Status Quo

Jun 13, 2011

I am 13 months post RNY surgery and am stalled at about 105 pounds total weight loss. I feel so much better and don't regret having the surgery. All the weeks of nausea and feeling tired/miserable in the first 2 months are a far away memory.

This weight loss journey has opened my eyes about some issues in my life. I read in these posts/blogs about how many folks experience relationship challenges post surgery, including divorce. I guess some people don't feel they deserve good treatment when they are fat. Others are so medicated with the food they don't deal with the mess that is so obvious in their lives. I have the same issues post surgery that I had pre-op, but now I realize that with all the work I've done to be healthier and feel better, I need to take the same attention to the negative relationships in my life.

With some of my family members, I now am experiencing some jealous attitudes and resentments that never have surfaced before. With my husband, whom I love and am dedicated to, I realize that we have issues that need to be addressed, too. I am so blessed in many ways, but now I don't/won't blame any neglect, misbehavior or mis-treatment on my being fat and unworthy.

I am sure that my family, friends and husband are NOT supposed to fill any emptiness in my life. Only God can provide what fills the deepest longings in life. I need to remember that. Now, without my old "friend"--food, I am experiencing more loneliness than I ever have before.

I had some conflicts over this past weekend and had the strongest, most compelling need to eat/eat/eat. I haven't felt that for almost a year. (Yes, I have the munchies, but this was different. It was almost like a crack addict getting the shakes for a fix. I am pleased to say that I caught myself and identified this need and didn't go too crazy. As we all know, no amount of food will EVER fix the holes in our hearts!)

I needed to blog about this to remind myself that I deserve to be treated fairly, politely and lovingly by those who profess to love me. When this doesn't happen, I can/should identify the behavior and politely ask for what I deserve. I DO NOT have the right to be mean/ugly/rude at any time; especially when I am feeling sorry that I can't have the food that medicated me for 30 years. I need to turn all of this over to God and allow Him to minister to me/to change me into the person who is who He designed me to be.

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