sarah141
From childhood, weight has been a struggle. I really didn’t mind. I knew I was a healthy, active kid. Of course when I started going through puberty I really started to become ashamed of myself. I was the 1st girl in class to wear a bra and start menstruating….very embarrassing. I kind of built up a wall & refused to let anyone in because I knew that the ignorance & judgment from my peers was their problem and it was easier for me to hide in my wall then to hear the ridicule from them. I did have a small circle of friends who never, ever said anything or seemed to care what size I was, I was lucky, they loved me for me.
I feel like because I had become accustomed to living within my wall, I didn’t do all the things I wanted to do. I didn’t want people looking at me & thinking she is too fat to be doing that. I think that is what I regret the most in my life. People who have never had a weight problem don’t understand the emotional effects it has on the heavy person.
Anyway, like everyone with a weight problem, I’ve tried all the diets I could. I’ve tried Slim Fast, Pills, and just about anything OTC. I had some success with Weight Watchers in the late 1990’s, & was down to 175. Still a giant for someone 5’3”, but I felt amazing. I gained it all + lots back. I’ve gone back 3-4 times, lost & gained, lost & gained, lost & gained, lost & gained, lost & gained…….. I’ve tried
I met a wonderful man in 1997 & was very lucky that we became friends. He loved me for me and still does! He never, ever cared about my size, only the person I am. I first brought up my weight to him after I found out my cholesterol was getting high. He is a slim, athletic guy who works out everyday. Anyway, we started walking & eating healthier. We even started running! Imagine I was running on the beach! I could actually run the entire length of the beach! I was so proud of myself. I mean here I was, this large person running, but hey, I was doing it. My cholesterol went down & I was starting to feel good about myself. I was finally at the point where I accepted who I am. I was healthy, active & large. The scale wasn’t going down, but I didn’t care what size my clothes were, as long as I was healthy.
Then, April 7, 2007 I was in a terrible car accident. It wasn’t my fault, but I am paying the consequences for someone else’s error. My dream car was totaled, the day after I paid it off!!! But that wasn’t the worst of it. I was smashed up too. It ended up that I have 6 different injuries in my spine. I’ve had a year of physical therapy, pain killers, muscle relaxants, post traumatic stress disorder, doctor visits, MRI, CT Scans, psychology appointments, acupuncture, massage, attorney appointments, pain & agony.
Needless to say, because of the accident I can’t do what I could & my health is at risk. Not just my internal health, but my skeletal health too. The doctor’s have all told me that at this point the only thing I can do is loose weight. Exactly how am I supposed to do that when my exercising abilities are extremely limited, besides the fact that I’ve had little success with other weight loss programs when I was able vigorously exercise?
So, this is where you find me……..searching for my life.
