sallyj

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Well, this was my first week at not losing anything.   But I also have to say that I didn't exercise like usual due to some odd things on the schedule, and I did munch too much on the nuts.  So I know I could do better.  But I also know that it is not unexpected at 11 months out.  I simply have to be more diligent in my actions and realize that even if I do everything "right," there will be weeks without a weight loss.  I still need to lose about 55 pounds to reach goal, but I figure that will take a while yet.  My goal is for May--the 18 month mark.  I'd like to look into a tummy tuck for early summer, so I want to be far enough along to get that process going.    I do feel a difference in my clothes, so that is encouraging even without a change in the weight. 

I need to devise a weight training plan for at home.  I know that with the increasing darkness and coming cold weather that I will struggle to get to the pool.  I want to do something that will build up muscle in order to increase my metabolism.  I'm not all that interested in looking "ripped"!  I will always be rather generous with the curves, so that's okay.  No to find a way to do it without Spenser barking at me the whole time!

I spent most of Sunday washing and waxing the car--something I never could have done pre-surgery.  My knees couldn't have taken it.  And even though I did take a lunch break, I wasn't at that "I feel like I'm going to collapse" place.  Actually, it was my hand--arthritis in the thumb--that hurt more than anything else.  Even my back wasn't killing me. 

398/225/170

I am startled by how quickly the time is flying.  In just a couple of months I will be reaching the one year mark.  I will not have reached my goal yet, but I hope to by the 18 month mark.  I am aiming for 170 and a size 12.  That seems reasonable to me.  It is still overweight for my height by about 30 pounds, but after a lifetime of super morbid obesity, I can handle overweight! 

My legs still bother me in how they are not looking that much better.  I know they are smaller because of my clothes, but their shape—sausage—hasn’t really changed.  I still have that roll above the ankles, which is the worst issue.  I wonder if there is something more to it than just fat.  Some kind of water retention, lymphodemia (sp?), or something?  I’ll ask the doctor when I go in for my checkup and blood work.  Everything else I can pretty much hide under clothes, but I would like to be able to wear a skirt again.  At this point, I’d have to find a pair of boots that both fit (how likely is that!) and covered everything. 

I’m still trying to get in my exercise and did pretty good last week.  I swam for an hour both Sunday and Saturday, and rode my bike for 30 min. on Monday through Thursday.  I was too busy to get to the pool any days after work.  I sure hope that at some point they start keeping the water a bit warmer.  It takes me a while to warm up and I don’t stay warm even while swimming. 

I watched the show “The Biggest Loser” this week and for the first time, I was actually smaller than all the contestants except for one—and she was just 3 pounds lighter!  And she was the first kicked off!  In a weird way, it felt good to not be the same size.  Kind of like looking around to see if you are the fattest person in the room—and not being.  I don’t like I could survive the workouts they do.  It does remind me of Sandy and her time in Florida where all she focused on was exercise and weight loss.  I know that even after I reach goal I will have to keep up with the exercise, but I don’t know that I could ever be that focused.  I would definitely have to have more time off to spend hours at the gym everyday.  I guess I’ll only find out if I ever win the lottery!

My goal is to lose at least 8 pounds a month for the next few months, and I’m almost there for this month.  In order to make the 200 pound mark by Christmas, I need to keep an average of 2 lbs. a week.  I know my next couple of weeks will be lower in the weight loss as that’s my pattern, but if I keep doing what I should, protein, water, supplements, and exercise, the weight will come off regardless of when or how quickly.  It would just be nice for the holidays to reach that milestone!

I did hear something interesting at the “Chef Dave” event.  That if you eat on a regular schedule, your body won’t have the plateaus and stalls because your body doesn’t need to go into the starvation mode.  It is used to getting nourishment at a certain time, so it is like it doesn’t have to worry if it will be feed or not—so it doesn’t have to protect its stores.  That implies the body thinks, so I’m sure there is a better way of explaining it, but this is the way I get it.  And I have to say, so far I haven’t had any plateaus or stalls, and I keep to a pretty regular schedule when possible.  Nice to hear there is a good reason for what I’m already doing!

398/225.4/170

Just a quickie--someone at the support group last night mentioned now being able to cross her legs, and it dawned on me that I hadn't even tried to.  So today I tried, and I could!  I don't find it all that comfortable--and still a bit unladylike in my book--but it is great to know that I could. 

I had a pretty good week—lost a bit over three pounds, but that took me down to 228.  Now I officially have just 60 more pounds to go to reach my goal.  I can’t believe that I’m getting so close.  I know it will be continually slower as I get nearer, but to even imagine that I can get down to 170 is remarkable.  I remember when my goal was just to get down into a 24.  To think of an 18 was almost fantasy.  Now I can reasonably think of getting to a 12.

Actually, I even bought a 12 as my “goal outfit.”  I couldn’t resist.  For one thing, it is an Italian wool and silk suit.  That should be enough in itself, but I got it at 90% off!  I’ve never owned a outfit that originally cost almost half a months pay.  It is a very unusual cut—kind of like a tailored glen plaid suit meets feminine rocker chick!  I am taking a picture of it and hanging it on my refrigerator, exercise bike, cabinets, etc.—any place that I can use the motivation.  I will get down to a 12.  I’m in a woman’s 16/18 now, so with 60 more pounds gone, a 12 isn’t unreasonable 

But I do have to stop shopping.  I also splurged on some leather jackets—a suede suit jacket and a black blazer style jacket.  But I got them both at good discounts. And I’ve always wanted suede and leather jackets.  The blazer style I can wear both as a blazer and as a fall outer-wear jacket.  And it is a 0x!  I really am getting too small for Catherines!  Soon I won’t be able to model for the discount anymore.  But I think I’m set for the rest of the fall.  I have black, brown, and grey pants, a couple of blouses, a black and white blazer with matching shell, four pullover sweaters, and a black cardigan, and the two leather jackets.  I do need a pair of brown shoes still, but that should take care of things until I am in a real misses 16.  Oh, and my beautiful cashmere turtleneck I got from Nemain Marcus fits now!  Next will be the challenge of getting from the 16 women to 16 misses.  And I should fit the great wool coat by winter—if it doesn’t come early!

I keep going on about the clothes because fashion has always been something I like but also something not for me.  I tried to look good, but most clothing decisions were based on what looks the least bad!  I am eager to be able to buy what I like, what expresses who I am instead of just pick from the limited offerings for plus sizes.  I know there is a ton more available nowadays and some of it is very fashionable, but when you compare it to what is available for regular sizes, there is just such a difference is both quantity and quality.  Now if only dieting could change me wide feet into a narrow!

I also need to stop shopping for budgetary reasons.  I am spending way too much money.  Today I splurged on a Kate Spade handbag—again 50% off, but that still makes for a very expensive handbag.  I need to leave my credit cards at home, cut expenses, and make more money!  I don’t have time for a second job though.  I am getting a raise this year, but I don’t know what it is yet.  It will definitely go to the credit cards.  I don’t want to become a shopaholic and wind up with a debt equivalent of my former size.  I just need to win the lottery!  Wouldn’t that be fun.

It really is strange to be able to honestly think about being a size I haven’t been since high school.  And then a fourteen was huge!  I know I will have to work to maintain my loss, and so far I haven’t even had to deal with hunger.  I so hope the hunger never comes back.  It is enough to deal with just head hunger munchies.  I did buy some minibags of popcorn but will only bring in one bag at a time.  It is too easy for me to eat multiple bags.  And I’ve had to give up the nuts—again, too easy to munch.  And the sugar free candy has to be relegated to a special occasion.  Really, just about anything munchy is a problem for me.  I just need to keep focused on my goals.  And I find that when I am in one of those moods and there is food around, I just don’t think—I just go for it.  So I need to keep them out of the house. 

398/228/170

Things haven't been great this week--still a few too many munchy moments--but I did improve on the exercise.  Things have just gotten so busy that it is tough to fit it in.  And some mornings I am just too tired to get up at 5:00 a.m.  And after work is nearly impossible but I've got to give it a try.  I'm getting a bit lax in my efforts--but in some ways I think that is okay to a degree.  I've bben pretty strict for nine months, so finding a more moderate place wouldn't be bad.  But I can't be too soft or I'll wind up back where I started. 

I only lost 7.4 lbs. this month--about half of what I had been losing.  I really want to get down to a size 14/16 by winter, so I need to up the exercise.  And get rid of the snacking.  I have a great coat I want to be able to wear!  I am a coat person like most women are shoe people.  There is something about a good looking coat. 

I did go shopping this weekend and picked up a couple of pairs of pants--they get baggy pretty quickly.  I still struggle with getting the leg to fit.  I can find some at Yonkers , but I can't fit the Catherines or the Lane Bryant cuts.  And I splurged on a suede jacket at Coldwater Creek.  I've never had one but love the look of suede.  And it was a 1X!  Even at a non-plus size store!  It is a bit snug but I got it that way intentionally so I could wear it longer. 

I'm feeling more normal about my size, but I do want to lose more so I can get clothes from any store.  And to get out of the "obese" category.  If I just quit munching, I think I can do better.  I still can't eat that much dense food, so I have to focus on that.  But I am now getting to the point where I want "something" and have a tough time figuring out what it is that will satisfy.  I had a desire for pancakes but I won't even try that.  I don't want to get sick from either the pancake or the syrup. 

I'm wondering if I am getting enough protein and/or calories now.  I'm probably getting close to 1000 calories and about 65 grams protein.  I read about others getting in nearly 80 to 100 grams of protein, but I don't know if I could do that since I don't do shakes. 

Well, maybe this month will be better--I'd like 10 pounds a month for just a couple of more months but that might be pushing it.  I don't think I'm going to make my 200 lb. goal by Nov. 15 or even Jan. 1.  But, the weight is still coming off, there are still things I can do to help, and life is good!

398/231.6/170

I've had a couple of low loss weeks, but I knew that was coming so I was trying to not be discouraged.  I weighed this morning--something I usually only do on Sundays--and was pleasantly surprised with a drop of almost 5 lbs.  I have to admit, that made me a lot more motivated to get onto the bike and exercise this morning. 

But as I was exercising, it started to bother me that I was letting my level of loss be a motivator.  I understand that it isn't a bad thing to be motivated by good results, but I don't want to be shaping my life based on a number on the scale.  I need to get my head in a place that regardless of the number, I do what I need to do to get healthy and stay healthy.  And I am not there yet.  I do let the slow weeks impact my mood even though I try to work through it.  I know the weight loss will slow down, stall, plateau, and get harder.  But what the brain knows and what the mind says to itself are not always the same.  I really need to work on my self-talk to get beyond this.  I sure don't want weight to have the kind of control over me that food did. 

But I am pleased with the good loss this week!

Well, it wasn't a great weight loss week, just a bit more than a pound.  I didn't have a chance to swim like I was--a problem I am running into this week as well.  I need to get back to using the bike on the days I don't swim.  I just don't like it as well. 

Also my period started a week early--it had been very regular (first time in my life)--so it was a surprise.  And I did eat more than usual, which could be connected to the hormones.  I do think I need to stay away from the fruits and starches.  They just seem to make me want more of them.  I need to start getting more veggies in, especially the green ones.  Yuck!

398/237.8/170

It has been a tough week.  I'm a bit swamped at work, have obligations most of the weekend, have a major presentation on Monday, and just general stress on top of it all! 

I am finding it tough to exercise this week.  I did get to the pool yesterday, but the big pool is closed so the lap pool was busy.  I need to find a good evening time to go.  I just hate going at night during the week because that leaves the dog alone two more hours.  And after being in his cage while I'm at work, that just seems like too much.  So I've started getting back to the stationary bike.  I don't like it as well, but I can do it in the morning and be done with it.  And there is a lot less pre and post demands! 

I did have a pleasant surprise this week.  Our poor elevator at work wasn't working so I had to go from the basement to the third floor--and I could do it without feeling like I was going to die!  It was hard on my knees and I'm not about to start running stairs, but it is nice to know I can do it when I have to.  I used to panic when the elevator was out.  It was just so hard on me.

I normally only weigh on Sunday mornings, but I did weigh yesterday and there was no change.  I really think I am hitting a slow down.  I know it is normal--and I keep that in the forefront of my head--but part of me hoped it wouldn't happen.  And with it getting tougher to get the exercise and sleep in, I worry about being able to get past it.  I'm doing well with the water, but I could do fewer carbs.  And I think I'll need to have my cholesteral checked when I go to the doctor in October because of all the eggs I'm eating! 

I'm having a bit of a struggle with clothes as well.  I'm at a point where the women's sizes are getting big (depending on brand) but the misses sizes aren't big enough.  I'm really kind of in between on a lot.  And I want to be wise about how long I'm going to be able to wear something.  I wish I could do a clothes exchange with a consignment shop!  I have so many things to get rid of.  I did order a body shaper with hopes that it would reduce the rolls and jiggles.  We'll have to see how hard it is to get into and out of it.  That is especially important with all the water I'm drinking.

I wasn't able to exercise last week due to both the pool being closed and having a summer cold.  I had a hard enough time breathing and not "snotting" all over everything during regular activities--there was no way I could swim or do other exercises.  But I am ready to head back today.  I still have some problems, but I think I can make it through an hour of swimming.  I'll just take my Sudafed before hand. 

I am now merely obese rather than morbidly or super morbidly obese.  Actually, now I wouldn't even qualify for the surgery.  I don't have any co-morbidities (never did), so with a BMI below 40, I wouldn't have been approved.  It is kind of a challenge to get my head around that.  I can see the difference in the mirror, but I still move in space like I am 400 lbs.  I still give myself a lot of room to get around chairs, other people, etc.  And even though I can see I've lost weight, I don't really have a good sense of comparison--how do I really look to others?  I know I look so much better, but to strangers I am still just an obese woman.  They don't know how much worse it was.  I so look forward to being just overweight.  I already feel like I am just fat rather than monsterous (no more Jabba the Hut).  And then I get a glimpse of my arms!  Sometimes it is good to not be able to see things.  If I were to win the lottery, plastic surgery would be my friend!

My hope is to be under 200 by Christmas, but I know the slow down is coming, so I'm still trying to focus on doing the right things and letting the weight come off as it may.  I want to fly out to visit friends and don't want to be the person everyone on the plane fears will sit next to them. 

But things are going well, the weight is still coming off, and hope springs eternal!

398/239/170

I suppose I shouldn't be updating today as I don't feel very well, but it has been awhile.  My allergies are giving me grief and making me feel generally yucky.  Something else weight loss doesn't change! 

I'm still losing in the same pattern as I was earlier, two weeks high loss and two weeks low, so we'll see if that lasts another month based on next week's weigh-in.  I had a bad day Sunday--grazed and didn't swim.  In a generally foul mood all day.  It made me realize how easy it will be to slip into old habits again.  So Monday I was off to the pool and back on track.  I can tell I can eat more now, and feel that I should be eating a bit more at this point, but need to pay attention to what that "more" is.  I had to get rid of the sugar-free ice cream.  That was something I was going back for seconds and thirds for.  I threw away about half a box; guess I'll stick to the popsicles--they don't have the same appeal. 

I also need to start linking what is going on in my life, my mood, etc. to when I get off track.  I can see the link between stress and eating, so now I need to track better choices for de-stressing and see what works. 

I made the mistake of shopping for a pair of jeans--now that can reduce almost anyone to depression!  At Lane Bryant I couldn't fit most of them--too narrow in the leg--without going up to a size I simply refuse to buy anymore.  I need a pair of casual pants to go to the dog park.  I tried on several pair at the women's shop at Younkers, but again, either they were too small in the leg or too big in the waist.  I did find a pair of Jones New York jeans in a 22 that would fit in the leg and waist in a smaller size, but they didn't have an 18 or 20.  (It was a 75% off clearance sale.)  But they did have a size 16--which I could actually get on!  I won't wear them yet until they're a bit looser, but it was a nice bit of hopefulness after the other stores.  I also bought a couple of regular size 16 items to be my benchmark to get down to for Christmas (or sooner!).  I so want to be able to go into a good store and buy a regular size item.  I'd prefer a 10 or 12, but I'll take a 14/16!

The pool is closed most of this week, so my exercise plan is off.  I guess I'll have to go back to biking in the morning.  I like swimming better, but this will give me some variety and get me in gear for when classes start.  I wish I liked exercise.  I thought by now I'd have more buy-in for it, but I still don't like it and find it extremely dull.  I guess this is where the sense of duty has to come in.

I'm liking how I look and feel and am so glad I did this, but I can see it will be a lifelong effort.  I think that is what makes weight loss so difficult--ever vigilant.  No rest from it. 

But I'm only 2.2 lbs. away from being "merely" obese!

398/242/170

Well, the period did start, but I’m still not feeling that well.  Spenser got about half of my breakfast.  But now I think the pain is just a back ache—or at least hope so.  I have been taking it a bit easy on the stomach—having a milk-based soup for supper.

I don’t really know how to judge what is going on with my body.  I wasn’t that good at paying attention before and just assumed everything was hunger pains!  Now I don’t really feel hunger, but I will start to hurt.  I’m going to suggest learning to read our bodies as a topic for the support group. 

I am trying to get my head around the fact that I am now an 18/20.  I just don’t know that I look the way other women I know who are that size look.  I used to be very good at knowing the general size range of women, plus size at least.  Ten years in retail will do that.  But now it is odd to try to see myself that way. 

I did get a good haircut yesterday and the stylist showed me his recumbent bike.  Klutzy me, of course falls off.  Normally I would have been humiliated, but for a change it was just that I fell off.  No huge issue, no great shame, just get up.  I liked that.  Just a person who fell.