ressie

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 So I've lost 100 pounds from the day of surgery. In less than 6 months. Wow.

 I saw Dr. Mora for my follow up appointment this afternoon. It's been less than 5 months and I've lost 95 lbs since surgery. Everything looks good too. All my labs came back normal. I was a little worried about the protein, but it was normal as well. Low normal, but going up. I've managed to doctor the protein shakes with splenda and peanut butter and they are actually good. No intolerable protein smell that way . The only real complication I've had is a kidney stone earlier this month because I got lax with my calcium and water for a few weeks. That was horrible and I've learned my lesson!! It was more painful than childbirth. Not fun. So for all the newbies, the water and calcium are crucial! Oh yeah.....and the hair loss is bad.

I have a part-time job at Lane Bryant now. The best part of the job is the amazing discount on clothes. Now I'm happy to report that I can't even take advantage of that anymore! I'm too small for a 14/16 women's! I'm in a 16/18 misses! This is insane! I was pushing a 26 before surgery. Now I can shop in a regular women's store. I start an internship the last week in August and I assumed that I would get most of my clothes from Lane Bryant with my discount, but I can't now! It's really overwhelming to be able to find something in (almost) any store. It's a nice problem to have though

 I had surgery only 4 months ago and I've lost 85 pounds!! It is completely unreal. There are times that I don't really believe this is happening. Like I'll wake up and weigh over 300 lbs again. I still don't see myself as someone who weighs 216 lbs. I haven't seen that since I was 20 or 21-years-old. My next goal is to get to 200 pounds by my 6 month point. Then to get to my goal of 160 by my 10 month point.

You know, I was so afraid that I would be one of those patients that loses very slowly and then plateaus out well before my goal. I'd had so many diets fail before that I didn't think this would be much different. I'm so happy that I'm losing so well, but it brings up a whole new set of fears. If I don't reach goal, it will be MY failure. I can't blame this on the surgery. It is obviously doing its job and soon it will be up to me to do mine. That actually terrifies me. I'm not anywhere near goal, but I'm much better off than I was 4 months ago and I don't ever want to go back. I'm determined to lead a healthy life.

 I can't believe it! I just had surgery 3 1/2 months ago and I'm already half way to goal. I will probably be under two hundred pounds by August! This is absolutely amazing. I've definitely had to wrap my head around a few things like food, and attention, and socializing, but this has definitely been worth it in the long run. I am so happy right now.

 I finally got over that second stall. I was stuck at 248 FOREVER. I got on the scale this morning and it said 243. I can live with that. Lets hope I don't hit another stall for a little while.

I've been struggling to get my protein in. According to my doctor, I am only supposed to eat three times a day. Unfortunately, I wouldn't be able to ever get my protein in that way, so I've been eating a snack to supplement. I haven't had a protein shake in at least a month. I really can't handle them. I literally gag from the super sweetness. So, I need to be much more careful about what I eat and how much protein is in there.

I think I have a part-time job at Lane Bryant. Haha. I finally get WLS and now I'm going to work at a plus size woman's store. I have to get a part-time job for the summer and the fall during my internship, and Lane Bryant offers good hours and limited insurance. I hope they don't fire me if I lose too much weight.

 I've had a tough couple of months. I had two very difficult courses to complete this semester. I should have known better than to take both of them at the same time. So the good news is that I have a little break until the Summer Semester starts in late May. I'm gonna relax, work out, and clean my house. It will be nice. Oh, yeah...I'll get a social life back!

I'm two days shy of my two month surgiversary. I've gone from 301 to 248. I was wearing a size 26 and I'm now in a 18/20. This is happening so fast, it's just surreal. I went shopping (at my new favorite cheap work clothes shop: Catos!) and bought some clothes that aren't falling off me. I was looking in the dressing room mirror and I noticed just how much weight I've lost. I just can't believe it's happening so fast. On a purely superficial note: I think I'm gonna need help with my thighs! There's already some loose skin issues there. Which is surprising because I had incredible legs when I was thin. My arms and stomach have always been my trouble spots. I'm probably getting ahead of myself. We shall see what happens with the skin. 

 I went back to work Monday. I am a Job Coach for the local Board of Education and the high school students are taking the High School Graduation Exam, so I can't go to the schools. My plan was to visit some current and prospective job sites and rest at work. Well, Monday went great. I was up and running around at work. I even walked two miles after work. Tuesday started out well, but I think I did too much. After work, I ran a bunch of errands and I started getting really tired. I was only able to walk a mile and a half. Today, I've really been dragging. I've been tired all day. I was only able to walk a half a mile. I just want to go to sleep. I think I'm going to take it easy the rest of the week. Next week is Spring Break and I won't have to work. Yay!

 So, I'm alive. The surgery went well. Dr. Mora said the only strange thing he came across was my spleen is abnormally large. It's apparently not that big of a deal, but odd nonetheless. Surgery was less than two hours and I was up and walking around about three hours afterwards. I actually felt better when I was up and walking around then I did when I was sitting. There was some pain, but it was manageable. In fact, it was much less painful than I thought it would be. So that was a relief.

I was finally able to have a little bit of protein shake today. I haven't had anything but water since Monday, so I was kinda excited about that protein shake. I'm also stoked that I didn't dump on milk. I really like milk, so I was worried about that. I'm a little weirded out by food right now. I have absolutely no desire to eat right now. The thought of eating real food is really scary for me right now. But there is food EVERYWHERE! It's on TV, there's a restaurant on every corner, there's food all over my house. I can't help but to look around and wonder if or when I'll ever be able to eat like a human being again. I can guarantee that I will not be one of those people who post on the message boards about how I ate a taco or something too early out. I'm too terrified to eat. Plus, I went through a lot to get to this point and I will not mess all of that up!

I have surgery in two days and I'm getting nervous and excited. I have a lot of trouble sleeping. I've been having bizarre dreams about surgery and when I wake up, I can't get back to sleep because my head is racing. It's crazy. I thought I might be paralyzed with fear at this point, but I'm not. That's not to say I don't think of the bad things that could happen, but I think I've accepted that I can live with my decision regardless of what happens. But anyways, I'm feel like I'm floating, I'm so happy. I can't wait to get this over with so I can start living again.

It can be so easy to succumb to negative thoughts. I dreaded this preop liquid diet from the moment that I found out about it. Intellectually, I know why it is important. I know that I am making a life-long change in diet that must start immediately and I need to make sure that I am as healthy as possible before the surgery. But that didn't stop me from cheating here and there and convincing myself that if I could just get through surgery that things would be fine. That kind of thinking got me to 300 pounds once and it will do it again if I don't keep myself in check. So, I will have a new attitude about this from now on. I vow to stay positive and to honest with myself from now on. Whew!

Oh, and to my friend that helped me come to this little epiphany: Thank you.