So close... so close....

Oct 29, 2010

Hello to 2 people who read my blog! How y'all doin'?
Well, things have been interesting. Well, from my point of view, anyway! Life is stressful. Things are crazy, like always. The past couple of months have been a roller coaster of highs and lows. I just feel like there are times when I am ready to give up and other times I am ready to fight for what I believe in. Either course makes me unhappy. You have no idea how I long for nive, even-keeled days of no emotional flucuations! You calm and happy days. Do those kind of days even exist??? lol
Well, for me, it seems like they don't. I get so damned frustrated with the fact that I should be happy! I am in the best shape of my adult life. I have made major changes to improve myself physically. I feel fantastic! I have energy. I have stamina. I can go up a flight of stairs carrying furniture and boxes and not be winded or in pain. All the things that made me miserable before I feel triumphant to succeed in now! I can't believe how different I feel about the things I have to do now that I can do them without pain! Hormonally, I have calmed down tremendously! I am able to react logically to the things that happen now. I was so emotionally driven before that no matter what happened, I reacted severely to some degree. I felt it and knew it was wrong, but it was out of my control. It took a lot for me to reign in my emotions and work my way through everything that was going on. I don't feel so out of control anymore. The only difference in me now, emotionally anyway, is that I defend myself more than I did before. I believe it's because I am doing good and I have gained respect for myself that I didn't have before. No where near perfection, but at least now it takes a lot more for me to see myself as worthless. I always felt like a failure before. Now I see that I can succeed. If I can do this and make it work, I can do anything.
I know, This is kind of a vague blog with no details as to why I wrote it. Whay can I say? The details would bore you anyway and I really don't want to think about them... sigh. But I will be fine in time and all is going to be well, one way or the other.
Oh, and as for my weight loss... I am 119 down as of this morning... 28 pounds to go till goal!!!
Love you all!
-CC

2 Comments

About Me
Wallingford, CT
Location
32.0
BMI
RNY
Surgery
04/12/2010
Surgery Date
Nov 13, 2009
Member Since

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