Robina3778
I was always the fat kid. My mom didn't help matters at all by buying junk food every time she went grocery shopping. She and my dad both struggled with their weight, but apparently they didn't make the connection. They would, however, tell me that I need to watch my weight. I still don't know how they wanted me to do that when they were supplying me with all the junk food.
Everyone always talks about puberty being such an awkward time, but I’ve never thought it was any more awkward than the rest of my life before and a few years after.
And I had abysmal self esteem. I remember, when I was 17, going to a small record store with some friends because a band we liked was signing autographs and giving away a signed guitar. It was sponsored by the local radio station, so they were giving out t-shirts as well. All you had to do was put your name in the drawing, and they made it clear that you had to be present to win, so you couldn’t write your friend’s name down (my friend tried). There were only about 20 people there, so I had a good chance of winning the guitar, but I didn’t enter because I didn’t want to win. And just to make it clear, I am by no means against winning things. As a matter of fact, I am all about getting things for free whether I need it or will use it or not. I don’t care. No, I didn’t want to win because I knew everyone would be looking at me as I walked up to claim my prize. I couldn’t handle that. I just knew that they would be looking not at the girl who won the autographed guitar, but the fatty who won the autographed guitar, and look at what she looks like walking up there. Just look at her.
My friends didn’t realize until we were leaving that I didn’t even enter. They just couldn’t believe that I could feel so little about myself.
That was sort of the beginning of my original transformation.
For the next 3 years or so, I began losing weight for the first time in my life. I don’t know how it started coming off initially, but I do know that I liked. it, and I started trying to lose more.
I also worked on the inside me. I am lucky to have some great friends who would sit with me while I cried and tell me that I am better than I thought I was. Eventually I started believing it.
As the weight came off, I started dressing better for my size. I was wearing more flattering clothes and people were really noticing and commenting, and more importantly, complimenting. I loved it. The more I heard it, the more I wanted to hear it. In that record store I was an 18/20, but now I was a 10/12.
It was great. I felt great. For the first time in my life I wasn’t embarrassed to tell my weight and I didn’t look away when I stood on the scale at the doctor’s office. I looked good, I felt good, I was positive and I was getting a lot of attention that I had never gotten before.
Then I got knocked up.
Don’t get me wrong, my daughter is the best thing in the world that’s ever happened to me, but she did help me gain back what I worked so hard to lose.
You don’t really notice it when you’re pregnant because your belly is supposed to grow, and the scale is supposed to go up, but it wasn’t supposed to go up that much.
About a month before she was due, my doctor had the weight talk with me. I knew at that point that I wouldn’t be fitting into my old jeans right away after giving birth, but I didn’t have any idea that I would be back in the plus sizes.
I was loving the fact that I was finally shopping at regular stores, but now I had to go back to the big lady shops.
I remember being in the dressing room at one of those stores and feeling like I was back in maternity clothes. I hated it.
My daughter is 7 now. Since she was born, I have gone up and down too many times to count. Every time I go down in weight, I focus on where I want to be, not where I am. It’s not until I gain it back again that I look back and realize that while I may not have been a size 10 again, 14 isn’t anything to complain about.
I'm a 20 now. I may wear the same size I did years ago, but trust me when I tell you that I weigh a lot more. I am at my biggest now, about 100 pounds greater than my smallest.
Despite the 7 year roller coaster, I have not lost the feeling of self worth that I gained in my initial 3 year transformation.
My hope is that I will get back down to my pre-baby size, if not smaller. More than that, I want to be the good example for my daughter that my parents weren't for me.
