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I am going to work on being more intentional this year. I am going to focus on letting God be God, and not worrying about everything all the time. I have a full plate at the clinic, but I don't need to obsess about the money, the staff, the location, the patients and all I have to do. Doing this only makes me eat, eat, eat. When I let these worries go, I can focus on being peaceful and calm and allow the food to satisfy me.

I have tracked my food today and feel good about the exercise and the eating. Now, I just need to get my head together.

I am 3.5 years post op and swore after my initial weight loss that I would never make another New Year's resolution.

Now, I am finding that I have "gone astray"...I am eating things I swore I'd never touch again. I am grazing all day. I am not working the plan that got me out of morbid obesity.

So, now it is Dec. 31, 2013. I am making a resolution to return to the plan that gave me peace, a life, improved my health and gave me a gift that is truely priceless.....weightloss of almost 100 pounds. I have gone from my lowest weight of 149 to 164 and can visualize a steady rise if I don't get this under control.

15 pounds to lose, I could easily do it. That was a reachable goal. Now is the time to test this and see if that is true or not. Today (not tomorrow) I am going to start tracking my food again. I am going to work out 5 days a week (cycling, walking and hand weights). I am going to get back into the Word of God. I am going to pray for strength and guidance. I am going to nurture my physicial, spiritual and emotional self.

I am going to reexamine my role at work and growing our programs ( a nonprofit health center). I am going to bow out of the fundraising and let the board handle this portion. I am going to focus on my job and not overextend myself. I am going to be good to me, so I can be good to others.

Being good to me will start with:

• eating good food, not empty calories
• not buying food that I cannot resist
• enjoying what I eat, by eating slower and taking time to savor
• cook more and eat out less

I know this will produce good results and I am committed to report in this blog what happens. Will you join me and let me know how you are doing?

I haven't posted for a long time, due to problems with the site, but it looks as if they've been fixed.

I am still struggling daily with grazing and wanting to eat more than I should. I have added a lot of dangerous foods to my diet and am suffering because of it. I need to go back to the pure/clean eating of my early days post-op and clear my system of the sugars and white carbs that I have added.

This surgery was a blessing and I feel like I am throwing this all away and going to reap a nasty harvest of out of control binging and weight gain. I am 3 years post op and down to 162 pounds at 5'2". I should be at 140 or below. The lowest weight I ever got to was 149. I think I stayed there 4 days.

If I cannot get these 13 pounds off, then I don't hold out much hope for maintaining my weight the rest of my life. That's a sobering thought!

Just had my 3 year anniversary visit with the surgeon. Per his records, I have gained 7 pounds in 3 years. While that may not seem like a lot, at lower weights, even 5 pounds can make your clothes feel tight. (actually, I am up probably 10-12 pounds from my lowest weight.)

I am struggling each day to avoid grazing. I live in constant dread of gaining all my weight back. I could so easily go overboard. I have another 30 or so years to live........at the rate I am going, I could gain 100 pounds back before I die. The thought really strike FEAR in my heart.

How can I get back in the  groove? I am not sure. I drink protein drinks for breakfast, lunch and snacks some days, since I don't trust myself to eat. Eating just opens up the door to wrong choices----the wrong foods and portions that are too big!

Last night for dinner, I ate two (yes, 2) chili dogs with onions and cheese. I felt totally sick afterward, but in 2 hours I was looking for something to eat again.

Are the rest of you "old-timers" still struggling like this? What can I do? HELP ME!!!

December/January of every year reminds me that before WLS I would listent intently to all the commercials and ads for Jenny Craig, Nutrasystem, Weight Watchers and all the drugs (Alli, fat blockers, weight loss aids) to decide which method I would try. I would ponder over joining a gym or purchasing a stair climber, mini trampoline or other device.  NONE OF IT WORKED!

Thank God, I am only 6 pounds over my lowest weight (surgery May 2010) and feel great! I am managing my weight like a regular, normal person and am not obsessed with all the crap that ruled my thoughts and behavior.

What a gift we have been given. We need to take advantage of each day and use this gift and these tools we know will result in health and happiness. Happy New Year to each of you OH buds.

I am starting to get nervous about surgery on Friday to remove the excess skin on my upper arms. The surgeon said that people who want the surgery to be able to fit into a smaller size are more pleased with the results than those who want the skin removed because of cosmetic reasons.

I am able to fit into a medium top just fine, but cannot wear sleeveless tops because of the crepey, loose skin that flaps about. Even with a scar, I hope I am more satisfied than I am now. Insurance isn't paying for this and I could buy lots of fun stuff with this money, rather than pay for surgery. I just hope it is worth the fear, cost and risk.

I am having all sorts of nightmares that I die during surgery or that I left am disfigured. I guess I have never faced a totally optional surgery...this is completely elective and I am freaking out. Keep me in your prayers, OH friends.

 

I just went to my High School reunion last week and it was fun (for a change). After a 100 lb. weight loss, I went and wasn't obsessed about how I looked and what people would think of me.
Actually, a guy came up to me and a few friends who were talking and asked me, "We were wondering, who is the hottie over here in the corner?"
He was looking at me and talking to me! Imagine! I played it cool and said, "I am Sheila C."
That's NEVER, EVER happened to me.
That remark, alone, is worth the whole journey. (Yep, I am a shallow person.)
I know the people who know and love me think I look good, but I still crave the approval of others....even those who are not real friends and who are barely acquaintenances.
Anyway, it was cool and I am still grinning.

The reality of weight loss surgery is that "they fix your stomach....they don't fix your head"!

I am continuing to struggle with eating too much, craving sweet and salty, looking for something to graze on and late night snacking. I am almost never hungry, but then I wasn't hungry before surgery, either. (Then, I stayed full from eating all the time!) Now, I am not hungry due to a small pouch, but I am eating something almost every 2 hours, just because I want it.

I have gained about 7-8 pounds from my lowest weight and need to get down a total of 20 pounds to not be "overweight", i.e., have a BMI of 25 or less. My waist band is snug on size 10 jeans and a medium top is getting tighter. Wow, what a wake-up call.

As the months roll by, I wonder if I will ever be there. I feel good and look so much better, that the motivation isn't really there to push myself. This is a dangerous position to be in since I am rife for losing control totally. So many folks that have had surgery are now back up to almost pre-surgical weight (see the 600 pound Virgin!)

God help me! I want to have peace that comes from normal, healthy eating and not spending every waking minute thinking of something to eat or what meal is next. One of my friends told me that she was told to go back on protein shakes until she lost the weight. I may try this. That would be a way to avoid continuing to stretch the pouch further.

While I am not usually obsessed with the scale, I have been somewhat more "weight focused" than usual. My jeans seemed tighter and my belts are not as loose as they were.
Bottom line, I haven't journaled my food, nor been as serious since last June. I have gained about 8 pounds from my lowest weight and am really nervous.
I have seen other WLS folks get careless and gain a ton of weight back. In fact, my sister is now back up to 245! I know now and I knew pre-surgery that I still have the same head, the same brain, the same addiction, the same issues.
I MUST get on target to keep this weight off and re-lose this 8 pounds, plus 5-10 pounds more.

You know, you get used to feeling bad when you are fat;
then,
You get used to feeling better after WLS and you get complacent.

I need to have a reality check and remember how it felt to sweat like a pig with very little exertion at all. Remember how a wet bra and panties felt year round (from the constant sweating)!
I need to remember the pain in my knee and how tired I was all the time. I need to remember how it felt to have to go to Lane Bryant, Avenue or the big Momma shops to buy clothes and still I didn't look OK. I need to remember all that I have gained and determine NOT TO GO BACK THERE....AT ANY AND ALL COST! Please God help me!

I am 13 months post RNY surgery and am stalled at about 105 pounds total weight loss. I feel so much better and don't regret having the surgery. All the weeks of nausea and feeling tired/miserable in the first 2 months are a far away memory.

This weight loss journey has opened my eyes about some issues in my life. I read in these posts/blogs about how many folks experience relationship challenges post surgery, including divorce. I guess some people don't feel they deserve good treatment when they are fat. Others are so medicated with the food they don't deal with the mess that is so obvious in their lives. I have the same issues post surgery that I had pre-op, but now I realize that with all the work I've done to be healthier and feel better, I need to take the same attention to the negative relationships in my life.

With some of my family members, I now am experiencing some jealous attitudes and resentments that never have surfaced before. With my husband, whom I love and am dedicated to, I realize that we have issues that need to be addressed, too. I am so blessed in many ways, but now I don't/won't blame any neglect, misbehavior or mis-treatment on my being fat and unworthy.

I am sure that my family, friends and husband are NOT supposed to fill any emptiness in my life. Only God can provide what fills the deepest longings in life. I need to remember that. Now, without my old "friend"--food, I am experiencing more loneliness than I ever have before.

I had some conflicts over this past weekend and had the strongest, most compelling need to eat/eat/eat. I haven't felt that for almost a year. (Yes, I have the munchies, but this was different. It was almost like a crack addict getting the shakes for a fix. I am pleased to say that I caught myself and identified this need and didn't go too crazy. As we all know, no amount of food will EVER fix the holes in our hearts!)

I needed to blog about this to remind myself that I deserve to be treated fairly, politely and lovingly by those who profess to love me. When this doesn't happen, I can/should identify the behavior and politely ask for what I deserve. I DO NOT have the right to be mean/ugly/rude at any time; especially when I am feeling sorry that I can't have the food that medicated me for 30 years. I need to turn all of this over to God and allow Him to minister to me/to change me into the person who is who He designed me to be.