the first of three moves and how this is affecting my eating

Nov 18, 2017

So move number one is on tomorrow. and i forgot it was the santa clause parade and had to rebook my truck. as the pick up location was across the parade route from where i live. what a frickin disaster. 

this whole thing i just want to wake up and it be a year ago. my dad would have been alive, my surgery would be pending and i would be able to be prepared for it. knowing now what i didnt know then. i would be alble to appriciate everything i have in my life. 

my eating. it is just a train wreck. i dont want to at all. i have cooked my favorite foods hoping to lure my belly into interest. it is really nto working too well. i want nothing to do with food. i know i will eat when i am with my partner nda my mum as they MAKE me eat. but i just dont want to. and on top  of that i seem to be GAINING weight. i dont want to bitch on the boards. it is already the ME ME ME show every time i post. I dont mean to be so needy. i want to show support for my fellow losers. but i just am having such a hard time. i want to do right i want to eat properly but i find i am not meeting nutritional guidlines and my vitamins! i have the multis and the b12 but the calcium vit D is just proving damn near impossible to get in enough once i take them my pouch feels full and i cant eat. they are just so huge. and they dont fit in my pill cutter. 

excercise. what a bummer. i am absconding my mums recumbent cycle when imove to her place but until then i am making due iwth a little bit of walking. but its not enough well my arthritis screams "thats quite enough" after my walk to work and home. my parnter is convinced i am not moving enough. it is aweful i should be swimming while i have a pool accessable. but i am not. i am still so afraid to go into the world in a bathingsuit. 

Body image. i am saggy, i am not losing the weight, i am stalled on the scale and my body is squishy. i am losing boob. just my luck still got the double chin and now my boobs are dissappearing. fuck. it just sucks. i still have the belly and the pouch it looks like i am carrying a fanny pack i dont look much diffenrt than i did a few months ago I hate me. 

stall on the weight. it looks like i am GAINING weight my scale is the most evil scale of all time it just hates me. i am almost ready to give up on my scale compleatly. only weigh myself at my mums as her scale was on par with the doctors scale last check. but i still check mine and it is higher than it was a week and a half ago. i should be losign and im not. im not losing even after a massive poop. (sorry tmi i know) i was hoping that that would do it but no. i just am near panicing. so much stress. i just needed to vent

8 Comments