Ms. Caramel Diva
9/4/06 4:10 pm My surgery date is scheduled for 9/21/06. I am no longer nervous.. more excited thanm anything!! My children (especially my 10 year old daughter) is behind me 100 percent... I have found a couple of people to add to my support group, and I am looking foward to having this done. God loves us all so much and he has a purpose for everything. I have noticed that through my WL journey, I have gotten so close to him. (When they said every knee shall bow..... (smile)) God has truly blessed me not only during my lifetime, but especially through my WL journey. He led me to realize who my real friends and family were, who is here for me and who was not... So many people have tried to discourage me from having this surgery (mainly family) they have said I would die on the operating table.. they have said you can loose the weight just change what you eat and exercise.... eassy for you to say when you weigh 100lbs and live in the gym!!! Anyway I really love my children, and I now know my worth because they have been by me the entire way. Through my ups and downs and my emotional journey as well. This WLS is an emotional roller coaster ride like no other. I call my children my soldiers... my angels... God truly has blessed me!
10/9/06 I am down 16lbs. I have had my surgery on 9/29/06, and it was the best thing that I did for myself. I have alot more energy, and I feel great. One down fall... LIQUIDS...Please God no more liquids.... This is the hardest part....No seriously it get easier as each day passes.. but I am going to stick with this to make sure I never have to go through this again... Me and my children have begun to walk alot more. The first day was difficult I did one lap and had to have my older son's come and drag me home.. the second day I was able to do 2 laps and that is where I am now.. but it's fun. I am spending more time with them and am able to enjoy the outside air, where as on my of days I would just sleep and find excuses as to why I was not able to get outside. The port site is sore, but I am hoping that clears up soon. Surgery was good. Although I was there alone, I came home to my 4 angels (Michael, Michae', Dadrian, and Jason - my kids) and they were so eager to help. They did not want me to do a thing .. even my two year old brought me water (it was only a sip because he could not reach the dispenser for too long to fill the glass... but it was all I could drink anyway (isn't that so cute!!!) I love my kids ... I 've said it before and I will say it again... They are my angels... I am truly blessed!! Stay Blessed !!!!
10/11/06 Okay I have lost another 2 pounds. I have been blessed to find a new protien drink (ISOPURE ) It comes in a 20oz bottle zero carbs, zero fate and 160 caleries. Since I am still on liquids this is good for me. It tastes like snapple. I am not too happy with the apple melon, but I love the BLUE RASBERRY. This make liquids so much easier. I would highly recommend this. 2 more days on liquids and I am done. It's hard when you have to cook for small children....I. I am used to eating out of the pot... no I can't taste the food (UURRGG!!!) I feel bloated though with all these liquid, can't wait to get to solids... I am soooooooo ready. God is good and so I will have to be patient. One thing... this port is really bothering me, it itches like crazy... any suggestions from anyone would be greatly appreciated! Stay Blessed you thanks to all for the support throughout my surgery!
10/12/06 Hello all. I am doing good. I know it has only been 13 days and I am suppose to be on smooshies., but..... I have all day been drinking water.. ny isopure (alpine punch mmmmmmm) and a mcdonald's grilled chicken salad... I have been on this one salad all day (literaly) I used to can put it away in 30 minutes. It is now 5 hours later, and I still have half a salad to go. I have finished one of my protien drinks (40g) and water 30(oz) and I am stuffed. (WOW I LOVE THIS BAND!!!) anyway my goal today is to try to drink at least another half of the protien drink (20g). I don't know if I can do it though because I am so full....I am looking foward to my first fill.. altough it may be awhile away, cause this no fill is working just as good. What I am planning to do is to go for at least 1 protien drink per day and some other type of protein (fish, cheicken, and a vegetable) and get at least 40oz of water per day. I plan on doing (10 reps 4 times)40 arm lifts and 3 laps (10 reps 3 times)30 sit-ups and (10 reps 3 times) 30 squats per day for 1 week. this is my week one diet. Every week (on thursday) I will change and let you know my progress. Pray for me You all!!
I have not gotten on the scale today. I said that I would try to weigh myself once a week instead of daily. Since I have a little time I will set my goals:
1.) Get closer to GOD
2.) Run and play with my children
3.) Giving Myself a pedicure!
4.) Get into a size 14 pants by 11/1/06
5.) Get into a size M (Tight T) by 11/1/06
6.) Run 1 mile by 11/1/06
7.) Stick to an excercise program by 11/1/06
8.) Make time for ME weekly (ME TIME)
9.) Be consistant
10.) Cross my legs without passing out! (LOL)
11.) Learn how to dance
12.) I plan to loose 10 lbs per month - Not too much to ask!!
11/15/06 Okay family!!! Iam finally going for my first sill on friday!!! Thank You Jesus. I need it!!! Will update you all later.. stay blessed! OH... and thanks to all of you for the support!!
11/18/06 I had my first fill!!! This is great!!! I actually went to my doctor and he said you have lost weight!! (ME???) You guys don't understand. With all that I have been eating, I was sure I had gained all the weight I lost and then some.... so (although it was only 1lb) I was still excited. 6 weeks of doing the wrong thing, I was blessed not to have gained. My doctor said I should have at 6 weeks have lost more than that (which I already knew) but as of Sunday 11/19/06 I am going to straighten up. I have to sneak food so my kids don't see, I don't want them to be disapointed. They were so happy when I got the surgey, but this is really hard, and I want to do right... well this time around, I will be praying while trying to change my eating habits....Until next time...
11/22/06 I am so proud of myself today. I for the first time in a long time have drank all of my water for the day. Water is so hard for me to get down now, it seems to take space in my stomach, so I have begun alternating between eating then liquids (water and isopure- proteins) this seems to be working out for me pretty well...
11-29-06 Today I have the flu (Day 3) Not feeling well at all.. cannot get much in to eat - no appetite...
11/30/06 I am still shedding hair like crazy, so this morning I gave myself a little trim. I hope this stops the breakage. If not I am getting braids. I am doing relly well on the protien train. For breakfast I had an omlet . for snack I ate a couple bites of salmon and for lunch I am eating a salad from mcdonalds. This I know will be dinner as well, because since I got the band and my 1st fill Ihave not been able to each a whole salad. Lost 2 more pounds since my fill...
12/12/06 Yesterday was not a good day for me. I was extemely depressed. I could not snap out of it. I know I work alot and not being around my kids as much as I would like is ading to the stress .... but I have never been so upset. Didn't know why I was upset.. just was. I ran to the kitchen (call myself punishing myself) and I ate, ate , and ate, until the band was literally pertruding. Then I hated myself even more. I knew I was hurting myself, but I just kept eating... (My children (my angels) grabbed my hands when they got out of school and prayed for me . (I just held their little hands and did not respond. (I knew I was wrong) but those soldiers... they were not letting momma give up... without fighting... After dinner before bedtime they grabbed my hands and prayed and my 3yr old say GOD HELP MOMMY.. (AAAWWWW - from the mouths of our own children) I felt so bad.. when I am weak they are strong. I felt so good we talked for about an hour after that.... they said mommy if you are stressed why don't you just rest (I thought.... Single mom 4 kids hoing through a divorce .. no child support... mommy I need... mommy I want... bills due... needing help with homework... washing clothes... cooking... ironing clothes... YEAH RIGHT......this was all I wanted for Christmas R.E.S.T. - LOL...) Anyway. I love my kids and they haev had my back through it all.... Oh by the way down 1 more lb in 2 days!!! Can't wait for my 2nd fill this Friday!!!
12/23/06 2nd Fill.. Still no restriction. I see a small bit of weight loss, but I am not sure.. The scales says -1lb.... ONE!!!! URG.... My hair is still shedding and I am getting very discouraged.. My doctor says to wait until the 4th or 5th fill.. we'll see...
12/27/06 I am still not eating right.. Too much stress.. I know that this is an excuse but this is really hard.. I wasnt to get focused but it seem when I try to get focused more stress arrises...Still struggling with depression.....
12/28/06 I have made up my mind 1/1/07 is a new year for me.. I am taking it one day at a time and try to eat the right way.. I am going to need you all's support... Stay Blessed1
1/1/07 Happy new year to all!!! Okay... I am starting my protien train a little early. Me and my daughter are doing this thing together. This is day one. Only meats and one veg per day, with all of our water. For breakfast I had about 5 slices of turkey pastrami and I brought some baby carrots to snack on (12 for the entire day) and I will do some sliced turkey breast for lunch.. the real test is when I get home ..for dinner. Pray for me.. I know I can do it if I can get past day 3. But this year I am deicated. My new short term goals for the new me:
1.) Rededicate my life to Christ and place him 1st in all I do.
2.) Spend more time with my children away from the house
3.) Excercise Daily..even if it's just walking for 30 minutes. Loose 2lbs per week
4.) Make more time for myself.. Understanding that I am not superwoman
5.) Let my off days be my off days and stop working so much overtime
6.) Leave the past in the past.... Letting Go of all things that are not for me
7.) Start the steps to forgive all that have hurt me in the past
8.) Stop blameing myself for everything.. Stop making excuses for everyone when they do something to hurt me.
9.) Stop being TOO nice... Learn to say NO
10.) Start focusing on building my business back. Get my motivation back!
11.) FINDING ME AGAIN
1/1/06 11:43 am.. Okay I have never posted twice in the same day.. but I am going to need some support, so I decided to journal.. gettin headaches.. I know this is in my mind. I am on day 1 of the protien train...and my mind is telling me I need to eat. but my stomache says no.. I am not hungry.. gonna need some support you guys...
1/25/07 6:32 pm Okay I have gotten my 3rd fill (Monday) and WOW what a differnce I now have 2.5 cc. I complained to my doctr how much I was able to eat.. so he put a little extra in the band.. I can hardly eat a thing. The most I can eat at one time is 1-2 ounces. whereas I was eating 10 times that amount before the fill. My children are so worried for me.If I try to eat more, it comes up with this thick slimy stuff (NASTY!!!!) so I went and bought alot of 2 oz containers, and i just take my time and eat from them. Every now and then I might get happy and take a bigger bite or break off a bigger piece to chew on, but my band quickly reminds me, that it's not having that..... Now I can truly see the work in this band. A little discouraged and disgusted at first.... I am not able to eat breads, or chicken. lunchmeat really hurts going doen, yet I have no problem with seafood salad. What I eat: V8 vegitable juice 12 oz can usually last me the entire day. 1 16.9 oz green diet lipton tea and 8oz of water and 8 oz of milk. I just usaully sit at my desk sipping at work all day. then I might get a bite of some spinach leaves that I cut up very small. I also am able to get 2-3 wheat ritz crackers per day. This is it. I am waiting to see the outcome, but I feel like I am stressing my kids out. My daughter (who just made 11 years) feels like I am killing myself. I actually overheard her praying to GOD for me to get the band removed. My older son who is 12 going on 35 wants me to excercse with him (he is loosing a lot of weight, but it is really easy to loose the weight at that age and being active) but I can't explain to that Mommy can't do this alone. That I need this tool. I am always stressing to them to try and never give up, but it seem contradicting when I am giving up on trying to do this alone. I really feel bad, like I am sending them mixed messages. But I can't think about that now, I know that this is just the enemy trying toget into my head, and I am riding this out. I am loving this restriction. I am doing this for me.. I LOVE YOU KIDS!!! BUT THIS ONE IS FOR MOMMA!!!! I want to thank you all for the support!!! You all have such encouraging words... Stay Blessed you all , and I wil keep you posted!!!
1/25/07 8:29 pm OH forgot I gained 2 lbs. My currentweight is now 216. Planing on doing at least 3-5lbs per week..
2-6-07 2:02 pm YEAH!!!! I am don to a 16!!! Don't know how many pounds yet, but I don't care either. I love this NEW restriction. This is some of the foods I eat daily:
1. 12 oz V8 juice
2. Baby Carrots
3. Slim Fast Optima (1 can creamy milk chocolate)
4. Turkey breat sandwich on flatbread, with cajun turkey breast.mayonaise, 3 slices of turkey pastrami, spinich leaves, adn 2% pepper jack cheese (usually only a half.
The bad effects of the fill is that you always are throwing up if you eat or drink too much (Sometimes I am usually like hello band,,, that was only one bite) then I get frustated and try to stuff it... but it always beats me up and comes back. This is so embarressing in public, so I actually don;t eat in public (which I geuss in a sense is good, because this means no fast food. ) Well fast food for me is a no no.. I can eat half a bite of a burger and probably 2 FRIES . ... I really fel bad because my daughter who is trying to change her eating habits as well.. s like mommy you are doing good!!! I wish I was as strong as you. But I am explaining to her .. It's not me.,.. I had to get help and she is much stronger than I because she is doing it with no help!!!! I LOVE YOU MICHAE".. we are throwing a DIVA Party when we get to our goal weight. See all the bad eating growing up was not worth it. Now I am battling it again through my children. I really wish I would have made better choices. But ... Iam making changes now and that is all that counts. I love my children.. (MICHAel, MICHAE', DADRIAN, and JASON) You all are my inspiration and I love you all. MOMMY IS DOING THIS FOR US!!!!!
2/14/07 12:07 am Just decided to drop in a few lines to express some much needed sighs!!!! I LOOK GOOD!!! YEAH!!! I am not no where near my goal, but I am looking good and feeling great! It is now 12:08 am and I hav worked a 11 hour shift today.. I am still not sleep. Normaly I would come straight in.. do my daily duities (getting kids school clothes, cooking next dinner for my kids for the next day.. clean the house) but that is all done, and I still have energy. I am so glad that I got this band.. I eat alot less.. today I had a special k protien water. 1 southern chicken sandwich from mcdonald's that took me the entire day to eat on (and still had 1/4 left) I had about 5 strawberried (MM MMM MMMM) I ate 4 pieces of cheese and 8 crackers) THIS IS IT!!! This is all that I had the entire day, and I am not hungry at all. I normally would come home and eat when I get off of work, but I have not been doing that lately. I am just not getting hungry. I could have just kicked myself for wanting to give up on my band!!! (Patience is everything) JESUS YOU ARE SO GOOD TO ME!!) I am so much more happier ..although there is alot of restriction, I don't think I willneed a fill this moth. I am going to the doctor to get my official weigh in!!! My angels (my kids) has helped me through this all!!! They have held my hand and heard my winning!!! MY BABIES!!! I LOVE Y BABIES!!! Now I ahave had a breather and gotten some much needed me time, I think I am ready to start entering the dating scene again. (I HAVE MY LIFE BACK - THANK YOU JESUS) I am not rushing this one lord.. I will patiently wait on you, but I am openeing myself up again to date. For awhile I closed shop on alot of offers... BUT SHE IS OPEN FOR BUSINESS AGAIN.. RECONSTRUCTION COMPLETE.. I don't want anything seriou until my kids are off to college (SOUNDS FUNNY HUH???) Just can't allow myself to go back through that mental death again.... yes fellas it will be a will before you hear the word comitment come out of my mouth.. just looking for companionship!!! Thank you to all of you who supported me, I don't think I would have made it through this emotional rollocoaster they call weight loss surgery!!! Now if you all excuse me, I must get on that treadmill... oh for those who are following my profile, here is my excersise regimine as I promised: I pre-record all of my programs while I am work, so that I won't miss them, and watch them during my workout (MAKES WORKING OUT SOOOO MUCH EASIER)
1.) 1.5 hours treadmill - through 2 court shows (JUDGE MATHIS AND JUDGE JOE BROWN)
2.) 30 minutes on bike (JUDGE ALEX)
3.) AB LOUNGER 2 - 100 CRUNCHES ( while listening to smooth R&B)
4.) 50 BLOWS TO THE PUNCHING BAD (WHILE THINKING ABOUT MY JOB....GREAT WAY TO RELIEVE STRESS!!!!!!!!) - THIS IS AFTER THE KIDS GO TO SLEEP OF COURSE!!!! (LOL)
5.) LONG HOT BUBBLE BATH - 15 MINUTES ... ME TIME!!!!!!!! OR IN OTHER WORDS DESERT!!!! (LOL)
STAY BLESSED FAM!!!!
4-12-07 Okay I weighed into day at 184 lbs... I am coming down.. I went for a fill yesterday, could not eat a thing... could not swallow water...So I had to get some removed... Now bck at 3cc.. I am feeling good... Wow... can't believe I am 7 months out, and feeling this good....
