repogirl
Gosh, I know this is coming a little late but here is my story!!!! From what I understand from my mom I have been on a diet every since I was about 3 weeks old!!LOL !! She said the doctor took me off of regular formula because I was gaining weight to quickly and put me on 2% milk at that time to regulate my weight!! I was always a chubby kid and wore husky pants, but I wouldn't say that I was an overly fat kid. I was active and played outside alot!! But I really, really liked and took comfort in my food. I can't really put my finger on a certain incident in my life that made food such a crutch for me I really feel like it was just always kinda there. I can remember my mom watching every bite that went into my mouth my ENTIRE growing up. I was on every diet you can name starting heavily in middle school. My mom had me on the green bean diet, the egg diet, the cabbage soup diet, weight watchers, the heart patients diet (even though I had no heart condition) and when I had a break between diets she would monitor very very closely what went into my mouth. I can remember that when I was in high school I was a very thin girl, 5 foot 1 inch, 115-120 pounds but to me when I looked into the mirror all I saw was a 300 pound ugly fat girl. My mom talked to me on a daily basis about my weight and how important it was NOT to be fat and how people (GUYS) would talk about me and she would remind me of how I waddled and guys laughed at me when I was about 10. I can remember I had a friend over for dinner (a girl, not a guy) when I was in high school, I cheered with her,anyways we had grilled chicken breast, green beans, rolls and potatoes for dinner. Well they weren't actually a huge breast but the strips, I only ate one and I was still hungry so I went to get anotherone and my mother slapped my had and took it from me. Lets just say that was the running joke at school for a long time and totally humilliated me!!! Anytime I was away from my mom I would eat anything and everything I could get my hands on and I don't really think it was because I was sooo hungry, I think it was because I felt like I was in control when she wasn't around and she couldn't tell me what to do so I would go through taco bell and get like 6 tacos and scarf them down!! I think she is how I developed my wonderful eating disorder. Because when I finally turned 18 and moved out and away from my home, I ate and I ate and I ate and I grew from about 115 in 1993-1994 to 150 in 1995 when I married my husband. I continued to "SHOW HER" that she couldn't control what I ate anymore. Yeah I really showed her I ballooned up to the 260 pounds that led me straight into the surgery room for RNY. I had my RNY on July 21, 2006 at 8:00 a.m. on a beautiful Thursday morning. I can remember in about 2000 (I think) Carny Wilson was talking about her surgery and it was showing it on T.V. , we were on vacation in Myrtle Beach with my family and husband and 2 year old daughter. I said immediately I want to have that surgery !!! When I left the room my husband said to my mom, "she doesn't need that surgery, there is no way she is 100# overweight". And my mothers response was very catty and snotty and she said "Ha, yeah she could deffinately qualify she is more than 100# overweight!!!" Now I do admit I was overweight at that time but probablly just at 100# overweight, but how terriable is that to be such a whitch about your own daughter!!! Anyway I really talked alot about it and researched it for a while and for about 5 years everytime I brought it up she said you just need to do it on your own, not resort to surgery!!! YOU WILL DIE!!! Well I had a very young child with a heart condition and was scared to death of dieing and leaving her!! So I just put the surgery out of my mind and forgot about it, all the while trying my but off to loose the weight and yeah I would loose 30 here and 30 there but I never kept it off it always came back on and had friends!!! So in 2005 I really got tired of not being able to play with my daughter the way I should and said " I AM HAVING SURGERY" you can either support me or not that is your choice!! I researched a few doctors went to a few seminars and made my decision on who to use. Then it felt like 10 ton of bricks fell on me, they said I had to wait 6 months for my supervised diet!!UUUUUUGGGGHHHH!! Well I started that and survived it and had my RNY and have now to date(11-15-07) lost a total of 110# and am absolutely loving life. At this time my mom is not in my life and I would be lieing if I said it didn't bother me.I do still have to fight my head almost on a daily basis but this is a lifelong change that I WILL NOT fail at!!! Still have about 20-25#'s to go but I can at least see the light at the end of the tunnell!!!
