Where Does The Time Go?!
Feb 17, 2008
Wow, it's been way too long since I last posted.... So much has happened. If you've read my previous posts, you'll know that my biggest fear about RNY was not waking up from the surgery. Well, nearly 2 hours after I was taken into the OR, I heard a voice saying "Jodi, you're in the recovery room...." Unfortunately, my only words back to the nurse were "throw up." They got me a basin and I heaved many times until I was given something to alleviate the nausea. It knocked me out, because I slept most of the day. Once I got to my hospital room, I heard my family around me, I knew they were there, but I could just not bring myself to open my eyes and be social. Every once in a while, my dad would say "wow, look at the view of downtown Baltimore from your window!" He was so enthusiastic (he insisted I had the best room and the best view on the floor), but unfortunately, all I remember thinking was, "I don't give a crap about the view, I'm in pain!" hehe I had the most awesome care at the hospital - the nurses and doctors were fantastic. Everyone took such great care of me. I had one minor complication - I didn't use my spirometer (breathing machine) enough and my lungs started to collapse a little which triggered a fever of 103. I wound up staying an extra night. And, as frustrated as I was at being showerless for 4 days and a bit homesick, staying the extra night was definitely in my best interest. I needed the extra day of pampering by the nurses - if I had been released after 3 days, I probably would've wound up back at the hospital.
Looking back, I realize the pain wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. And I FORGOT to ask for the On-Q pain ball! I'm such a dingbat - I was sooooo worried about pain and I totally forgot to ask for it. I really went about things the hard way, huh?!
I'm 5 weeks post-surgery now, and so far things have gone rather smoothly. I'm pretty much able to eat anything now (although no salads yet). I haven't thrown anything up. I haven't had any dumping occur. The only weird side effect that I have is sometimes when I eat something that's too dry, it'll feel like it's sticking and burning in my chest. It's a horrible feeling (the first time it happened, I thought it was a heart attack!), but it usually goes away after laying down for 15-20 minutes. I've lost 23 lbs. since the surgery. I know I should be excited, but I was actually hoping to have lost more by this point. Oh well, 23 lbs. is a lot of weight for 5 weeks, right?
My sister-in-law had her surgery on February 8th - by the same surgeon at the same hospital. Unfortunately, she wasn't taken care of as well as I was. But, her surgery was on a Friday and mine was on a Monday. I think the weekend staff at the hospital wasn't so great. It is nice, however, to have someone to compare notes with. We finally have a common bond (other than my husband, her brother). Hopefully we can both cheer each other on and go shopping together as our weight melts!! I can't wait to go down a few sizes!!
Nothing else is really new. My twins turned 5 on Feb. 12th. It seems just like yesterday that I was recovering from a c-section. I guess it's only fitting that I am here, five years later, recovering from a stomach surgery. Where does the time go?!!?
The Countdown Begins....
Jan 12, 2008
Wow, it's already Saturday night and my surgery is scheduled for Monday.... I've had a crazy week. On Wednesday, my primary dr. called to say that my bloodwork came back abnormal. She called my house and left a message at 4:45 p.m. So, of course by the time I returned the call the office was closed. On Thursday, I got up early and made sure I called the primary dr. back as soon as they turned their phones on. And guess what? My primary dr. happened to be off on Thursday. I was so frustrated and angry! I asked the receptionist if she knew anything about my bloodwork and she told me that my results were abnormal but she was not at liberty to discuss it with me. She also told me that my primary dr. might not clear me for surgery. Needless to say, I started to panic. I called the surgeon's office and they had received my lab results, too. The surgeon said that my bloodwork was only slightly off and he saw no reason not to move forward with the surgery as planned. After a lot of back and forth between the surgeon's office and the primary dr.'s office, I got the official "all clear" on Friday morning. So, the countdown officially begins....
I'm really beginning to second guess my decision. I know it sounds crazy after I've come so far, but I just can't help but wonder if my children will be motherless after Monday. I look at their adorable, innocent little faces and the thought of them growing up without me.... I can't even express how that makes me feel. I've been crying myself to sleep every night. I just can't shake these emotions!
I'm sure everyone who has had this surgery can relate to how I'm feeling. I truly think it's the anticipation factor that's making this so hard. I just want to hurry up and get this over with already! I made this decision with a sound mind. And right now, I know that my mind isn't very sound. I just keep reminding myself that this surgery will allow me to live my life the way I deserve to live it. I want to be there for my children. I want to see them go to college, get married, have babies... Who knows if I'd be able to achieve these things by staying where I am at right now. I don't have any medical problems, but sometimes I feel like I'm waiting for the shoe to drop, ya know? I feel like it's only a matter of time before I'm told that I have high blood pressure, or I'm diabetic.
Wow, in a little over 24 hours, I will be a new person. Please keep your fingers crossed, toes crossed, do a rain dance or say a small prayer in my honor. I just want to wake up from this surgery. I can handle walking while in pain, I can handle doing my breathing exercises, I will follow the doctor's diet to the tee. Just promise me that I'll wake up.
So Much Drama!!
Jan 02, 2008
So, my surgery date is fast approaching. And, I'm sure most of you will understand when I say that I am scared shitless. Deep down I know I've made the right decision for myself. I know that the RNY is what I need. But, my thoughts are getting the best of me and the last couple nights I haven't slept very well. What if there's a complication during surgery? What if I'm permanently damaged? What if I DIE?!? These thoughts keep running through my head and even though I'm firm in my decision to proceed, I can't quiet the voices.
Two days ago, my mom called me at work and innocently asked "have you had your thyroid checked?" I went through over four years of infertility, so yes, I had my thyroid checked. A. Gazillion. Times. And my mom, who thinks that she's the queen at being subtle, was basically screaming "here's another reason why this surgery is not for you!!!" I lost my patience and I firmly told my mom that if she can't support me unconditionally, then she needs to leave me alone because she's driving me absolutely crazy. I know I hurt her feelings - and I didn't want to. I even tried to explain to her that I've dropped several hints about how I do not want to hear her many suggestions on other ways to lose weight. So, this time, I flat out told her "you are not very good at taking hints and you are forcing me to be mean. I don't want to be mean, but you need to back off!" She promptly hung up. And, then later on, I found out that she ran to my mother-in-law, asked her what her opinion is, and then twisted the conversation and said that my mother-in-law thinks that me having RNY is a bad idea. I've spoken to my MIL and she insists that she NEVER told my mom that RNY is a bad idea - all she said was that it's a major surgery, she's worried on my behalf, but I'm a grown woman and she'll support whatever decision I make. Funny how my MIL wound up being in my corner and my own mom can't be there for me in the way I would've expected her to be.
My mom and I are very close. And we are so much alike sometimes, we fight. Most of the fights blow over quickly. This time? Not so sure. My mom is afraid of her own shadow. She won't get on an elevator. She won't fly in an airplane. She freaks out about germs, hospitals, doctors, basically, any and all things medical. I get that about her. I KNOW how hard it is for her to accept that I'm having surgery that in her mind is elective. But, I just wish she'd understand what I'm going thru. I wish she'd understand how hard it is for me not to be as energetic as I'd like to be with my children. I wish she'd understand how sore I am sometimes when I wake up in the morning. I wish she'd understand how tired I am of carrying around this extra weight that makes me so unhappy with my appearance. I wish she'd understand that I haven't made this decision lightly and that I AM scared about the outcome. My husband is a culinary school graduate and we are both "foodies." The thought of limiting my food choices frightens me, too!!
I wish she'd understand that I wouldn't be putting myself thru this if I didn't think it was necessary.
But, I guess all I can do is lookout for myself, my husband and my children - and continue to hope that I wake up from this surgery!!
Dec 21, 2007
So, tonight we had dinner at my in-law's house as we do every Friday night. My sister-in-law is morbidly obese and has been trying to get approved for GBS for nearly a year. Needless to say, this has caused quite some tension between me and my in-laws. My approval was returned less than 24 hours after my paperwork was submitted. I don't understand why my in-laws can't just be happy for me. But, no, my happiness has to be measured by my SIL's happiness. I am borderline in terms of approval for this surgery - I get that. And, my SIL is much larger than I. I get that too. But, the bottom line is - we BOTH need to lose weight. Neither of us is more important than the other. We are BOTH trying to get healthy. And, yet, when I talk about my upcoming surgery, it feels like my MIL would rather stab my eyes out with a fork than be supportive. She is angry that I'm going first. Am I really expected to put off my surgery because my SIL can't get approved? Is that really expected of me? Am I truly supposed to base what's best for me on what's best for my SIL? Too much tension tonight....
My SIL has been diagnosed as a diabetic. You'd think that would mean she'd give up sugar, right? Uh, no. She doesn't seem to think that diabetes is reason enough to change her eating habits. So, tonight when she served the cookies she recently made for dessert, I politely declined. I am nowhere near diabetic, but my doctor advised that it would be in my best interest to give up sugar after the surgery. I know I have a sweet tooth and I know that this task will be insanely difficult for me. So, with that in mind, I decided to give up sugar nearly 3 weeks ago, after my consultation with the surgeon. Maybe it's a bit extreme, but I'd rather go through the withdrawal NOW, than wait until I'm sore from a surgery and then have to go through it. When I explained to my SIL why I wouldn't eat her cookies, she basically told me I was crazy and that the surgeon told her that eating sugar after surgery is "no big deal." NO BIG DEAL?!?! We go to the same surgeon! I know what his rules are! And, if any of you out there in Obesity-Help-CyberLand have seen Dr. Averbach, you will know that he is very adamant about making correct food choices (i.e. giving up sugar!).
I just do not understand how my SIL could think eating sugar is okay! I took a deep breath and I let it go because I know that I have a tendency to get "preachy." I just didn't want to stir up a fight. As I previously mentioned, there was already enough tension in the room. So, she ate her cookies. And I ate nothing for dessert. Did I miss the cookies? A little bit. But, were the cookies worth the pride I feel now? NO WAY!! I think I've conquered this sugar thing!! :-)
Dec 19, 2007
So, I got a call from my surgeons office today. My surgery can't be scheduled on January 11th because the surgeon will be in Court. Hmmmmm. Is it inappropriate to ask if he's in Court due to a malpractice case? Because honestly, that's the first thing I thought (and it doesn't help that I'm a paralegal!). I found the courage to ask - and found out that he's in Court for a traffic violation. Phewwwww. I am scheduled for January 14th. I know it's only three weeks away, but it feels like a lifetime. Hopefully the time will pass quickly, I can't imagine that it wouldn't with the holidays to keep me busy. Who knows? Maybe January 14th will be here before I know it?
I keep asking myself "did I make the right decision?" In my mind, I KNOW I made the right decision. I cannot continue to go down this path of constant weight gain. And, I know that I'm lucky because I can attribute it mostly to the PCOS. I eat healthy, I'm quite active, but no matter how hard I try, I just cannot lose weight! So, as I said, I KNOW I made the right choice. My mom is not being as supportive as I was hoping she'd be. She calls me everyday suggestion Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, NutriSystems... I know she's worried for me, but it's really starting to grate on my nerves. I keep trying to remind myself that she means well, but somewhere deep inside of me, I have a feeling that she's trying to steer me away from GBS because she's afraid I'll become thinner than she is. My mom is very self conscious about her own weight gain in recent years and even though she will insist that she's going to be strict about her diet, she is the first person to go reaching for the M&Ms and any other chocolate that may be in sight. As soon as I made the decision to move forward with GBS, the first thing I did was give up sugar (my husband, who is also considering GBS, gave up sugar too). I figured it's better to conquer that demon NOW - why wait until I'm sore and recovering from surgery to go through withdrawal, too? And yet, when we went out for dinner with my parents last week, my mom had the waitress bring a piece of cake to my husband for his birthday (it's not till January 5th!). The cake was put immediately before me at the table. And when I looked at my mom and asked her why she felt the need to order the dessert, she responded by saying "I didn't realize you were so serious about this." Wouldn't having surgery constitute SERIOUSNESS?!
I haven't met anyone else on OH yet - I'm still trying to figure out how to navigate this site! Do any of you face jealousy issues from friends and/or family members? Shouldn't these people be happy that we're taking charge of our lives???