is what it is.
I post this mostly for the pre-ops and new post-ops. I have read their posts on the board and the fear, stigma, judgement, and doubts can be palpable. It's sobering to realize not long ago I was where they are today. Excited and fearful, uncertain but committed, looking forward to a future that is certainly uncertain. How much weight will they lose, how fast, how will their lives change. That is enough to deal with without having to deal with others who do not walk in their shoes judging them. So I want them to know it will be OK. Even if you don't lose all the weight you want, its slow, you have complications or otherwise, it will be okay.
The haters will come and go. You cannot tell everyone you had weight loss surgery. I once told a woman who was interested in me I had lost 200 pounds. Her eyes lit up, she thought I had some magic. When I told her I had surgery she was no longer interested in me. I guess that kind of magic was far too real for her. I have told other FAT people I have had surgery and they tell me they know people who have but "gained it all back" or died. They keep talking to me and others about how they want to lose weight, but NEVER ask me about my surgery. A couple of these people are now diabetic, one is using a mobility scooter to get around, and a couple others are facing knee replacement. They tell me and others they are lonely, can't find a good lover, work jobs they are unhappy with, and want to lose weight. They never ask me about surgery. I never mention it. Not anymore. It's too sad for me when I see that "look" of fear come across their faces. What fear? The fear of change. Real change, permanent change, no going back change. The change hopefully each and everyone who reads this is courageous enough to face and embrace and make real. And you're fuckin' awesome for that. Some of these people are haters, too. Trouble is they hate themselves, even if unaware of it. And I have come to have great compassion for them. After all I was once one of them. And of course not everyone wants to lose weight. Some don't, and seem perfectly happy. But regardless it's always "doctor says I have to lose weight" or "it sucks to have to take this medicine" or "i am so embarrassed," and all the rest. And that doesn't sound very happy to me. But who am I to say? I love people and accept them as they are. But for me that only came after surgery and as I learned to love and accept myself. I have a smile for all I meet and truly wish them the best. Just don't cross me or those I love because I will bury you. But I'll do it with a smile on my face.
So not all will understand us or our choice to do this. Some of these people will be very close to us, some not so close, and yet others complete strangers. But we're not doing it for them. We're doing it for us, and its our life to live. Your success will speak for itself, and your life changes will speak louder than the haters and all their useless banter. They are of no consequence. When we allow someone to literally reach inside us and change us for good, for real, and forever...that is when all the haters can go to hell, and for good. They will never walk in our shoes, know our courage, or taste our success. And that success is not completed when you lose weight. That success is completed when you lay down on that operating table and say "I am ready. Let's do this." And that is when the hate stops, and the love begins.
I wish you all my very best....
