A Long Overdue update (plus making my problem public)

Sep 29, 2013

Wow. It's been a long time since I was on here.  It's been a long time since I felt I NEEDED to be on here.  My story... I lost near 100 pounds 5 years ago after a Roux En Y Gastric Bypass.  I had a baby less than 2 years out from surgery, but easily rebounded back to my pre-baby weight.  I had maintained that loss for a long while, until I got pregnant at year 4 and then gained 52 pounds. I had a beautiful 9 pound big baby boy by c-section.  That beautiful boy just turned a year old last weekend and I am still in the same 180's weight range I was when I delivered him.  It's a horrible feeling to be uncomfortable in your own skin.  To a point you hate when people look at you, for fear of what body part they are judging.  I was a size 5/7 even at 8 weeks pregnant and SOOOO Confident. I was in a bikini in Hawaii at 8 weeks pregnant living life to the fullest.  Now, I am in hiding.  Like a Recluse in my size 15/16 jeans.  I went through a really bad period of acceptance over the last year as I've been struggling... I obviously had to buy bigger clothes, which was humiliating for me. I didn't want to accept failure... I went as far as to refuse to put my "New Big Clothes" Away. I had 4 laundry baskets full of clean clothes scattered around my room. I didn't want them in my closet with all my success clothes.  Didn't want to admit failure.  I had a realization last week.  I spent an entire day cleaning my room and folding and sorting all those clothes into sizes.  I put them in reverse size order from biggest on top, to smallest on bottom and finally out them into my closet.  It felt good to see my floor in my room again....  I've been tossing in my head how I can retake control of my life to get back to the self I was and want to be again.  I consulted a personal life trainer / coach last night and ordered a workout program from Beachbody called T25.  My biggest excuse for not working out was "I don't have time". I'm a busy mom of 3.  I work 55 plus hours a week and just feel BUSY.  I know, we all feel this way...  But who doesn't have 25 minutes a day??  Also, from pinterest I found this cute idea to write down a few exercises on popsicle sticks and place them in a cup, with an empty cup next to it.  Nothing major... Examples like 20 lunges, 20 squats, etc.  Something that literally would take you a minute or two to do.  When I finish a task, or after doing computer work, on the way back from the bathroom, I take a stick out and do the exercise and continue on my way to my next task.  Hey, it's activity which counts.  I now need to refocus on my eating habits... HORRIBLE. Can you say addictions!!!  Hi, My name is Debbie and I am addicted to Mountain Dew and String cheese.... OMG.  I GOTTA STOP!!!!  I thought about doing the 5 days pouch test, but really what will that accomplish?  I know my pouch is still there and works.  I thought about following the immediate post-op diet of liquids to soft proteins, to fuller proteins to cut out the carbs we are addicted to.  I have looked at fad diets as well. Still not sure what path to take, but I know something has to change.  I need to regain control so I can like myself again!!!

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About Me
MN
Location
30.7
BMI
RNY
Surgery
01/08/2008
Surgery Date
Sep 18, 2007
Member Since

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