Struggling but still hanging on

Mar 11, 2009

Today is March 11, 2009, I haven't posted in some time.
Thus far this year has really turned out to be a struggle for me. I feel like a yo yo, while my surgeon wanted me to gain 15-20 lbs I wanted to lose that much more. To keep everyone happy, husband, Dr. family & friends, (everyone but me) I have gained the weight and feel sick every time I step on the scales. I feel like such a failure because I have gained this weight back. I gained a biggest losers club at school and instead of losing any weight I gained weight and had to pay each week but maybe two.
Now I seemed to be hooked on carbs and can't seem to break that addiction. I very seldom dump and when I do it's nothing I can't deal with. I wish every time I put a carb in my mouth I would dump to the point of being so sick I could stand up. I know that sounds extreme but it is the only way I think I can kick the carb addiction. I eat three meals a day, do not graze but do indulge in the occasional snack and I have started back a bad habit of drinking soft drinks. I drink no caffeine, I drink decaffeinated coffee and decaffeinated soft drinks and very little water anymore.
What makes me so angry is I know better but just don't do any better.  Maybe when summer finally arrives I will get back on my water since I won't be going to town each day and have access to convenience stores where I can buy soft drinks. I try not to buy them in the package anymore so I won't be having them in the house.
Well, that's it for now, I have vented and said somethings that I needed to get off my chest. I feel so alone right now like I am the only one in the world that is struggling.
Sandi

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