RyanMichelle
my new grown up job and getting to give something back
Jun 14, 2007
so much in love
Feb 21, 2007
so...im usually not one to write about my love life online (at least not usually) i mainly reserve this writing for my own journal..but it seems that going with the flow of my night and being so open and hearing so many of my friends open up to me tonight that it is only fitting that i feel the need to spill the beans about what has been going on in my world. i have never felt the feelings which have been rushing through me lately. i feel like a whole new world has opened up to me. sure ive been in relationships before and sure at the time i thought i was in love. i know that i loved the old boyfriends in some way but it wasnt the type of love that is written about. it wasnt the have to live for you love that all girls hope to find. i usually find myself guarded. only willing to let my sisters and family in close. with guys i lock up, put up walls to keep them out. im never willing to give myself to them totally for the fear that they will use it against me. it has been my experience that most of the guys you date in your 20s are douche bags. it is so much easier to join the pack, hoe it up, and live in the moment. now when i started coreponding with justin while he was in iraq i never thought that we would be so close already. sure i would stay up all night talking to him on the internet, wake up at 4 am when he would call just to talk about nothing for an hour, and i counted down the days for his return. but im not going to lie, before he was here and tangible i was treating this like a game just as i would have anyother. i never imagined being in a relationship again. at least not for a while. i was the single and loving it girl. but the second he hugged me in front of my old apartment i knew. the first time we kissed was like my first kiss. the touch of his hand on mine sends chills up and down my spine, and when he first whispered the words i love you. i changed. hearing him tell me that he loves me is the most amazing sentance i have ever heard. they always say when it is real you know it. i never really understood that until now. my past relationships have been so forced. the first one was well...retarded to say the least, it seems like that was so long ago...it's amazing what can happen in 2 years. the second significant relationship was to say the least...unhealthy. nothing against the guy...he has an honest heart and a good soul, but we were trying to make something fit that was never meant to be. but with justin it is simple. when im with him i can be me. i can be silly, serious, a complete mess, and he always knows exactly what i need. feeling accepted with him is like nothing i have ever felt with a guy. other than with my best guy friend (zack) i have never been able to completely let down around a member of the opposite sex. with justin...i can. i still struggle with opening up to him...but he usually knows what i want to say before i say it. this is such a new relationship but i already know. i know that he will always be a part of my life. im happy. for the first time in my life i can be with someone without being dependent on them. i am with him for the sake of happiness. he isnt using me. im not using him. we are in it together for the right reasons and that is definately something to cherish.
its nice not to be cynical anymore! :)
sometimes family is the rudest...
Feb 20, 2007
that just sucks to hear. but i know ive done well...ive lost a whole freakin person in 6 months. so eeffff that....boo on her. ahh! so angry.
bikini
Feb 16, 2007
new clothes and my valentine
Feb 06, 2007
I have some amazing news. I ordered my first pair of size 10 jeans. 10!! i still cant believe it! i called my old roomie who has always been thin and who can eat anything she wants...and not gain an ounce. she was like...WHAT?! everyone seems to be freaking out. and i think it is so cool because its like everyone is really starting to comment. I mean its about time ive lost 130 lbs. i have really been noticing it myself lately. my boyfriend who didnt know me before, but who has known me since november is always telling me how amazing i look, and that i have an amazing body. ive never been told my body was anything but ugly, so this is definately a change. i bought a bikini the other day. i need to take the top back because my boobs are still a little too big for it...but who cares...its a freakin bikini!!! haha.
valentines day. so i mentioned my boyfriend. he is amazing. for valentines day we went to a swanky bed and breakfast in austin. we went early because i have sorority stuff going on the night of vday. i know its totally lame that the girls planned crap for that night but i think its because theyre all single. haha. so i ordered a couple lacey nightys to wear for justin this weekend (he is stationed at fort hood until he gets out of the military in march, so we are doing the long distance thing). im really excited about it. being alive is so much more fun when youre not huge. i mean sure weight isnt everything but life is just better when youre comfortable in your own skin.
175!!!!
Feb 03, 2007
things are going really great for me. thank God for Dr. Patel and for RNY!
SIZE 12!!!!!!
Jan 03, 2007
199!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dec 10, 2006
plateau
Nov 21, 2006