sallyj

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For some reason, this has been a tough week food-wise.  I simply haven’t wanted to eat or been able to eat much.  Nothing sounds good much less tastes good.  I’ve given Spenser more leftovers than I have eaten!  I wonder if it might be connected to PMS.  Wouldn’t that be a lovely change—not wanting anything instead of craving carbs!  I had a few days of struggling with my pills as well.  The calcium pill caused a real problem one night—nasty foamies being the result.  I figure that one or two missed pills a month won’t kill me, but I don’t like not knowing why something is a problem. 

I was surprised with another large weight loss week, 5 lbs.  I will always take it.  I do think the swimming is making a difference.  I can even start to see more of a change in my legs.  I still have lots to lose, but it is coming along.  If I can get some swimming in after work a few nights a week, I’ll be a very happy camper.  We will have to see what happens come winter—but then that is why I have the bike.  I prefer swimming, but with the bike I don’t have to go outside!  I just feel bad about leaving Spenser alone so long during the day.  If I swim after work, I won’t be home until after 6:00.  And then I’m gone two nights for meetings and knitting.  I wish he were more trustworthy about leaving out.  I can see how it would be a challenge for a working mother to get in the exercise time.

I also had some sleeping problems this past week.  A couple of mornings I awoke around 1 o’clock and simply could not get back to sleep.  I finally just got up around 3:00.  I don’t know what the problem is, but if it happens on the weekend, I can adjust, but when it happens during the week, I am just worthless in the afternoon.  I wonder if it is just my body adjusting to the weight-loss/exercise/cortisone/who know what? 

I’m finding I can do the eggs better for breakfast now, so try to limit the use of the Power Crunch bars to the weekdays.  I’d like to find other breakfast options, but I don’t see many out there that are high protein and low carb.  Even the idea of a high protein cereal sounds good except that you address the milk/liquid with food issue.  I’ve never really had a good answer about that.  If you’re not supposed to drink with your meals, then wouldn’t cereal and milk be excluded?  And hot cereals don’t have enough protein for me.  I definitely need to remember to get my cholesterol checked in October! 

398/247/170

Had a great couple of days off--discovered the pain and joy of cortizone shots!  I had heard that they hurt, but when the doctor gave me the shots, I thought, "that wasn't too bad--just a bit of a sting."  Little did I know that it is the effect of the shot that hurts.  Gradually, my knees stiffened up and I could barely walk!  Of course, I already had a full day planned, so I just gimped along.  It was also both good and bad news in the knee replacement area.  I knew it was coming, but I didn't know it would be so soon.  He said a year or two!  That puts me way under in the average age, but if the surgery works, it would be worth it.  I am just so tired of hurting and not being able to walk much. 

But the shots have already made a difference.  My knees aren't stiff in the morning, I can do more, they don't hurt as much, and, therefore, I feel more energetic.  He also said it doesn't really matter what I do because I can't really do any more damage as the damage is pretty much done!  So I did my swimming on my days off and biked this morning.  I still prefer swimming.  And I just can't get myself to do strength training when it is so very hot outside.  They don't keep the gym cool enough for me.

I had a wonderful day having a facial on Tuesday.  I went to get some chlorine removal shampoo and wound up scheduling an hour facial.  Me, I'm thinking, sit in a chair, someone massages your face a bit, and it's a done deal.  Was I ever wrong.  I'm taking into this room and told to undress!  The lady points out a wrap I'm to put on and my first words are, "I don't know if that will fit me."  She looks at me and says, "of course it will."  And it does, with plenty of room!  So I get up on this table that has a lovely warm padding underneath, dim the lights, and in she comes.  Not only do I get a lovely face, neck, and shoulder cleansing, exfoliating, steaming, moisturizing, massage, but she also does a foot wrap and treatment, and a hand and arm treatment.  It was great.  I am sold on these!  I've scheduled another one for September. 

I also splurged and had my eyebrows done for the first time ever.  I've never even plucked--except for a few "Brezhnev" wild hairs.  She did a good job keeping them natural instead of stylized but did get the wax too hot on one eye.  I'll stick with the plucking for the regular routine.  Time to redo the budget to afford these treats!  So long satelite TV. 

I had trouble with taking my pills last night and not sure why.  The calicum pill just didn't do right.  I took it with some milk but that shouldn't have caused a problem.  It just didn't want to go down. So I got the foamies from that and threw up.  But I guess that didn't get the whole pill out, because a while later I took some Tylenol sinus and that didn't work either.  Major foamy throw-up on that one.  But things seemed okay after that.  I haven't had my first pill today, so we'll have to be careful and see how that goes. 

But otherwise, I'm still feeling good, eating well, and plugging along.  I'm really likeing getting down enough were I feel I can put effort into making myself look better (before it was like, and why?).  It isn't helping the bank account, but it is fun!

Had my last surgery visit before the 1 year anniversay--uneventful, which is good.  It is a bit unfair of them to schedule the appointments after lunch!  By that time I've already had two meals and at least 6 glasses of water.  But everything looks fine--and we'll see the bloodwork in November.  I asked about the lack of energy, but the PA didn't have much to offer.  I know it is all relative, but you would think I'd have a ton more energy after losing over 100 pounds, but I am still tired by the early afternoon.  I have to work to not take a nap!

I go to a new orthapedist tomorrow.  My knees are still giving me grief.  I know I need to exercise to get the weight off and keep it off, and to exercise, I need my knees.  The Tylenol just isn't doing it for me.  I don't know what is the next level of treatment, but there is a part of me that wishes they'd just go ahead and do the inevitable knee replacement so I can get it over with.  I also need to learn how to judge whether to go ahead and exercise despite the pain or to coddle myself. 

I've started swimming and find it is the one exercise I really like.  I do the biking and it's okay, but I prefer to swim.  I don't get hot and sweaty!  And I can do it for about an hour versus just 30 minutes on the bike.  Of course, I'm slow as--what is the slowest animal in water?  It takes me about an hour to swim half a mle.  But then I treat myself with a 10 min. rest in the spa.  And I had another great loss week, 6 lbs., which I didn't expect as I am at the end of 8 months.  But I was able to swim on four days because of taking some days off.  Once the term begins, I will be limited to just the weekends unless I go at night.  I don't want to do that because it leaves Spenser at home alone so much.  Maybe If I did it if I was still home at least three nights a week?  Oh the things we do for our fur babies!

I've started playing around with skin care and spa treatment things.  I figure they are good ways to treat myself and still look good instead of something food related.  The swimming is wreaking havoc on my hair but my skin seems okay despite the chlorine.  My nails are getting better, but I'm not noticing any improvement in the hair.  It is still pretty sparse.

I hope to be at or below 250 in the next couple of weeks (should be slow loss weeks due to monthly cycle).  I don't know why that is such a marker for me.  I need to be at 247 to be merely obese.  But I was thinking back to how long ago it has been since I have been this weight.  It must have been when I was an undergraduate.  I, of course, didn't weigh myself.  But I do remember going to the doctor in the early 80's and him recording that I was morbidly obese.  And I think I was buying 24W at the store 16 Plus (remember those?).  I am in a 22 pant now.

I know the loss will slow, but I sure am enjoying it coming off like this for now.  I've stopped writing everything down, but I'm still trying for 3 to 4 oz of protein at each meal and a protein-based snack.  I have managed to be able to eat eggs pretty well again.  I just make sure I scramble them with a bit of milk.  I did a two egg and one egg white scramble this weekend.  I don't add much to it--but do like my ketchup with it.  If I have another protein (sausage or meat of some kind), I will reduce the eggs for a total of three oz.

Chicken is still my worst meat--it gets too dry on me.  I had a lovely little chicken to roast this weekend, but I get a phone call just about the time I need to pull it out, so it wound up dry.  I think I'll have to limit myself to stewing my chickens. 

I have to admit that I kind of like my saggy skin--it's evidence that the weight is coming off.  I am actually getting my "gut crack" below my belly button.  While I do hope to qualify for plastic surgery, for now I just resort to good foundations.  Except for the bat wings: those I'll pay to have wacked off!

Here's to another good month.

398/252.8/170

This was my first really long weekend at home, and I'm pleased to say I've done well when it came to eating.  I find eating during the week easier because it is more structured.  But I did well except missing a calcium pill a day or two.  It is the running around that throws things off.  And I did well with having both fish and beef (to balance each other) on most days.  I still don't get in the veggies like I should, but I did try cherry tomatoes--my first real raw food--and did okay.  But I was very careful with chewing the skins.  Then I move on to red bell peppers.  I do prefer the summer veggies to most cooked ones.  When the good cucumbers are ready, I'll get some of those.  Well, some actually means one!  I have to throw away so much food anymore.  I still do my protein first, so by the time I get to the veggies, I'm pretty much done. 

I did start swimming since I could add the pool site to my gym membership.  I hate trying to find a swimsuit with some support.  I think I am more interested in a breast reduction than a tummy tuck when the time comes!  I don't swim fast, but I stay at it for about 45 minutes.  I like how the lap pool is separate from the big pool.  So I just stroke along hoping no one thinks I'm drowning!  Then I get into the hot tub for a nice ten minute relaxation.  So very nice. 

Someone mentioned that they could now cross their legs, so I decided to try.  (I was raised in an anti-leg crossing household--not something ladies did.)  Well, I can do it.  I still can't just fling the leg over (with my knees I don't know that flinging will ever be in my future!), but I can get it there and keep it there.  It's not comfortable or very natural, but at least I can do it.

I now have less than 100 pounds to lose to reach my goal weight.  That is a first for a very long time.  I was trying to think of when I was this size before, and it has to be sometime when I was an undergraduate.  If I reach my goal weight, it will be what I weighed (and a bit less) in high school--when I was so fat that I was a horrible person in the eyes of so many.  Thank goodness that high school is not the beginning or end of a person.  I am so over that stage of life. 

I forgot to mention that my fingernails are starting to get better.  I noticed this past week that they weren't as fragile.  For several months they have been breaking and chipping with the least provocation.  Now they look at least normal.  I've never had great nails, but it was really getting bad.  I still need to keep them short, but now they aren't down to nubbins!  This gives me hope that my hair will start to thicken up again. 

398/261/170

It was a very slow loss week--just a half pound--but I knew the slow down was coming.  This is a low week usually anyway.  But I didn't realize it would be such a dramatic drop.  But I also haven't been going to the gym like I had been.  I hate being so hot and sweaty afterwards.  And I seem to have a lot more to do in the evenings now.  Not that those are valid excuses, so I need to get myself back into it.  The owner sold the gym, so even the personal pressure to show up is gone.  I don't know these people.  I could get to know them--of course--so that puts that excuse to rest!

But I am still losing, which is what counts.  Some days it is very clear in how my clothes fit, but I am very cautious about using that as a measure.  My linen pants fit differently just by being newly washed.  But I did go to the movie Monday and after sitting there for a few minutes, realized that I fit!  I wasn't squished in or even uncomfortable.  It was a pleasant realization.  There have been a couple of times when I've sat down and realized I fit into a chair that I knew I wouldn't have before.  I still have a lot to loose, but I need to also remember that I have lost a lot already.  I still see the same ill proportioned body so really don't have a point of comparison head on in the mirror.  But there are times when I can see the change.

My goal was to be at 270 by Sunday when I head out on vacation.  I want to be able to tell my friend that I just need to loose 100 lbs.  I know that sounds like a lot to most people, but it is a milestone for me.  I could still make it, but it would mean losing 4 lbs. this week.  And I am retaining water, a lot!  My ankles and feet have been swelling for the last two weeks.  I know part is due to the hot weather, but I have been drinking a lot of water.  I thought that would help.  I've always had my problems with swelling, especially my left ankle and during PMS, but it had been better.  I carry a lot of weight in my legs and have fat ankles at the best of times.  I am so ready to see changes there. 

This was a big media weekend at my house.  I was in a newspaper article on Sunday about the local yarn shop and knitting circle.  I still think I look dorky in pictures.  Not the elegant creature of my dreams!  And then Spenser, my puppy (actually he is 2 yrs. old) was on local TV.  We had the dog jog fundraiser for the dog park on Sunday.  A couple of local stations were there and one asked if Spenser would do a "doggie cam" for them.  He was such a good boy letting us strap it on him.  He walked around getting lots of shots of grass and dog butts!  But there were some cute shots of him grabbing a hot dog out of someone's hand, shaking to get a treat, and padding around the lake.  It's a shame I couldn't tape it.  They did a very nice story. 

I am still having trouble eating sometimes, especially on weekends.  I took some roast beef to the park but just couldn't get much down.  There were plenty of dogs to take care of the leftovers!  Sometimes I just don't feel like eating.  I wish I could find a protein drink that was doable for me.  The problem tends to happen on days off when I am doing things out of the house.  It is so much easier to remain structured at work.  I leave on vacation Sunday, but I made sure all my rooms had refrigerators so I can store leftovers.  I'll take some protein bars just in case as well. 

I have noticed a few times that I am starting to get into the habit of wanting to munch, but I've remained pretty structured about it so far.  But it is a red flag for me to start paying attention to the whys and not just the whats.  Why am I wanting to eat?  Am I bored? Worried?  Futzy?  I'm not hungry, that I know for sure.  I have to stay diligent if I want to make real permanent changes in my approach to food.

398/274/170

Had a long weekend and did pretty good except for Friday.  It usesd to be that a bad day was overeating, now it is undereating!  I didn't get in the protein that I should have.  If things don't go as planned, it throws my eating off.  I planned to have a snack with me but not a meal.  Doing things for the dog jog took more time than I planned, so I needed a meal and didn't get one.  And with it being hot, I'm drinking more water, but that means, again, throwing off my eating. 

I'm still not doing as well as I would like in terms of life habits--still pretty lazy!  But instead of eating, I'm knitting.  I did finish the knitting on the sunrise circle jacket but have to find the right color of tapestry wool to sew it up.  And I'm almost finished with the body of the mohair shrug.  Once it is the right length, I'll put the lace edging on.  I've started two versions of the cashmere scarf and now need to decide which one I like better.  I'll take that with me on vacation, so should have that done by the end of June.  I did order some lace weight cashmere for a shawl for me, but that will be a long-term at home project.  The yarn is on a cone, so it won't fit into my yarn bag! 

I still struggle with getting motivated to exercise or go to the gym.  It isn't horrible once I get started, but I'd like to experience some of those endorphines!  I actually went Monday but didn't have my gym shoes with me--just the sandels I had on.  I have to be more committed with the exercise!

My next goal is to be under 270 so I'll have less than 100 pounds to loose.  This week was a smaller weight loss, but that is in the normal rhythm of things.  The next couple of weeks will tell me if there has been a real slow down.  I have to prepare myself for that. 

I need to find pants for when I need to look professional--not baggy linen--so went shopping Sunday.  I can now fit some size 22 pants--a bit tight in the tummy but that will be okay soon.  It has been way too many years since I've seen a 22 on me!  Every so often, I catch a glimps in the mirror where I can really tell the difference.  But if I look at my legs--oh what a horrid sight of sausage!  Not  good by any stretch of the imagination.  I can tell that will now be my problem area.

I've been having some pain in by left side back.  It isn't consistent, so I don't know if it is something I should be concerned about.  I just don't want to wind up with gall bladder problems and not have it taken care of in an orderly fashion--i.e. time to prepare, take care of the "boys," etc.  I don't want to deal with any kind of emergency situation.  And the lady who had gall bladder problems for three weeks and wound up paralyzed scares me into having it checked out.  I don't know whether to call the surgeon, the bariatric program director, or my PCP.  I certainly don't want this to cause a problem with my vacation.

398/275/170

Last week was a slow loss week--I'm hoping it is due to PMS.  But if it's not, I won't be too surprised as I know at six months a slow down is expected.  I need to start eating more veggies and fruits, but for some reason they seem harder to get in.  It is easier to eat a starch for some reason!  I'm still getting about the same calories and proteins (700 cal and 70 grams protein) but more water (80 oz.). 

I let up on my exercise the last couple of weeks due to just not wanting to do it! My back has been hurting more, so that was the excuse some of the time.  And then there was the day I wanted to go play at the park with Spenser.  And then there were the mornings I just didn't want to get up.  And so forth.  So I was pleasantly surprised when I went back yesterday and was able to still do the same workout.  I thought I would be back to were I started!  And I even had him show me how to use another machine to add to my workout.  This one is for the legs--a real problem area for me.  It is not a ladylike exercise at all.  I have to heave my legs up over the things and spread my legs open.  There is a reason why it faces the wall.  But I can use it without having to flex my knees.  The owner has sold the gym, so I wanted to get some instruction before he left.  I hope it stays at about the same rate of usage--if it gets too crowded, I'll quit.

I was talking with someone yesterday who commented on how much weight I've lost.  I had already thought about what I would say to this person and had decided not to mention the surgery.  Well, she kept going on about exercise and diet to the point where I felt I needed to say something.  I don't know why thin people assume they are thin because of the choices they make.  Many eat worse and exercise less than fat people.  And to not acknowledge the metabolic and genetic factors of weight is to keep the blame squarely on the person.  I did overeat--massively--and I did make bad food choices, but diet and exercise where not permanent solutions for me.  I just won't buy in to the thinking that all overweight people are simply weak willed and all thin people aren't.  Of course, the person I was talking to clearly doesn't like the idea of WLS, but she was gracious and polite about it once I told her.  And that is all I would expect of anyone.  I just hope she keeps it to herself.  Not that I am ashamed of having the surgery, but I just like keeping my business, my business.

I have two and a half weeks before I go see Sandy , and I'd like to be down to 169.  That would put me at having just 100 pounds more to loose.  I know she is frustrated with her weight and worry about how my weight loss might make her feel.  She will be supportive and possitive for me because she is that kind of person and friend, but I want to think of her feelings as well. 

I am in the throws of planning my Christmas knitting and figuring out how to get it all done: linen washcloths, a mohair shrug, a cashmere scarf, a couple of felted purses, a pair of men's socks, and maybe another scarf.  And then there would be a couple more scarves or socks.  And what to make Sandy ?  And I have the blue sweater to finish for Diane and the green one for me.  I think I can get the blue on finished this month and I could hold off on the green one.  I just need to do the sleeves and border on it.  I will take the cashmere scarf with me traveling, so that shouldn't take more than a week or so.  Deb at the knitting circle will do the two purses if I finish her daughter's sweater.  That should take about a month.  So that fills June.  Oh, and there's the minor detail of the dissertation to finish as well! 

At least I won't need to eat from boredom!

398/277/170

Tomorrow is my sixth month anniversary and I am down 118..6 pounds.  It is hard for me to get my head wrapped around that much weight loss.  I don't feel like I've lost that much.  I do feel better and can move more, but with such a high starting weight and so much more to come off, I don't see myself as even close to normal.  My next mini-goal is to reach the point where I have less than 100 pounds to lose.

This week more people have commented on my weight loss.  I'm actually less interested in telling most about the surgery than I was when it was first done.  So I just say something about I'm working on it or following the doctor's orders--unless I think they would personally benefit from knowing that I had the surgery.  I can now go to a regular plus size store to buy clothes instead of only those that carry the "super sizes."  I so look forward to being able to wear good clothes.  (Ah, if we die with money, we didn't live right!)  I've got a couple of trips coming up this summer, including on on a plane, so that will be interesting to experience.  I'm debating on having some pants hemmed becuase I might not be able to wear them much longer.  That aspect is getting expensive.  The biggest challenge is finding a bra that fits right.  And what fits standing up when I first put it on, doesn't fit the same by the end of the day!  I do notice that clothes get looser feeling--that I like--and I can even fit my beautiful beaded gown--but have no where to wear it!

I am actually losing more monthly instead of less (which doesn't hurt my feelings a bit).  This month I lost 20 pounds.  I generally have two high loss weeks and two low loss weeks.  I am still eating primarily protein.  A few bites of veggies here and there but seldom any fruit.  I am also able to get in more water now, 80 oz. on average.  So as long as it works and I feel good, I'll stick with it.  I am using fitday as well as my journal to track my food.  I'm surprised at how much fat I get in the foods I eat.  I don't add that much in cooking, but it is just the natural fat in the food. 

Exercise is another story.  I still wake up not wanting to do it and end the day not wanting to go to the gym.  I think I was pushing a bit too hard last week and that put me off.  But it is not a "habit" yet.  I don't know if I will ever actually like exercising, but I try to keep at it.  Just not much fun. 

I don't know what to make my one year goal, as I still don't feel like I control the weight loss.  I know it will slow down. Even if I aim at losing 70% of what is left to reach goal, that puts me losing about 13 pounds a month.  I had a general goal of wanting to lose half of what I needed to by the sixth month mark, but other than that, I didn't set any weight goals.  I guess I should stick with that process.  Then any month in which I loose 13 pounds or more will just be that much more fun! 

I do need to work on clearer exercise goals--especially since that is something I don't like doing.  I'm doing okay with the eating--no hunger which helps.  At the knitting shop yesterday, there was a box of chocolates and I have to say I wasn't even tempted.  I did think about them and that I couldn't eat them, but it wasn't a problem.  I actually don't know how they would affect me.  I haven't tried anything that might cause me to dump, so I don't know if I dump or not.  I don't want to "experiement" in public, so I guess I just need to make sure not to bring anything home that would be a problem.  Maybe once I need to stop loosing (if that will ever happens), I can try some of the new sugar free candies. 

In the meantime, I will knit, chew, chew, chew my meat and carry on.

398/279/170

Almost to the six month mark!  Time has flown--as it tends to do, so when I get a bit over eager about getting through this year I know it won't really be that much longer.  I'm down 109 lbs. so far and hope to get down another 5 lbs. by the 15th.  That would put me at the half way mark.  I know the slowdown is coming, and this is just an artifical goal, but it would be nice to make.  Then the next one will be to reach the point where I have less than 100 lbs. to lose.  It is odd being at a weight where many people start their journey. 

This past week I finally had some people ask me if I am loosing weight--just 100 pounds of it!  I guess when you start out as large as I did, it takes a lot comming off before people 1) notice or 2) feel comfortable saying anything.  It doesn't bother me that people don't say anything--actually it is funny.  I'm not practiced at receiving compliments, so I am trying to be gracious and short, "Thank you for noticing." 

I'm into the women's 24 pants now--the lined ones still a bit tight--and my jeans (always too tight before) are now big.  I don't mind looking a bit sloppy on most days, but I do worry about my "professional attire" days coming up.  I don't want to buy good clothes for just a couple of months.  But I do feel more confident about flying out to conferences.  Bras are still a challenge due to the around changing faster than the cup size.  Hopefully, when all is said and done, that will be a better match.

I still don't have a lot more energy--that's not completely true.  I do more, so I do have more energy, but I still need to sleep on the weekends to catch up.  But I don't rethink every decision based on how tired I'll be.  Or even if I can find a parking spot right by the door.  I still don't want to walk a lot, but now I can take more time in the store--and even go back to previous isles. 

Exercise has been more of a challenge these past few weeks.  My knees were giving me grief off and on.  I don't know if I hurt myself doing too much or if it is just the typical aches and pains.  It is also more difficult to get the motivation going.  Some mornings, that is the last thing I want to do.  And it doesn't seem like it is getting any easier, especially at the gym.  I so hate the overhead presses!  I like doing the machines more than the freeweights.  But I have to keep it up--well, if I want the level of success I have set for myself. 

I signed up to attend the OH event in Hudson, WI but it is the same day as the Dog Jog.  I hate to miss it, but I think it is important for me to be at the park.  Maybe they will have something next year nearby. 

I was surprised by a second week of large weightloss, but then hit the small loss this week.  That's okay since I knew it was coming after my period.  I find the weekends more of a challenge than the weekdays to get the food and water in.  I think part is due to not having a tight schedule where I know what I'll have and when.  And this week I ran out of prepared things.  I made a huge stock pot of duck stew but it wasn't ready until today.  I think I need to get some frozen emergency items just in case.  Also, with the afternoon knitting, I forgot to take something for lunch.  So there I was without any protein for several hours--or so I thought--but they decided to order from a mexican restaruant.  So I had the filling from two pork tacos.  Didn't risk the tortilla.

Not a lot of wow moments in the last few weeks, but steady onward. 

398/288/170