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Here I am, realized this am that it had been since May that I posted.  Really not much to add.  Living life at goal isnt challenging as far as weight.  But this damn baggage I have, is killing me.  I am having a difficult time just putting the bags down.  Im almost angry. ( that is hard to say!) I really think I am angry I wasted my younger years obese.  I feel like some of the opportunities have escaped me.  I could have lived life differently if I had been thinner.  I settled.  Oh well. 

One week late, however was out of town with hubby for my one year.  The last year has been an emotional challenge for me.  The physical side was the easy part.  I have had to learn to, stick to my guns on a lot of issues.  I had fed my emotions with food for so many years, I have taken control.  I finally quit working after years of my husband begging, part of that was due to self worth.  I knew at work I did a really good job and everybody wanted me, it was hard to give it up.  I now have found I am worthy as a wife and mother, a job in which I always felt I had sucked at.  Not that any one else thought I did, but me. It has been much easier than expected.  I really hadnt even missed the income.  By the time I figured what it cost to work and childcare, we are money ahead.  Plus DH has added a few more features to the business, so it has taken care of our needs.  Food really isnt that important anymore, I can eat very little and be satisfied, it is hard to explain but true. Sometimes I do catch myself grazing, and have to throw up the stop sign.  It is easy to get back in control.  I get lazy with the fluid intake, I have to calculate that and make sure I get it in.  My taste in food has changed for the most part.  Quite of few things just dont taste good.  I think I just dont make it such a priority.

Along with the changes for me, it has been changes for my family.  I think that my husband is a little nervous about me being smaller, he was comfortable with me being bigger.  He is getting better, and I think likes the fact that everyone notices me.  My two smaller children like the fact that I am more active with them, but I still have quite a bit of limitations due to my ruptured discs in my back.  I have had some issues with my older daughter, she is concerned that I am skinnier than she is.  I try not to talk about weight or size with her, or within ear shot.  Mind you she is one size larger but 4.5 inches taller!!!!! But I do not want to cause her to have and eating disorder, this is a difficult age for that!!!!!

I still have maintained my privacy, very few people know.  I just really dont think it is their business. Sometimes I feel a little guilty, but people of all sizes are judgemental about it!

Overall my experience has been wonderful.  A rollercoaster, but one that I would get back in line for!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Eleven months out.  Ditto the last post.  I am scheduled to see the Neuro Surgeon on the 1st of May.  I guess it will be surgery from there. My weight has maintained.  I fall off the carb wagon pretty frequently, but it is easier to get back on.  Best wishes to all.  Chantay

As happy as can be.  My weight stays between 140-145. I still try to watch what I eat, I can get in too many carbs if I dont notice what I am eating.  My size still remains the same.  I can pull any size 4 off of the rack and wear it.  I can wear a size medium top, but it is snug across my breasts which is kinda sexy sometimes!!!! I continue to be happy with having the surgery.  I have pretty much gotten the amount I can eat down to an art.  However there is occasion when I take the one extra bite and dont feel so hot. I cannot eat but one or two bites of  anything sweet or I  pay the price and its not worth it. I have not lost any weight , but my face is still slimming along with my arms  and hands.  I think this is the weight I will be at without much difficulty. See ya next month.

 Nine months out! Sigh. Not much to report, I flucuate between 140-142lbs with ease.  I eat what I want and when I want it.  Hair is coming back in.  I still have back issues, but I will always have.  I feel great about myself and catch people looking at me frequently, (in a good way and not in a disgusted way)   I am way more confident in social settings.  I quit my job and working for my husband and stay at home and take care of my family.  I feel like I finally know me. 

Well I am a little late on my update,  I really just forgot, it was time.  Life has changed so much since food is not the only focus.  I weigh 142 a few pounds below goal weight. I never expected to meet a goal weight since I never have!!!!!!!!!! Much less be below goal.  I cant say that all of my mental struggles are resolved, but if you read my prior post at times I am overwhelmed.  I no longer use food as my cushion, however today I was pretty naughty blowing the hell out of my carb intake.  I really try to keep it balanced.  I have fallen off of the water wagon a few times, but when I stay on it I lose.  I now have the motivation with my friendly new tummy.  I have learned to eat out gracefully and without people noticing I really dont eat much of anything.  Its really easy with DH we always agree on something and share, or if I am with my oldest daughter we share also.  If I am out alone, I choose the best value in the protein department, eat what I want and usually waste the rest, because if I take it home, I tend to graze on it until gone.  I can wear slim cut size 3 jeans, Misses 4, (I can wear a two, but the legs are snug at the thighs), Medium shirts.  I do enjoy buying off of the rack, but I try to be careful I dont want to over spend on clothes. It is really nice not to worry if I look acceptable when I go out in public.  Next stop, living life at goal. PS. Hair loss has stopped, YAY!!

Ok, I feel like I am going to explode.  Let me start,  My husband has been in Dallas on a project, left last night to go to Odessa for a rodeo. My daughter, had 3 busy nights with outside projects and also had to  shear and check in her lambs for local and state show.  She has a rodeo on Saturday with four events, so it will be all day.  Ten horses, 19 sheep, ten head of cattle, (here), 22 head of cattle, somewhere else to worry about (they are calving), 5 dogs, 3 cats, 3 kids, billing for our business, painter that is painting inside the house, cable guy changing cable around in the house, worked two days this week, dear friends father died, sister going through nasty divorce with custody battle.  I think I am having gallbladder issues, I found out Wed I have a ruptured disc at L4L5, central stenosis at L5-S1, guess that explains why I hurt and have numbness down my right leg.  Was in the bed most of yesterday, kept my son at home cause I felt guilty about sending him to daycare.  Dont know what I am going to do about my back, (they said if I would lose 50 lbs, I wouldnt have back problems---LIARS) Dr says it would not improve without surgery, I have already had one two years ago with only six months of relief, rupture is at the same place. But---I dont want to be addicted to pain meds for 40 more years.  Can a girl catcha break.???? Just needed to vent...................................I forgot the darn show pig!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I used to would have eaten my way through this---------now what???? Limping away for another cup of coffee!!!!!!!!!!!

Another month on my journey. I am down to 149 lbs, one pound under my original goal and 4 lbs from goal weight.  I am excited but the new has worn off.  I no longer have the challenge of losing weight so I have to set my mind differently.  I am a size small or 4.  I can wear  size 3 blue jeans and some misses 2's.  I fluctuate about 4 lbs.  I will gain 4 and then lose it again.  The numbers arent important as I can fit into the clothes.  I have had a hard time with the holidays due to I used to eat my way through them.  I never realized how stressful they were for me until now.  I have not maintained the proper dietary intake this last month but it hasnt hurt me.  I will focus more after the first of the year.  I had a deep bout with depression the first couple of weeks of December, again I think it has to do with the holiday stress.  But I came out of it the last few days. I dont take any antidepressants, but I probably should, I dont like the way they affect me. I do miss the great taste of food at this time of year, but  I dont miss the stuffed feeling.  I now just get a bite of this and that.  I suffer when I eat too much sugar or anything with milk. I have low iron count and constipation from time to time.  Those are two things I can say, might be a negative.??  (Compared to all the negatives in life I used to have!!!) I still am glad I did it.  I would have never been able to do this and maintain it on my own.  So I now look at each day with excitement, and new experiences bring me new life.  Merry Christmas to all.  P.S.  Hair loss has slowed!!!!

I am a few days past my 6 month surgery date. My weight loss has slowed dramatically, and my hair loss continues.  I am 9 pounds from my goal weight.  My husband traveled to NYC the week of Thanksgiving on unexpected  business, and I got to go along!!!!!!!!  Our kids were with grandparents and we were able to leave in a minutes notice.  What a beautiful part of the world.  I could have never made the trip physically or mentally 6 months ago.  I did great, I traveled with ease,  ate what I wanted and walked around NY with out any problems.  I still am having terrible back pain, almost unbearable at times, but I do not want surgery again.  I do not miss the masses of food I used to eat.  Sometimes I miss eating sweets but I can live without them.  I feel like I am normal again.  I read alot but dont post very much, due to I almost feel guilty because I was a able to reach my goal much more quickly.   I read about people who have much more to loose and my heart goes out to them, I havent forgotten, just because I didnt have as much to lose, I still had those same feelings of despair.  I want each and every one to know you are in my thoughts.  I dont see the skinny girl in the mirror, I could see how anorexics have that terrible body image issue.  I am now wearing a size three and weigh 154lbs.  It has been a fun ride. 

Today is my 5 month anniversary.  I dont post much anymore, but I do read a lot.  I have changed my goal weight to 145lbs, which is a healthy BMI, for me. I originally thought it would be impossible to get to 150, but I have almost made it.  I can wear a size 5, and can squeeze into a relaxed 3.  My blood pressure is down, joint pain, carpal tunnel all gone.  However, back pain still continues, (history of ruptured disc in 2005, with Microdiscectomy).  I feel, I have scar tissue at the surgical site.  Along with that the depression continues, that comes from the use of pain meds, however I try  to get along with alternative medicine, such as acupuncture, massage therapy, and just plain old suffering.  I do work in surgery, so on the days I work and the days before I work, I am unable to take pain meds.  Yesterday was my 38th birthday, it came and went without much excitement.  I still look in the mirror and do not appear to have lost much weight.  I know, when I look at my pants, that I have, it just does not register at brain level!  I hope that one day I look in the mirror and see a skinny woman.  I am hoping my body dont stop losing until I get to my new goal.  I am not strict with my diet, I eat pretty much what I want to, just in small amounts.  I can no longer tolerate milk, or bread, or bread like products.  I really dont want them and I have tried to eat them on numerous occasions, without success.  All is good.  Weight 160lbs BMI 27.5.