no problem

Jan 20, 2007

No it is not crazy talk. My surgeon and his nurse is very diligent in informing everyone before surgery that you will be eating to live instead of living to eat. The further out I get the more I realize how true that is. I have tried out of ignorance or just not caring to eat whatever I want and it slaps me in the face every  time. So many times I have tried something and it makes me sick, diarreah to constipation to plan nausea. Who wants to be nauseated everytime they eat something. I can eat crackers,no sugar in them, no problem yeah right if I want to be constipated for a week. I can eat some sugar yeah no problem, yeah right if I want to have diarreah, diarreah a few times no problem. whame their goes my sugar level. I am shaking and getting dizzy. High fat no problem, I can drink some whole milk wont hurt me. no problem wham, nauseated for the next hour. Guess I asked for it didnt I, worked really hard to get this surgery. Well You know what I still have no regrets. I can walk, I can tye my shoe. I can breathe. I still love what this surgery does for me. It keeps me in line. no problem. I can eat some whole grain chips, yeah I was constipated for a two weeks, no problem.

Why do I care?

Jan 12, 2007

I am trying so hard to keep control of my emotions today. I feel as if I am going crazy. What am I exercising for, why do I care what I eat. Nothing seems to be working.  I havent lost weight in over two months. I feel like a complete failure. My marriage sucks. My husband doesnt want me to leave, but doesnt want to do anything to help me feel better. Like ignore our problem and they will go away. . He dont never wants to do anything, and doesnt want me to either. No you cant replace the carpet, no we cant put in new cabinets, no we cant afford to go bowling, or to the movies, no, no, no. I have been exercising so hard. and watching what I eat and I havent lost in so long. WTF do I care for,  no one else does. I am so tired of cleaning after everyone else. And when I say something I am just a nag, All you do is whine and nag. and he usually doesnt use those nice a words. And my son is the same way if I say anything to him. I am so sick of chasing after this two?  I guess I just need to whine and vent somewhere? sorry Do any of you every feel like this.?  I feel like I should just run away and let them figure everything out on there own. I feel as if I am missing life. I dont know what to do anymore. I am so confused. Get a job, not get a job. where to get a job. No I dont want the commentment of a job?  Can I handle the commentment of a job. Bob will drive me crazy. I can see it now?  Sometimes I dont know who is crazier in this relationship, me for staying or him for wanting me too. That is the thing, I stay because he wants me too., and because my son needs the security of staying here. He needs the stability of having a home with a disciplined parents. Hell really I dont know what he needs anymore. I am just trying to get him through high school. And then he says he is joining the army. Well yeah, He definiely needs the discipline of the army. But lets face it. We are at war with Irag. I dont want to push him into that. At the same time, I dont know if Travis can't handle stress well. I guess I am just whiney and venting bad.  
As far as my weight goes it is not moving at all.

Oh and yeah my dog did have ringworm so I am treating him for that.

Am I eating enough or too much?

Jan 09, 2007

Seems as if before surgery I ate all the time and didnt care. Now I feel as if I am still obscessed with food. I think about it all the time. WWhat I am going to eat, is it healthy, should I or shouldnt I eat that. Am I eating the right thing. I am trying hard to stick to my nuts food pyramid. That consists of six servings of meat, two dairy, two vegetables, two fruits, two startches, and one fat. I am having a really hard time eating this much food. At the same time If I dont watch what I am doing I can eat a whole bag of crackers in no time. Should I be this obcessed (sp)  with eating?  I also have only lost 16 pds in four and half months. I am trying to up my exercise. I have been walking  at least one mile on the treadmill at a 3.0 which seems to get me sweating so I must be burning up something.

I dont care

Jan 06, 2007

You know the last week or so I have been trying to up my exercise in hopes I can start my weightloss again. Well my husband is on the jeolous kick, and seems to find me exerciseing has been upsetting him. So I have been trying to exercise when he wasnt around. You know it is hard as the more we fight about my independence, I tell him he does things, like go for coffee and he takes that as I am upset because he does things without me. It is not that, it is that he doesnt want me to do anything and then is jeolous that I am moving on in my life, but when i try to get him to participate he always has some excuse. Always an excuse, he cant walk, he dont like sitting in a theater, he cant bowl. well hell cant never did nothing. Anyway, I decided I am not hiding exercise no more to make him feel better. I worked really hard to get where I can walk. He knows that. So today I didnt stop walking when he came in. He didnt say nothing either. we will see how that goes.  Oh and last night I got a piece of cube steak stuck in my pouch, no more cube steak, it always gives me a hard time. right more later. lov marie

Hey

Jan 05, 2007

Hi, Well things is going well, I guess. The usually anyway. I got a new scale today as the grandkids broke the other one. I am weighing in at 211 still. Seems as if I have been there forever. But I ate really bad a week before christmas. I dont think I am eating enough to keep my metabolism going. So I am trying to up the amount of vegetables in my diet. But I have to stay this is getting so hard. When I eat more I feel so bloated. I dont want to eat more. at the same time. I have to watch them carbs as I will notice myself grazing on crackers or cereal. Or picking up a piece of candy here and there. Might have as well slapped myself in the face. I am also trying to increase my exercise, which is hard as Bob is getting jeolous and the more I try to lose the madder he gets, like when I am exercising it makes him mad, so I have to exercise when he is not at home. This jeolour thing has got to stop. well right more later. lov marie

I lost

Jan 03, 2007

I lost three pds the month of December, that is really good considering I ate alot of  stuff I shouldnt have. I am back to the grindstone though. So hopefully I will lose more thia month. I am trying to exercise more. But even that is upsetting Bob. This jealous thing is really going to be the end of this marriage. I keep telling him that, that he is trying to sufficate me, but he wont listen.  I have never had a man do this too me before. It is like walking on eggshells around here. I get dirty looks no matter what I do.I know I am wasting my time trying to work this marriage out. I just dont know how to give up. And become independent again. I will probable have to wait until my car is paid off before I can leave and save some money. I could go to my brothers in Arkansas, but I need to wait until Travis graduates to do that. well got to go. lov marie

I guess I wont be on here much

Dec 28, 2006

Well, first thing my husband is completely computer illiterate. So he knows nothing about computers and internet and I do mean nothing. I guess someone told him that I had a picture on the internet and he threw a fit yesterday. He just dont get it. I have this profile and a myspace profile. So I dont know which one they seen. I think this one. as they probable committed on my weight loss. Anyway he doesnt want me on the computer and since he pays the bills is having the internet disconnected. I dont know how much time I have, I can wing it for a while but  he will enventually probable have it disconnected. I have never hid the fact that I was on the computer, he just didnt understand it And doesnt want anything to do with the computer. So I never told him much. He just dont get it. And probable doesnt want to. but I guess I wont be around much as I cant take the argueing and the silent treatment about it.  I tried to tell him it was like him going uptown after coffee. Just a socializeing thing. but I cant keep fighting with him about it. And trying to explain it is a fight. well got to go The bad part is that I feel so embarrassed that he is doing this stuff to me and I let him. ten years ago I would have told this man to drop dead if he didnt like it. I dont understand the hold he has on me. As I have no where to go and no one to help. My family all think he is the greatest.  I just dont see a way out.  love marie

Christmas,

Dec 27, 2006

Christmas was okay. They only thing wrong was I cooked a big meal and my kids ran off to other places and I still have tons of food. I put part of it in the freezer. I think I will make a homemade pot pie mix with the turkey I didnt put in the freezer today. I dont put it in a shell for two reasons. first I dont eat the shell, and my husband says he doesnt like pot pie. But if I tell him it is a cassorole he loves it. Silly man. What he dont know wont hurt him. lol.  I gained four pds over the holidays, so I am on a lizuid diet today and as long as I can stand it. And back to exercising. I am almost a year out and havent even hit 100 pd lost yet. I have to get harder on myself or something.  I got lots for christmas, seems funny you know when I was single and struggling, raising my kids by myself, no one would buy me nothing, nor my kids as I couldnt afford to buy for anyone else. Now they all compete to see who can buy for me or something.  Be thankful I know. Anyway, I got a double set of corelle dishes. First time I have had a complete set of matching dishes. Pair of jeans, size 18 Yahoo!!!!  pajamins, size large. a new purse, I really like it. real leather and not to big but not to small just the right size. some  new make up, and some candles. two sets of thermal undies, the fancy kind for women, I couldnt get in them before. new walking shoes. A nice picture in a gold frame (Large) for my living room with a  large mirror in a gold frame to match. And two really ugly homemade wall hangings that I am going to have to hang somewhere so I dont hurt that persons feelings. It is the thought. I think I might put them on the front porch. They have birds on them, I havent tackle decorated that room in a style yet. So maybe if I go with birdshouses in there I can do something with the wall hangings. well sorry so long. Love marie

Cant sleep

Dec 10, 2006

It is almost six o'clock in the morning and I cant sleep. I dont think I have lost anything for over two weeks. I thought I had but then the scales came back up. I think the scales have stopped. Or so it seems. I went shopping with the kids Saturday. I got into a size 18 jeans. I bought one pair. I thought I was about Sasha's size but she got into a 14. But that is okay at least my daughter isnt as heavey as I am. She said she had lost like twenty pds. So maybe I am influenzing her somehow. My son is wearing a forty. So he has come down from a 44. I am proud of them both. Although Travis is my problem child. Bob and I have not faught for a while. I am surprised. We seem to be getting along fairly well. So far. I think the couseling is probable helping, but I may end up in divorce court.  It is funny cause I just told Bob that I had started counceling and he seemed upset about it. I told my coucelor and she said what do you think he is afr4aid of. And I said that if we quit argueing we wont communicate at all and then we have no reason to be together. Interesting thought. I feel as if my life is at a standstill. Also, I have been having a burning in my gut. I probable need to call the surgeon. We will see. It may just be muscles adjusting.

Sunday, 3rd of December

Dec 03, 2006

I am a little over nine months out, I feel as if I have lost my chance to lose, I am losing so slow. I am down about 95 pds. I have to lose 60 more pds to get to goal. I am losing so slow I dont see how I am going to do that. This is hard. I can easily eat things that would stop me from losing weight. I can eat some sugar. Lots of things make me nauseas but I can still eat them if I want. My blood sugar has dropped a few times. I dont really get hungry still. It is head hungry, that is the hardest thing to overcome. I should exercise more, I think I will walk on the treadmill tonight. 

Bob and I are getting along fine, Although I get so aggreviated with him.

About Me
somewhere, IL
Location
24.8
BMI
RNY
Surgery
02/28/2006
Surgery Date
Oct 28, 2005
Member Since

Friends 203

Latest Blog 63
I been working!!!!
update---b 12 low
Hypoglemic Diet
no job!!!

×