Aug 08, 2015
Saw the dietician & nurse yesterday for my final pre-op appointments. I weighed in there at 293.6 which they thought was great...still going in the right direction! But I had weighed myself last week at Walmart & was 292. Maybe the scales were off b/c they are different, but I have been eating more as well as eating out more. So I think I gained a little.
I felt major anxiety going in for that appointment. The surgery is now imminent. I am going to have to stick to a meal plan for the rest of my life if I want to be successful, and that is scaring the hell out of me! Will I be able to do it? I was doing really well when I started the program, but I have slipped since then. Carbs are a real issue for me!I am hoping the 'tool' surgery gives me will help, but I know ultimately this is 100% on me. I can't blame others for tempting me with what they are eating and how it makes me crave. I need to put the coping mechanisms I have learned into motion. I need to pay attention to the difference between head hunger & real hunger...and not eat because I am bored or angry.
One of my coping mechanisms have been my backyard pool, but we will close it before my surgery next month. I would not be able to swim for a few weeks post-op anyway, and by then the weather here will turn cooler. I am kind of mourning that loss already. I could join a pool, but that is so different. Instead, I will focus on my walking and weights as the seasons change and it gets colder. Winter will no doubt be a challenge, but I am getting way ahead of myself. I need to remind myself 'one day at a time.' I can't change a month or year at a time...
Some people have complimented me on my pre-op almost 60 pound weight loss, but others don't seem to notice. Maybe 60 pounds isn't enough for ppl to notice when you are so big! I still wear most of my same clothes, and while they are loose or baggy they still fit. But all my capris have elastic waists. It will be interesting to get into a regular pair of pants and see how they look. Some of my measurements have gone down a few inches...others are holding tight. I find that interesting given I have always heard you usually lose inches before you see the loss on the scale...
I wish I could sleep through the pre-op diet until about 2 weeks out from surgery...lol! I am just so ready to get it over and done with and know everything is going to be okay. I hate anxiety. I hate waiting. I hate wondering if everything is going to be alright.
I hope to hear from my surgeons office next week to see him and get the surgery scheduled. It's time to get this show on the road!