RLP39

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I have not posted in awhile.  This morning I weighed in at 153.4 lbs.  I stopped running about 4 or 5 months ago.  I stopped tracking my food abou that same time.  I realized I was letting work stress and family stress impact my mood and ability to control other areas of my life - health.  So, I started going back towards the beginning again this week.  I had surgery at 39 and I am now 41.  My two year surgiversary will be May 3 about a month away.  I continue to weigh in every few days.  I have maintained my protein levels still using two protein shakes a day everyday with no variations.  I take all of my supplements - 2 multi, B12, 4 Calcium Citrate and 3 Vitamin D.  I have stayed away from more than 6 grams of sugar in any meal.  I have primarily stayed away from simple carbs and stuck with complex with occassional exceptions.  I have gotten away from my daily exercise, tracking, liquid intake and fruit and veggie intake. 

I put myself back on track last sunday and dropped two pounds just by tracking and recording my food, making some of my old recipes, getting in my liquids, fruits and veggies.  Maintenance is all about being mindful!  I travel a lot for work and now I leave for Las Vegas this week with my mom.  We will see how I hold up to my new mindful mindset when I am in the land of the buffets.  I know I will bring my protein shakes and supplements with me.  We will be walking a lot too.  I don't drink so that is not an issue.  Once I am back from Vegas my husband and I need to begin running and register for another 5 K to get motivated. I hope to be the same weight or less when I check back in with my doctor on my two year out visit. 

My weight is maintaining between 143 - 147 lbs. though my exercise is non-existent at the moment.  I am working a lot of hours right now.  I am not getting enough sleep averaging less than five hours for sure and some days much less.  I am taking anti-anxiety medication and pain medication.  I get stress induced migraines but med management has been helping. 

On the plus side, I am getting in my protein, supplements and water.  I am active though I don't exercise and for the most part I make good food choices 9 times out of 10.  High protien, low fat, low carb, veggies and fruit.
I am attending my monthly support meetings whenever possible as work travel allows. 

Relationships are in good shape.  Now I just need to find balance between work and life.  Then, I need to buy a new sport's bra and tennis shoes and get back to running in time for Run to Feed the Hungry.  I want to run the 5 K and the weeks are rapidly passing me by for good training.  We will see what I can accomplish!

I have my first plastic surgery appointment on Monday.  I can only elect to have surgery if my insurance chooses to cover any of it at this time so I am a bit pessimistic.  I think if it were not a matter of cost I would choose to have a panni and a breast lift/reduction only.

I feel like I am managing my stress levels without sabotaging myself.  I have been very stressed by work lately and then when you add to that my stress over our finances, my daughter leaving across the country for her 2nd year of college and my son starting high school it could have been a recipe for disaster in the past. Oh did I mention that my mother-in-law had an accident and I have been living at her house to take care of her for several weeks and just when she started doing better and was able to be more independent my sister-in-law had her second baby early and I am the only one that can stay with my nephew so I was living at their place for a couple of days too.  Talk about exhaustion...I have been averaging 3 - 5 hours of sleep a night so that I can keep up with work and life.

However, I am maintaining.  I have everything in perspective. I am eating healthy and appropriate foods but I don't stress about having a carby item once in awhile now.  I am still on track with all of my supplements.  My relationship with my husband and family has never been better. (Probably able to appreciate each other more since we miss being together right now).  All that said I have not engaged in formal exercise or running for at least 2 months. 

My son runs cross country and he is now up to running 50+ miles a week.  We are going to be at his cross country meets every week and they are good motivation.  Last year we would watch his race and then run in the local area while waiting for his next event.  These are all day meets usually on a Saturday and in some great locations.  A lot of the parents and coaches are all runners too so it really helps me just being with people that are all in the same mind set.  He just had his first meet and everyone was very excited about how the season is shaping up.  We have a huge team with about 60 runners.  We will be in a great location on Saturday near some lagoons and I think I will tempt my husband into a trail run with me.  I feel like I finally get the appeal of exercise and running.  I have experienced a runners high and I just love how I feel when I am staying active.  I feel like I am more active and engaged in life now than ever before.  We went on a trip to Tahoe recently and I not only kayaked but also did some paddle boarding (large standing surf board with paddle). We go on walks and hikes together.  It has been very good.

After this surgery some people say, "I am still the same me just a healthier version".  I have to say I disagree.  I am not the same me as prior to surgery.  How have I changed?  Let me count the ways -

1.  I am more confident at work and in social situations
2.  I have more self-confidence
3.  I enjoy being physically active
4.  I am nicer and more patient
5.  I am proud of myself
6.  I look at life differently than before and I don't stress in the same way. I feel like I can solve problems and somehow this life changed helped me to realize and focus in on the big picture and what is truly important.
7.  I am a better spouse (more physically and verbally affectionate, more engaged, more committed, anticipating a wonderful future together as we age.
8.  I can honestly say that I have not been this happy and at peace with myself ever in my life even prior to gaining weight.
9.  I am still discovering myself but I like the person that is developing
10. I can finally imagine myself growing old now (I was always pretty certain that I would die rather young before.)

I have not posted in two months.  I have been really busy but really in early July I also had my one year visit with my surgeon's office and while it was a good visit it left me with mixed feelings.  They told me I was done! Hmmmm....

Let me set the stage.  I originally had a goal weight set by them in the middle of my normal BMI range - 125. I set my own goal at the top of my normal BMI range 136.  The month before my doctor's appointment I was 143 lbs the whole month and then we went to a family reunion for a week.  We were outside with porta potties and a lot of salty grazing snacks.  I came back home constipated and swollen weighing about 148 lbs naked in the morning.  At my doctor's visit in the afternoon with clothes on I weighed in at 150 lbs.  So, telling me I am done was not what I was expecting.  She examined me, weighed me, looked at all my labs, blood pressure, etc.  She said that I had more than 15 lbs of loose skin and that she felt my body was within normal BMI even if the scale did not reflect that due to loose skin.  She said she wants me to stop trying to lose weight and focus instead on maintenance.  She said I would be the most compliant and successful patient she saw that month.  That did not mean that I had lost the most but instead that my labs were excellent, I'm religious about my supplements and exercise.  My muscle tone, lack of hair loss, good skin,  low blood pressure, HDL and LDL were all excellent.  She said I needed to look at the whole picture and that some of my stats were coming back like an athlete.  In fact my labs indicated that I need a bit more fat and sodium in my diet.  She asked me to increase my good fats.  I kept saying but I have not met goal.  I am not at a normal BMI.  She said go home and think about this a bit.

So, I went home and thought about it and I find that I am not sure how to create maintenance.  I never "tried" to lose weight other than exercise.  I eat a lean diet and get my protein in everyday.  I decided that the only way I knew how to do what she asked was to increase my intakes of olive oil, salmon, avacado, nuts, and peanut butter.  I did increase my calories and good fats and also by circumstance my exercise level decreased during this period due to excessive work hours right now. So what was the result.  I lost my vacation weight within a week but felt that was mostly water retention and constipation anyway and have been maintaining 143 for a couple of months now.  Today I dropped down to 142.6.  I knew it was coming for a couple of weeks because I can always feel it in my body and the scale keeps dipping down to 143.1.  I feel like that may not be the end either.  I am leaving for across country to Florida on Monday to take my daughter back to college again.  I will be there a week.  I am bringing my protein and supplements.  We will see what happens.  I also know that my life with running will be back on schedule as we enter Fall.  I am not sure how that will impact my maintenance.  I want to maintain a healthy body so I really need to think about what she said and if I agree what I need to do in order to maintain.   

I hit my new low of 143 lbs this morning.  I could tell it was coming I felt it in my body and clothes.  I only lost one pound last month on 05/11 and now it is 06/11 and I dropped one more.  I have 7 lbs left to lose to be at a normal BMI.  Assuming I can continue losing 1 pound a month I may hit goal in January.  Finally warm weather is here so swimming should begin again for me in another week or so.  Buying a new swimsuit today.  The current suit is a size 24 and I now wear a size 8. 

I had my new work badge photo taken.  I had the first taken in 2001, 2nd in 2006 and 3rd 2011.  All five years apart.
 

Thirteen months out and just checking in.  I have not excercised for two weeks.  Eating well, taking all my vitamins, getting in my protein but under a lot of stress from work.  Will work 7 days again this week.  Feeling overwhelmed but making good choices with food so I feel good about that.  My weight seems to hover between my low of 144 lbs and a high of 147 lbs right now.  Stats so far are posted below.  I need to work towards another race I think to get back to my running.  I have my one year out visit coming up at the end of June and my plastic surgery consult in July.  I cannot afford plastic surgery if my insurance does not cover it but will just go and see what they say.  I would love to have my stomach and breasts done.  No fakes just loose skin gone and a lift.

Date	Weight	Time Frame Description	Monthly Loss Totals	Running Total of Loss
12/23/09	257 lbs	Pre-Surgery Diet	N/A	N/A
05/03/10	229 lbs	Surgery Day	28 lbs	28 lbs
06/03/10	207 lbs	1 Month	22 lbs	50 lbs
07/03/10	196 lbs	2 Months	11 lbs	61 lbs
08/03/10	187 lbs	3 Months	9 lbs	70 lbs
09/03/10	177 lbs	4 Months	10 lbs	80 lbs
10/03/10	169 lbs	5 Months	8 lbs	88 lbs
11/03/10	162 lbs	6 Months	7 lbs	95 lbs
12/03/10	155 lbs	7 Months	7 lbs	102 lbs
01/03/11	153 lbs	8 Months	2 lbs	104 lbs
02/03/11	151 lbs	9 Months	2 lbs	106 lbs
03/03/11	149 lbs	10 Months	2 lbs	108 lbs
04/03/11	147 lbs	11 Months	2 lbs	110 lbs
05/03/11	145 lbs	12 Months	2 lbs	112 lbs
06/03/11	144 lbs	13 Months	1 lbs	113 lbs

One of the pieces of advice everyone will give you on this journey is to not compare yourself with anyone else.  Each person is unique with their own set of challenges and you cannot compare one persons weight loss journey and pace to another.  In reading through the boards over the last year, it is certainly evident that success on this journey comes from choosing many different pathways.  I accept that there is more than one "right" way to reach our weight loss goals; however, every surgeon's office will tell you that there are certain commonalities and key factors in a successful weight loss patient.  What defines success actually varies a bit from one surgeon to the next.  Most would agree a successful outcome is 60-80% of excess weight loss in the first year and then maintenance from then on.  For me success actually means reaching a normal BMI (100% excess body weight loss), maintaining, and being physically fit/active for life.

As a general rule, key factors for success are noted as food journaling, regular exercise, protein intake, hydration, following some basic rules (no sugar, no soda, no smoking, chewing food well, limit simple carbs, limit drinking alcohol, no grazing, etc.) and supplement compliance.  After reading a year worth of blogs and posts, there seem to be many individuals that break many of the rules and ignore the guidance but still have successful weight loss.  We will see how that serves them as they move forward into a lifetime of maintenance without having built a structure of new healthy habits to help them.  I have co-workers and friends that I also have watched go through the journey.  All of them continued with unhealthy eating patterns - fast food, high fat, high carb, soda, and lots of sugar (even with dumping).  None of them chose to exercise or even to increase their physical activity.  All of them lost 100 % of their excess body weight or more.  All of them also had regain later.

So, now comes the whining and frustration part of these ramblings.  I am still not at goal and it has been a year.  I see so many people on the boards with similar numbers to me lose 100% of their weight in about 9 months without exercise and "cheating" on their surgeon's guidelines (their words not mine).  I have worked so hard all year.  I have completely changed my eating habits, journaled, taken my supplements religiously, followed my surgeon's guidelines, and created an active and physical lifestyle.  Yet, my loss is ultra slow.  From months 6 through 12 , I lost 2 pounds a month.  I have run multiple 5 ks and a 10 k now.  I have swam untold laps at the pool and tried a variety of classes like yoga.  I bike, hike, run, swim, walk, kayak, etc on a regular basis.  I feel bad if I have a couple of days of grazing at night on an apple and a handful of wheat thins.    I have tried increasing calories in a healthy way in case that is the problem but nothing changes the pattern it is 2 lbs a month no matter what I do.  I get 90 - 120 grams of protein in each day.  I track it all and find that my weight loss actually slows or stops the more I exercise and increases if I have a week or more off.  I refuse to think it is better to limit my physical activity so I can see a number on the scale but boy is it hard.  I tell myself that I am very healthy now and that it is not a race.  I will get there this way to but it may take longer.  In some ways I even tell myself that the slow method is probably better for me and allows my body time to adjust.  I don't have a ton of excess skin like most or the hair loss.  I feel physically good when I am running and hiking.  However, telling myself and listening to myself are two very different things.  I understand logically that the most important things are my health and learning to live in a way that lets me maintain my health for life but I still want the reward on the scale.

I suppose I feel like hard work, diligence and compliance are going unrewarded.  I know that I have rewards so that is not a true statement but it is a true reflection of my feelings.  I wish there was a simple formula to follow to ensure the results we want.  I can be such a compliant patient I would follow it to the letter but there is not.  I can only trust in the process and know that a person that eats a healthy diet and exercises regularly will in the end have a healthy life.  So, this is my acceptance that the scale will do whatever it wants and I will just keep plugging away.  I will also accept that it is not in my personality to truly believe I have achieved success until I reach my actual personal goals regardless of the progress I have made.  I will continue to breath in and out and try my best to someday reach my goals whether that is in 2 months or 2 years.  I will find a way to stay motivated in my new lifestyle after I achieve my goals so that maintenance is a way of life.  In the end learning to be patient at the end of my journey may help me as I work on maintenance for life.      

Just got back from working in San Francisco and lost a pound.  Actually more because I had bounced up 1-2 pounds the previous week but hit a new low 144 lbs!  I love San Francisco and since I have to go back in June and November I am sure additional weight loss is on the horizon. ;-)  My daughter comes home from college on Friday and I am taking a couple of days off to get the house and her room all ready for her return.  Missing her a lot so I can't wait!