Rosa M.

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This entry is to allow for comments.  I will keep changing the date so that it will be the first post...I want to keep all comments in the same spot.  Like I said before I welcome comments.  I have realized that positive comments keep me going and fill me with sunshine....

It has been one year since my VSG WLS…One whole year of celebration.  I have transformed not only my body but my mind and my way of “LIVING”. 

One year ago I could not cross my legs, as I had no lap to rest my leg on.  One year ago I was superficially “happy”, not even realizing myself how unhappy I was.  Don’t get me wrong…I am not always on a high there are painful/hurtful times that I have crossed since WLS, however, I have learned a few things…It’s not because I am fat..it is just because it is a painful/hurtful moment I am experiencing.  I live my life more on a plateau than on the top of a mountain and then falling into the valley. 

You know what else makes me happy – driving my car and the steering wheel not hitting my gut!  Fitting into small places like isles and tight booths!  

My children are much happier, because they have a Mom who is not always tired, demanding, and just down right in a bad mood.  They are no longer my slaves to everything I was too tired to do myself.  We share the housework now…It is not them while I take a nap.  Isn’t that a horrible way to live…Now everybody contributes…YES even Mom.  I can do it!!!  My home is much cleaner because I have the energy and the strength to move around and “just get it done”.  On my year surgiversary I asked Chato (my youngest son) what changes he has seen in me good or bad…he said “You are not always tired and grouchy.” I said “Now I am just grouchy” Chato’s response was no “you still get mad but now it’s when I don’t do what I am suppose to.”…WOW my children understand the difference between being in a bad mood and being upset because they didn’t do what they were suppose to do.  They knew all along the difference…Did I? 

Walking into a room and men turn to look I question “are they looking at me” I kind of do a scan to look for the young pretty girl that made these men look up…there is no one there…just me – It makes me feel like a beautiful woman. Going to family gatherings is also soooo very special.  There are family members who have not seen me in over a year so they are ready to see the old Rosa …when they see me their expressions are that of surprise and amazement.  The flurry of complements I love to absorb them.  One thing I have to say…everyone I mean everyone tells me what a beautiful person I am…That I have always been beautiful and that what counts is what I have in the inside.  Sometimes so heartfelt I cry for all those wonderful thoughts shared. 

I read posts…in the beginning I couldn’t live without watching the computer screen or the scale for that matter!!!!  Hours addicted to the computer (remember I could not satisfy my old addiction anymore…my new tool said “now now, we will have none of that”, so I attached to the next best thing for me “my trusty puter”, but guess what it has been one year now and I don’t have the same time to sit in front of the computer waiting for a new post…I check in often because I want to see what is going on…but not like before. 

I look into the mirror and see my mother…she is beautiful!  What a nice sight.  I have a thin face now, beautiful neck and nice shoulders…and guess what wonderfully clear skin!!!!!  Pre-op I have dark pigmentation around my neck and on my checks…it is gone now…no more discoloration.  

A few weeks after surgery I had my nails done along with a pedicure.  I have not missed a nail/pedicure appointment since.  I feel like such a woman. 

I don’t know what makes me happier walking in sexy HIGH heels or shopping for size 8 pants and medium blouses!!!!!  Dam I feel good walking into the store and knowing I have soooo many choices now.  I don’t have to go look for a black skirt and some flowered blouse for my party outfit.  Nooo NOOOOOOOOOOO now I try on clothes with color (I know black is a color, but doesn’t every fat girl hide behind that black dress/skirt/pants, etc.?).  I was such an odd shape that I couldn’t even wear stylish clothes, because plus size clothing are made for people who are large all over – not the odd big stomach girl…which was me.  

My perception on my relationship with my DH.  REMEMBER this is my perception…DH’s reality may be different and I may be way off.  Let me start off by saying I have a very charismatic DH both men and women want to be around him.    Pre-op we would go places and people would completely ignore me, they would say “hello” and then turn to him and chop it up.  Once a woman we met a friend’s party when leaving shook my husbands hand and with this dreamy smile said how much of a pleasure it was too have met him.  She turned to me (she had forgotten she just met me too) and said “oh yea and you too”.  So I tell this story so you can get the feel of the fat girl with the charismatic DH and what she was feelin’ now I don’t want you to think that I was not a social person…remember I was the “happy” fat girl that everyone liked (remember the above comments from family members) but DH was always spot lighted. 

Well now it is completely different, people are looking at me first and talking to me.  I am not sure why?  Is it because I am thinner and people treat you different?  Or is it that I carry myself differently?  I have to say I think I was more approachable when I was fat than now…I could be wrong.  I think I will have to ask a few people to send me an email on the changes they have seen in me.  I veered way off of my topic…of my DH…I know he likes having a more physically attractive wife – but I don’t think he likes all the attention I get.  He has complained about my heels that I look “funny” in them.  I will ask my sister’s their opinions and they say they look fine, when I tell DH what other people say – his reply is “I am telling you they look funny”  as to say they are not telling me the truth or something.  Maybe I am trying to read into something that maybe he really just feels they look funny…I guess my question should be – do you think heels look funny on other women?  Or just me? 

I told DH I was journaling and that I would like for him to send me something good or bad about my surgery…. 

ONE YEAR AGO.

Gorda…
        one year ago you made a life changing decision that has definitely changed you physically and mentally. The obvious of corse is physical. Witch if I do say so my self enjoy a lot, you look very nice. The biggest change though is your level of confidence and your self esteem, it all comes across on the way you dress, act and the way you interact with people, I can see it in your face, body language, so I know you feel good about your self and that makes me happy. One change I was afraid of was that you would loose what I love the most about you (your beautiful personality.) know I have a beautiful wife both in and out. Energy level wise you say you have a lot more of it but every time we do the deed you look exhausted and fall asleep. 

Te quiro mucho mi gorda flaca. 


It was so important to me that I read something so positive from him.  It makes a world of difference from what I hear him saying to what I have read.  

I feel much calmer and in control of MY life.  I have learned I can not and do not control the people or universe around me…just in control of my choices…learn, love and give freely – it doesn’t cost anything to do these three wonderful things.  

WEIGHT AND MEASUREMENTS 
March 10, 2006 / March 31, 2007 

260 LBS / 155 LBS 
my height is 5' 3.5 

body measurements are: 
thigh 28" / 23 
Hip 58" / 42 
Waist 48" / 35 
chest 50.5" / 39.5 
upper arm 16" / 13 
BMI - 45.33 MORBID OBESE / 27.02 OVERWEIGHT   
I wear a size 24 (sometimes 22)  3x (sometimes 2x)  / 8 AND MEDIUMS 
shoe size 9 or 9.5 / 8 
panties 11 / 6 
bra size 44d (d is slightly too big) / 34 C

I went out with a co-worker to do a home visit with a client that I have not seen in over a year.  I was going over her file with her and asked her to start sending a certain document to our office.  She said she would and stated "yea I told Rosa about it" I replied "I'm Rosa" she stated "no the other Rosa" I replied "Raj - I am Rosa".  She looked so shocked and stunned - she yelled "GIRL WHAT HAPPEN TO YOU! Oh my God you look beautiful, I didn't know it was you!"

After reading this post I had to copy and paste it into my journal for those of you who are following my journey...Abby is a fellow VSGer who could not have described what this journey has been like more clearly...while reading this I could picture my life, my journey, and what changes I have endured and will conquer!


Post Date: 2/2/07 7:45 am by Abbyide
This is just a thought. 
I was trying to explain what this process has been like for me to a friend, and I realized that this whole experience must be something like rebirth. You're letting go of your old life, and your old self, at the same time trying to bring a new version of yourself into the world. 

I broke it into 'trimesters'.

The first trimester is all about mental developement. This is where I had to relearn new ways of thinking about food, new habits, and I had to give up all the old destructive ones. It was sort of like shock therapy; every time I attempted to eat in a way I used to, I was given a body 'shock' that taught me these habits were no longer acceptable.
The frustration mounted, I missed food, I missed my old eating, I missed my old life, mostly because it was right in front of me and I couldn't have it. So I created a new enviornment.

My second trimester was physical. I had adjusted to the new eating. The weight had come off in bulks, and I was discovering a new body. Sitting in arm chairs for the first time, buckling my seatbelt, poking at bones that could now be felt, even if they were still layed under fat. I was constantly testing my body, seeing how much further I could walk, putting myself in small spaces when no one was looking, marveling at the bones in my hands and feet. I had the vanity of a toddler first discovering that yes, that IS their reflection in the mirror. Yes, this is my face, yes, this is my body. 

Trimester three was purely emotional. How do I respond to this? I've lost over one hundred pounds, I am half my former size, how do I fit into my new world? What do I want to do now that I can do anything? Why are people so different towards me? I dealt with the anger and resentment that years of being shunted to one side wrought on me. I learned about human nature, and did my best to forgive it, and then to finally forgive myself for having 'done that to my body', for ever being 407lbs in the first place. There were days of intense joy, and then days of shattering sadness. And there was plenty of fear, uncovering all these untouched emotions that I neglected and shoved down with food my entire life. Suddenly I couldn't push them down anymore and the dam broke. and I broke, and had to figure out how to put myself back together again.
But I did, slowly, and with more love and care than I ever gave myself before.
There's still the residue of all that emotion. Still flares of angery when someone who ignored my very presence or sneered at me nine months ago asks me out for coffee. But the discovery of who I am has helped to ease it. 

And now on the other side of those first nine months, marching towards it's last days and on into my tenth, I feel differently about the whole thing. Stonger. More whole than I ever remember, though certainly not through. There is always more to do and more to discover and more to heal.
And more, certainly, to love.

That's just my thought. :)

Abby

Hey gang saw everyone doing monthly updates so I thought I would post…I have been at 155 lbs for several days now, however, I have been fluctuating between 159, 157 and 155 for like nine weeks now – yes nine weeks!!!!!!  But get this – in mid-November I got into a size 8 and I weighed about 160lbs at that time – they fit nicely – a little snug – but they fit – So here is the moral of the story…I have not been losing - only five pounds since November – BUT last night at Ross I bought my first pair of size 6 slacks…It’s freakin’ crazy, it doesn’t even sound right – how can I be 155lbs and wearing a size 6!!!!  Really it doesn’t make sense to me I have NEVER NEVER IN MY LIFE WORE A SIZE 6 ANYTHING – not even underware!!!!!!!   It blows me away that I can wear size 8 and now even own a pair of slacks in a size 6 – then I got to thinking that maybe the tag was sewn on upside down and went to look so I could read which way the letters were facing – yup – they were a size 6.  I still don’t believe it – somebody pinch me – no wait if I am dreaming – let me be….but I know I am not dreaming but my gosh…I am living a dream right now!!!!!!!

Ok so I also bought a pair of white jeans (kind of a sailor pant look) size 8 and a white blouse, bought red high heel shoes and a matching red bag….I walked down the stairs this morning and my young neighbor Ricky’s (ten years old – we carpool – I take him to school in the am and then they pick up my son in the pm) eyes popped out of his head…I looked at him and said “do I look funny Ricky”…biggest compliments come from kids…he said “naw, you look nice, I just never seen you in those kind of clothes”. 

OK…now for my bad behaviors…why I have not lost any weight in 9 weeks…I have not been walking (very very cold where I live 27 degrees in the am and I AM NOT USED TO THIS COLD WEATHER!) nor have I been going to the gym.  I have been eating, but have been craving sweets – pre-op I was not a big sweet eater – so now I am wondering how my blood work is…this month I will be going and have the blood work done to see what is going on.  I have not physically craved foods until now with the sweets.  I’ll let you guys know about my blood work when I get the results.  I guess that’s it for now…It’s funny in the beginning I used to update my profile often…now it’s gone to about one to two times a month.  I am thinking I need to go back to writing down the things that are happening on the same basis to help guide me to what is going on mentally. 

Here I go again shouting from the roof tops….I LOVE MY VSG!!!!!

Ha - I got one for you...the other day I pulled out a pair of jean from my closet - I couldn't get them on and looking closer they were too short...We got my Chatitos jeans mixed with MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Whew what a moment...getting a pair of jeans mixed up with your 11 years olds!!!!!!!!!!

In my past life we hardly ever used our heater - it is on all the time now - and still I have frozen feet.  Pre-op I used to shower and go out with wet hair and just let it dry - YES even in the winter...now I can not tolarate the cold so I have to blow dry everyday. 

Our lives change more than we ever realized they would with vsg- BTW - I look better with dry hair

"VSG Living" everyday...Rosa

Hello I am a little over 10 months out.  As of today I weighed 157 but my lowest weight has been 155 I go by my lowest weight when I give total pounds lost - a total of 105 lbs in 10 months!!!  I have 20 lbs to go.  

I have to say that my energy level is not up as would be expected but I think it might be the rapid weight loss...now that I have slowed up in loosing as quickly I do notice it is changing.  On my official weigh in (Friday's) I have not lost any weight - on occasion I have even gained a pound or two.  I do notice that my weight seems to be shifting around, my lower body (legs, thighs, hips) were very small It seems that it is shifting around because my size 10 jeans fit better than before.  They were fitting some what loose around the hips - now it feels like I am filling them out - which I am happy about - I prefer to have a heavier lower body (my preference - and DH"s ).

WLS has done so much for me...it has given me back my confidence, which living a life of obesity stole from me.  If you had met me 11 months ago - you really would have not thought I had a confidence issue, but I did, I masked it well.  I was the total opposite, always talking to people - very polite, fun, joking, laughing - ALL THE TIME - it was exhausting.  I did this because I didn't want to be the fat person of the group who no one liked.  I know feel calm and in control.  I saw an old friend (Laura) who has known me for over 11 years - she told me I was much calmer and that my voice had even changed to a softer calmer tone, which I know is true, because I was well know for my deep loud belly wrenching laugh, which since surgery I can no longer accomplish (it was my signature laugh).  I know in Mexican music if you have ever heard or listened to it we have what we call a "grito" (a shout of Ahhh haa - hard to explain) but I also did this "grito" and now it has a much lower tone (that I do miss - it comes from deep in the soul - but needed my big stomach to have the power behind it).  

When I am at work I do very well with routine, vitamins, water, and eating - the whole schedule thing is there.  Weekends I blow it...I still eat well but sometimes I can get water in and sometimes not.  So being at work helps keep me on track.  

Typical WEEKDAY food day (times are aprox. and foods do vary but are typical foods I choose) during the day I do have a 42 grams of protein new whey even though it's only 3 oz it does take me a while to drink it.
8am B-  two cheese sticks or low carb yogurt
9:30 am MS- protein bar
noon L - some protein food (shrimp cocktails have been my favorite)
1:30 pm  AS- two cheese sticks or low carb. yogurt or pop corn
3:30 pm LAS - two cheese sticks or low carb. yogurt or pop corn
6 pm D - some protein food
Occasionally I will have a p.m. snack

I have had a sip of soda, but don't find it appealing as I can not gulp it down.  I do not drink any fluids with a meal - occasionally when out in a restaurant I will sip some water with my meal - but for the most part do not drink and eat at the same time.  Soups still go down easier than dense dry foods. 

I recently have been a born again shopper...I used to buy clothes because they fit and my wardrobe consisted of course of 98% dark (usually black) clothes - now there is a lot more color in my life.  My last couple of shopping trips have been very discouraging...let me explain...I love to shop now, I am wearing regular size 8 or 10's, but I have this apron that hangs to my pubic area (I say this so you can visualize how long it is - I know compare to others it is not bad), so everything I try on you can see this hanging stomach and now that I am wearing size M blouses (larges hang on the arm pits) they are not quite long enough to cover...I DON'T WANT TO CAOUFLAGE MY BODY ANYMORE!!!!!   I want to wear a pair of jean with a sweater – my size mediums that fit right at the waist line – I know it sounds vain but hell I’ve been hiding long enough!  I want more!  I want it all!!!

 I don’t know when I’ll be able to have plastic’s but here is what I want done (no particular order – I’ll start at the top and work down):

Arms

Breast lift with implants (full C is enough for me)

Lower body lift (Tummy tuck, butt lift, and thigh lift)

Inner thighs done

I want a fat transfer from tummy to butt (or implants – if I could just do a mid-section half turn – I would have an awesome butt and a flat stomach (jokes on me!!!)

So what do you think this would cost me?  I think about 40 g’s…Can I realistically spend all that on myself?!  So I’ll have to compromise – have a tummy tuck and maybe arms done.  I am going to seriously consider contacting extreme makeovers, but we all know there are thousands of us out here with the same story or similar stories so why would I win such a luxury…I am not that lucky of a person!  Wait yes I am…I am here and typing and loving myself…Yes I am that lucky of a person…Thank you GOD Thank you everyday for letting me grow….

Mary...I am tired just reading your post...so much going on with you.  I am glad to hear you are in counseling and happy with all the ps stuff going on...I can't wait to see you at SG maybe January!  

LOL I was thinking Dr. C said no Starbucks - plain coffee only!!!!  You are so right on it with sabotage...grazing will do it...there are days when I do graze and then stop myself be thinking...now how would you feel having to buy one size pants larger!!!!  I would be devastated so that helps keep me on track.

Now for my updates...I am bouncing back from 158 to 162.  I am fitting into a size 8 pants, they are loose around the hips - need the tummy tuck ASAP ;-) I cut my own hair at work one day that I was feeling that it looked quite scraggly so I pulled out the scissors and just did it, I now wear pantyhose on a daily basis to help keep me warm - as pre-op I couldn't stand the suckers - they made me hot and besides that gave me a rash between my legs, I am still strutting my high heel boots and any other high heel shoes I get my hands on or feet on, the other day I purchased a lycra stretch dress that flowed at the bottom - size SMALL!  I went to eat with friends from work - but I had already eaten turkey and cheese leftovers - so joined them and had a glass of water and talked the time away!  

DH and I are partners with another couple (relatives) in owning a bar.  Primarily ran by our DH's - It was a rough three years because of the kind of business that it is.  We all discussed possibly selling and moving on...Both of the wives really wanted to keep the business but have more involvement - we have decided to add on a restaurant, of course, we will sell Mexican food and the bar/club will remain also.  So when the addition is made one of the four of us has to be there to manage the business full-time - I think that I might be quitting my day job and start that.  I have experience with customer service, computers, accounting, managing and all that stuff - they of course will be there for support...So I am very excited about this new venture we are going to start...I am grateful I have a lot more self respect and confidence to be the front line person.  I can only image how busy I will be...I might not be here as often as I would like...but that is still some time away - we have not even applied for the financing yet....but wanted to share with you guys because this is going to change my life drastically.

So much too talk about…I’ll start with last week – thanksgiving.  On Thursday morning I got up early and made my famous green beans (peppered bacon, onions, red potatoes, and fresh string beans).  I took some to my moms for breakfast (got there about 8:30 in the morning)…She had a full thanksgiving spread ready by 9:30 a.m.  I did over eat – well let me say I can’t over eat but I can choose the wrong foods.  I ate cheesecake, apple pie, and pumpkin pie.  I didn’t feel too bad I just knew I would have to pay the consequences which were on my Friday weigh in (I’ll get back to that).  Then went to my mother in laws for dinner had very little to eat there (turkey and a small spoonful of mashed potatoes).  Then headed to my sister in laws (I ate macaroni with ham and cheese and olives).  

Friday’s weigh in I weighed in at 162 – I gained 2lbs!  That was the consequence of my choice to eat pie loaded with sugars.  I ate protein first for the next few days and really tried to up my water.  Great results on Monday morning I weighed 158.  I am now in the 150”s!  

My sister in law Lilia came over to bring my boys home (they spent the weekend with her and her family).  We went shopping - they really had to drag me out of the house ;-)  I tried on several different outfits…Size 8 pants…I know I was excited before about fitting into a size 8 but when I tried them on and really looked at how they fit I was a little disappointed.  Remember I keep telling you how big my stomach is…well I need a size 8 so that the pants will close around my waist, but around my hips the pants are very loose – my friend Ingrid swears that when I get plastics I will be a size 2 – I told her she was crazy but very seriously says that I am a lot smaller than I think I am.  Back to shopping…I  found a great pair of guess heels (Jaime still having a problem with me wearing very high heels – he is used to seeing me in short wide heel shoes very comfortable at 260 pound shoes – I now enjoy the very spiked heel – I never ever thought I would see myself in these ever again!  I purchased a stretch dress (lycra material) PLEASE GUESS WHAT SIZE IT WAS…yep it is a S – for SMALL!!!!!!!  It looks so pretty on!!!!!!!!!!!!   I felt SEXY…I walked around in the dress and heels last night going for mirror to mirror giggling.  I told Jaime that this was the best $18,000 we ever spent (referring to WLS).  

Oh yea I am wearing a size b panty hose (I didn’t buy the A because they were out – I don’t think an A would fit around my stomach yet anyways).  I haven’t liked wearing pantyhose in years because of my weight I felt confined and hot and they were just the most uncomfortable things I ever put on my body.  I purchased tights and today am wearing them…so far they are keeping me warm and they are not bothering my stomach or my inner thighs!!!!  Whew hooooo!!  I am going to be wearing pantyhose again!  Mostly to help keep me warm – I have been so cold lately…I have been wearing three pairs of socks first the cotton ones, then two pairs of lycra stretchy to grip and squeeze, then a fluffy pair of slipper type socks – that is a total of four pairs of socks per night to sleep in.  I went shopping for thermal underwear…but have decided to give wearing tights and pantyhose a shot, so far so good….