rstone115
In this introduction I hope to convey to anyone reading, an understanding of where I’m coming from and what has led me to share my story with others. I hope that by getting my story out there in the world that someone may be inspired to take action in their own lives. This also keeps me motivated to set a good example of what we can achieve if we set our goals and work toward achieving them.
I’ve been obese all of my life except for a few times that I worked and starved and exercised till I was ready to drop. Still even after all that effort, and as many of you know, the weight comes back on when we can no longer keep up the regime that we dictate to ourselves. The resolve fades away and the excuses start to fly. The last time I lost weight was around the year 2000 when I was turning 40. I was determined that I was not going to be a fat 40 year old. I was very successful for a time. I got my weight down from about 380lbs to about 240lbs in a little over a year. The diet that I was on was a low carbohydrate diet that honestly made me feel like crap, but the pounds came off and I stuck with it. I was able to maintain my weight loss for a time and then I started to develop pains in my joints that would keep me awake at night. After a while the pain got really intense and the workouts stopped. I had to use all my energy to get to work and keep my house clean. Within a span of 4 years I would be bed ridden and weigh 456lbs.
I was in immense pain constantly and exhausted from it. I was finally diagnosed with Psoriatic Arthritis in 2006. Since I could no longer hold a job I had to fight with the Social Security Administration for disability. It took a lot of perseverance but I did win in the end and with that came good medical care and a very slow recovery process. I see now that I had gotten into the habit of eating a lot of meat and cheese with the low carbohydrate diet. Without the exercise, as well as adding back in the chocolate and “diet “sodas and the pasta and whatever else you feel like, because you don’t feel good about life or yourself, it’s a combination for disaster. The only thing that saved me was that I was also still in the habit of having fruits and vegetables and salads. I would have fruit for breakfast a nice salad with some tuna for lunch but then in the evening it was a free for all. I’ve always been a big time night eater. Don’t forget dessert.
I’ve used food as a comfort for my pain and as a friend and source of entertainment. I’ve never been one for “junk” food; I like to eat quality food, but let’s face it, just because a bag of potato chips is kettle cooked and organic doesn’t make it the best food choice or negate its calories. I love to cook and have always gone to the farmers markets and top grocery stores for the best food available, but when you come home and cook a dinner for 4 and you are the only one eating it, guess what, you are going to get fat.
I knew that if I was going to salvage my life that I would have to do something drastic. It was then that, after years of deliberation, I decided to have gastric-bypass surgery. Through Youtube, support groups and the classes that were required prior to surgery, I observed all kinds of people regaining their lives, improving their health and losing all the weight that was holding them back. It certainly was an exciting prospect, you go in have a little surgery and then you’re skinny, only not so much, it isn’t little surgery it’s major surgery and there is nothing easy about it. You have to be totally committed to the process for the rest of your life. It’s a tool to help out, not a magic cure. The diet that follows is strict and if you do not follow it you are faced with a little thing called dumping syndrome which I’ve been told is akin to child birth on the pain scale.
Amazingly, somehow, even with my new found resolve, I still wasn’t quite convinced. I thought, I knew I could somehow manage this problem with sensible eating and exercise even though I had been trying for nearly 40 years. Still, I canceled my surgery and I decided to embark on yet another diet. Well, yet another diet didn’t work and I can’t play this game anymore. I need to resolve this issue once and for all. I have scheduled my surgery for November 10th and I’m really ready now. I’m actually excited and for the first time the excitement is louder than the fear. I’m tired of missing out on life, tired of making excuses and tired of feeling bad all the time. I don’t think there is an hour that passes that I don’t think about how fat I am and how life would be different if I wasn’t so heavy. There is a very dull quiet voice in my head that I’ve gotten very good at tuning out but I know it’s there. It’s there when I open my closet door to get dressed in the morning, it’s there when I go to the pool and I’m walking across the deck and wondering what people are thinking of me, it’s there when I go to the store and put the cookies in my cart and it gets really loud at the checkout when I’m wondering what the cashier is thinking of the food I’m buying. The voice is there when I get in my car and the steering wheel rubs on my belly and there when I go out to eat and have to ask for a table because I know that I won’t fit into a booth.
I’m trying to imagine the day when that voice has nothing to say. That will be a great day and I know it will come to pass, but I have to make it happen. The voice will only be silenced through action. I will embrace the process and make friends with my rewired intestines. I’ll be nice to my pouch and treat it with care. I will look at food in a new light, no longer will it represent a reward or friend in times of need, it is fuel for my new life and that’s all.
"All right, Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my close-up"
My heartfelt thanks for reading and my best wishes for everyone’s success.
