rjjohnson82

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I haven't posted or visited since almost 4 years ago. After my last post, I experienced a whirlwind romance that lead me into a very dark and dangerous place. I won't go into it here, but let's just say that I'm very lucky I made it out of that situation alive. I did, however, lose down to about 224lbs. I became active, got out and about, walked, and followed my post-op eating instructions.

And, I did well with keeping the weight off - until I got lazy after my (now) ex-husband was put in prison. Chalk it up to stress, laziness, whatever, but the end result is, in the last two years, I have regained up to 327 pounds. Unacceptable. So here I am again, taking the first steps towards relosing the weight. No surgery - just hard work, dedication, and the knowledge I gained throughout the entire weight loss journey thus far.

It's been a long time since I updated this. I apologize.. I have been a slacker when it comes to visiting OH. My journey has been full of ups and downs. The new surgeon, who is fantastic by the way, has gotten me back on track, and I am doing well. I still have neuropathy in my legs, which tends to create weakness and lack of muscle tone. I am working on it, but it will take a while. I have lost just over 155lbs total. I am able to eat and drink fairly normally, albeit incredibly small portions.

I have some potassium issues that are likely surgery related. We are still working to find out what's going on there, but that is the worst of my issues at the moment. I am active, I have energy, and I can get up and move around. I haven't been home more than a few hours at a time for the last 3 weeks, and it feels great to have a life outside of this little monitor. That's essentially how I lived before - vicariously through the internet world.

I have a long ways to go still, but I am seeing huge changes. And while my journey has been crap, I can now say with confidence that I am glad I had surgery, and I am glad that I am giving myself the opportunity to live my life.

I have debated posting this for a while, but finally decided it needed to be done. My journey has sucked. It has not been fun. It has included complication after complication, and my life has been going through some big changes because of it. Buyers' remorse? You betcha. But not because of the surgery itself. No.. because of the surgeon I chose, and the after care I received (or didn't receive, in my case).

Several weeks out and I still couldn't eat. I had two dilations, but I was still having nausea constantly and began vomiting up saliva and foamies several times a day, if not hourly. I noticed my legs were swelling up huge for no reason, I had no energy, no strength, and I couldn't function. I called to ask about getting in for some nutrients (having an IV with TPN or something to get the vitamins and minerals in), and was told they weren't worried about that. I was also told to basically suck it up and go back to work. I ended up in the ER several times, and developed some numbness and neuropathy in my legs and stomach. The end result was that I couldn't stay by myself, and ended up having to stay with my parents for nearly a month.

I finally got a second opinion. Let me tell you, the difference has been night and day. I still have some nausea off and on, but nowhere near constantly, and aside from one poorly planned out meal that made me vomit, I have not had any vomiting episodes in over a week - possibly closer to 2 weeks. Some of the feeling is coming back to my legs finally, I can function, and I am slowly but surely getting my strength back. Tonight is my first night home, and I am happy to be here, but missing my family. I see the new doctor again tomorrow, and I expect he will allow me to go back to work part time at least. I am 97lbs down, but this was not the way I wanted to do it.

This post isn't to just complain though. I want to leave you with some final thoughts. It is important that you advocate for yourself. Make your needs known. Make sure you're not being ignored, and if you are, find someone who will take proper care of you. Do not let it get so far that you have some (possibly) irreversible damage. You have one life to live, so make sure you can live it well!

I just realized it's been almost a month since I posted last. Oops. I'd like to say everything is magically better but that's really not the case. I still have issues eating. Fluids are fine, but eating is not so great. I still don't know if I have a stricture. He wanted me to wait until I hit 6 weeks post op before being scoped, and now I haven't been able to get in touch with him to see what he'd like to do. I am able to eat solid foods every once in a while, so I personally believe it's probably not a stricture - it's probably just an incredibly picky pouch that will have to learn to accept food again.

I am down 62lbs since I started this journey. 52lbs in 6 weeks - holy cow. I'd hoped, but I never really believed that would be a possible number for me. I know my weekly loss will start slowing down, but I am hoping I hit -100lbs by my birthday in May. That would be a fantastic birthday present to myself. I weigh less than I have in 7 years, I get around easier, hygiene is so much easier, and I fit in chairs I didn't fit in for the longest time. The food issues suck, but I will take those as a trade off.

I did my first B12 injection today. Disaster. After I already had the needle in my damn arm, I found out the syringe had a hole in it, so as I was pushing the B12 through the syringe, it was actually coming out of the syringe rather than the needle. Looks like I'll be doing sublingual B12 this month, and I'll try again next month. I need different syringes, since the needle doesn't come off and it dulls it when you pull the B12 out of the vial. Trial and error I guess.

I'm still not entirely certain that I don't have a stricture, but I will say that I am able to get some solid foods in finally. I am doing better with fluids, and now am working on getting more meals in. This morning I had 1/2 a Dannon Light & Fit Greek yogurt and that went down well. For lunch, I had tuna salad on some whole wheat crackers (since I can't seem to do tuna by itself). Lunch was a bit more difficult to get down, but I managed. Now I am just counting down the clock so I can drink some water!

I am just taking it very slowly. I am supposed to start on regular foods on Monday and I doubt I will be there quite yet. I am, after all, still doing a lot of pureed / soft foods and still discovering that my stomach doesn't tolerate food very well. I see Dr. Fermelia again on the 28th, so we'll see what he has to say about it. I may just be one of those who takes forever to get acclimated to food again. I hope not, but if so, all I can do is take it day by day. The good news is I went back to work this past week. It was only half days (for the most part), so I didn't eat at work. Planning lunch will be very important as I transition into full time again. I believe my best bet is to do cottage cheese or yogurt for breakfast, and then find something that agrees with my stomach for lunch. I definitely won't be eating anything new during that meal!

Overall, I feel pretty well. I have my moments - my stomach still gives me fits at times. I believe some of my issues stem from constipation, so I am going to try to take some MOM or Miralax every day and see if that helps. Not looking forward to that, but whatever it takes, right? That's my motto for getting through this: whatever it takes.

Sunday was a bad day. I felt crappy all day. Today started out much better. It probably would've ended better too, if I hadn't gotten cocky. I got almost all of my water in, I did well with lunch, etc. Dinner rolls around and I decide I'm going to try some turkey sausage with egg white. Did not work. At all. Didn't even get through half of it and I knew I was in for some trouble. Pain.. oh my God the pain. Finally puked it up, and felt better pretty close to immediately. Decided I'd try something more safe, and started taking tiny bites of a string cheese. Nope. Made it worse. Foamies. Foamies everywhere. They lasted for what seemed like forever, but probably only about 30 minutes in all.

Stomach is moderately angry at me. Intestines are gurgling. Oh joy.. that's an experience I didn't need!

The bad news is I am up about 7lbs. The good news is it's entirely fluids, since I went in and had an IV for a couple hours yesterday. That IV did the trick. I am feeling way, way better than I have in weeks. I think I just needed that little bit of help to get going again. I didn't have to take anything for nausea this morning. I got up, sipped a bit of water, had a SF popsicle, and sipped some more water. Finally, around 1:00ish, I decided I might just try something to eat. I heated up some vegetable beef soup and had about 1/2 a cup. Most of it was broth because I don't want to push it too far yet, but it was good and I didn't overfill myself, and I feel just fine so far. I waited my 30 minutes and then sipped some more water.

I think the key is just going slow. One day at a time, that's all I can handle anyway, right? I have energy today - I've done the dishes, cleaned up the kitchen, and took some trash out. I am going to change the cat box (ugh), and probably clean up the living room a bit. And tonight, I am going to sit down and work on an assignment that is due tomorrow. Today, I have hope that I am on the downward slope. Today, I feel like I can do this!

Tomorrow, I have to go in for IV fluids and blood work. I won't have to stay overnight (unless the blood work comes back really wonky), but I am hoping that it will help me get a handle on the nausea and all of the other lovely side effects of being dehydrated. I have two anti-nausea medications and yet it still hits me pretty badly in the mornings and at night. Doesn't seem to matter what I eat or drink, I end up bloated and feel unwell in general. Today I went against my surgeon's advice and used a straw, and you know what? It got more fluids in me than normal. I think I might have to continue using a straw until I can get fluids under control.

Food-wise, I'm not sure what to do. Everything, and I do mean everything, seems to make me feel bloated and very full. I have to start getting food in, but I'm not sure how to go about it. I tried half a string cheese stick tonight and I still have the bloated feeling, but right now it's tolerable. As the night wears on, it usually gets worse, but for now I am ok. I am still taking gas-x strips, but that only seems to mask the problem rather than fix it. My stomach has been all sorts of annoyed with me today, and I am sure I will pay for it in the morning.

This journey is not the journey I envisioned. Right now it's easy to regret, because I feel like absolute crap. But weight-wise, I am lower than I have been in 7+ years. This too shall pass. At some point, I will stop regretting my choice and I will be able to rejoin the land of the living. I just have to keep on truckin'.

I know I signed up for this. I knew what to expect, yadda yadda. But frankly, this sucks! I am having a really tough time getting in liquids and protein is a nightmare. I am supposed to be on full liquids this week and everything I have tried has made me sick. Cream of __ soups? Forget it. Sick. Protein drinks made with milk? Sick. Protein drinks made with silk, almond milk, or rice milk? Sick. Protein shots? Sick. My surgeon recommended trying the Carnation Instant Breakfasts with some unflavored protein. Guess what? Sick. I have drank about 25oz today and I feel like my stomach is going to burst. I am moving to pureed foods fairly soon so I gave in and attempted some cottage cheese, which went down okay, but it only made the bloated feeling worse. I have tried the gas-x strips, and there is some temporary relief, but not anything to write home about.

I know that it will get easier with time. I know that my pouch is still healing and needs to be babied a bit. But I am afraid if I can't even get liquids in, how am I ever going to continue moving up through the diet phases?! I just want to feel better. Not even good at this point, but better. Some of this is definitely depression creeping in, since I have been off my antidepressant since surgery (doc re-ordered the extended release, and then forgot to change it to the regular after I called - I was able to pick it up this morning). However, the overall feeling of just yuck is definitely not helping.

1wk Post-Op appointment was yesterday. According to their scale, I was at 389lbs. I haven't been under 400lbs in years. I weighed today on my home scale and it shows 385 (which is about 2lbs heavier than the scale at the office). It took a few days, but it is going down fairly quickly now.

I need to work on fluids and proteins. Everything else is going well.
 

Yesterday, I took my mom to her doctor's appointment. The lobby had quite a few people in there, and two ignoramuses who were tiny were sitting in the bariatric chairs, while a few of the regular chairs were still open. My mom kept telling me to sit down, so I finally did, and I FIT! For the first time in I don't know how long.. I fit in a regular office chair. Not comfortably, mind you, but I fit. First of many victories!