Struggling some

Sep 30, 2010

Okay so I don't write here much, mainly because most days are great and I don't think about it, but right now I have stuff on my mind and feel like spewing, so here goes.  I am just over 5 months out and as a whole I feel things are still going well.  However, I feel as if I am on the edge of that reality and ready to topple into the abyss of massive suckage.  I already know I can eat WAY more than most people at this point.  I don't regularly measure, but I do watch what I eat.  I eat protein first, avoid most carbs and dont' drink (except a couple sips) during or after meals for 30 minutes.  I take my vitamins and get all my protein plus some.  The problem is I am seeing myself recognize the problem and ignore it.... just like before.  Why is it I can see this and still not do anything about it?  I have always been my biggest enemy and obviously that didn't change with surgery.  I am still losing at about 2 lbs a week, and I am happy with that.  But I still have about 54 lbs to go, which at 2 lbs a week I will reach goal right about the time of my one year surgiversary.  But I already know that stalls are inevitable, and if I continue down that unsteady path of eating too big of portions and not exercising, yeah I said it, not exercising, I know that a stall or two are in my future if not a total weight loss stoppage.   So what is my point?  None really, other than I think I needed to put it out there so I could read it to myself and maybe, just maybe it would help me to motivate myself to do better.  I still want to know why sometimes I can eat as much as a cup of food and other times not even a full half cup.  Consistency I thought maybe, but it doesn't seem that it matters. Its random.  Maybe I will never know.  But for today, I am eating a small premeasured lunch, and a couple of shakes, then for dinner something moderate and measured, maybe I can get back on track and help myself out a bit. 

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