11/8/07... OA

Nov 08, 2007

11/8/07: 
SARCOIDOSIS:
I'm scared to make this excuse because I don't know if it's just an excuse or if it really is too painful to go to the gym... But my legs, arms, head, neck they all hurt, and I think it's a bout of this sarcoidosis. I'm so exhausted... I'm going to try to go to the gym today, atleast to do stretching, maybe some pilates, that always helps with the pain.
I think it's hard to face that you have a disease, that is trying to take over your body, for so long I've been told I was just lazy and I didn't have the "want". and maybe they were right

FOOD ADDICTION
I was so sick of hearing people, say to use my willpower, willpower doesn't exsist when your addicted to something. That addiction takes over all aspects of my life, and that addiction is food. I hate food, but I need food to ease all of my fears, emotions, happiness, nervousness, you name it. But now at 218 pounds, and back problems, and muscle aches, food is the demon that brought me here. So with a lot of help, and self realization I'm on my way...
My first step to recovery is to stop weighing myself 8 times  day, no joke. You know sometimes, it actually changes, if I take off my shirt, or my hair tie, I might actually go down .1 pounds.. I'm so obsessed, and it's insane....

The definition of Disease is: an impairment of health or a condition of abnormal functioning
and well, I am functioning abnormally and I sure do have an impairment or 10 in my health, so I have realized, that yes, Compulsive overeating is a disease, and I Crystal, am a compulsive overeater...

Today I woke up, and I'm not going to weigh myself 10 times, although, I have to admit, I did weigh myself 1 last time this morning, first thing when I woke up. Then I went and I had some Cinamon toast crunch cereal, there was one bowl left, and I had it, and it made me angry, because last night, after my OA meeting, I said, this is it, no more "one more days" this is it. The end, I'm DONE! So my journey truly begins here...

As far as weight loss goals, I'm not sure, first I have to overcome, this obsession with sandwiches, and potato chips...It's scares me, giving up something I love so much. It's like love, sometimes it hurts you, but you cant' just give it up. You can't turn your back on something you've loved for 28 years!!! . And that is it. It's not a game anymore for me. I'm so done!!!!!!!!!


To the gym...

Oct 30, 2007

10/30/07 12:19 PM

I just got back from the gym I joined, they are awesome. It's really nice. I did a fitness assessment and came out ALIVE... feeling pretty large, but I survived the beating.

Here are the stats:

Mile-walk/jog: 16:27--- My goal is to do 10 minutes or under
My Peak Heart Rate----149
Weight: 218 lbs
Height:
5'4" 1/2

Measurements:
Arm: 13 1/2
Chest: 49 1/4
Waist: 49
Hips: 51 1/4
Thigh: 22 1/2
Calf: 12 3/4

BODY FAT PERCENTAGE ( HERE WE GO...) dah dah dah dahhhhhh....

36% 

before surgery it was 43%, so if I have to find a plus there it is...


Today, a new day...

Oct 29, 2007

At 2:30 I have an appointment with Dr. Curry and Erin. I'm really nervous, I've gained over 10 lbs and I'm ashamed. A part of me just doesn't want to go in and deal with this. Then another part of me, knows they will be understanding and help me. I just want to start over. I've really lost my control and will power. It's almost like I've forgotten how to use my band. I've been vomiting and PBing, lately and it's probably becasue I have been drinking with my meals. I don't know why I got back into doing that. Now I'm just in pain.

I've also been drinking soda again. I have been stressed but it is no excuse

So today, a new day, a new me...

I'm going to try my hardest to overcome this food issue, to seek guidance and help. To admit "I have a problem" and find out what the real problems are not blaming or needing that food.

I see how well so many of you are doing with this band, and I'm so proud of you. We have all been so overweight for most of our lives, and you've overcomed that...


9:50pm 218 lbs
Wow, thank you all for your support. It's amazing. I do feel alone sometimes on this journey, like all of my skinny friends, husband, and family just don't get it... They think I'm just lazy. I went to Dr. Curry's today and feel 1,000 times better. My stomach feels better, I can tell just drinking water what a difference in my pouch... I did gain 7 pounds, which is better than the 10 my home scale says, but still sucks. I talked to the dietician Erin, and she helped me a lot. I'm going to journal everything and lower my carbs and increase my protein, and I will be good. My goan is to lose 40 lbs by March. With your support and my will power, I CAN DO THIS... RIght??
HEE HEE

Thanks again. Good night
Crystal

About Me
Sag Harbor, NY
Location
42.1
BMI
Surgery
07/24/2006
Surgery Date
Jan 26, 2006
Member Since

Friends 46

Latest Blog 3
11/8/07... OA
To the gym...
Today, a new day...

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