Steph anie

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Pre-Op


22 Months Post-Op


Stats:
Pre-Op
Weight: 308
BMI: 54
Clothing: Size 28W; XXXL
Bra: 48 DDD
Shoes: 8 M
Ring: 9
Measurements
Neck: 16"; Arm: 20 1/4"; Bust: 54"; Stomach 52 1/2"; Thigh 35 1/2"; Calf 19 3/4"

22 Months Out
Weight: 116 (-192 lbs)
BMI: 19.9 (- 34)
EWL%: 118
Clothing: Size 2; XS or S
Bra: 34 C
Shoes: 6 1/2 M
Ring: 5 1/2
Measurements
Neck: 11 1/4"; Arm: 11"; Bust: 35 1/2"; Stomach: 26 1/2"; Thigh: 20"; Calf: 13"

Inches Lost
Neck: -4 3/4"; Arm: -9 1/4"; Bust: -18 1/2"; Stomach: -25 1/2"; Thigh: -15 1/2"; Calf -6 3/4" 
Total: -80 1/4"

Many things have changed for me during my weight loss journey. As I have shed the fat and weight, I have gained self-confidence and realized that I possess an amazing inner strength, which has provided a much needed foundation of self-worth during the demise of my marriage.

Two years ago, I would have been afraid at the thought of being on my own and without my husband. I realize now, that I used our relationship as a crutch--much like my weight--to keep me from really living life. I am so grateful that my ex-husband had the courage to take the first step to end our marriage and allow both of us to begin our new lives. I am also grateful that both of us loved each other enough, as friends, to really want the best for each other and take the individual steps needed to pursue a life worth living.

My life has changed in so many ways over the past 22 months. I am so grateful that I had the DS and that I am living life free.

Mexican Quiche
10             Eggs
1/2 C.       Flour
1 tsp         Baking Powder
dash         Salt
16 oz        Cottage Cheese (small curd)
1 1/2 lbs  Pork Sausage (cooked and crumbled)
4 C.          Shredded Cheese (2 C. pepper jack  + 2 C. Colby/Jack or Cheddar)
12 oz        Green Chilies

Coat 9X13 pan w/ Pam.
Mix dry ingredients with cottage cheese.
Add eggs, then green chilies.
Mix in crumbled sausage
Mix in the cheese.
Pour in prepared pan.
Bake @ 350 for 45-60 minutes, until a knife comes out clean.

This dish keeps well in the fridge and tastes as good warmed up as fresh from the oven.

Nutritional Stats:
Whole Pan
Protein: 316.5 g.
Fat: 321 g.
Carbs: 120 g.

3"x3" Serving
Protein: 26.375 g.
Fat: 26.75 g.
Carbs: 10 g.

Happy New Year!

How many years did I spend today making all kinds of promises to myself about losing weight. I would throw myself into a regime of diet and exercise; only to find myself exhausted and disappointed at the results. It was New Year's Day 2008 that I decided that "this year" would be my last to feel powerless over my weight and health. New Year's Day 2009 found me in the early months of losing weight and total resolution of all co-morbidities.

I had the privilege of starting out 2010 by meeting my updated goal of weighing 135 lbs. I wanted to provide myself a bounce back cushion for for the possible 10-15 lb regain after the two year mark. I can hardly believe that I made it to my DREAM weight of 135.

I currently wear size 4 jeans and small tops. I have finally begun to realize that I am thin.The ability to see yourself everyday makes the physical process of losing weight difficult to register visually. I knew that I was getting smaller because the sizes of clothes that  I was wearing and buying reflected the loss. However, when I looked at the mirror, I still saw the same woman who began this journey a little over 15 months ago. A couple of weeks ago, my physical transformation finally registered in my own eyes.

I have begun to get the, "you aren't going to lose any more weight are you?" from even those individuals who have been incredibly supportive during my WLS journey. I currently don't watch my carbs and get in the required amounts of protein, fats, liquids, and vitamins. I am not sure that I should be concerned at this point. I really believe that my body will put a halt to the weight loss when I get to a place where it functions best. I keep reminding people in my life that they compare my new physicality to the old severely morbidly obese me. To the stranger on the street, I look like the average thin woman.

I hope that everyone experiences reaching their health and weight loss goals this year.

Tonight, I am going out to celebrate the ending of one year and the beginning of the next. I cannot remember a time when I looked forward to dressing up and going out. I have picked out an outfit that accentuates my body rather than hiding it from the world. I even have the self-confidence to consider getting up on stage and singing karaoke--something I was too self-conscious to do before. I am so grateful for all the gifts that the DS has given me over the past 15 months.

13 months, 21 days days after my DS, I am calling GOAL!!!!!

I woke up this morning and found myself 1 lb below goal. I have said all along that once I attained a normal BMI (100% EWL) that I would reassess my ultimate weight loss goal. I have decided that I want to drop my goal to 130-135 lbs. I am only 5'4" and I think that my small frame can handle the extra weight loss--also, trying to pad the bounce-back and place me between 22.3 and 23.1 BMI.

When I had the DS, I knew without a doubt that my co-morbs would be resolved--they were within a couple of weeks. I wanted to believe that I would be able to lose enough weight to be a "normal" weight person. I remember buying a pair of size 12 jeans and thinking how small they were. I would not allow myself to hope for or believe that I would ever see a size 8.

I sit here today solidly in a size 6. Yes, you read that correctly, a size 6. I am here to tell you that with the DS all things are possible. Don't limit your possibilities before you even begin.

Thank you all for the support and love you have shown me during my pre-op and post-op journeys. You guys are part of the reason that I have been successful. I celebrate my victory over obesity with you.

Here I sit, at a little over thirteen months out and one pound from goal, wondering why am I not happy about my body. I logically know that wearing a size six pant/skirt and small/medium top means that I am thin. My question is, why doesn't my size six body "look" like other women who are size six?

I called Holly the other night to hash out this mental BS that I am putting myself through. I think her answer makes sense--the extra skin. I am not all smooth and compact like women who have not lost massive amounts of weight. I guess that I am going to go invest in undergarments to help "smooth" me out. I wish there was a way to truly and objectively "see" myself. My friend Teri mentioned that "they" should create a computer program where we could upload our pictures and it would automatically match us to a picture of someone who looks physically just like us.

I wish that I could connect with a talk-therapist that deals with the mental issues of losing huge amounts of weight really quickly. I know that I am dealing with some body dysmorphic issues--for no other reason than my mind has not had time to catch-up with my body. Unfortunately, I have not been able to locate anyone who specializes in this--unless tied to eating disorders and what I am dealing with is a little different.

As long as I am confessing, I have also caught myself imbibing in old habits to deal with male attention--simple carbs. On one hand it is deeply flattering to be noticed by males and be the center of attention. However, since I did not learn how to deal with adult male attention throughout my 20's- early 30's--I married at 18 and had three children by 23--I struggle with:  is this "normal" male flirty behavior or inappropriate male behavior. I should point out, that I know blatant inappropriate behavior from a mile away, it is the various shades of gray that I am having trouble navigating.

Tonight is a huge milestone for me. I am actually dressing up for Halloween and going out to celebrate. The cherry on the sundae is that I am dressing up as a sexy, saucy wench. I haven't dressed up for Halloween since I was in high school. I cannot wait to go to my first adult Halloween party and feel confident and sexy.

I had forgotten how flirty men can be around women. Last Friday evening, I went out with my DH and best friend from high school to watch her hubby's band play at a local Dallas venue. I will be the first one to admit that my shirt was a little low cut, but this was a night out to watch a live band, so totally appropriate to the situation.

From minute one, the guys were hitting on me. Even the mid-twenty year olds were coming up and flirting. Guys were buying me drinks--I just had 4 drinks during a 6 hour period--even though, they knew I am happily married. Quite a few cute guys were trying to out do each other for my attention. The whole night was rather surreal.

A lead singer for one of the bands that played that evening, offered to put my name of his guest list so that I never have to pay to see them play again. This was a HOT 25 year old man/boy. On one hand, I was flattered by all the male attention. However, on the other hand, I kept thinking that I am the same woman I was before and none of these guys would have given me a second look pre-op. I am so grateful that my DH is not a jealous man. He allowed me to flirt and have fun knowing full well that I would be going home with him.

Tonight, I am meeting up with several old high school buddies for my Alma Mater's Homecoming game.

This is one more accomplishment that I can attribute to the DS. I was thin in high school, and I have made it a point to not attend ANY high school functions over the years. I am actually looking forward to seeing everyone tonight. I no longer have to worry whether or not I will be ostracized because of my weight. I can just go to the game, have fun, and see old friends. It has been over 18 years since I have seen many of these people--I can't wait.

Today, the scale told me that I was merely half the woman that I once was.

I officially weigh 154 lbs and I have lost 154 lbs.

My father, a psychotherapist, was mentally paying it forward yesterday with a client. He called me last night to remind him what the name of my surgery was, for clarification, and my surgeon's name--Dr. Stewart is the ONLY surgeon in the area who performs ALL four major WLS. I promised my father that I would email him a list of links, regarding the duodenal switch, to provide to any one who was interested in changing their life.

A funny thing happened. I felt compelled to add some additional information about obesity to my dad--my father has always been thin. It felt so cathartic to share what it is like to live not only as an obese person in this society, but also how it feels to live as an obese person incognito in this society.  Here is part of the email:

Like I said, feel free to share my story with anyone that you think might benefit from it.

Obese people live in a world that judges who they are as people totally based on how they look. Obese people are either ignored or reviled for having the excess weight. I would say that it is the closest thing to living as a black person in a openly racist society. My heart goes out to those individuals still living in a prison of fat. Society tells the obese in no uncertain terms that they are unworthy and worthless.

All the messages say that if the obese just eat the right amounts of certain foods and move that they would not be obese any more. That lie is what feeds the billion dollar diet industry. Diets fail but teach the dieter that they failed rather than the diet itself. No wonder obese people become trapped within a cycle of depression. How can you not be depressed when you continually try and fail at losing weight?

I still fight some anger that I feel towards people who now find me worthy of their attention. I am the same person that I was before, the only difference is my outer shell. I cannot tell you how different my public experiences are now. Strangers come up and talk to me or ask me my opinion. Men walk out of their way to open a door for me--when before they would stand in front of the door until I would have to ask them to move; by apologizing for needing them to move. People look me in the eye and smile at me. The very worst is now I am an accepted member of the "normal" weight tribe. The benefit of membership is that I am granted access to the cruel, ugly jokes and the horrible things people say about obese people.

I know that I provided you with more information than you requested but I just felt the need to share this perspective with you. I know on some level you can empathize with the condition of obesity--I do not doubt that. However, can you imagine what it is like to have people afraid to talk, sit by, interact with you just because you are obese?  Like it is some disease that they can catch from you?