Schaefersgirl
Yesterday, Today, and The Future
Feb 11, 2010
So yesterday was my orientation meeting...it was very informative, intimidating, and fun! I say fun because I got the chance to meet a new group of women that are now part of my support system. I feel a little overwhelmed by everything though and I'm not going to lie...a bit scared as well. From now on out, I'm not allowed to gain any weight(this frightens me a good deal), I'm stuck waiting for my intial consultation(not so scary), and then there is the thought of what life will be like after I have the surgery(very scary to me). It's hard to explain, but I'll try anyway...When you've lived your life a certain way up until now, you've developed habits and ticks and it takes a lot to overcome those. Yes, the surgery is going to be a great tool in helping with that, but I guess I'm scared of failing. You see, I've never been one able to follow through with things. When something gets too hard, I bail. With this one chance at the surgery, I guess I'm afraid that I'm going to end up letting myself down and either gaining the weight back or chickening out and not doing it. These are issues I need to discuss with my therapist I know, but I just needed to get them out in the open. I need to keep reminding myself that my main goal now is to get myself healthy. There is so much in life that I'm having to miss out on because I'm not healthy and until I make that leap towards it and start focusing on it...I'm never going to be healthy. That's not acceptable to me...you get one life and I want to live it...oh how I want to live it!
