schenwhit

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 I am holding strong.  ive gained only 8 pounds, but maining because I look too thin.  Ive have my off and on bouts with naseau and vomiting.  I still can't eat very much.  I watch what soft foods I eat because they go down easier and you tend to eat more(slider foods).  I am very happy with myself.  Although I am divorced now.  You think I'd get more dates but no.  still single it's as if everyone where I live is on dating strike haha.

If I had to do this all again I would.  I can walk further, less tired and can catch my breathe easier, and my clothes fit great.  I have even gotten a tattoo to celebrate.  So this is just a brief update on me since I haven't been on in a long while.

 me at 327 pounds wow I've come a long way



 
this is me at 192 pounds 4/4/2011

Ive come a long way very fast and a year is here already wow cnt believe this was me.  Feeling fit and fabuluz even with all the xtra skin and sagging boobs.  This was best journey ever I took for a better me.

Wow.  I do not have a full length mirror in my house so when I went to the movies where tthey have pictures galore in the bathroom.  I stop look and can't believe this was me.  I look skinny, skinny even though I am 240 pounds down from 316 pounds(lost 76).  I look good.  People are now telling me not to lose anymore weight because I don't look the same my features are changing.   Maybe the think for bad but I think for the better.  I still see the large middle part of me which I know will take time to go away.  I am in a much better place with myself mentally and physically.  Well beside the bad knees which seem to hurt now more than before, I'm good.   Self esteem rising.  I am taking charge and not shrinking into the background anymore.  I want people to see me.   Good.... oh yes very good.

Today I got up famished.  Why I do not know.  I am going to have a protein shake, and shake it off.   The only thing is I hate protein shakes, they make me gag, but I hold my nose and get it down.   The nausea that hits when it sits in my stomach I hate, so that is when I take my vitamins t try to get another kind of taste in my mouth.  

Well other than that, I will be moving on the 21st of July back to NC.   My kids are happy and excited to do so.  To be honest I do miss the country and clean fresh air unlike the smog in NY.  Its amazing when I go out how my skin starts to feel icky after only an hour.  I have found a physician who is willing to take over my case in NC, and my insurance for follow-up although I would rather stay with Dr. Nishimura, since I only have a visit every 3 months now.  I can always come to NY around my appointment time.

Hope everyone had a great 4th of July.  I stayed home with my kids since Jones Beach fireworks was nil exsistant this year. I misseed the one the day before at Eisenhower park.

Okay, I haven't posted in a while.  Had a setback a while ago, made some bad choices when it comes to relationship, but I like to think I am past that and have gotten or grown "a pair".  Wow, I was reading my past blogs and I seem to be all over the place with my emotions.  Since June, I can safely say I am free from making bad judgements(my bad habits).

Well my 14 yr old graduated from middle school, so high school next month, my oldest 16 will be a Junior in high school which leaves him with a year left before he graduates.  Hooray, my dau will be starting kindergarden, and my 11 year old starts middle school.  Wow what a mouthful. LOL and that leaves ME

I am wonderful will be in my 3rd year of college, I am down to 245 pounds at 3 months out from 316pds.   I don't have full length mirrors in my house only have mirrors that comes down to my breastbone.  So when I am out shopping or walking past the glass outside of stores and I get a glimpse of myself I smile, and can't believe it's really me.   I look skinny.  Now being 5"10 at that weight you think I was 190 pounds  but I'm not, so what I will get there, until then I am HAPPY, so happy I could burst

I am upset today.  I wanted some rocky road and some  oreos, comfy foods.   I got married in 1995 and divorced 12/2008.  Well I thought we could try again, but alas yesterday I spent mothers day alone after finding out he had a girlfriend.  I have been intimate with this man and yes I thought we could have something, but he used me same as before.  I am upset I wanted to eat so I sat in my room and cried, and cried.   I shouldve seen this coming but was too blind to see.  When I spoke to his sister yesterday, she told me he doesnt love you apparently he told them that, and so his family I cant communicate with because they don't like me so I won't bother.   I am going to move back to NC at the end of June to get as far away as possible. 

I must say that I am feeling 100% better.  My wound is healing nicely.  I can now walk and get arond with no pain.  I weighed myself this morning and I am 285.0 pounds, I am happy about that.  Yesterday though I had my first bout with vomiting.  I had tilapia and refried beans mushed together.  I measured out about 4 ounces.  I made it though about 3, before the full feeling hit me.   My full feeling- I start to get pains in my shoulder which radiate criss cross down to my pouch and feels like I have pins and needles. Not a great feeling.  It sat like someone shoving needles and next thing I know I'm in the bathroom vomiting (TMI) but not the refried beans the fish.  It was the only thing that came up.  I am also now begining to see weight loss where I didn't before.   This is because I don't have full length mirrors in my house.  Only mirror is in the bathroom cabinet which shows my face and shoulders only.  So when I went to mall and walked by a mirror I was shocked.  I remember how I looked the last time with pics I posted on my profile, so I was pleasantly please.

Feeling good except for this hole in my left side they have to keep packing due to the big infection I caught.  Not happy about it because the site gets irritated  easily.  I am very tired all the time.

Food, I am trying to get my protein in daily 60mg.  Water is no problem, everything goes down without restriction.  water products anyway.  I can add yougurt in this week and cottage cheese.  next week I can add eggs/egg drop soup, string cheese, refried beans, lentil and pea soup for another 2 weeks

when doc did cat scan to rule out hernia, and also needle stick to withdraw fluid, well my pain still did not go away.  I went back to ER this morning since my surgeon on call.  He pulled staples to check if there was infection but did  not press hard enough.

So Dr. Wong came in and open up staples all the way, said this is going to hurt and pressed-TMI_TMI_TMI_ pus, I had wound infection that was the reason for the pain. wonderful so .  After cleaning it out painful-oh so painful, the pain was gone-like literally, they gave me morphine and let me sleep since I hadn't gotten any..


Happy, yes elated, now I will have to deal with nurse coming 2x a day to do wound care at my house.

Well after gas has past, This annoying pain in my left side will not go away.  I took a walk yesterday and could not continue another step.  Excruiating, and I started sweating buckets(you think) I had ran a marathon is 105 degree heat.   This is not right so I called dr office who told me he'd check it out, come to ER.  Got to ER no waiting, Morphone immediate relief.  When the doctor came and pressed on my stomach was hurting to touch so he wanted to make sure that I did not have collection of pus indication of infection, a blood work.  Also do a cat scan to rule out maybe a hernia.

Apparently it was not a leak or infection after catscan and drawing fluid from my stomach no infection.  Strain I don't remember strain, But whatever fluid he removed had my tummy feeling better .  Oh and apparently my stomach is so large the strain is pulling my incision, so since there were not binders available at the hsopital.  I found my strecthy tank top and put around my mid section, It really helps.  When I hold my stomach up the pain goes away when I let go comes back and pulls me downward, so hopefully this will help until I get a girdle or binder.