sara772779

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I've had a fantastic year and achieved much success in many facets of my life.  I've lost a significant amount of weight and with it other burdens have melted away.  I'm getting closer to seeing the demons inside me that drive my poor choices but no where strong enough to battle them away permanently; only small steps each day to push them back, allowing for a few days of reprieve. 

I'd really like to get closer to my weight goal this year.  I'm not sure why I feel so driven because I feel and look fantastic now.  In fact, my body really seems to like the weight I am at now, proven by the fact that I haven't lost any weight for about 3 months.  I've bounced inside the 180-184 range so many times that I'm motion sick!

Here's my plan for this year to achieve continued success!

1. Spend a minimum of 5 minutes a day on me; meditate/saying a daily prayer including one gratitude.
2. Tell my husband that I love him every day.
3. Take all my vitamins, every single calcium pill and what ever else is on the daily regimen.
4. Track and Monitor my calories (goals will change depending on activity levels)
5. Monitor my caloric burn (goals will change depending on weight)
6. Run at least one 5K per month (or several in one month to avoid Aug-Sept heat)
7. Hit my target weight range of 147 - 155.  I need to lose about 30 pounds to do it and it might take me ALL year long. Ugh!

I'm posting it here to be a constant reminder to me of what I need to do this year. 

Another Monday means another weekend come and gone.  I had a good productive weekend, I suppose.  I could have done more but was pretty darn active any way you stack it. 

I received my second GoWearFit on Thursday from Amazon and got it charged and ready for wear.  I started wearing it on Thursday night when I slept and got ready to "see" what it is all about on Friday.  I cut out early on Friday from work because it was a beautiful day and came home to walk the dogs and spend some time with my DH before heading out to meet a girlfriend for pedis.  All in all it was a nice, pleasant day. 

Saturday we loaded the dogs and 4-wheelers up and headed to The Lake.   We had some serioius chores to do at the weekend place and got many, but not all of them done.  The tractor's battery had died and Opposums had made a nest under the hood.  We spent some time cleaning that up and we'll have to go back and charge the battery later.  I've got to shred the grass before winter sets in or it just becomes a fire hazard that I don't need.  The grass is chest high in some spots and the dogs were "lost" in it.  It was pretty cute.  I made an interesting note to myself after we got home.  I walked the entire property a couple of times with Scout in addition to all the other walking and doing, and wasn't exhausted.  One year ago I would have not been able to do all the things I did like crawl under the RV, stand on the bucket of the tractor for 30 minutes holding the hood up so DH could scare off the 'possums, walk from the water to the gate TWICE just because the dog wanted to run ar ound a bit.  I loved it.  And when we got home I didn't piss and moan about unloading the trailer and getting everything put up.  I even swept out the garage! 

Sunday was World Run Day and DH and I committed to running so we did.  I got Scout all geared up and we ran.  We only pushed Scout one mile, but all in all, one mile without stopping is pretty monumental for me, too.  To keep things in perspecitve, I look back one year.  It gets boring, I know, but I've got to keep it real. 

I'm still bouncing with these few pounds and it is becoming maddening.  This morning I was back up to 183.  I know I'm eating less that I'm moving but with the GoWearFit I am burning far fewer calories than I thought I was.  My little ol' body is like a sloth, I guess, so I've got to work on getting my metabolism up to a reasonable level.  A few days in and I'm seeing some trends and things I can do to get it going, I think.  I'll wait unitl my first download to actually see the numbers, but it looks like I'm going to have to do my running in the mornings to make better use of the energy all day. 

Here's my New Year's OH Mini Challenge Post for the week:

New Year's Goal: 170
November 1, 2009: 181
November 9, 2009: 183

I don't know what exactly is going on but I don't like it one bit!  i know I'm in a calorie deficit becaue I track my intake.  Something crazy is going on!

Today is Halloween and I'm looking forward to a nice, easy weekend with my husband and my puppies.  Of course, it is Saturday so that means errands and chores, which I don't enjoy, but have to call easy.  Easier. Much easier than one year ago. 

I weighed in this morning at 181, which is good considering where I was 11 months ago, but sort of sad for me since I lost only a few pounds this month.  I think it was actually 5 pounds, but it took every thing in me to make that happen.  OK, so I'm telling myself a lie.  I didn't do everything in me because I didn't work out but a few times.  I didn't run but once or twice and I didn't journal every day.  I did make good choices most of the time, and that I'm honest about, but I know that I can't do this without exercise and yet, here I am living proof of that at the end of the month. 

I was part of the OH Mini Challenge that is run on-again and off-again so I lose momentum when there is no place to post and read others posts.  I guess I will need to find another source of motivation which is easy to do.  I'll give it one more shot for the end of year challenge and shoot for 170.  Ideally, I should set a goal for 159 which would get me to NORMAL, but absolutely know it would be impossible for me to lose 22 pounds in less than two months.  Goals are supposed to be attainable and measurable, and I guess the 22 is only the latter half.

For November I'm going to get my activity level back up and see if I can kick-start my sloth-like metabolism.  I was idle for so many years I can feel my body pulling me back to its comfort zone and I don't want to be there ever again.

On a more positive note, I was walking past a window the other day and saw a woman in the reflection.  As I passed it I thought to myself "she was pretty", " I have jeans like that" and then finally, "dude, that was me!".  So I backed up my steps and looked at myself again.  I was not dressed up, just wearing jeans and some kicks....but the fun part is I had a shirt tucked in and was wearing a belt.  I could not only see my waist, I was showing it off with a belt and everything.  I've come so far, and I'm so happy with my new self that I've got to take time to celebrate the success I've had instead of focusing on the small misses that happen and will likely continue to happen. 

Looking forward to seeing what the day will bring.

I had a nice weekend at the OH conference.  I should have visited more with some of the people that I've really looked to for inspiration over the last year, but didn't.  It's funny how I seemed much more vivacious and "fun" before my surgery, like I was always trying to prove something.  Now, this is me.....this is what I am, who I am and that's that.   I will definitely make a point of going to some of the other support groups locally so I can keep in touch with some of the really nice folks I met while there on Friday and Saturday.

I haven't been exercising much, if really at all.  I still walk the dog every day but don't much count that mile + activity because it isn't even a blip on my heart rate.  It's great I'm walking a mile and a half, but it really only contributes to about 100 calories or so per day.  I need the burn of a run, and it's weird but my knees and ankles are hurting again like they were pre-op.  My Endocronologist said it could be my synthroid levels are off, so we tested them and they were.   My vitamin levels were good, I'm still low on A & D, just like pre-op but my Potassium was HIGH. My doc freeked a bit, ordered some more tests and ran some heart tests.  All is okay there for now, but we're still waiting back for the blood work.  I also made an appointment with my Rheumatologist.  I think since I've started taking my Enbrel only once per week instead of twice, my RA is fighting back.  That Enbrel is just so expensive, even with insurance I pay $120 per month, so I tried to spread it out some.  It isn't working very well, I guess and my activity is suffering, and I'm not losing weight.

I want one of those body bugs or the other tracker but my husband won't really let me.  We don't have the money and he thinks it's gimmicky, which it may be.  But I feel like I'm at a place in my weight loss that I really need to know what my body is burning so I can monitor my intake all that much closer.  I plan my meals well, track my calories and generally, am pretty good about that part, but need to know where I'm coming from so I can plan where to go. I feel like I'm just driving with no map, no sense of direction and no idea of the type of scenery I would like to see.   It all makes sense to me, so I'll need to convince him more, I suppose.

Here's my posting for the OH Mini Challenge - Halloween Challenge:

Start of Halloween Challenge - 189 #
Week One - 188 # (-1 pound)
Week Two - 188 # (0 loss)
Current Weight at Week Three - 188 # (0 loss)

Goal for Halloween Challenge - 180 #

I hope I can make it!  If I don't get myself back to moving, I'll leave myself disappointed again.

I had a really good weekend and the family got some much needed good news yesterday.  I will say prayers do get answered, you just have to be able to see the good, even in bad times.    I celebrated the good news with a run.  Odd way to celebrate, I know.  I even paused the Cowboy game so I could go and run with the adrenaline I got from the good news.  It was raining and cool and I came home energized and soaked.  Then I took the dog for a walk, he loves the rain.

I've got a super busy work week and normally I would dread it all weekend, but I really didn't give it a thought.  We took the four wheelers to the lake and had hoped to come home covered in mud.  Despite the rain, it wasn't really muddy, just sticky.  We still had fun and Scout loved chasing us.  What an easy way to exercise the dog!

Here's my OH Mini Challenge post today:

Start of Halloween Challenge - 189 #
Week One - 188 # (-1 pound)

Goal for Halloween Challenge - 180 #

Woke up Saturday at a light 186 but I guess the beef jerky and salted nuts on Saturday did me in while we were at the lake riding four wheelers.  So much for quick protein and energy, right?

I am pretty good about exercise right now and am training for my first 5K.  I've been walking them for years but I really want to run one all the way from beginning to end.  I had started off with my trainer at the gym and had set my goal to run the Turkey Trot this year, but that goal was too lofty and my Rheumtaologist asked me to slow it down a bit to avoid damage to my already bad knees and ankles.  So I have and now I am "officially" on Week 3 of the Couch Potato to 5K in 9 weeks program, which is about where I was stuck on my other program.  I started back up yesterday, so we'll see how that goes.  I still want to run the Turkey Trot, just won't be able to run the whole 7 miles. 

Another month has passed and I wonder where all the time goes.  I had so many blog worthy moments this month but never took the time to sit down and right about them.  I'll try to summarize my month in a few words.

I started the month having recently arrived in Onederland.  At the time I had a closet still full of clothes and because it was a mess, I wore the same 3 or 4 things over and over again.  This month I cleaned out my closet and only put back what fits.  It left me with 3 pairs of pants and 2 jeans.  I have about 20 shirts since those are easier to "fit" with tucking in, etc.... I had about 6 pairs of panties.  I bought the panties at Target and WalMart for like $5 a pack...gotta love that!  I am in size 8 panties.  Can't wait until I'm in size 8 pants!  For now, I'll wear my baggy 14s. 

The one bra I had was sort of loose in the cup and left my deflated boobs needing some additional support.  I went in to Lane Bryant to try on bras since this is what I had been doing for 15 years or more.  I did fit in the smallest DDD they had.  I got a 38DDD in the Balconette.  I love that bra and it keeps my boobs sitting where there supposed to be, so it is sort of sad for me that I have to find a new bra store.  While I was there though, I did try on a pair of 14 pants and decided against them because for a couple of reasons.  
1. I can buy 14s anywhere, so why should I buy them from LB
2. They were $25, and I haven't paid more than $12-$15 for any article of clothes (except shoes) since surgery and probably won't again.
3. They were a bit loose and it was the smallest size they had!!!!
All in all, my very last  Lane Bryant shopping experience was fine.  I got what I needed and walked out thinking I'll never go in there again, God willing, and now I've got to find a new place to call home.  

Sometime during the month I heard the carb monster calling my name.  I've never been a carb dodger and have always enjoyed them without limitations as long as they were from whole grains, dairy or vegetables.  On occasion, I'd enjoy some frozen yogurt or NSA ice cream, which is a lot of sugar or sugar like products, but all in all, I don't run around avoiding them.  There was a day or two in there though that I had some chips from On the Border, a bit of sausage and beef lasagna and a yummy yeast roll fresh from the oven.  What it did for me was make me realize what my role is in my life.  I can choose to eat these tasty items in moderation, I can avoid them and be afriad, or I can eat them in darkness and feel remorseful afterwards.  My preferred path is moderation and holding myself accountable to what I eat and then offsetting it with some exercise or weights later.  So far, so good, but the thougths led to some additional self reflection and I'm guessing my surgery got me here and I'm going to be the one to carry me the rest of the way.  I've sort of felt the load being transferred for some time, and it's like now I'm riding my bike along and realize my dad isn't holding my seat anymore. "Look dad, no training wheels...I'm doing it all on my own!" I don't know how much of it is true, but I like to think I've got some control on my life and I've really learned a lot.  I also know I can fail, but I'm not letting that be an option.

I am spending a lot of time outdoors with my puppy.  Having someone or something depend on you is a selfless thing and that is not something I've ever done very well.  Little Scout leaves me no choice and I'm becomming a better person for it.  He's softened my heart a bit and is such a joy in my life.  We go on walks every day and he's helping me from being lazy and I'm helping him grow up to be a strong beautiful lab.  What a great relationship.   Scout and I went to visit my dad this weekend and he was a joy to have around.  He played with my stepmoms schnauzer all day and night until they were both too pooped to get up and eat.  I've never seen Scout so mellow and I can't wait to take him back. 

It was great seeing my dad.  He hadn't seen me since March, about 80 days post op.  I've lost another 75 or so pounds since then and he was amazed.  I am trying to set a good example for him since he's a bit over weight and diabetic.  I worry about him and his eating but no it isn't my business, so I can only teach from example.  I love my daddy and only want the best for him.  I am really looking forward to going back soon since I know Scout won't be a problem to travel with.

So with all that, I've had a great month.  I've lost another 7.5 pounds since it started and wait for it...wait for it....I'm officially "moderatly overweight" according to the OH BMI chart.  

One of the goals I set for myself along this weight loss journey was to celebrate on a roller coaster.  I had said for months that I'd go to Disney for my 100 pounds mark.  That came and went and still no Disney.  Then it was for my birthday.  That came and went.  Then it was for breaking in to Onederland.  That came and, oh NO, not again.  I couldn't do Disney, but I could get to Six Flags and back in a day.  I did it! 

We got there as the gates were being opened and stayed until about 8 pm.  I rode every ride out there.  First up, Mister Freeze.....holy crap, it was amazing!   I strode up the other seat, hopped up in to it and my thighs fit...then the overhead bar came down and it fit over my boobs...and locked!  I FIT in the seat!  Cool ride, all 50 seconds of it.  Then off to Batman, again AWESOME! After the first ride, I never thought about not fitting again.  It was sad to see a few folks having to get off but I didn't look or stare once I knew what was happening because I understood their frustration.   The heat kept most folks away so there weren't very long lines on anything.  Some rides we didn't even have to get off of to ride two or even three times. 

Even though it was 105 degrees, I managed to stay hydrated, but ate what I could, which was a hamburger sans the bun and part of a pretzel.  I had eaten a good breakfast and once we got back in the car I had some grilled chicken slices to eat and a protein drink for the way home. 

I slept like the kid that I was yesterday, all night long and perfectly still.  I had thought I'd wake up sore like I'd been thrown around all day and I wasn't.  I call my big day a LITTLE success!

I can't wait until next season...I'm getting a season pass. 

Ride a roller coaster....CHECK!

 

I finally did it yesterday.  I broke my stall AND hit onederland.  When I weighed in yesterday morning I saw 199.5.  I was excited but didn't have time to celebrate.  Beside, I thought I'd been sitting in a stall and this could be a one day dip or some random anomaly.  Well,today my scale said 199.  So, it is official....I am in ONEDERLAND!

I have been continuing with my strenght training and cardio.  Four - six times per week I do something...I'm even training for the Turkey Trot.  I hope to be able to run the short run.  But some how through all that, my body started to tone and slim, but I wasn't' losing weight.  I stayed between the same 2 - 3 pounds for about 6 weeks and that was so sad for me.  Had I stopped losing weight?  Was this it for me?   I got defensive when people asked me how much I'd lost.  I didn't want to tell them I was doubting my success. 

After returning from my India trip last week I read a nice little message from Annette and she shared a great WOW moment with me and made me think about the good WOW moments I have had.  Most importantly she reminded me of the things I already knew.  She said to increase my protein.  Basic stuff, I know, but I was just hitting about 60 grams per day and I was working my body harder than that.  So I started drinking a protein supplement every day which gets me close to 100 or more and it finally happened, I broke my stall, lost about 6 pounds and landed firmly in ONEDERLAND.    Thanks Annette for the motivation!

So now that I'm here, I've got so much work to do.  I'm resetting my mind and getting motivated on an end goal.  I have my 6-month (at 9 months mind you) with Dr. Barker today so I'm going to ask for some direction on setting a goal.  I'm guessing I'll get the same answer I've gotten in the past, which is an incomplete explanation of something totally unrelated, but that's okay.  I need to figure it out on my own, I suppose.

So today's a great day...and it can only get better!

I am a little sad that my weight loss seems to be stalling.  I am plus or minus one pound every few days.  I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing, knowing it will break eventually.  I already drink over 90 ounces of water a day and don't think I could increase that, although, I've broken stalls before with increased water.   I keep my foods pretty fresh, at least with dinner.  I eat the same things in the mornings most days, cottage cheese and a bran muffin by mid morning,  then a couple of 1/2 wraps with 2 ounces of deli meat throughout the day.  My afternoon snack is often almonds and a cube of cheese, or usually just the almonds if I had cheese on my wraps.  But dinner is different almost every day.  That's just the way I can do it.  

I'm still working out 3 - 5 times per week, and 1 - 2 of those times are with my personal trainer.  I like going during lunch time, but then I never look as good the rest of the day with my hair all pulled up and my makeup not quite right.  I do shower, but can't afford the time to start all over with hair and makeup. 

Keeping it simple.....

212.5 - I lost 1 pounds this week. 

Start of Challenge - Memorial Day - May 25th, 2009 - 222#
Week One - June 1, 2009 - 220#
Week Two - June 6, 2009 - 215# (out of town on Monday so I weighed early!!yay!)
Week Three - June 15, 2009 - 213.5#
Week Four - June 22, 2009 - 212.5# 

To reach my super aggressive goal of 199, I need to lose 13.5 pounds in 12 pounds days = .88 pounds per day.  I'm not sayin' it won't happen, but it is starting to look like I shot for the moon and missed.

I was out of town last week and so I didn't report in or spend much time on OH.  I left and managed to forget my Synthroid.  I thought I could manage for 5 days without it.  I went to CVS in Tampa, the brand of store where I have it filled here at home and they said they'd need my doctor to call in a script.  I left him a voicemail but he was on vacation so the call never got to him.  Take it from me, it is not a good idea to go that long without Synthroid. 

By day 2 I was having a hard time staying focused.  On Day 3 I started my period 10 days early.  On Day 4 I could hardly get out of bed.  By Day 5, my skin was so dry and itchy that I made myself bleed on my belly, back and arms trying to get the itch to stop.  In addition to all this, I gained 3 pounds. 

I got home on Thursday night after sitting in the airport for a whole day due to canceled flights and Dallas storms and started my daily doses back up.  Thankfully, I recovered somewhat and not only lost that water weight but managed to eek out a pound and a half of real weight for the week. 

I did a good job of keep active while in Tampa for work/training. I walked/ran on the treadmill every single night.  I ate richer foods than normal but kept my portions in check.  Ate dinner out with folks from the class at night and never once did I have to get in to my portion sizes.  People just don't care which is what I always knew. 

One night we went to Cheesecake Factory and out of curiosity, I asked about the nutritional value of the low carb cheesecake made with Splenda.  I think the guy said it had 19 Sugar Alcohols and 5 Sugars.  No way!  Of course, I couldn't eat the whole thing, so if I was going to taste, I'd do the real deal.  I didn't share in the dessert that night.

With all the down time at the hotel I joined Facebook.  I've had so many friends send me invites and I finally got around to it.  I have hooked up with some junior high and high school friends.  It's kind of neat to see what everyone is up to, but I can see how this could become an addiction of sorts.  Thankfully, I have no time.

I have needed a new bra for a couple of weeks so I went to my trusted LB for the Cacique Balconette.  Thankfully, somethings remain constant.  I got myself a 40 DDD so I can officially get rid of the two newish 44 DDD and rotate between the 42 DDD I got a few weeks ago and this new one.  Oh, and even better...while I was there I tried on a pear of jeans.  I started with the 18s, since I have some donated 18 shorts that I have been wearing and my 20 jeans are way baggy by mid-day.  I put them on and they were baggy.  So I went and grabbed the 16s.  OMG they friggin' fit.  If I'd had the money I would have bought them and wore them out of the store.  I was on cloud 9.  I went home and started searching Craigslist for size 16s.  Haven't found any yet, but I will! 

Here's my Independence Day Challenge posting:

213.5 - I lost 1.5 pounds this week. 

Start of Challenge - Memorial Day - May 25th, 2009 - 222#
Week One - June 1, 2009 - 220#
Week Two - June 6, 2009 - 215# (out of town on Monday so I weighed early!!yay!)
Week Three - June 15, 2009 213.5

To reach my super aggressive goal of 199, I need to lose 14.5 pounds in 19 pounds days = .76 pounds per day 
Ugh!  It sounds so impossible this way.

It looks like I've got a busy, busy week ahead of me if I'm going to exceed my goals.   I'll dangle a pair of 16s, or maybe 14s in front of me for motivation!