Musings and Frustration Mixed with Acceptance

May 17, 2011

One of the pieces of advice everyone will give you on this journey is to not compare yourself with anyone else.  Each person is unique with their own set of challenges and you cannot compare one persons weight loss journey and pace to another.  In reading through the boards over the last year, it is certainly evident that success on this journey comes from choosing many different pathways.  I accept that there is more than one "right" way to reach our weight loss goals; however, every surgeon's office will tell you that there are certain commonalities and key factors in a successful weight loss patient.  What defines success actually varies a bit from one surgeon to the next.  Most would agree a successful outcome is 60-80% of excess weight loss in the first year and then maintenance from then on.  For me success actually means reaching a normal BMI (100% excess body weight loss), maintaining, and being physically fit/active for life.

As a general rule, key factors for success are noted as food journaling, regular exercise, protein intake, hydration, following some basic rules (no sugar, no soda, no smoking, chewing food well, limit simple carbs, limit drinking alcohol, no grazing, etc.) and supplement compliance.  After reading a year worth of blogs and posts, there seem to be many individuals that break many of the rules and ignore the guidance but still have successful weight loss.  We will see how that serves them as they move forward into a lifetime of maintenance without having built a structure of new healthy habits to help them.  I have co-workers and friends that I also have watched go through the journey.  All of them continued with unhealthy eating patterns - fast food, high fat, high carb, soda, and lots of sugar (even with dumping).  None of them chose to exercise or even to increase their physical activity.  All of them lost 100 % of their excess body weight or more.  All of them also had regain later.

So, now comes the whining and frustration part of these ramblings.  I am still not at goal and it has been a year.  I see so many people on the boards with similar numbers to me lose 100% of their weight in about 9 months without exercise and "cheating" on their surgeon's guidelines (their words not mine).  I have worked so hard all year.  I have completely changed my eating habits, journaled, taken my supplements religiously, followed my surgeon's guidelines, and created an active and physical lifestyle.  Yet, my loss is ultra slow.  From months 6 through 12 , I lost 2 pounds a month.  I have run multiple 5 ks and a 10 k now.  I have swam untold laps at the pool and tried a variety of classes like yoga.  I bike, hike, run, swim, walk, kayak, etc on a regular basis.  I feel bad if I have a couple of days of grazing at night on an apple and a handful of wheat thins.    I have tried increasing calories in a healthy way in case that is the problem but nothing changes the pattern it is 2 lbs a month no matter what I do.  I get 90 - 120 grams of protein in each day.  I track it all and find that my weight loss actually slows or stops the more I exercise and increases if I have a week or more off.  I refuse to think it is better to limit my physical activity so I can see a number on the scale but boy is it hard.  I tell myself that I am very healthy now and that it is not a race.  I will get there this way to but it may take longer.  In some ways I even tell myself that the slow method is probably better for me and allows my body time to adjust.  I don't have a ton of excess skin like most or the hair loss.  I feel physically good when I am running and hiking.  However, telling myself and listening to myself are two very different things.  I understand logically that the most important things are my health and learning to live in a way that lets me maintain my health for life but I still want the reward on the scale.

I suppose I feel like hard work, diligence and compliance are going unrewarded.  I know that I have rewards so that is not a true statement but it is a true reflection of my feelings.  I wish there was a simple formula to follow to ensure the results we want.  I can be such a compliant patient I would follow it to the letter but there is not.  I can only trust in the process and know that a person that eats a healthy diet and exercises regularly will in the end have a healthy life.  So, this is my acceptance that the scale will do whatever it wants and I will just keep plugging away.  I will also accept that it is not in my personality to truly believe I have achieved success until I reach my actual personal goals regardless of the progress I have made.  I will continue to breath in and out and try my best to someday reach my goals whether that is in 2 months or 2 years.  I will find a way to stay motivated in my new lifestyle after I achieve my goals so that maintenance is a way of life.  In the end learning to be patient at the end of my journey may help me as I work on maintenance for life.      

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